Tell the Stories I Need You to Tell
by ymusanon
Summary: "I loved you," Elsa had said, voice quiet and lilting in the wind. "I know." Anna laughed, the heels of her palms pressing into her watery eyes. "And I still love you." or Elsa and Anna spend nearly 13 years loving each other, and nearly 13 years skirting around the inevitable. - A repost/rewritten version of Something to Hold Onto
1. Your Nakedness Shadows our Safety

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Frozen - working on it**

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Elsa had always been a fragile child.

Elsa was born a month earlier before she was due, small, pink and wailing as the snow ravaged the streets. She was whisked away by doctors before her parents could ever hold her, their hands stiff as they held onto each other. They all wondered why she was so cold. She lay in her sheltered bassinet, all untouched porcelain and delicate blonde wisps that curled into the brightest blue eyes. Her parents stood beyond the glass, rigid but together, bonded together by their one precious thing.

Their little Elsa.

As Elsa grew, she witnessed the growing resentment between her parents. At first, she was hidden away. It was her nanny's comforting hands that covered her ears, always warm, always soft. Her nanny was the one that drew her close, that shielded her from seeing and hearing the viciousness that boiled inside her mother - the emptiness that grew inside her father. But it was inevitable. The older she grew, the harder it was to quench her thirst for knowing. She sat, quiet. Always quiet. Elsa sat and watched as her parents argued over breakfast, across a too-big table in a too-big home for just three people to be living in.

But it was never just them, was it? There were always the ghosts of the maids flitting in and out of rooms. They were always silent, ever obedient. There were the solid guards, stiff as they rotated from one place to another, eyes trained on everything but Elsa. There was Kai, and there was Gerda, her driver and her nanny - a warm constant. Her only warm constant. She didn't know if it only made her feel lonelier, finding comfort in their presence, and never anything else.

She never understood why her papa would not return for days and weeks. She never could find out whose perfume lingered on the collar of his jacket when he tucked her in at times, worn and looking old for his age. She could never find out why her mother always reeked of something foul whenever she tried to tuck her in, either. She never understood why she never grew to find comfort in her mother's fleeting forms of affection. In her brief kisses. In her short hugs. She felt like a rope, tugged in one direction then another. Continuously worn and caught in a war - a war she wasn't sure would ever be resolved. A war she wasn't sure anyone would ever win.

But they loved her. They told her so. Even as her mother's screams echoed through her home. Even as her father's yells trembled down her spine. Even as she hid away in her wardrobe, hands over her ears. Even as Elsa had enough, climbing out and pressing her face close to the gaps in the banisters. Elsa watched them with bright blue eyes, watched them with her growing indifference as her fingers grasped at the wood. She drank the sight in earnestly as they spoke in hushed, harsh tones, gesturing wildly towards the direction of her room.

 _Afraid_ , she heard. They were _afraid_.

Her heart leapt into her throat, then, the tears springing into her eyes. _Afraid?_ The word echoed in her mind as she sat by the stairs, unnoticed and unheard. Why was she crying? Her heart clenched as her fingers tightened around the banister.

Elsa, as her frost crept around the steps of the staircase, wondered why they were afraid.

Elsa, as her ice splintered between the gaps of her fingers, wondered if they were afraid of _her._


	2. We'll Be Flying Through the Streets

**Disclaimer: Tragic**

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"Anna, get back here!"

Anna had always been a stubborn girl.

Growing up with her older and more responsible cousin, Rapunzel, Anna had always had more freedom. It was often hard for her aunt and uncle to resist her, the scar on the bridge of her nose still seeming raw and red and fresh. As raw and fresh as the memory of waking up in a cold hospital bed to the sound of her aunt's sobs. As raw and fresh as the memory of standing, hand tucked into her uncle's as they lowered her parents into the ground. She didn't remember much else after that. She didn't want to.

Still, she was free to run and climb and skip to her heart's content - which was also why she was ducking under unassuming arms and weaving through startled crowds to escape the clutches of her cousin. Sure, Rapunzel was fast, but Anna was much, _much_ faster.

Unfortunately, as she threw a cheeky grin back to her frustrated relative, Anna failed to see the equally oblivious blonde girl mere steps before her.

They were both on the ground before either of them knew it, the sounds of the carnival melting away as Anna regarded the girl beneath her. Surprisingly, Anna's first thoughts were of how blue the girl's eyes were.

Anna didn't once notice the shock of ice beneath them.

"Can you please get off of me?" Anna strained to hear over the rumble of the roller coaster and the already fading screams of those on board. It wasn't until she felt small hands nudging at her shoulders that she stopped gaping. She wobbled to her feet, dirtied hands offered to the seemingly annoyed girl beneath her. Anna noticed her laboured breaths and wondered if she'd been running, too.

"I'm sorry for ruining your white dress," Anna had told her after she'd pulled the girl up. "I'm Anna, by the way, Anna Almstedt. Do you wanna' get some ice cream?"

The girl before her blinked, but nodded regardless. It was only seconds before Anna had taken her hand hostage, tugging her along to the stand she'd been heading for in the first place.

"So, what's your name?" Anna had asked when they were seated on a bench not too far from a magic show, chocolate ice cream smeared across her cheeks. She was already halfway through the treat, unlike her new blonde companion. Her legs swung as she spoke, scuffed shoes casting small specks of dirt with each back and forth. The girl with the blue eyes glanced over and giggled, a hand covering her mouth. Her own ice cream cone wobbled precariously in the other.

"I'm—"

"Elsa!" another voice cut through, stern and sharp but worried. The girl - _Elsa_ \- looked up, dropping the handkerchief she was intending to give to Anna to wipe her cheeks. Anna watched as a tall man with a thin moustache scooped Elsa up in his arms, a beautiful woman and her billowing red dress following closely behind. "We were so worried about you."

They barely spared a glance to Anna when Elsa had quietly mentioned her, the woman throwing a distracted 'thank you' over her shoulder before they were off, Elsa looking at her over the man's strong shoulders.

Anna thought they looked like a storm, cold and strong and powerful as they parted the crowds. Elsa didn't break their gaze for one second, not until there were too many people and her Aunt Gerda had finally found her. Anna barely heard the scolding, stumbling after her dark-haired aunt, ice cream totally forgotten.

It wasn't until later that night, skinned knees tended to and messy hair brushed out, that Anna managed to gather herself. She reached into the pocket of her discarded shorts, pulling out the stark white handkerchief that Elsa had dropped in her lap before she was swept away by her parents. She stared at the embroidered letters, tracing over the 'E.A.' with a furrow of her brow.

"I need to find her again," Anna whispered to herself, determined. She plopped back down on her bed and stared up at the stars on her ceiling, hugging the handkerchief to her chest.

Anna, as her eyelids grew too heavy to keep open, wondered if Elsa was thinking about her, too.

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 _I will be posting chapters as I finish editing them :)_


	3. A Shot of Pure Gold

**Disclaimer: Do I still need to do this?**

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"Your mother is going to skin me alive if she finds out that I brought you out here."

Elsa merely smiled up at her nanny, Gerda, fluttering eyelashes hiding the mischief that sparkled in her ice blue eyes.

"But she won't find out, will she?"

It had taken a lot of convincing to get to where she was standing right now.

After a stern scolding from her mother, and a shared cup of cocoa with her papa, Elsa hadn't really been allowed to leave the confines of her room for the better part of two weeks. It was another two of constant visits from her doctor, of monitoring her heart, of checking on strain. It had been another month before she was once again allowed to explore the vast interior of her home – _no running, Elsa!_ – And the rest of Autumn before her nanny even considered letting her out.

Elsa, however, was always known for getting her way - and that's why she stood at the entrance of the local park, eyes taking in everything and anything she could. One thing Elsa _didn't_ expect to see was her.

Anna Almstedt. Her very first friend.

The fiery-haired girl was crouched behind a crooked mound of snow, blindly throwing snowballs over at an older looking brunette, laughing away delightedly. Elsa took in her flushed cheeks and reddened nose and the sparkle in teal eyes.

Elsa decided that she liked the way Anna looked, sitting there just like that, bright and happy and so _alive_.

"Rapunzel! Anna! What on earth are you doing out here?" Elsa was surprised when her nanny's voice cut through her thoughts. Anna and – _what was her name again?_ \- Rapunzel's heads snapped up at the sound, their battle immediately halted by the stern tone Gerda had adopted. Elsa almost giggled. That was the ' _Oh, your father will hear about this!_ ' voice, except Elsa wasn't on the receiving end this time. The two shuffled closer, sheepish smiles on their faces. Elsa regarded them both. Rapunzel must be Gerda's daughter - the same one from the pictures she often brought with her. She wondered if she should say hello.

Luckily, Anna beat her to it.

"You!" Sort of. Elsa jumped as Anna pointed a glove-covered finger at her, going cross-eyed for the moment she focused on said finger.

"Me?" Elsa echoed, startled and a little wary. Her heart thumped. Anna was much louder without the sounds of the carnival around them.

"You're the girl from the carnival! Elsa, right?" Elsa found herself nodding as Anna stepped closer, right into her personal bubble. The snow started falling a little harder. "I - I have—"

"You're frightening her," Gerda interrupted, and Elsa huffed. Grateful, but curious. What did Anna have? And why did she seem so determined to tell her?

"Sorry," She heard Anna squeak, and Elsa found herself smiling, still somewhat hidden by her nanny. "Can - Can I play with Elsa, please? I promise I won't scare her!"

Elsa looked up at Gerda with pleading eyes of her own, a very bored Rapunzel trying to sneak away to join a floppy-haired boy and the others on the hill to use his sled.

"Okay, but only where I can see you."

Apparently, that was all Anna needed, because Elsa found herself dragged along by Anna, her boots sinking into the snow with every step forward. Elsa found comfort in the chill.

"Aren't you cold?" Anna had asked her, and Elsa's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Why on earth would she be cold? Taking in Anna's attire, however, Elsa began to understand what she meant.

"Oh..." Elsa glanced down at her light jacket and blue dress, feeling very silly beside Anna, who was clad, from head to toe, in Winter gear. She looked quite like a marshmallow, with her puffy jacket and her fluffy hat and too-long scarf. "The cold doesn't really bother me..."

Elsa couldn't help but blush as Anna gaped.

"That's so cool," Anna whispered in awe, and Elsa grinned shyly. _Maybe_ , Elsa thought, hand squeezing Anna's. _Maybe I can show her_.

They soon stopped under a large, bare-branched tree, Elsa's bare hand snug in Anna's mitten-clad one. Gerda sat on a bench not too far away, bundled up and keeping a close eye on the pair of 8-year-olds.

"Do you wanna' build a snowman?" Elsa heard as she followed the path of several snowflakes to the ground. She turned her head and found Anna looking at her again. Elsa's cheeks warmed once more.

"I'd love to," Elsa replied enthusiastically, before bowing her head dejectedly. "But I don't know how."

"What?" Anna had gasped dramatically, and Elsa couldn't help but laugh. "Don't laugh at me, this is serious business! I'm going to teach you now, right now." Anna added a stomp in - for effect, Elsa was sure.

They spent the better part of an hour just learning how to make a snowman, and another fifteen minutes to actually create said snowman, Anna making funny faces for Elsa to model their creation from. Elsa tried not to mess up as she simultaneously tried to muffle her giggles. Elsa had been exceptionally good at crafting spheres from the snow. Anna had been exceptionally good at... producing lumpy balls that could pass at spheres.

"Almost done!" Anna had declared, reaching into her sparkling pink back pack and pulling out a carrot. "Rapunzel and I were supposed to use it for our snowman, but she ditched me for _Eugene_. Blech."

Another giggle muffled. She didn't know who this 'Eugene' person was, but she did enjoy the variety of emotions that flickered across Anna's face. She was delighted when Anna joined in with her laughter.

"Watch me, okay?" Anna had told her as seriously as she could after their giggling fit. Elsa nodded firmly. Anna had grinned... before promptly shoving the carrot halfway through the snowman's face. Elsa winced visibly, but managed to push the carrot through from the other side, stopping when Anna declared him to be perfect. Elsa stood beside Anna and regarded their snowy companion.

His smile was crooked, was the first thing Elsa noticed, the pebbles they'd found curving awkwardly at one side. The stones for his eyes were of different sizes, his head taller than his upper body and his arms - branches they'd found under the snow - jutted out at peculiar angles.

Elsa loved it.

She and Anna agreed that his name would be 'Olaf', and that he, like them, liked warm hugs.

They sat on one of the larger roots of the tree, looking at their lopsided snowman contently as their arms brushed.

"I almost forgot," Anna started beside her after a few minutes, and Elsa, after jumping - after her heart spiked - wondered how many more times it would happen. She watched as Anna dug through her bag, muttering to herself, before finally presenting a wrinkled piece of cloth to her. There was a happy grin on her freckled face, cheeks pink from the cold. Elsa's eyes widened. It was her handkerchief!

"I knew you had it!" Elsa exclaimed, brightening herself. She was worried that she'd dropped it and Anna hadn't seen it. It was her favourite one, after all, personally embroidered by her late _bestemor_.

"Well, you can have it back now," Anna stated, nodding so quickly Elsa was worried her head might fall off. Elsa shook her own head.

"No, no, I want you to keep it! It's, well... Friends give each other gifts, right? And you're my friend, right?" Elsa gazed at Anna, unsure, clutching at her blue dress. The fabric was cool under her touch. Anna's grin only widened.

"Right! But now I'll have to find a present for you!" Anna looked so genuinely troubled that Elsa couldn't help but laugh and nudge her gently.

"I think Olaf is more than enough."

"Elsa!" She heard Gerda calling behind her. Elsa glanced over her shoulder and puffed her cheeks out in protest before directing her gaze back to an equally disappointed Anna.

"Can we play again tomorrow?" Elsa asked bashfully, before straightening her shoulders and lifting her head a little, because an Ásdís was anything but bashful. Anna brightened immediately.

"Of course. Promise!"

Elsa found herself in Anna's arms once more, but it wasn't long until Gerda came to fetch her personally. The _stinker_. Elsa held onto her nanny's hand, smiling softly as she waved back at Anna. She was delighted to see Anna's exuberant wave back, before being ushered into the waiting car just at the entrance of the park. Elsa was disappointed to find that Anna couldn't see her through tinted windows.

She sighed and sat back, crossing her arms. It was okay. She would see Anna tomorrow. Anna promised.

Elsa, as loud voices and even louder crashes drifted out of her parents' bedroom, held onto that promise with everything she had.


	4. Not a Human Being

**Disclaimer: yo**

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"Where are we going?"

Anna couldn't help but ask a little petulantly, still very much upset with Elsa. Her hand remained tucked into Elsa's, regardless.

Elsa had promised to see her the day after Christmas, and Anna had waited for 3 hours before Rapunzel found her, telling her that Aunt Gerda had called, and Elsa wasn't coming. Anna was devastated. Elsa had never broken a promise before. Anna followed her, despite this, trudging through thick snow. They were both nine now, Elsa now as old as she was, but she couldn't help but be a little mad.

"I have something to show you," Elsa whispered, eyes sparkling like she had a big secret. Anna brightened immediately. Maybe, just _maybe_ , she could forget that she was mad at Elsa. The blonde continued to pull her along, soon under their still-bare tree.

Patience had never been one of Anna's strong suits.

"Well?" Anna urged expectantly, rocking on the soles of her snow boots. She couldn't help but wonder if Elsa was cold as she rubbed her hands together, leaning close to her.

"Are you ready?" Elsa whispered, eyes bright and earnest, a tentative smile on her face.

"I was born ready!" Anna declared, jumping a little in her spot in excitement. What was Elsa going to show her? Maybe it was chocolate. Anna _loved_ chocolate.

Pale hands separated slowly, and Anna watched, enraptured by the sudden display. Anna's jaw grew slack as she watched the snowflakes materialize from thin air, sparkling in the Arendellian sunlight.

"Wow..." She breathed as Elsa created snow from her bare hands, the blonde's eyes bluer than she'd ever seen.

Anna decided that she always wanted Elsa to be that happy - that she was always going to make Elsa that happy.

"Do... Do you forgive me?" Elsa had asked hesitantly, moments after Anna finally picked up her jaw. Anna nodded quickly, throwing her arms around the girl and promptly sending them both to the ground. "Oof... I'll take that as a yes?"

"Duh, silly! I could never stay mad at you!" Anna kissed Elsa's cheek to further emphasize her statement. It was warm and messy and gross. Elsa found that she didn't care, cheeks blooming with crimson. "Now come on," Anna urged, pulling Elsa back up with her. "We gotta' build a snowman!"

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"I don't know how to skate."

They stood before a now frozen lake, courtesy of Elsa. Elsa had looked at her in surprise, then, the hand around hers tightening. Anna's smile grew sheepish as she ducked her head. It wasn't as if she hadn't tried before - her and ice just didn't work out. (That, and Rapunzel hadn't been the best teacher.)

"I'll teach you," Elsa had promised, voice warm and smile even warmer. Anna grinned and wobbled when Elsa transformed her boots into perfectly good skates.

"That's so cool," Anna marvelled and let Elsa guide her towards the ice. Her hands felt steady and safe and strong in Elsa's. Anna decided that she didn't have to be afraid anymore.

They spent the better part of an hour stumbling over each other, laughing every time they landed on their bottoms. Elsa had brushed herself off every time, helping Anna up with a grace that Anna could only dream of. She supposed everything was perfect then, their little lake sheltered by budding trees, Winter beginning to fade into Spring.

Anna supposed that Elsa was perfect, too.

"Look, Elsa, I got it!" Anna exclaimed, gliding unsteadily away from Elsa, her arms outstretched by her sides. She gazed into Elsa's eyes delightedly, her cheeks hurting from smiling so much.

She had not understood the horror in Elsa's eyes.

She hadn't noticed the ice that gave away beneath her.

Anna realized, as she was plunged into suffocating darkness, that she hadn't told Elsa that she couldn't swim, either.

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"Anna!"

It had all happened so fast. Too fast.

With a wave of her hand, all ice disappeared, and she, too, was submerged in the dark, murky waters. Elsa hadn't even noticed the chill. She swam, clumsily and half-blind, the sunlight barely breaking through the surface. Her heart ached. She didn't care. She had to find Anna. She would never forgive herself if something happened to Anna, her best friend.

Her only friend.

Elsa's lungs had begun to burn when she caught a flash of red in the water. _Anna_. Her body had practically sighed as her fingers curled into the sodden material of Anna's thick winter coat. It was too heavy. Elsa didn't give it a second look as it sunk to the bottom of the lake. Her arm wound tightly around Anna as she kicked desperately to the surface.

The brightness burned as she broke through, bobbing helplessly as she tried to keep Anna afloat, too. Elsa had remembered calling for Gerda, had remembered being wrenched out of the water, had remembered the frantic look Kai had sent them as they entered the car. She hadn't noticed how fast they were driving, too focused on Anna and the shallow rise and fall of her chest.

"She's too cold," was the first thing Elsa had heard when the doctors began ushering Anna way, when the doctors ripped Anna away from her. She had remembered squirming in Gerda's hold, demanding that they let her go with Anna. What if Anna needed her? What if she didn't wake up?

She remembered clutching at her own chest, at her own laboured breaths, and the panic in Gerda's voice.

It had been another few hours before Elsa came to - before Elsa was allowed to see Anna, her clothes swapped for a hospital gown, hair no longer plastered to her face. Anna looked really small on the too-big hospital bed next to hers, in the too-clean hospital room. Elsa clambered over regardless, holding Anna's hand, drinking her in. Elsa hadn't realized that she was crying until the big, fat tears dropped onto Anna's freckled cheeks.

"Oh Anna," Elsa whispered, hugging her slumbering companion. She sniffled and buried her face against fiery copper locks.

She was a monster.

Anna had trusted her, and Elsa had let her get hurt. Elsa hadn't been strong enough to protect Anna. Anna could have been lost, forever.

"I'm so sorry, Anna," She whimpered. Elsa could feel Gerda's hands trying to pry her away, trying to reassure her. Gerda's words of comfort fell on deaf ears, Elsa clinging helplessly to Anna. How could she do anything to make Anna feel better? How could she believe any of the words Gerda was telling her? Anna... Anna was warmth personified, from her fiery looks to her burning personality, and Elsa was the exact opposite in every sense of the word.

Too cold. Too dangerous.

Pressing a kiss to Anna's still cool cheek, Elsa released a shaky breath before letting Gerda peel her away. A deep chill settled into her chest, her eyes never leaving Anna's prone figure. She tucked herself into her nanny's arms, muffling her cries against a rumpled uniform shirt. She didn't see Anna's fluttering eyelashes as the curtains swished close behind them.

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"You need to stay away from her, Elsa."

Her mother's hands were tight on her upper arms, but they shook. Elsa could see the fear in her mother's eyes. Whether it was fear of her or something else, she couldn't tell. Her papa paced behind her mother's crouched figure, his concern etched clearly into his features. He joined her mother before her, eyes loving, but stern.

"These gloves will help," Her papa had told her, voice warm as he presented a pair of pristine white gloves. "You have to control it, Elsa," he continued as he tugged the gloves onto her small hands. "Conceal it, don't feel it." Elsa couldn't feel her papa's touch through the velvet. "Don't let it show."

Elsa, sitting stiffly before her parents, knew it was for the best.

It must be.


	5. I Wrestle With Demons

**Disclaimer: o/**

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"Elsa," Anna had exclaimed happily when the fiery girl had caught sight of her. Elsa brightened immediately, breaking away from Gerda's side and running off to embrace Anna - her parents' wishes be damned. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Anna," Elsa breathed out, hugging Anna with everything she had. She buried her face in against her hair, breathing her in, as if Anna would disappear if she let go. "I'm glad you're okay. I - Gerda told me that you were but I didn't believe her. I wanted to see for myself."

Anna had laughed and pulled back, taking hold of her gloved hands instead. "Come on. Let's hide before Gerda finds us."

Elsa merely grinned as Anna pulled her along, seeming to know her way around the Arendelle Spring Festival well enough. They had climbed up onto a worn wooden stage, the platform for what seemed to be the magic show that would be playing later on. Anna stomped on with purpose, stopping only to wrench open a chest resting innocently on the stage.

Elsa peered into the dark space, wary and suspicious.

"Do you trust me?" Anna whispered, eyes bright and smile blinding.

Elsa, hands trembling and voice quivering, laughed. "More than anything."

They jumped into darkness together, and Elsa looked around in amazement at the hidden space beneath the chest. Anna had grinned and pulled her down to sit. Elsa didn't protest, though she knew her parents would ask about the dirt stains later.

"Is this good enough of a hiding space?" Anna had asked, knees bumping gently against Elsa's. She shifted in the tight space.

"It's wonderful." Elsa paused. "A little small, though."

"I know," Anna had laughed, eyes sparkling in the faint light that drifted through the open chest. "We're so close I think we might swap faces."

Elsa lifted her chin and gave Anna a playful smirk. "At least if we swap, you'll have a cute face."

Anna had gaped briefly before guffawing, and Elsa couldn't help but join in, hands placed over her mouth to muffle her breathless giggles.

"I didn't think you had a funny bone, Els," Anna had teased. Elsa took it all in stride, poking Anna's shoulder.

"I'll have you know that I'm the funniest in my entire class."

"You're home-schooled, Elsa," Anna had pointed out with another laugh, and Elsa revelled in the sound. She shook her head with another quiet giggle, before catching sight of the pale blonde strand that contrasted sharply with Anna's copper locks.

"Where did you get that?" Elsa asked curiously, tilting her head. Anna had tucked her hair behind her ear with a crooked grin.

"Well, I had a dream that I was kissed by a troll," Anna had answered, fiddling with the pale strand. "But I don't know, really. I found it after the, um, lake incident."

Elsa stiffened visibly. "Anna, I'm so sorry about what happened. If I had been more careful, I-" Anna had shushed her and shook her head.

"No apologies." Anna had pointed sternly at Elsa when she planned to insist. "And if you really, really, really want to make it up to me..." Anna gestured for her to come closer. Elsa tipped forward immediately, eager to please. "You have to do the magic."

Elsa hesitated but nodded, shakily removing her gloves and placing them on her lap. Her hands shook as she forced herself to stay calm, a large snowflake soon sparkling right before Anna's eyes. Their moment was cut short, however, as her papa's strong voice rang through her ears. Two pairs of blue eyes shot upwards, and Elsa shrunk at the sight of her seemingly livid father.

Yanked unceremoniously out from the darkness, Elsa barely managed to utter a goodbye to a distraught Anna, carried away by her papa.

Elsa, as her papa yelled at her for the first time in her life, held onto the memory of the fascination behind Anna's brilliant teal eyes

* * *

"What do you think of the new house, Elsa?"

Her mother's hand was cold against her shoulder, fingers long and slender as they urged her along. Elsa gave a non-committal shrug, arms folded around her stomach.

It was too big, too empty for a father who was never home and a mother who drank her sorrows away.

"It's fine." Fine, a state she wondered constantly about, a state she worried she would be in after all of this. "Just fine."

"You know that we are doing this for your own good, don't you?"

Elsa looked up then, her mother's eyes piercing, her hold tightening on her shoulder. Her nails dug lightly into her skin.

"I know," Elsa whispered, bringing her gaze away. "I know."

* * *

"Hi."

Anna fiddled with the pale strands in her hair before replying. "Hi."

"How are you?" Elsa had asked her, voice quiet, insincere. As if she didn't really mean it. Anna gazed up at her companion, eyes filled with doubt and hurt. Elsa had shrunk back under the scrutiny.

"Better." A pause. "I haven't seen you in a while." Anna watched as Elsa fiddled with the gloves - Anna grimaced at the sight - on her hands.

"I know. My mama... She told me that I'm not allowed to see you anymore." Anna's throat tightened. "My papa brought me here to... to say goodbye."

"Goodbye?" Anna choked out, eyes wide and sparkling with tears. "You - You disappear for two months and all you're saying is goodbye?" Anna knew her voice was increasing in volume, but right then, Anna didn't care. "I waited for you here, Elsa. I - I thought you hated me!"

Elsa had flinched and bowed her head in shame. "Anna, I'm sor—"

"Sorry?" Anna blubbered, sniffling as her tears began to fall. "You were my bestest friend, Els, and - and then one day you just - shut me out!"

"I'm moving away," Elsa had blurted out, voice timid and quivering, small hands shaking by her sides. Anna shrunk back visibly. Elsa had swallowed thickly before continuing. "We're moving to Corona, to be closer to my grandfather. I'm... I'm sure you will be, too, but I don't know when. I still won't be allowed to see you, regardless."

The memory of burning green eyes flashed in her mind.

"Why don't your parents want you to see me?" Anna asked quietly, weakly, tears not subsiding. Elsa had wrung her hands together, and Anna's stomach twisted uncomfortably at the action.

"I'm not safe for you, Anna," Elsa had whispered, a distant look in her eyes, but voice full of conviction. "I'm not safe for anybody."

"You can't really believe—"

"No!" Anna stepped back at the sudden exclamation. That was the loudest she'd ever heard Elsa speak. "I could hurt you, Anna! I could... I could lose my best friend forever and I don't want that!" Elsa's chest heaved as she started stepping away. "This is for the best. Please just trust me."

Anna stepped forward, following helplessly after the blonde. "Elsa, please, please—"

"Go away, Anna!" Elsa had snapped out sharply, before folding into herself as the realization struck her across the face.

Anna didn't bother chasing as Elsa ran away.

* * *

"This is for the best, Elsa," Her mama had reminded her as slender fingers brushed away her tears, calm blue eyes silencing any of Elsa's quiet hiccups. Elsa sat beside her mother, the roomy interior of their car making her feel even smaller.

"Anna will understand," Her papa had soothed, large hands dwarfing small shoulders. His collar was crisp today, no stains. Yet.

 _But what if she doesn't understand?_ Elsa wanted to scream back at him. He didn't see the look on Anna's face. He didn't have to do what she had done.

Her papa held her chin firmly as frost began to creep along the leather seats. Teal eyes burned into hers, but they were nothing like Anna's. They were too dark, too cold. "You must repeat after me."

He opened his mouth to speak. Elsa beat him to it as her eyes dulled, her hands curling into fists.

"I must learn to control it. Conceal it. Don't feel it. Don't let it show."

Her papa had smiled as her mother's fingers traced over her braid.

"Good girl."


	6. Anywhere I Would Have Followed You

**Disclaimer: Still nothing**

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 _Anna's hair is getting longer_ , Elsa thought as she stared at the photo in her hands.

Elsa's chest had tightened when Gerda had slipped it into her pocket as the woman helped her up into her chair at breakfast. It was so very Anna. Elsa thought the girl would have just given up on being friends, but Gerda still passed on her messages. Elsa kept every letter, every drawing, every photograph.

She never had the heart to reply.

* * *

"Happy New Year, Anna," Elsa whispered into the darkness of her bedroom, feeling so young and so very tired. The fireworks sounded off in the distance, her tears dropping onto the photograph.

Had it been a year already?

"Why did you give this to me?" Elsa cried, eyes drifting up, calling out to anyone, calling up to the higher powers who thought it might be funny to give her so much power. "Why did you have to make me a monster?"

The frost surged from her fingertips, ice crackling from her touch. She let the cold engulf her, detesting the comfort it urged to give, letting the snow whirl and ice burst up in spikes.

"I just want to be normal," She begged. "Let me be normal."

She curled into herself as the walls were coated with ice, glowing as it grew thicker and thicker. Her chest ached, her heart straining as the snow started dying down, as her heart gave a few weak thumps. The door handle rattled, frozen, hard thuds sounding from the let out a shaky breath, hearing her mother's horrified gasp before she fell forward and let the darkness consume her.

* * *

"Has Elsa woken up yet?" Anna asked, letting her Aunt Gerda tuck the blankets around her. She was older now, starting to grow taller, her feet getting a little too big for her shoes. Still, she loved when her Aunt Gerda tucked her in, pressing small kisses to her freckles and steady hands smoothing her blankets down.

"We don't know yet, sweet pea," Her aunt had whispered, kissing Anna's forehead. "You can make her another picture tomorrow and I'll give it to her the moment she does, okay?"

"Okay," Anna agreed reluctantly, closing her eyes and hugging the stuffed reindeer Rapunzel gave to her to her chest. Anna felt another kiss to her temple before Gerda left the room. She sighed quietly and reached under her pillow, fingers curling around Elsa's handkerchief. Anna hoped she was okay.

* * *

 _Her heart is not getting much better._

That was what she first heard when she woke up, body numb, disoriented. A portly man with a gravel voice and braids in his hair. There were bright lights and soft sheets. Elsa didn't want to think that she was in the hospital. Not again. Not so soon.

 _Her heart is not strong enough for her power._

Her mother gushed over her as soon as she realized she was awake. Her slim fingers brushed over her cheeks, soft lips pressing kisses to her forehead. Her mother's hands were shaking. Why were they shaking? She had choked out her breaths as she marvelled over Elsa - over her miracle.

"We're so happy you're alive," Her papa had whispered, voice thick with tears. Elsa had merely blinked. Why wouldn't she be?

Elsa stared blearily at her parents. Her papa, loving but absent. Her mother, present but distant. It was odd, seeing them together like this - like they loved each other, like they cared.

"I'm sleepy," Elsa remembered mumbling, eyes already closing. A machine beeped rhythmically beside her.

"It's okay," Her mother had soothed, pressing a kiss to her temple. "You're okay. Get all the rest you can. Your papa and I will be right here."

Elsa smiled before she succumbed to the darkness once more.

* * *

'Dear Elsa,

I miss you.

I know you're still getting my letters. Aunt Gerda tells me you keep them in a special box under your bed. Did you see my last picture? My tooth finally came out! It was really exciting, even if Flynn had accidentally elbowed me in the face. But... that's another story, I guess.

Did you watch the news recently? There was a giant blizzard on New Year's Day! Fortunately, no one was really hurt. Only 'minor injuries' and a few car accidents. That's what the news reporter said, anyway. I don't think anyone was expecting such a sudden snowstorm, especially in a place like Corona. I'm glad neither of us were caught in it.

Aunt Gerda told me that you were asleep for a while. She told me you had another operation done. I heard her tell Rapunzel it was a miracle you were still alive, but she won't tell me what happened. I don't think she wanted me to hear. I don't think she really understands herself. Will you tell me? I'm glad you're okay, though, Elsa. Oh! And the reindeer toy I gave you? His name is Sven. He'll protect you, because I can't right now.

I hope you can write back soon. You're my best friend, and... I miss you. I miss making snowmen with you. It's not the same with Rapunzel and Flynn, or any of them. I still have your handkerchief, you know? I make a wish every day that you'll write back. I hope you will. Take care, okay?

Love, Anna.'

* * *

"Isn't it a little too warm for this cardigan?" Elsa huffed quietly over breakfast, the summer sun shining brightly through the windows of the dining room. She tried keeping herself cool, but her parents were afraid the cold might hurt her. That the powers she possessed would put too much strain on her heart.

It would just be one time too many.

"It's there to protect you," Her mother had reassured, tracing a finger over the durable material. "It's even in your favourite colour." Her father hummed in agreement and began to speak.

"Even if the doctors have said that the operation went well—"

"Too much strain could be fatal. I know," Elsa had interrupted, eyes focused on the pancakes before her. She knew she might hurt Tiana's feelings, but she wasn't feeling very hungry anymore. She wasn't feeling much of anything anymore. "May I be excused, please?"

Her parents had exchanged a look. "Remember to be careful."

Kisses were placed numbly on waiting cheeks.

"I always am."

* * *

"Will Elsa be starting middle school, too, Aunt Gerda?" Anna asked as she slid one of her newer sketches over to give to Elsa. A sketch of her new friends. She had been getting up earlier to catch her aunt before she left, just to give her things for Elsa. Her aunt had kissed her forehead and shook her head.

"You know she won't be, sweet pea. Now hurry along or you'll miss the bus."

Anna huffed and shoved her hands into her pockets. She wondered if Elsa still got her sketches. She wondered if Elsa still bothered to keep them.

* * *

'Dear Anna,

I'm very ill.

Well, of course I'd known that for quite a long while, now. My papa used to tell me stories about the night I was born, how it was nearly a month before he actually got to hold me, how Arendelle was ravaged with storms every night they were away. He said the doctors had a hard time looking after me, but that he had a harder time being away.

My doctor, Doctor Pabi, sat me down for one of my appointments and used a lot of diagrams and words that I didn't understand to explain my illness to me, but I know that something is wrong. Something is wrong with my heart. It's very weak, too weak to be like everyone else. Too weak to be like you, Anna. My doctor told me that I can't play any kinds of sports, that I can't run for long distances, or use my powers for extended periods of time. Sometimes, walking up and down the stairs is difficult. I have to be very careful nowadays. I used to resent the way my parents babied me, but now I understand. Gerda helps me understand. I know Mama and Papa only want to take care of me.

I just wish it didn't have to be like this. I feel so lonely in this house, Anna. I don't see anyone but Gerda, Kai, Mama, Papa, Tiana and my tutors. I just want someone to talk to sometimes. Someone my age. Someone like you.

I miss you, Anna. I miss you so much.

Love, Elsa.'

* * *

'Dear Elsa,

My girlfriend, Merida - I broke up with her. I guess I should have told you about having a girlfriend first, but I've been busy and you've been, well - not here. I'm not really mad, at you or Merida. I really liked her, but I can't stay with someone who has three guys waiting on her back home.

Kristoff has been very nice to me since Merida and I broke up, especially after Merida left to move back to Scotland. Kristoff, he's... he's my best friend, too. That's allowed, right? Having more than one best friend? I still care a lot about you, but right now, he's here and I don't know if... if you even still read these.

He's taking me out for ice cream next week. He says it's not a date, but Rapunzel and the others think that he likes me. I don't know if I like him back, but it is nice to be with him.

I do miss you, Elsa. I'll be in high school, soon. I hope you're doing well.

Love, Anna.'

* * *

"She's very beautiful," Elsa told Gerda quietly as they sat together in the waiting for her bi-weekly check-up. Her fingertips danced over the photograph, taking in the sight of a 16-year-old Anna.

Gone was the baby fat, replaced by high cheekbones, a gentle curve in her jaw, toned arms, slim upper body and lean legs. She revelled in the vibrancy that radiated off Anna, even in the simple form of a photograph. She looked happy, with her crooked smile and fiery hair falling into her eyes. Still, she had no time to think about that, especially when her doctor called her in.

"Your heart is beating quite rapidly," Doctor Pabi commented in a thoughtful tone, voice rough but warm as Elsa sat on the examination table. Elsa's cheeks warmed, but she didn't answer, looking away. The photograph burned in the pocket of her jeans. Doctor Pabi hummed knowingly, sending her a smile.

Elsa, as her head sunk lower and cheeks burned brighter, couldn't help but keep the image of Anna in her head, her battered heart be damned.

* * *

'Elsa,

This is going to be my last letter.

I'm going to be a senior soon, and I need to focus on more important things, like college and exams.

I still miss you. I think I'll always miss you. You were my best friend, and I don't think I could really forget that. Gerda tells me that you're still taller. I have the whole summer to catch up, I think.

I wish I could have seen you at least once.

I see your parents on TV all the time. Congratulations on your dad's promotion, by the way. I'm also glad that your mother is doing a lot of charity work. How come you're never out there with them? I wonder all the time about what you're doing while they're outside. Are you still top of your class?

Sorry, that was lame.

Anyway.. I'm not going to write anymore. Gerda says I should but.. I'm tired of waiting for an answer, Els. It's been almost 10 years. You told me you didn't want to lose me but I don't know if you ever meant it. If Gerda didn't tell me you were still alive, I would have thought that you were gone, forever.

You might as well be.

I'll still think about you, Elsa. Take care always. I'll try to do the same. Promise promise.

Love, Anna.'


	7. Pale Blue Eyes that Can Breathe You In

**Disclaimer: Still not mine**

* * *

Her gaze burned through the tinted windows, taking in the hustle and bustle of the upcoming festival. Jovial vendors setting up stalls. Performers hauling in equipment. Children weaving around the unfinished attractions, causing nothing but trouble.

"Have you changed your mind, Snowbug?" Kai had asked her. Elsa startled at the sound of his voice, gloved hands re-adjusting the way her cardigan lay over her shoulders once more.

"No," Elsa replied shakily, before clearing her throat and shaking her head. _Ásdís do not stutter or shake, Elsa_ , she could hear her mother say. "No, I want to see the festival."

Kai had smiled reassuringly at her through the rear view mirror. Elsa barely managed to return it, taking deep breaths to calm herself as Kai made his way over to open her door. The sun blinded her the moment Kai opened the door, the light chasing away the darkness in the car.

Elsa revelled in the warmth that kissed her cheeks. "I can do this."

She could do this.

* * *

Anna was late.

The fiery-haired teen leaped over the low wall surrounding the park, twin braids flying behind her as she raced through partially constructed tents and around unpainted stands for the upcoming Summer Festival. The same festival hosting the competition that would provide the money for her half of her tuition fee.

Anna knew she shouldn't have had that extra batch of chocolate pancakes.

 _Rapunzel if I'm late, I'll—_

She had been so wrapped up in cursing her cousin's special recipe that she didn't notice the figure before her until the last minute.

Luckily, she'd managed to redirect herself somewhat, her shoulders nicking the lightweight poles that seemed to hold up a heavy banner. Anna stumbled to a stop, eyes wide and apologetic. She crouched down, taking in the sight of a figure curled into themselves - arms curved protectively over a head just a hair away from the metal pole supporting the banner. Anna startled when the figure shot up, icy blue eyes burning with anger, falling right on her ass. Why did they look so—

"You could have killed me!" The blonde, Anna now saw, had exclaimed. Her eyebrows rose. And she thought _she_ was dramatic. It was just a flimsy pole, and the girl wasn't even hit!

Anna wished she hadn't found the girl's anger completely adorable.

"My deepest apologies, your majesty," She drawled, as sincerely as she could as she gave an exaggerated curtsy. Anna smiled sheepishly at the outraged look on the blonde's face, but one glance at her watch reminded her of why she had been running in the first place.

The sign-up sheet!

Anna didn't spare the huffing teen another glance, taking off once more. She heard a cough as she kicked up dust behind her.

It was only when she slumped against the table, name scribbled safely on the sheet behind her, that Anna realized that the girl's cardigan looked very much like the one she'd sent Elsa for Christmas.

* * *

"We have to go back," Elsa told Kai urgently after he'd brushed the dust off her clothes. His hands worried over her, his eyes sending an exasperated look towards the figure racing away from them.

"Back?" She had heard over the dull, repetitive thud that sounded in her ears. Her blood started running cold. Her heart was beating too fast. Much too fast.

"The hospital," Elsa choked out hurriedly in answer, pulling at the sleek fabric of Kai's coat. "My - My chest, it's..."

Elsa didn't catch the look of panic that crossed her driver's face, her shoulders rising and falling rapidly, her breaths coming out in icy puffs.

"Okay," Kai had whispered soothingly, leading her back to the safety of the car. "We'll go back, if you want. But I'm sure you have nothing to worry about."

Nothing to worry about. Elsa would have laughed if her chest didn't feel so tight. "Please don't tell my parents."

"Your secret is safe with me, Snowbug."

* * *

"Are you ready for this, Red?" Rapunzel had asked her, moments before she was to go onstage. She jumped, almost dropping her brushes as she was jolted out of her thoughts. Who had that girl been? Why did she look so familiar?

Anna glanced nervously at her cousin but gave her a toothy grin, regardless. She had no time to think about the girl she'd knocked into.

"Are you kidding? I was born ready." Anna gave a playful smirk and nudged the brunette standing next to her. Her hands tightened around her brushes. "Besides, you taught me everything I know."

Rapunzel had laughed and wrapped her arms around her shoulders, squeezing her close. "You're a natural, Red. You didn't learn anything from me." A kiss was pressed to her temple. Anna smiled at the tenderness, leaning into her touch. "Go get 'em."

Anna sucked in a breath and smirked. "They won't know what hit 'em."

* * *

"Inhale deeply, Elsa."

Elsa's hands tightened around the edge of the examination table, taking a shaky breath. Her chest still felt tight. Too tight. She could practically hear the new bottle of pills that would end up in the bottom of her bag. The chest piece of the stethoscope felt cold through her shirt.

"Just breathe, Elsa."

How could she? How could she?

* * *

Her hands clenched and unclenched by her sides as she stood with the rest of her competitors. They were stained with her paints, smearing them on her cheeks and in her hair as she fiddled nervously.

 _Please,_ she pleaded to whatever higher power was watching over her. _Even just this once._

"And the winner is... Anna Almstedt! Congratulations!"

Anna's jaw grew slack. She won? She won! She felt congratulatory pats on her back as she stumbled forward on the stage, numbly accepting the check as she grinned brightly out at the crowd. This was it! The first steps towards her future! Rapunzel had whooped, sending her a watery, but proud, smile.

Anna merely returned it, forgetting completely about the girl with the stunningly familiar blue eyes.

* * *

"How was your day, Elsa?" Her mother had asked over dinner, sending her a brief smile. Elsa knew that wasn't the question she really wanted to ask.

"It was good," Elsa replied a little forcefully, mind flashing back to her second trip to Doctor Pabi's clinic. She winced as her fork scraped loudly against her plate. "Nothing new, really."

Her papa had laughed, still dressed in his suit from work, still oblivious. His tie was crooked, Elsa noted, the collar of his shirt crumpled and tinted with pink. "That's good, then. That means you'll be able to go."

Elsa's eyebrows furrowed. "Go where?"

Her mother had sent her papa a scathing look, before she softened and turned back to her. Elsa's stomach twisted at the sight, hands tightening around her cutlery. "Your grandfather thinks that, now that you're turning 18, you should be formally introduced to the public as heir to the company."

Her breaths grew short. Frost crept along the fine metal of her knife and fork. "What?" Her own voice resounded in her head, gaze flickering rapidly between her equally anxious parents. "Is that safe? You know I do not like being in the centre of attention—" Her mind raced.

Elsa had been fine, being another faceless person in tiny book stores, hole-in-the-wall cafés and vast parks with little people. She hadn't been a monster with dangerous ice powers. She hadn't been a ticking time bomb with her heart ready to give up. She hadn't been Elsa Hávadr-Ásdís, heir to Ásdís Architectural Company. She was just... there. This, on the other hand, was going to be a formal event and, knowing her grandfather, would be nothing short of her extravagant. There would hundreds of people, hundreds of cameras and just one of her.

"Elsa!" Her mother's voice cut through the sound of ringing in her ears, baby-soft hands cupping her cheeks. Through her disorientated gaze, Elsa could see the ice that coated the table.

"You'll be fine, Elsa," Her papa had whispered to her, his strong hands running gingerly over her hair.

Famous last words.

* * *

"Congratulations, Anna."

Anna beamed, curled up in her bed and picking at the paint on her fingers as Gerda's warm voice floated through the line. It was always nice to hear from her aunt, especially when she spent most of the week away at Elsa's house.

"Thank you, Aunt Gerda. You'll come home to celebrate with Rapunzel, Eugene and I soon, won't you? Both you and Uncle Kai?" Anna bit down on her lip, waiting eagerly on her answer. She knew how demanding Elsa's schedule could be.

"Of course," Aunt Gerda had replied. Anna could hear the smile in her voice. "We'll go to Pizza Planet. Your favourite."

"Yes!" Anna exclaimed, before quieting down and tugging at the end of her braid. "I miss you guys. Come back soon, okay?"

"We'll be back before you know it."

* * *

'2018-07-15

Dear Anna,

I saw you today, didn't I?

You were the one who knocked me over. I could recognize those eyes, anywhere.

Gods, you were so beautiful. You are so beautiful.

Gods, you were so rude. So incredibly, irrevocably rude. You didn't even apologize properly. Quite frankly, I'm still a little mad.

Still, I know you have many more reasons to be mad with me. I wonder if you think me cowardly, for writing these letters and never sending them to you. It's been 10 years, Anna. I've written a response to everything you've sent to me. They're all hidden in a box under my bed, hidden from my mother, from my papa, from Gerda and Kai, from you. Hidden, all of them, like me.

I only hope you will be able to forgive me, if I ever find the strength to apologize. If I ever find the strength to actually see you.

I apologize right now, for the terrible handwriting. My hands haven't stopped shaking since I saw you. I wasn't lying when I told you I could have died. And to think, I could have died right then, never having told you how much I regret every minute I stay away from my best friend. I don't know if I could live with that, Anna. I know you don't think that I meant what I said all those years ago, but I do.

I just really miss you.

My grandfather thinks I should be exposed to the public, Anna. I'm scared. But - maybe you think me silly for this - I wonder if you will recognize me in the papers, on TV, on the web. I hope you will. I wonder, too, if you've forgotten about me. A part of me knows you haven't, if the cardigans hanging in my closet are any indication. But a bigger part of me feels the loss. I know you are slipping away from me - forever.

I don't know if I can ever live with that.

Yours, Elsa.'


	8. A Beautiful Stranger, Tall and Fair

**Disclaimer: Do I still need to do this?**

* * *

"Hey, did you hear?" Rapunzel had asked over breakfast, buttering her toast. Anna blinked blearily up at her cousin, her spoon pausing as her cereal was momentarily forgotten. It had been a week since the Summer festival, and that left Anna with all the time to laze around as she pleased. Or, rather, she had a week until she had to hunt for a part-time Summer job. Gerda and Kai still hadn't been home long enough to celebrate.

"Hear about what?" Green eyes rolled upwards, pink lips curving into an amused smirk.

"You never listen to my mom, do you?" Anna sent her a sheepish smile, continuing to funnel her sugary cereal into her mouth. Rapunzel's laughter filled the room. "She told me that Elsa's going to be on TV."

Anna's spoon splashed into her bowl, her jaw dropping, half-chewed cereal exposed. Rapunzel had cried out indignantly, pushing away from the table and scrubbing furiously at her shirt. "Anna, ew! Now I have to get a new shirt for work!"

"Why should I care?" She asked, voice quivering, her heart racing. Was she even speaking to Rapunzel anymore?

Elsa. She was going to see Elsa.

Rapunzel had given her a knowing look then, hands still dabbing at her shirt. "Just go."

It had only taken seconds before she abandoned her breakfast and made camp before the TV.

* * *

"You look very beautiful, Snowbug," Gerda had whispered, soothing weathered hands over Elsa's tense shoulders. Elsa released a shaky breath and gazed into the floor-length mirror before her.

The dark teal of the dress clung comfortably to her body, contrasting sharply with milky skin and pale blonde hair. The fabric kissed the ground as she shifted, bare shoulders exposed to the sun drifting through her bedroom windows, hair twisted up into an intricate bun. All Elsa could think about was Anna's eyes, and that if her dress had been a shade lighter, they would have been the same colour.

(It had been a pain, fitting her for the dress – all unfamiliar hands and unfamiliar faces and too much. Too much.)

"I don't know if I'm ready for this," Elsa admitted quietly, the velvet of her gloves embracing her hands. Her borrowed pearls shimmered in the sunlight, curling delicately around her neck. _One day, Elsa,_ her mother had whispered as she put them on. _One day, I will be doing this on your wedding day_. "I don't know if I'll ever be ready for this."

"You'll be fine, Elsa," Gerda had reassured, eyes shining with pride and unshed tears.

Elsa wondered if it was wrong to believe Gerda's words more than her papa's, more than her mother's.

"Will she be watching?" Elsa's fiddled with her necklace to avoid looking at Gerda through the mirror. She closed her eyes at a tender kiss to her temple.

"I'd like to believe so, Snowbug."

A shuddering breath tumbled past her lips.

"I think I'm ready to go."

* * *

"I didn't really believe Rapunzel when she told me you'd be camping out in front of the TV today. Can't you watch this on your laptop?"

Anna didn't even blink at Eugene's question. "Nope."

"What if I told you that Kristoff's team is playing today? The Ice Harvesters are going against the Southern Isles today."

Anna hesitated only for a moment. "Elsa's more important."

Eugene let out a low hum as he reclined into his usual seat. Anna's grip tightened around the remote control. Was Elsa more important?

Anna shook her head. Of course. Of course she was.

* * *

 _Don't let them in_.

One step forward.

 _Don't let them see_.

Another.

 _Be the good girl you_ always _have to be._

"Conceal," Elsa breathed out, moving robotically behind her parents. "Don't feel." Her hands trembled, the ice humming beneath her skin. One wrong move...

"Eyes up, Elsa," Her mother's voice had cut through her mind's ramblings. Her papa had been a little kinder, sending her a familiar grin over his shoulder. Her stomach didn't stop twisting.

"I need a moment, mother," She breathed out, gloved hands clutching at the equally silky fabric of her dress and picking it up. She walked speedily to the bathrooms they'd passed earlier, letting out short, cool breaths. Her heart thumped uneasily in her chest.

Elsa could barely hear the sound of her mother's voice as she called her back.

* * *

A low murmur of wonder sounded from the TV.

"What's going on?" Eugene had asked in passing, chewing on his pretzels as he sunk back into his seat. Anna's eyes remained glued to the screen.

Anna wished she could answer him.

"I don't know," She offered from her place on the floor.

Anna wished that Elsa was okay.

* * *

"Elsa." Her papa's voice bounced off the bathroom walls. Elsa was only mildly put off by the fact that her papa was in the women's bathroom.

"Go away, papa," She called back, voice trembling, arms folded over her stomach. The frost crept steadily over the walls of the stall. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You would never hurt me." Elsa could, and that would be all it took. She heard the rustle of his suit beyond the door. It was a dark navy, contrasting with the fuchsia of her mother's dress. "Your mother and grandfather are waiting. All of those people are waiting, for you." Elsa huffed quietly.

"Papa, I told you. I merely needed a moment to—"

"Do you know how proud I am of you, Elsa? How proud both your mother and I are?" Her papa had interrupted, voice soft and full of affection. "Do you know how happy your mother and I are because you're here? We're scared, too, Elsa, terrified of anything that might happen to you. But we knew you could do this. You're more than just my little girl now, Elsa, and we want to be able to share you with the world. Please let us, sweetheart. Even for just an hour. Let the world take you in, for even just an hour."

Elsa swallowed thickly, pacing just a little in the small space. The lock clicked open as she pulled the door back.

"Just an hour? Promise?"

Her papa's smile was blinding as he cupped her cheeks and kissed her forehead. "Promise."

Elsa's lips curved into a small, but relieved, smile. "I love you, papa."

"I love you too, my dear little Elsa."

* * *

What was taking so long?

Eugene expressed his boredom and impatience as he let out another noise, a sock-clad foot pressing into her shoulder from behind. He complained about the game, about how Kristoff's team was really killing it. Anna supposed his patience could only last so long. "Let me change the channel already. It doesn't even look like she's—"

Anna had practically pounced on her cousin's fiancé, a hand slapped unceremoniously over his mouth as she focused on the television.

This was it.

Anna couldn't even determine how she was feeling. Elated? Gassy? Either way, she was _somewhere_ in that zone, because for the first time in forever, she would be able to see _Elsa_.

Her jaw dropped when the curtains were finally pulled apart, revealing a picture of perfection. They certainly knew how to make a dramatic entrance. Five figures stood regally on the stage. Two, she recognized as Elsa's parents, still as beautiful as the day they parted the crowds that fateful summer day. A third, a greying man with a sharp jaw and an even sharper gaze. Anna recognized him to be Elsa's grandfather, seen only through frequent news articles in the papers. The fourth, a platinum blonde in a crisp suit and an even smile - Elsa's uncle, the current head of the company. And the fifth, of course...

"She's gorgeous," Anna breathed out before she had the chance to stop that train of thought. It would have been futile, regardless. There was no denying that Elsa was, well, beautifuller. Well, not _fuller_ , as in looked _fuller_ , but just - _more beautiful_.

Elsa stood, gorgeous and perfect and there. Anna didn't even care about Eugene pushing her off the couch as she took in the gentle slope of Elsa's nose, Elsa's high cheekbones, her impossibly long lashes, her beautiful lips, the curve of her jaw, her swan-like neck, her tantalisingly exposed shoulders. Elsa, Elsa, _Elsa_.

Anna's eyes felt like she was taking in too much, yet not enough, drinking in the sight of the blonde and drowning in it. Her eyes etched every contour of Elsa's body in her mind, eyes burning with how long she'd simply been staring. She was afraid to even blink. She was terrified to think that Elsa might just disappear again. Even if she closed her eyes for just a second.

Anna gaped and stared and gawked, breath catching when those baby blue eyes flickered towards the camera for the quickest of moments.

Hold on one fucking second.

Those eyes. Those eyes, she's seen those before.

The festival. The stand. The girl.

 _You could have killed me._

Anna's head fell into her hands.

"Shit."

* * *

Her papa had kept his word.

After her formal re-introduction to the world, a gruelling sixty minutes were spent entertaining guests and members of the media. Elsa had never seen so many cameras in her whole life. Her papa held her hand the entire time, and was the one to lead her through the crowds and to the safety of the car. It had been comforting, having him by her side, a hand lingering on the small of her back whenever she grew weary.

They had driven to a nearby ice cream store afterwards, garnering an assortment of odd and awed looks from the people in the establishment. ( _They're the Ásdís, aren't they?)_ Her papa had picked strawberry, and her mother had sniffed and grumbled that ice cream wasn't part of her diet. Elsa had picked the flavour with the most chocolate, and enjoyed the creamy thickness on the car ride back home. She knew Doctor Pabi would scold her for breaking her special diet, but it was a special occasion.

Her papa had shared the tiny tub with her mother in the car, regardless of her protests.

Elsa pretended not to see the smile on the corner of her mother's lips.

Elsa giggled as she and her papa had stumbled into their house, her mother following behind them with a small smile on her face. "It wasn't so bad, was it, sweetheart?" Her papa had nudged her, smile easy and comforting. Elsa let out another laugh and remained in the comfort of his half embrace.

"No, I guess not."

Her mother watched on with an affectionate gaze, her papa rambling on about ordering in instead of asking Tiana to cook that night. The moment was shattered, however, by the sound of her mother's phone. They all sobered somewhat, and Elsa tucked herself into her papa's side even more at the look of surprise on her mother's face.

"It's Elsa's... doctor," Her mother had uttered before answering, all traces of warmth wiped away immediately. Elsa watched in silent horror as her mother's face morphed from emotionless to absolutely livid. The look in her mother's eyes told her everything. "Elsa, to your room. _Now_."

* * *

If her mother had been an animal, she would have been a tiger.

Powerful, fierce, and dangerous.

Elsa could see it clearly as she sat by the banisters of the stairs, feeling five years old again. Her mother had paced before Kai and, naturally, Gerda, jaw tense and hands clenched.

"You mean to tell me," Her mother had hissed, blue eyes ablaze. "That you endangered my daughter's life for a stroll through the fucking park?" The pair flinched but stayed silent, knowing better than to protest. Her mother would never resort to obscenities until she was truly and utterly enraged. "I let the first time pass because I didn't trust anyone else with my daughter, but a second time is crossing the line. I won't accept any excuses, and I don't care what my daughter thinks - you're fired." Elsa's eyes widened. _What?_

"Idunn, you can't do this," Her papa had protested, voice firm and jaw set. His hands had settled on her mother's shoulders. Her mother had torn herself away, as if the touch burned. "We cannot just kick them to the curb. They're family!" Elsa's affection for her papa soared.

Her mother seethed. "Adgar, Elsa could have died because of Kai's carelessness!" Her finger had jabbed into her papa's chest. "This is non-negotiable. They have the rest of the day to pack up whatever belongings they have here." With a flick of her hair, she stormed off, not sparing a glance towards the heartbroken pair standing before her.

"We are not done talking about this!" Her papa had exclaimed, hot on her mother's trail after fleeting, but sincere, promises of financial support should her mother get her way. Elsa was outraged.

Elsa had raced downstairs, throwing herself into Kai and Gerda's arms as the tears burned trails down her cheeks. (As she let out wheezing breaths, her heart straining.)

"It wasn't your fault, Snowbug," Gerda had whispered, lips pressed to her head. Her arms only tightened around them.

But it was always her fault. Always, always, always.

* * *

"What are you doing on the floor, Anna?" Her aunt had asked her, voice thick but clouded with amusement.

Anna blinked and peered up at her portly aunt. What _was_ she doing on the floor? She remembered Eugene bugging her relentlessly for a few minutes, before giving up and finally changing the channel, catching the end of the match. Anna had then spent the next few hours wallowing in distress, because she'd already seen Elsa and she'd _missed_ her. How did she not recognize those eyes?

"Oh, I..." Anna shook her head. "Nothing." Her eyebrows furrowed slightly. "What are you doing home? I thought you said you were staying home over the weekend."

Her Aunt Gerda had sent her a watery smile and kissed her forehead. "Nothing you have to worry about, either, love." She straightened, and set her hands on her hips. "Now, how about you get your butt off the floor and start getting ready, huh? We can finally celebrate that fine win of yours. Pizza Planet?"

Anna grinned, the questions dying on her tongue at the mention of her favourite restaurant. "Oh, I'm in! Can I get the triple chocolate fudge sundae?"

Her Aunt had laughed and nodded, pulling Anna in for a brief hug when Anna got back to her feet. She blinked in surprise but returned the hug happily.

She didn't feel the hot tears soaking into her hoody.

She didn't see the suitcases her uncle was hauling in as she raced upstairs to get ready.

* * *

Elsa woke in the middle of her bed the next day, eyes red and swollen. Kai must've carried her up. She rubbed at her eyes sleepily, grimacing in disgust as she saw the make-up smeared across her pillow. She shuffled towards the bathroom, making quick work of scrubbing the makeup off her face. She peered into her mirror after drying her face, eyes widening in remembrance.

"Kai. Gerda." She promptly dropped her towel, racing through the halls of her home to reach the staff quarters. Elsa burst through the first door, her heaving shoulders slumping when she only found her mother and one of their ever present ghost maids. She swallowed hard at the bare walls and empty closets, trying to calm her breaths. Her heart thudded against her chest, but she ignored the pinch. "I want them back," She demanded.

"What did I tell you about running in this house, Elsa?" Her mother had stepped closer, cupping her chin and kissing her forehead. "Besides, this is not your choice to make, Elsa. Your new nanny will be here soon. I suggest you freshen up." Elsa could only listen to her mother's heels clicking away, the maid's softer steps hurrying along behind her.

Gone, gone, gone. And it was all her fault.

The sobs wracked through her body as she let the ice and snow consume the room around her.

* * *

 _I just wanted to give my sincerest thank you's to those who have reviewed, added this story to their favourites and of course following this version. I know it's difficult, transitioning from one story to another, but I am so grateful for your patience and understanding. Please come join me as we follow these two, and fall in love with them again. I know I am. I didn't know how much I needed this until now. So thank you, thank you, thank you - and don't ever hesitate to tell me what you think._


	9. Us Being Here is Not an Accident

**Disclaimer: Eh**

* * *

"Elsa," Her mother had drawled out, a hand in the small of her back. Elsa sighed. She wondered why her mother was busy for everything but this. "She is going to be your new nanny. Her name is Gothel."

Elsa crossed her arms stiffly as she stood beside her mother, glowering darkly at the dark-haired woman before her. She didn't like the way Gothel was looking at her, with hooded eyes and an ever-present smirk.

"You're so very pretty," Gothel cooed, gnarled fingers reaching forward and pinching her cheeks. "You remind me of a little snowbug. Can I call you that?"

Elsa's eyebrow twitched, her head lifting, shoulders straightening.

"No, you may not."

The woman – _Gothel,_ her mother whispered in her ear, as if she would forget - drew her hands back immediately, an awkward silence falling upon the room. Her mother had cleared her throat.

"Well, I must be going. _Gothel_ , I'm leaving my daughter in your hands." Elsa leaned over subconsciously to let her mother press a kiss to her cheek, before twisting away and gliding up the stairs, silently fuming. Her mother had sighed before her door slammed shut.

Her mind raced as she lifted the hem of her shirt, scrubbing insistently at her cheeks.

Elsa would not be standing for this.

If she got rid of her new nanny, she would get Gerda and Kai back, no doubt. A smirk played across her lips.

Her new nanny wouldn't last a day.

* * *

"You have a day off?" Anna asked in surprise as she peered into the living room, catching sight of her aunt in the armchair. She was reading an old children's book, with a worn cover and aged pages. One of Elsa's, she supposed. Her aunt startled. Anna lifted a brow and shifted the long-board under her arm.

Aunt Gerda had hesitated before letting out a weary sigh. "I'll tell you later," She had promised, rushing on as Anna opened her mouth to protest. "When Rapunzel gets home, alright?"

"Alright," Anna agreed begrudgingly, backpack hanging low on her back. Her hair fell into her eyes as she tugged on scuffed shoes, fiddling with the laces. Her aunt Gerda had chuckled, her darling niece looking every bit as young as she did years ago.

"Please be careful."

Her lips curled into a cheeky grin as she strolled through the front door. "Always am!"

* * *

Elsa had been gone for five minutes.

"What do you think you're doing?" Elsa asked simply, setting her heavy books aside. Icy blue eyes took in the sight of her new nanny and her unorganized clothes. Her reading on dinosaurs could wait until she was finished dealing with this mess.

"Oh, Miss Elsa," Gothel had practically drawled, continuing to claw through her clothes as she sent her a smile. Elsa's skin crawled. "Your outdoor clothes were mixed with your indoor clothes! I was merely rearranging them."

Elsa's jaw set. "Out."

Carefully kept brows shot up in surprise. "I'm sorry, Miss, I didn't mean—"

Elsa pulled the door open, standing stiffly by the doorway. "Out." She didn't spare the woman a glance as she sauntered out. A hand worried through her hair, a breath puffing past her lips as she glared at the mess her nanny had left behind. She shook her head before getting to work, kneeling before her clothes.

Elsa, as she placed the reds with the reds and the blues with the blues, decided that her nanny _definitely_ wasn't going to last a day.

* * *

"What do you mean you were fired?" Anna questioned in disbelief, sitting on the edge of her seat. Rapunzel had remained in stunned silence, clearly in as much disbelief as she was. Eugene sat silently beside Rapunzel, his hand steady on his fiancé's shoulder. Her aunt and uncle shared a look and released equally tired sighs.

"I told you, Anna," Uncle Kai had replied. "I put Elsa's life in danger for the second time. That's one time too many. I shouldn't have brought her there. It was only right."

"But it wasn't your fault!" Anna almost slammed her hands on the table. It was hers. It was her fault. She sunk down into her seat, head swimming and stomach churning with guilt. "It was my fault. If I had just been a little more careful that day..."

"No, Anna," Aunt Gerda had interrupted, cutting her off with a stern look. "All we can do now is accept it. Besides, Elsa's father had been kind enough to provide us with financial support. Your uncle and I could use a break..."

"But Elsa—"

"Will be fine," Her uncle had interjected, though his eyes gave him away. Elsa was as much a daughter to them as Rapunzel was. Anna's throat tightened. "She'll be just fine."

Anna met Rapunzel's gaze briefly before they were onto their feet, engulfing the older pair in a tight embrace.

Anna could only hope that they would be just fine, too.

* * *

Elsa had always been very... pale, for the lack of a better word. It had been one of the many features that she'd inherited from her mother, and it surely came in handy for times like this.

Elsa crept along the side of her home, hood pulled low over her head, a flashlight tucked under her arm. She paused with every turn of a camera, with every step of a guard, soon reaching the window to Kai and Gerda's old room. Elsa peered into the room, smirking at the sight of a slumbering Gothel.

Showtime.

Elsa knocked loudly on the window, ducking low as Gothel startled awake and peered out. She held her breath, praying the woman didn't look down. Her knuckles rapped against the window once Gothel began to grow comfortable, now standing beyond the glass. She flicked the flashlight on, the light casting a ghostly glow on her face.

"Boo," She uttered simply.

It didn't take long for Elsa to be standing in the doorway of her room, hiding her smirk as an inconsolable Gothel tore out of her home.

* * *

'Dear Anna,

I miss them.

I thought what I did tonight would make me feel better. That watching my mother, in her silk robe and mismatched slippers, try to console Gothel as she left the house would make me feel better.

It didn't.

I just miss Kai and Gerda more. I know they would have been mad at me, if they found out I did that, but I can't just let them go without a fight. Even if my fight is just flashing a flash light under my face. I don't think there's much else I can do in my condition.

I wish I could tell them how much I miss them, but Mama won't even let me use my phone to call them. I don't know what I can do for now. I wish you were here to help me.

Love, Elsa.'

* * *

Anna stared forlornly down at her piggy bank, fingers tracing over the worn pink plastic.

She followed the scratched in name on the bottom. She remembered the Christmas she received the piggy bank, nearly cutting her finger as she hastily scratched in her name.

There was just enough money for tuition now, but not nearly enough for the rest of the expenses college would bring. Of course, the financial support Elsa's dad had offered helped somewhat, but it was mostly for taking care of the house and buying groceries. Without her aunt and uncle's steady incomes, Anna was left with no other choice.

"I need to get a job."

* * *

"Elsa," Her mother had sighed wearily, blue eyes narrowed suspiciously. Elsa blinked innocently, gloved hands folded neatly before her.

It had been an entire week since the Gothel incident, and coincidentally, the rest of her nannies had been spooked away by the 'white lady' haunting the mansion. Her most recent, Yzma, was the only one who remained, and only because the woman was more terrifying than she was.

Elsa barely repressed a shudder at the memory. The books she'd retrieved a week ago lay abandoned at Yzma's arrival. She didn't think she'd ever be able to look at dinosaurs the same way ever again.

"Behave, please," Her mother had begged wearily, kissing her forehead before heading off, heels clicking all the way down to the car. She rubbed absently at the lipstick mark on her forehead. Elsa wondered how many more nannies it would take until her mother caved and brought Kai and Gerda back.

She spent most of the morning cooped up in her room, losing herself in the books she'd brought up from the library. It was when she had stretched and her hand smacked into her intercom that an idea popped into her head. Elsa hummed and decided to experiment, pressing down gently on the button.

"Yzma," She called through the intercom. "Bring me up some fruits, please. Peeled and chopped. Thank you." Elsa soon sunk back into her bed, returning to her book. She flicked to the next page as she answered the knock on her door. "Enter."

Yzma stalked into her room, the tray in her hands trembling somewhat before she set it down on Elsa's bedside table. Elsa plucked an apple slice from the bowl, holding it between her fingers with a hum. Her eyes rolled up to meet Yzma's expectant ones. "I've changed my mind. Can you bring me chips, please?"

"Certainly," the woman – was she even qualified for this job anymore? - drawled out before slipping out of her door, returning with a bowl of potato chips in her hands.

Elsa pursed her lips as she eyed them. "I meant tortilla chips, actually. Thank you, though. You can leave those right there."

Yzma had merely sent her a look before walking off once more to fulfil her wishes. She barely managed to muffle her giggle against her hand, the door clicking to a close behind her nanny.

Elsa carried this on for another hour, her requests only growing more ridiculous and her nanny only growing more exasperated. Elsa was disappointed to find that Yzma was only mildly winded. How could this woman have better stamina than her?

Her book snapped shut. "Do you know how to play xBox?"

Yzma merely blinked. "xBox, miss?"

A grin spread slowly across Elsa's lips, eyes twinkling with mischief. "We're going to have a lot of fun."

* * *

"Have a nice day," Anna called out to the customer rushing out of the door, before releasing a silent sigh and readjusting the cap on her head. It had been a week since she'd realized her situation, a week since she'd landed a low-paying job in a too-busy café in the middle of the city. Anna supposed, however, as she wiped down the counter once more, that she couldn't complain. This was all going towards her future. She would do anything to make the best of it. She had to.

Her head lifted when the bell above the door chimed, signalling a new customer. A balding man with thick-rimmed glasses had stepped inside, wearily rubbing his temples. Anna was beginning to feel just as weary as he approached the counter. "Double shot espresso."

"Coming right up," Anna chirped, turning away as the man began grumbling about ghosts. She decided that, as intrigued as she was, she wouldn't ask. She shouldn't. Corona had been notorious for thugs and bandits in the past, ghosts were the least of their concerns, truthfully.

Anna soon set the drink before him, a kind smile on her face. "That'll be 2.95."

The man grunted in acknowledgement, digging into the pocket of his stained trousers. Anna didn't want to think about what stained them in the first place.

"Do you like your job, kid?" He asked, not looking up from a cracked leather wallet. Anna startled, not expecting the man to say anything else to her.

Anna's eyebrows rose at the question, but found herself replying, regardless. "It's okay. A future college student can't really be picky with summer jobs."

The man dropped a crumpled bill on the counter, meeting her gaze for the first time. Anna straightened at the near-desperate look in his eyes. "You good with kids?"

Anna blinked. "Well, yeah, I've babysat a few—"

"You want a job?" He had interjected, leaning forward. His breath stunk of stale coffee. "It pays well, and all you have to do is watch one little kid."

Anna cleared her throat. "I don't think I should be—"

A worn piece of paper was slapped onto the counter, the man's sausage-like fingers closing around the drink. "That's the address," he rumbled out, making his way towards the door. "If you change your mind."

The door swung behind him. Anna's eyes remained glued to the sheet, taking in the address and letting out a low, impressed whistle. Her fingers drummed against the counter. Checking it out wouldn't hurt.

How bad could one little kid be?

* * *

"She fainted?" Her mother had stressed out, pacing before her, heels clicking on the wood ominously. Both her mother and her father had come home early, called in from the office to ensure that none of this would go out to the press. Because the press' opinion is more important than her own. Of course, of course, of course.

Elsa wrung her hands together, giving an innocent shrug. She had Yzma play her unused sports games, watching the older woman jump around in front of her TV before she finally collapsed. The sound of ambulances grew farther and farther away with each second that passed.

"I didn't think she would," She admitted, peering up from her seat on the couch. Her papa remained silent in the background, pinching the bridge of his nose. His jacket lay on the armchair beside him.

"This cannot go on, Elsa," Her mother had snapped, towering over her. Elsa's shrunk back despite herself. "Enough of this childish play. I will not have you risking your own life for this foolishness, nor will I have you risking anyone else's. You are not getting Kai and Gerda back, and that is final."

"Mama—" Elsa jumped as her father cut her off.

"Your mother is right, Elsa." Elsa gaped at him, eyes swimming with disbelief and betrayal. "You are too old for this. Your mother and I are picking someone out and you're going to be stuck with her, whether you like it or not."

"Excuse me?" A nervous voice called out. Three pairs of sharp eyes cut toward the sudden intrusion. A maid stood, squirming in the doorway. "You have a visitor, ma'am. It's about the job opening as Elsa's nanny."

Her mother had straightened and brushed her hair back. "Oh, yes... Let her in." Cold blue eyes cut to Elsa, silencing her immediately. Elsa had turned her head away, focusing on the sound of sneakers on the sleek floors of their home.

Wait. Sneakers?

"Hello, Mr and Mrs. Hávadr-Ásdís," Anna had greeted with her charming little grin as she stepped into the room. Elsa's chest tightened as those torturous teal eyes flickered over to meet hers for the briefest of moments. "My name is Anna Almstedt."

Elsa could only sit and stare as the next few words left Anna's mouth.

"I'm here for the babysitting job."

* * *

'Dear Anna,

Not you. Anybody but you.

Love, Elsa.'


	10. Somewhere in Between Together

**Disclaimer: AHH**

* * *

"No."

Elsa's hands clenched. Her papa had begun pacing the length of her room once more. Her eyes followed him mindlessly.

"Please be reasonable about this, sweetheart." He offered his hands to her, palms up. Beseeching. Pleading. "Aside from the fact that no agency is willing to send us another nanny, Miss Almstedt seems like a wonderful girl."

Elsa looked away. Wonderful was an understatement. Immediately after announcing that she had been there for the job, Anna was swept into an in-depth conversation with her parents, an astounded Elsa left on the couch. It seemed that Anna's charm worked on _everybody_.

"She's the same age as I am, papa."

"And that is why she is perfect," Her mother had cut in firmly from one of the arm chairs in her room. She seemed tired of the conversation, eyes focused on perfectly manicured nails. "You're always complaining about wanting friends your own age. With Anna, we are killing two birds with one stone."

Elsa shifted on her bed, trying to keep her ice from spreading across her sheets. "I promise to behave if you pick anyone else—"

Her papa had stopped abruptly, the exasperation shining in his usually warm eyes. He knelt before her, taking her hands. "There is no-one else, Elsa. We cannot bring Kai and Gerda back. Anna will be your new nanny and that is final." Elsa was taken back at the sharpness in her father's tone.

"Okay," She acquiesced, eyes downcast. She drew her hands back, her fingers curled into the fabric beneath her.

"Elsa," Her father had begun. She could hear the quaver in his voice.

"I'm tired," She declared, not meeting either of her parents' gazes. "I would like to get some rest."

"Of course." It had been her mother that time, the red of her lips sure to leave a mark against her temple. Her father received a scathing look. He pretended not to see it as he got to his feet. "Goodnight, Elsa."

"Goodnight mama," Elsa whispered, shifting to lie in her bed just as her papa went to follow her mother's example.

"It's for the best," Her papa had murmured against her hair. Elsa refused to flinch away. "Please understand that we are only doing this for you."

Elsa didn't answer. She merely drew Sven to her chest, eyes clenching shut as the tears burned behind her lids.

Of all the people in the world, it really had to be her. The one person she'd vowed to stay away from - the one person she wanted to protect.

Elsa hadn't been sure of whether or not she should curse her luck.

* * *

"Are you crying, Snowbug?"

Elsa swallowed thickly, holding her phone closer, listening to the sound of Gerda's soft voice on the other line. She had to savour every minute they spoke. She knew her mother would take away her phone as soon as she found out.

"I just really miss you," Elsa whispered, Sven tucked under her chin, burrowing further under the covers. "I wish you and Kai were back here with me. I don't want anybody else."

Gerda had sniffed on the other line, and Elsa knew she was crying, too. "We wish we were there too, Snowbug. You've been taking care of yourself, haven't you?"

"Yes." Elsa pressed the heel of her hand into her eyes, trying to stop her tears.

"You've even eaten all of your vegetables?" Elsa could hear the smile in her voice.

Elsa laughed quietly. "Yes. I've eaten all of my vegetables, even if I don't like them."

"Good." Gerda had paused on the other line, Kai's snores filling the silence. "Snowbug, we just want you to know that we love you so much, and that even if we aren't there with you physically, we'll always be with you in your heart."

"My heart sucks," Elsa mumbled a little petulantly, a small smile pulling at the corners of her mouth.

Gerda had been the one to laugh this time. "You have the strongest heart I know, Snowbug. I promise."

Elsa held Sven closer to her chest, closing her eyes. "I love you, Gerda. Goodnight."

"I love you too, Snowbug. Sweet dreams."

* * *

"You took a job where?" Rapunzel had exclaimed in astonishment, eyes practically bulging out of her head. Anna shushed her, glancing surreptitiously towards her open bedroom door. Her cousin had waved her off. Rapunzel had looked at her as if she was insane.

Maybe she was.

"Look, it pays ridiculously well, and gives me a chance to get close to Elsa again." Anna smiled brightly at the memory of her walking into the room. "Elsa's face was priceless."

Rapunzel had huffed.

"Look, Red, I don't want to burst your happy little bubble, but it's been ten years. You and Elsa aren't the same little girls who used to make snowmen in the park anymore." Anna glowered at her cousin's pessimism. "I'm just being realistic, Anna. I know you hope to be buddy buddy with Elsa again, but I just want you to be careful. Ten years of isolation can do a lot to someone. More than that, she's _ill,_ Anna. She can't keep up with you the same way your friends can," Slender fingers brushed her bangs away from her eyes. "I just don't want you getting hurt. I don't want anyone else to get hurt."

"I won't get hurt, Punzie," Anna promised, peering earnestly into her cousin's eyes. "Elsa and I are different now, and I'm not the hopeful little girl who waited for all those years again. I'll be careful."

Rapunzel had eyed her warily. A pinkie was offered towards her. "Promise?"

Anna's grin was blinding as their pinkies hooked together. "Promise promise."

Anna could only hope to live up to her word.

* * *

"Mama?" Elsa called out as she entered the dining room. "Papa?"

Eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the sight of the empty table, devoid of both her parents and food. A glance to her phone cemented the fact that she had woken at the same time she always did, just in time for a leisurely breakfast with her parents before they left for work. So, where were they?

Elsa wandered around for another moment. No loud voices. No broken plates. Elsa couldn't help but be a little relieved, eyes landing on a thick square of off-white card on her usual seat. She quirked a brow, plucking it from the leather and being greeted by her mother's cursive. Her papa's messier hand followed as a footnote in the corner.

' _Elsa_ ,' it read. ' _Your father and I sincerely apologize for not being present for breakfast, but your grandfather had called us in for an urgent meeting and we did not have the heart to wake you. I'm sure you're aware that Tiana is available to cook anything you wish for – though you_ should _stay to your prescribed diet - so don't hesitate in asking. Miss Almstedt will also be around, so I expect you to be on your best behaviour._ '

Elsa rolled her eyes before continuing to read, taking in her papa's untidy scrawl. ' _Make sure to eat a hearty breakfast, sweetheart. And, please be nice to Anna. She seems like a sweet girl. I know you could use a friend. Try to have some fun with her. Your mother and I love you very much._ '

Elsa breathed out a loud sigh and tucked the card into the pocket of her shorts. She drummed her fingers against the sturdy wood of the table. She probably shouldn't bother Tiana. She was sure her simple breakfast of eggs and toast was… manageable.

She wasn't _completely_ useless, after all.

Elsa wandered into the kitchen, peering around a little curiously. Though she knew every inch of the mansion like the back of her hand, she very seldom entered the kitchen, only making exceptions for sneaking chocolate out of the pantry. Elsa couldn't help but feel a little lost.

Maybe she _should_ get Tiana.

Elsa had begun the walk towards the door leading to the staff quarters when the sound of joyous singing reached her ears. She leaned closer to the door, ear pressed to the cool wood as she strained to hear. Why did it seem to be getting closer?

Elsa's eyes widened in realization when the golden knob twisted beneath her hand.

Elsa realized too late.

* * *

When Anna had reached forward to open the door, she expected many, many things.

A beautiful blonde with bright blue eyes was not one of them.

Anna let out a startled scream, her song cut abruptly as Elsa crashed into her. They stumbled back, landing harshly on the sleek wood beneath her. She could only let out a groan, eyes fluttering open to stare into Elsa's astonished ones.

Elsa was so warm against her.

"Shoot," Anna gasped, breaking the moment as she scrambled to help Elsa up and off of her. "Are you okay? Are you hurt? I hope I made an okay cushion." Her palms smacked against her own cheeks, eyes widening in horror. "Oh, I'm _so_ fired. It's my first day and I've already jeopardized you. I'm so, so, so sorry. I didn't—"

"I'm fine," Elsa had huffed out, silencing her rambles with an effective twitch of her brow. Anna couldn't help but watch as Elsa's long, slender fingers straightened her thick sweater out, the rich material practically hiding the light blue shorts. They did nothing to hide the endless expanse of milky legs before her. It took Anna a moment to realize Elsa was still talking. "—only came over to find out where that _atrocious_ singing was coming from."

Hold on one pancake flipping second. _Atrocious_?

"Excuse me?" Anna scoffed, eyebrows shooting up. She was one of the best singers in her school choir, thank you very much.

Anna tried to not be distracted by the elegant arch of Elsa's brow. "Yes? It's very rude to interrupt when one is speaking, you know."

Anna harrumphed. "Well, it's rude to call one's singing atrocious. In fact, I remember hearing you state that it was your favourite sound in the world!"

Elsa's demeanour had changed completely, braid whooshing centimetres away from her face as she turned away. "I don't remember such a thing."

Anna's shoulders slumped slightly. Just when they had begun speaking to each other. Or, arguing, she guessed.

Anna followed the blonde into the kitchen. Absently, she rubbed her lower back, watching Elsa rummage through the fridge, only to emerge with two eggs. She merely watched as Elsa stood, holding onto the eggs in what seemed like a mild state of distress.

"Anna," Elsa had called eventually. She jumped, effectively snapping her out of her staring. Anna's eyes flickered up to meet Elsa's, unable to hide her amused smile at the sight of Elsa's crimson cheeks. "Do you know how to cook eggs?"

"Well," Anna stepped closer, the blonde stepping back predictably. "Depends on how you want them." Elsa had cleared her throat and shoved the eggs into her hands unceremoniously. They were both cool to the touch.

"Any way. I'll be waiting in the dining room. Make some toast, too." Anna watched as Elsa walked away, the tips of the blonde's ears burning as she paused and muttered a quiet 'thank you.' Anna smiled to herself and started on Elsa's breakfast.

That girl really was something, wasn't she?

* * *

"Goodness," Elsa breathed out as she slumped against her bedroom door.

After having steadily ignored Anna's smug presence during breakfast, the girl had continued to trail after her, following her to the library – _how many books do you read? -_ and through the gardens – _oh, duckies! -_ and past the paintings on the walls – _hang in there, Joan_.

Elsa had forgotten how much Anna liked to talk.

The girl didn't seem to care for the troubled twitches of her brow, or the grimaces that marred her face. Anna had ploughed on, chattering endlessly about everything and anything.

While Elsa hadn't minded hearing her voice, Elsa was sure her ears were still ringing.

She wandered into the bathroom, splashing water onto her face and puffing out an exhausted breath. She didn't remember how tiring it was to actually entertain someone. Gerda had always been content just sitting with her, braiding her hair or humming as she read. Anna was brimming with an energy nobody in the house possessed for a long while. She had to tire her out somehow…

When she caught sight of the bottle of baby powder on her counter, a grin played across Elsa's lips. She held it in her hands, giving the bottle a soft little toss. Her father _did_ tell her to have fun with Anna…

* * *

Anna was about to learn that taking this job had been a very bad idea.

Anna puffed out a large breath as she sat by the intercom.

After being shooed away by Elsa, she had been left to wander around the mansion. She had been found by Tiana, head cook and head of staff, promptly sent to the staff quarters to stand watch by the intercom in case the 'Little Miss' needed anything.

That was how Anna found herself on an uncomfortable stool, sketching idly as the intercom remained painfully silent. She wondered if she could take a nap. Surely, Elsa wouldn't—

The crackle of the intercom brought her out of her thoughts, the sound of Elsa's pained voice shooting panic down her spine.

"Anna, Anna, help!"

Anna was on her feet in seconds, racing through the halls and up two flights of stairs to reach Elsa's floor. She knocked hastily on the door, having remembered Elsa's mother's warning about the blonde not liking anyone just barging in. "Elsa?"

"Hurry!" Elsa cried urgently from inside.

Anna didn't hesitate for another moment, rushing inside. Her concern morphed into panic, and soon pain as she slipped on the baby powder that coated the wooden floors. Elsa stood in the doorway of her en-suite bathroom, face void of emotion but eyes sparkling with mischief. It was the same look Elsa used to have when they played pranks on Gerda. She never expected to be on the receiving end.

"Clean this mess up," Elsa had said simply, stepping over her and settling onto her bed. She grabbed a book from her bedside, looking very pleased with herself. Anna watched as the girl opened the book fluidly, only pausing to glance briefly at her. "Now, Anna."

Anna's jaw snapped close as she huffed an angry breath out through her nose, wincing pitifully as she got to shaky feet. That was definitely going to bruise. She returned moments later with dustpan and a sweeping brush, grumbling to herself as she worked on the polished floors.

Anna didn't miss the smug smirk Elsa tried to hide behind her book.

* * *

"Can you bruise your butt, Punzie?"

"Anna, _what_? I'm in the middle of my shift."

"Right, right, sorry."

* * *

"How was your day, sweetie?" Her mother had asked her over dinner. Elsa looked up from her pasta, a brilliant grin spreading across her face. Anna's eyes burned into the back of her head.

"It was wonderful, mama." Her parents had shared curious looks, near dropping their cutlery over her answer.

"Oh?" Her papa had paused to take a drink of his water. "And how are things with Anna? Are you two getting along?"

Elsa suppressed the smirk that threatened to replace her smile.

"We're getting along swimmingly."

* * *

'Dear Anna,

This is the most fun I've had in years.

Love, Elsa.

PS. I didn't really take you for a polka-dot kind of girl. I was expecting stripes.'

* * *

Anna wondered about what she'd done in a past life to deserve this.

Anna wondered about what she'd done in _this_ life to deserve this.

She hung helplessly, blood rushing to her head as icy tendrils tightened delicately around her ankles. It had been two weeks since the baby powder incident, another since a failed scare attempt by Elsa. Anna, quite frankly, _had_ been scared and wary.

Anna realized that she had every right to be as she stared into startlingly blue eyes, unable to enjoy the delight and amusement swirling within them.

"What did I ever do to you?" She growled lowly. The ice thickened around her ankles. Anna could barely feel the chill as Elsa merely gazed upon her, a self-satisfied smirk on her pretty little face.

This, this annoying, smug, self-centred little stinker was not _her_ Elsa. Never in a million years.

Anna narrowed her eyes and huffed out angrily, swinging her head forward. Elsa had fallen back onto her bum, letting out a squeak of surprise.

Anna could only cry out and slump against the hardwood floor when Elsa finally dropped the rope.

Bad idea.

* * *

 _She's lighter than I thought_ , was the only thing that ran through Elsa's mind as she carried an unconscious Anna to the staff quarters. She pointedly ignored the curious looks a few maids gave her, only tucking Anna further into her arms. She huffed out a breath, ignoring the weariness in her arms.

 _Too far._

Those two words resounded in her head as she settled Anna down onto the queen-sized bed, bare hands shakily brushing Anna's bangs back. She was just having her fun. It reminded her of all those years ago, playing pranks on Anna, having _fun_ with her again. It was like the caterpillars Anna placed on her head and the worms she'd let wriggled down Anna's back in retaliation. She hadn't meant hurt her.

Elsa hadn't meant to drop her.

"I'm so sorry, Anna." Trembling fingers soothed over the impressive bump on Anna's head. Her heart raced. Her chest ached. Elsa swallowed thickly, pushing through the haziness it brought. "I'm here to take care of you. You'll be okay."

Elsa could only hope that Anna knew she meant every word.

* * *

It had been a soft, near inaudible snore that roused Anna from her sleep.

Her head throbbed, and her back ached, and her heart squeezed when she realized that it had all been Elsa's fault. A groan had left her lips, but she didn't know whether it was from physical, or heartfelt pain.

"Anna?" The snoring stopped. A groggy voice called out to her. Anna's eyes snapped open to meet sleepy, but concerned baby blue eyes. "You're awake."

"And you're here," Anna griped, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. "What have you done this time? Hidden my phone? Put itching powder in my underwear _again_? What are you doing here, Elsa?"

Elsa had flinched and the decency to look ashamed.

"None of that," She had promised in a pitiful voice. Anna was only vaguely aware of the fingertips tracing over the throbbing area on her head, the cool touch easing the pain ever so slightly.

"Then why?" Anna snapped, eyes never leaving Elsa. She was waiting for a punchline, for the end of whatever joke she was playing.

"I wanted to apologize," Elsa whispered after a long moment of hesitation. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to get hurt like that."

Anna eyed her suspiciously. Elsa's free hand - blissfully bare, Anna noticed - clasped around hers. "Elsa, what—"

"I will try to be nicer," Elsa had interrupted, chewing on her bottom lip. "And I'll stop with the pranks." A laboured sigh. "I think I'm really stuck with you, so I might as well please my mother and get along with you in some shape or form."

Anna's eyes remained fixed on their hands, Elsa's contrasting starkly against her own.

"Promise?" She whispered, voice thick. With what, Anna didn't know.

Elsa sucked in a breath, lips curving into an adorable little grin. "Promise promise."


	11. Where was My Fault in Loving You?

**Disclaimer: ?**

* * *

"Elsa."

Elsa hummed.

"Elsa."

She let out a longer hum.

" _Elsaaaaaa_."

" _Yes_ , Anna?" Elsa sighed, finally looking up from her book and meeting the gaze of the girl standing before her. Their voices echoed in the large expanse of the library.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Elsa smirked and lifted a brow. "You just did."

Anna had huffed and shifted. " _Another one_."

Elsa thought she looked uncomfortable, constantly tugging on her uniform pants and rolling up the sleeves of her uniform shirt. She'd have to talk to her mother about getting a better fitting uniform.

"Go ahead."

Anna had plopped down into the arm chair across from her, sitting cross-legged on the plush leather. "Why did you pick on me?"

Elsa's eyes dropped back to her book. The words swam before her. "I pick on all of my nannies."

"Nanny." Anna had muttered with an amused snort. Elsa heard the swish of her braids as she shook her head. "But I know that's not the only reason." A pause. "I'd really like to know, Elsa."

"I was angry, at first." Elsa lifted her eyes for only a split second.

"Angry?" Anna had echoed in confusion.

"I wanted Gerda and Kai back," She murmured, knowing Anna could hear her despite the volume of her voice. "And I thought the only way to do that was to get rid of all of my new nannies."

Anna's eyes had burned into her. Elsa shifted uncomfortably. "What else?"

"I was having fun. It reminded me of when we were little kids, but, we are not children anymore. Certainly not." Elsa's hands tightened around the edges of the book. "I was also... jealous," She breathed, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed.

"Jealous?" Anna had laughed out incredulously. "Of what? Of me?"

" _Yes_ ," Elsa huffed, snapping her book shut. "You get along so well with mama. I don't I think I've seen her smile that much with _anyone_. Not even me."

Anna's eyes had softened. Elsa could feel it as her chest tightened. "Oh, Elsa, I'm so sorry—"

"No, no," Elsa rushed out, shaking her head. "You don't have to apologize. I'm - I'm glad that my mother is happy." She got to her feet and set the book on the small table between them. "I'd like to have lunch now. I'll be waiting in the dining room."

Elsa swept out of the room, ignoring the way Anna's stare burned right into her.

* * *

"Hi Red."

Anna revelled in the sound of her cousin's voice, smiling as Rapunzel's fiancé called out a greeting in the background, too. "Is everything okay? Elsa didn't mess with you again, did she?"

"Hi Punzie, hi Eugene," Anna greeted with a chuckle, curling up around in her blankets. "Everything's great, actually, I... Elsa's been very nice. She got me a better fitting uniform just after lunch, actually."

"Well, I know you're not calling me because you miss me." Anna could hear the smirk in Rapunzel's voice. Anna's cheeks burned.

"I did miss you!" Anna protested, albeit a little sheepishly. "I just... I feel bad."

"Bad?" Rapunzel had shifted on the other line. "Bad how?"

"Elsa, she just..." Anna shifted around on her pillows. "She just really misses them. Uncle Kai and Aunt Gerda. And she's taking it really hard too."

Rapunzel had hummed in understanding, seeming to shift on the other line.

"Well, she's known them for as long as you have, maybe even longer. I'm pretty sure I was there for her 1st birthday. If things weren't as they are, I'm sure we'd be like sisters. Having people you've treated as parents taken away would be hard for anyone." A sigh came from the other end. "Isn't there anything you can do?"

"No, I..." Anna peered up at the ceiling. "Her mother is hell-bent on keeping them away. I've tried talking to her but she just won't listen. She's even taken away Elsa's phone."

"Then you've done all you can, Red." Anna's hand tightened around the phone. "I know you want to help Elsa, but it sounds like there's nothing else you can do. Elsa will just have to accept that she can't have them back." Her tone grew teasing. "She'll just have to accept that she's stuck with _you._ "

"Oh, ha ha." Anna let out a reluctant sigh, but smiled. "Thanks, Punzie. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Rapunzel had laughed. "I love you too, Red. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Punzie. I'll talk to you again soon."

Anna, as she pulled the covers up to her chin, decided that she would be the best nanny Elsa _ever_ had.

* * *

"Come in," Elsa called softly over her shoulder, eyes not leaving her phone until her mother's heels clicked across the room. She smiled in surprise. "Mama. Did you need something?"

"Have a good look at those, okay?" Her mother's lips pressed to her temple, a cream-colored folder places delicately on her lap. Elsa rubbed knowingly at her skin. Her fingers came away with red, again. "I chose a few online college courses for you."

Elsa's glanced briefly at the folder before peering up at her mother. "Actually, I-" She was interrupted by the shrill sound of her mother's phone ringing.

"Tell me later, okay? This is an important client."

The door clicked shut before Elsa could even open her mouth.

* * *

'Dear Anna,

Is it selfish of me to want something other than this? I just want to throw away this folder, to throw away these papers, because I know they'll do nothing but confine me to this blasted room in this blasted house with no one but myself to keep myself company.

And you now, I suppose.

Do I think it would be selfish of me to choose something that I want to do? To breathe in the fresh air? To see other people? To feel _normal_ for once? Is it selfish of me to become every bit of the person I know I can be? Is it wrong?

I made the call last night. I want to do this, Anna. I think I really need this.

Yours truly,

Elsa.

PS. Is it odd of me to keep writing to you like this when you're just two floors down? I just… don't' know how to say this to you in person. I just don't know how to talk to you anymore.'

* * *

"What are we doing here?" Anna asked excitedly, peering out the darkly tinted windows of the car. She watched on eagerly as the car slowed to a stop before the college campus, the same college campus she would hopefully be acquainted to very soon.

"I have an interview here," Elsa had answered simply, waiting for the new driver, Ralph, to open the door. Anna could see the way her hands twisted around the tube in her hands, the crisp white of her gloves contrasting against the leather of the case.

"Are you even allowed to do that?" Anna questioned sceptically as she trailed after Elsa. The umbrella clicked open, shielding Elsa from the sun's rays. "Your mother specifically said—"

Elsa's eyes cut sharply towards her. "My mother said nothing. She cannot stop me from wanting to follow in my grandfather's footsteps."

Anna stayed silent, shifting the handle of the umbrella, instead. She supposed it wasn't her place to question her.

"Please don't tell her," Elsa had whispered to her as they stood before very sturdy-looking door. Anna found herself drowning in Elsa's eyes.

"I won't." Anna reached forward, squeezed Elsa's hand reassuringly. The silk was cold against her skin. "You'll be great. They'd be silly not to accept you here."

Elsa flashed her a shaky smile, shifting the tube in her arms before disappearing behind the door.

Elsa returned after an hour, and Anna's swinging legs stilled.

"How was it?" She asked, chewing on her bottom lip with a tilt of her head.

Elsa merely grinned, giving her hand a squeeze once she was close enough. "Let's go get some ice cream."

Anna mirrored the beautiful smile on Elsa's face. She was never going to say no to that.

* * *

Thunderstorms.

Elsa hated them.

She trembled under her covers with every rumble, eyes shut tightly. Elsa wondered if Anna was still awake. She found herself reaching to press the button for her intercom, speaking before she could stop herself.

"Anna?" Elsa waited for a moment, and was about to retreat to the safety of her blanket when Anna's voice filtered through, voice thick with sleep.

"Elsa?"

Elsa couldn't help but feel a little guilty for waking her.

"I'm sorry for waking you," Elsa spoke shakily, arm tightening around Sven. Another rumble. Another flinch. Her heart was beating too fast. "Can you come here? Please?"

There was a pause on the other end, and Elsa wondered if she'd asked for too much. Or worse, Anna fell asleep. Elsa held her breath as Anna spoke.

"I'll be there in a second."

* * *

"Come in."

Elsa, with her hair tousled and Sven tucked into her arm, greeted Anna by the door. She regretted leaving her covers laying so messily on the bed.

"You kept him," Anna had uttered softly in surprise, a pillow and a blanket in her arms.

Elsa's cheeks pinked. "Yes, I did."

They both gazed upon each other then, eyes unwavering. A deafening clap of thunder was what propelled Elsa into Anna's arms. Anna had grunted and stumbled back at the force, her pillow replaced by Elsa's slender form. Anna's arms had tightened around her, regardless.

"I've got you."

* * *

They ended up on Elsa's bed, separated only by their different blankets.

Anna could feel Elsa's warmth against her back, and a million and one questions raced through Anna's mind. Only one managed to tumble past her lips.

"Why?" Anna heard the rustle of sheets beside her. Elsa's forehead had pressed against the dip between her shoulder blades.

"He keeps the bad dreams away."

* * *

(Elsa, when Anna's snores grew louder than the thunder, pressed closer and closed her eyes.

 _You keep the bad dreams away. You, you, you.)_

* * *

When Anna woke, her cheek was practically glued to the floor, blanket tangled around her awkwardly positioned limbs. She grimaced as she pulled a strand of hair out of her mouth, her other arm wiping away the drool on the corner of her mouth. How did she even get down there?

Anna could hear quiet snoring from above her, and peered up to see Elsa on the edge of the bed, cuddled tightly against Anna's pillow. Her heart jumped at the sight, and she cursed herself for not bringing her phone.

Elsa, with parted lips and sleep-tousled hair, would have made the perfect wallpaper. Or, perfect blackmail material at least.

Anna huffed out a quiet laugh and settled back down. She lay on her side, soon face to face with the few things under Elsa's bed. A worn shoe box marked 'bottles', and simple blue box. Except, under closer inspection, it had been so much more.

Her fingers traced over the intricate snowflakes etched into the box, the ice cool under her touch.

Duh.

Anna gasped when it hissed open, folded sheets of paper spilling out. Her eyes sparkled as she recognized the elegant script that could only belong to one Miss Elsa Hávadr-Ásdís.

Gee, that _was_ a mouthful.

Anna only managed to pick up one when Elsa began to stir, mumbling incoherently. Long eyelashes fluttered open just as Anna managed to shut the box, shoving it back where it came from.

"Good morning," Elsa had greeted with a crooked grin and half-lidded eyes.

Anna, with her heart racing and a letter tucked safely into the waistband of her sweatpants, grinned. "Good morning."

* * *

"Papa?" Elsa called hesitantly.

It was odd, seeing her papa drive – and in one of his personal cars, no less. She'd grown so accustomed to having Kai, and, recently, Ralph drive them around that she wasn't sure if her papa _could_ drive. Yet there he was, silent and stony, and Elsa was left to squirm in her seat as they pulled up to the campus. "Papa, I'm sorry, I didn't—"

Her papa had silenced her with a look, simply gesturing for her to follow. They walked through the campus grounds, only slowing to a stop under a small, hidden alcove. Her papa had smiled, running his fingers reverently over the stone, sheltered from wear. He looked as if he was remembering something important, something from a long, long ago. "You know that I love you very much, right?"

Elsa gave her papa a nod. "Of course, papa."

He had turned in her direction, hands brushing her hair away from her eyes. "And I am so proud of you for choosing to do something that makes you happy." Elsa merely gaped up at him. There was no way... "The principal called me yesterday evening. He told me that this was the first time someone has achieved a perfect score in almost 100 years."

Elsa's eyes sparkled. "You don't mean..."

"You're going to be such a wonderful architect, Elsa," Her papa had breathed out, grinning as he kissed her forehead. "And I promise that I will do anything in my power to make sure you reach your dreams."

Elsa threw her arms around him, head tucked under his chin.

For the first time in forever, _nothing_ was in her way.

* * *

"What's this for?"

Elsa peered over her shoulders, spotting nobody other than the guards always at the end of the staff quarters. She pressed the box of chocolates further into Anna's hands, a shy smile on her face.

"I got in," She replied simply. Anna had stared at her for a good minute before squealing and pouncing upon her, arms winding around her neck.

"I'm so happy for you, Elsa." Elsa sunk into her embrace, arms settling slowly around Anna's waist. "I knew you could do it."

Elsa's smile grew, burying her face in against Anna's shoulder. She had so many things to say to her – but what? What else could she say? "Are you going to share your chocolate with me?" She teased instead.

"Only if I get first pick." Anna had pulled back then, taking her hand and beaming up at her.

Elsa let her pull her in, Anna's smile making her feel warm and free and alive.

* * *

'Dear Anna,

Happy 18th birthday!

I can't believe that you're an adult. I can't believe that you'll be able to drink, and move out - go to college. I can't believe that it's been 10 years already. I can't believe that I've spent so much time away from you. I can't believe how much time I've sat here wasting. I miss you very much. I still have some catching up to do with you.

I often wonder what would happen should you ever come across these letters. Would you think that I was a coward, hiding behind pen and paper, never actually giving you these? Would you be mad? Would you rip them up and rid yourself of me, forever?

Sometimes, I wish you would.

It would only be fair. I have hurt you for so, so long. I've accepted the fact that you've stopped writing for a while now. I understand why you have. If I were you, I would have stopped, too.

I hope you like your gift. I know you received the longboard with the knowledge of it being from Gerda, but I hope you think of me whenever you see the snowflake pattern on the underside. I haven't forgotten about how much you love snowflakes.

I'm sorry. I'm afraid I cannot write anymore. I'm so very sorry that my tears have smudged the better part of this letter. I do not have the strength to rewrite it.

I miss you so, so much, Anna.

Love, Elsa.'

Anna pressed a hand to her mouth, eyes brimming with tears. God, all this time. How many more letters had Elsa written? How many times had Elsa looked at that very box, wondering about sending them? How many times had Elsa tried to give them to Gerda before backing out at the last minute?

Her watery gaze fell onto Elsa, cheek smeared with chocolate as she slept contently on the other side of her bed. She set the letter aside, brushing a thumb over her cheek and letting out a shaky breath.

She never should have stopped writing.

* * *

 _Tell me what you think! I'm always eager to know what you guys have to say :)_


	12. Hoping Not to Sound Indifferent

**Disclaimer: Bonjour**

* * *

Elsa reached under her bed, feeling around for her letter box. Where was it? She could have sworn she left it _right_ \- ah, there it is.

She pulled it out from under the bed, head tilting curiously. _Something_ seemed different, but she couldn't place exactly _what_ that difference was.

Elsa breathed out a sigh. She must have just kicked it and didn't notice, or knocked it aside when she was depositing a bottle in the shoe box. She unlocked the box carefully, fixing the messy letters before tucking the newest one inside. She must have been half asleep the last time. She would never have left it in such a state.

Elsa barely managed to push the box back under the bed when Anna's head peeked in.

"Time for your appointment," Anna had informed her with a toothy grin, and Elsa sighed internally. Blasted appointments.

"I'll be right out. Let me just grab a cardigan." Anna had looked like she wanted to comment, but only nodded and ducked back out of the room.

Elsa breathed out a sigh in relief and let her head fall back against the bed.

She really needed to talk to Anna about that open door policy.

* * *

"Are you allowed to be in the pool?" Anna asked dubiously as she watched Elsa saunter across the marble tiles around the pool. Her skin warmed rapidly under her uniform.

"Do you think there would be a pool if I wasn't?" The blonde had lowered her glasses slightly, an eyebrow quirked. "Besides, it helps me keep fit. I'd rather smell like the pool than smell like the hospital."

Anna's cheeks warmed, hands tightening around Elsa's baby blue towel. "Huh, I guess you do make good points _sometimes._ "

Elsa had laughed and passed her sunglasses off to Anna, too. "I don't think you should be talking to your boss like that."

Anna rolled her eyes fondly and hooked the sunglasses onto the neckline of her uniform shirt. "You're _barely_ my boss."

Elsa had shaken her head and simply smiled, turning away from her.

They'd been like this since the thunderstorm, two new born foals taking their first steps. Or something like that. She'd never been good at metaphors. Either way, they were starting to rebuild their friendship, becoming less like employer and employee and more like the best friends they always were.

Anna was loving it.

Anna soon found that she was loving _this_ even more.

Teal eyes widened as the silk robe slipped off Elsa's shoulders, Anna's mouth going dry as a dazzling amount of milky skin was exposed before her.

Holy shit. Elsa was _hot_.

Anna pushed that thought right to the back of her mind, sputtering out a cough and picking Elsa's discarded robe up. Elsa was her friend. Her _best friend_. Anna couldn't go thinking about her trim waist, her smooth legs, the dimples in her back, and that _a_ —

She sucked in a deep breath and was somewhat relieved when Elsa slipped carefully into the water.

"Are you just going to stand there?" Anna heard Elsa ask from the pool, voice clouded with amusement. "You can swim with me if you'd like. Nobody's around to tell on you."

Anna cleared her throat and plopped down onto the lounge chair in response. She sat stiffly, her mind blank and whirling at the same time.

"Are you okay?" Elsa had asked, eyebrows furrowing in concern as she swam to the edge of the pool, arms resting on the cool marble.

Anna nodded hurriedly. "I'm - I'm okay." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I-I'm great, actually."

Elsa had narrowed her eyes but seemed to decide not to question her any further. "Well, if you insist."

Anna watched her swim away, swallowing thickly. Oh boy.

She was in big, big trouble.

* * *

"Elsa, do you even know how to drive?"

Elsa scoffed, hands twisting absently around the steering wheel. She'd received her car for her 17th birthday. She'd only driven it a total of three times – and only around their neighbourhood. Still, she was an Ásdís, and Ásdís were never anything short of perfect.

"Of course," She replied, double checking her rear view mirror before finally looking at a doubtful Anna. Elsa let out a breath and reached over, pulling her seat belt on for her. "Don't you trust me?" She asked with a small smile, looking up into Anna's eyes.

Anna had fallen silent then, her cheeks clouding with pink. Elsa's eyebrows furrowed.

"Are you okay? Are you not feeling well?" Anna had shaken her head, her cheeks reddening even further as she sent Elsa a reassuring smile.

"I'm fine," Anna had replied hastily, patting Elsa's shoulder. "Let's go to the mall. Before your mother catches us."

Elsa pulled back then, nodding slowly. "Okay. Only if you're sure?"

"I'm sure." Anna nodded firmly, taking her hand and squeezing hard. "Let's go."

Elsa's lips curled into a smile, taking in their joined hands before nodding. "Let's go."

* * *

"I can't believe we're going to the same college," Anna said, happily skipping along beside her. Her braids bounced with every step.

Elsa had lifted her gaze from the metal ruler in her hands, shifting it absently. She was probably considering replacing one of the ten she had at home.

"It's not that exciting," Elsa had replied with a chuckle, hiding a smirk. And failing. "Besides, it hasn't been really decided yet. My mother still has to say yes."

Anna huffed and puffed and shifted the basket that hung on her forearm. "It so is! We haven't gone to school together - ever!"

Elsa's smile had brightened at that, shaking her head and placing the ruler into the basket. "I know. I was only joking." She had nudged her. "You're such a drama queen."

Anna scoffed as they continued to wander down the aisle, enjoying the freedom of not having Ralph lumbering along behind them. "You're the one who declared that I almost killed you when we first bumped into each other again."

Elsa had gone silent then, the hand curled at her arm tightening. "You could have," She replied quietly. Anna's stomach twisted because she could have, she could have.

Their eyes met.

Anna wasn't sure why her stomach twisted when Elsa looked away, first.

* * *

"You and your girlfriend make a very cute couple."

Elsa's head snapped up from her wallet, an oblivious Anna sitting at a table not too far away. Anna had waved once she caught her gaze, a bright smile on her face. Elsa flushed and turned back to the smirking teen standing behind the counter.

"Thank you," She murmured instead of all the denials she could have offered, giving a shy grin as she picked up the plastic tray. She set the tray down on their table, Anna's foot nudging against hers as soon as she sat down.

"What was that all about?" Anna had asked, plucking a fry from her side of the tray. Elsa swatted her hand away, pursing her lips.

"He told me that you were very cute," Elsa answered, gauging the reaction on Anna's face. Anna had looked over at the freckled boy standing behind the counter before wrinkling her nose and turning back.

"I don't think he's my type," Anna had admitted, reaching for her chocolate milkshake.

"Oh?" Elsa straightened in her seat, fiddling with a packet of ketchup. "What is your type?"

"I think…" Anna had grinned brightly, eyes teasing. "That you might be my type."

"Very funny," Elsa rolled her eyes, reaching over to shove her shoulder.

"Ow!" Anna had exclaimed playfully, clutching at her shoulder. "It's true! I love you!"

"Okay, okay," Elsa giggled and shushed her, cheeks warming as she pushed at her shoulder once more. "I love you too."

* * *

"Why is Elsa's bathroom so messy?" Anna huffed, tossing more clothes into the hamper tucked under her arm. Anna was merely glad that Elsa put in the effort of tossing them in colour coded piles.

She had knocked on Elsa's bedroom door at first, and had waited five minutes before shrugging and making her way inside. She was sure Elsa would get over it. Elsa tended to barge into _her_ room when she was rambling about something or other. Now they were sort of even.

Anna soon found herself wandering around a bathroom the size of her old bedroom, delicately picking Elsa's clothes off the floor. Along with Elsa's… delicates. She took Elsa for a stripes kind of girl – not polka-dots.

"How can one person have so many clothes?" Anna continued grumbling to herself, not hearing the door opening behind her. She turned sharply, letting out a surprised yelp when she bumped into Elsa.

A half-naked, towel-clad Elsa.

They both screamed.

"Get out, get out, _get out_ ," Elsa had practically squealed, one hand curled tightly into the knot of the towel, the other pointing towards the open doorway.

Anna had never run so fast in her entire life.

* * *

Elsa sat back in the armchair and wondered if they would notice if she snuck away to grab a book.

It had been an hour of this already. Her grandfather had arrived, given her a bag of chocolates and a kiss to the head before being lead to the library, her parents following suit. Having the three of them in the same room was a miracle in itself, but for them to actually be acknowledging each other like this? The world must have been ending outside and she just hadn't noticed.

Elsa wished Anna was in here with her. Chocolate could only entertain her for so long, after all.

Her head tipped back, and she sighed quietly as she decided to tune in once more.

"If you think for _one second_ that I am going to risk my daughter's life so she can follow some _silly_ little dream, you've got another thing coming." Elsa's eyes rolled upward as she ignored the sting of her mother's words.

"It's not a silly dream, Idunn. This is your daughter's _happiness_ we are talking about!" Elsa smiled internally. Her papa had always been her favourite. "Besides, Miss Almstedt has informed me that she plans on attending the same university. Therefore, Elsa won't be alone."

"I think your husband is right, darling," Her grandfather had uttered, effectively shutting her mother up. Elsa, like her mother, had gaped.

It was very clear that her grandfather held little affection for her papa, if _any_ , and for him to actually agree was _massive_.

Elsa was stunned.

Her mother recovered faster than she. "I am _not_ happy about this."

"It is beneficial to the company, you know," Her grandfather had stated, stormy grey eyes cutting over to meet hers. Elsa straightened subconsciously, but mirrored the subtle smile on her grandfather's face. Really, she didn't know _where_ her mother had gotten it from. "She will be continuing the legacy of brilliant architecture that Ásdís Corporation has to offer."

Elsa nodded eagerly, and her mother had crossed her arms. "I will still be talking to Anna about this."

"Then talk," Her grandfather had drawled, walking over to soothe a large hand over her hair. Elsa pressed up into the touch subconsciously. "My dear granddaughter will be going to that school regardless."

Her mother had huffed and stormed off. Her papa had grinned at her, before hurrying off to placate her mother. Her grandfather had winked down at her, ruffling her hair.

Elsa simply beamed.

She couldn't wait to tell Anna.

* * *

"I'm beginning to think you like sleeping with me," Anna stated with a playful smirk as she entered the room, her blanket wrapped around her shoulders.

"Well, we have a lot of sleepovers to make up for." Elsa had blushed as Anna plopped down onto the left side of the bed, Elsa completely missing her innuendo. "Besides, it's a celebratory night and you're much warmer than Sven."

"Oh, so I'm just a replacement?" Anna teased, watching as Elsa's slender fingers worked deftly to undo her thick braid.

"You know you're not," Elsa had mumbled with a light smile, gloved hands dropping to her lap as waves of pale blonde hair cascaded down Elsa's shoulders.

Anna ran her fingers over the silky fabric of the gloves. "Why don't you take them off?"

Elsa's hands drew back, as shaky as the breath she drew in. "You know why."

"You're not a monster, Elsa," Anna whispered, peering earnestly up at the girl. "I know you're not going to hurt me."

Elsa had smiled sadly as her fingers toyed with the single white strand in her hair.

"I could, and that's all it would take."

* * *

"So you really can't play games like these?"

Elsa looked up from her Super Mario games, seeing Anna standing with her collection of dusty sports games – gifts from distant relatives who didn't know about her condition.

"I can't," Elsa hummed in the affirmative, shrugging her shoulders. "It would be too much activity. I'm not allowed to do anything like that."

"So you can't even play normal sports?" Anna had asked her, lounging around on the love-seat behind her. "Basketball? Football? Any kind of ball?"

Elsa let out a small laugh, her eyes falling on the brand new heart monitor on her wrist. _A necessary condition_ , her mother had sniffed, _if she wanted to attend that silly school._

"I'm not exactly _normal_ , Anna," Elsa answered, because she wasn't – she never was. She settled in beside Anna and handing her a steering wheel. Anna swapped their controllers, grumbling about wanting to have the blue one.

"You're right, you aren't normal." Elsa's throat tightened. Anna had tipped into her, urging her to pick Rainbow Road. "I mean, who has this many consoles? _And_ these many games."

Elsa let out a breath, relief shaking her to the core. "I had to occupy myself somehow. As much as I love books, I can only read so many before I get a headache from all the words."

"Excuses, excuses," Anna had teased, settling her legs onto Elsa's laps. "Now come on. I want to kick your butt on Rainbow Road."

Elsa grinned brightly and let herself slump into Anna, knocking her temple against hers. "I'd like to see you try."

* * *

"Elsa."

Elsa had hummed, face buried in against her neck. Sven sat protectively on the bedside table.

"You're the most extraordinary person I know," Anna whispered, because it was true, because it was all she knew when they were eight and so so young, because it was all she knew now that she was eighteen and maybe kind of crushing on her best friend.

Elsa had smiled against her skin, small and exhausted in her arms. "I know. I know."

Anna squeezed her close and hoped with all of her heart that she did know.

"You know," Anna started as they sat in the ice cream store, sharing an extra-large tub of chocolate ice cream. A few kids walked by, staring in awe. "You never told me what these doctor appointments were really for. Is it… I mean, is your condition really serious? I think you're the only one I ever see there..."

Elsa had stiffened before her. Anna sighed internally. Sometimes, talking to Elsa was like pulling teeth.

"You don't have to worry about it," Elsa had promised, taking her hand and squeezing it gently. Classic Elsa. Always so chivalrous.

Anna laced their fingers before Elsa could retreat, and she wondered what it would be like, her skin against Elsa's. "I trust you."

Elsa had laughed lightly and dropped her head. "That makes one of us."

* * *

Elsa was at a loss as to why the box was always as messy as it was.

She only interacted with it enough to place new letters in, but every time she did, she found it in a complete mess. She shook her head. Maybe she just needed a new place to put them. A bigger box, maybe?

Elsa pursed her lips in thought as she tucked her most recent letter in among the others. She would figure something out.

* * *

'2009-10-31

Dear Anna,

Happy Halloween!

I hope you're doing okay. I can't believe it's been a year already. Gerda told me that you were excited about today. She also told me that you'd be sending me a picture of your costume very soon. I'm quite excited to see it.

I wish I could go trick or treating with you, too. I asked Gerda about it, but all she did was smile and kiss my head. She looked a little sad. You don't think I made her sad, do you? I'll apologize to her anyway, just in case.

Do you think that Gerda doesn't think that I know? Is it bad that I do know? Would Gerda be mad? I know why I can't go trick-or-treating with you, Anna. It's to do with my heart, of course. What if I get a fright? What if I run too fast, for too long? One minute could be one minute too many. It scares me, Anna, more than any of the monsters on TV and on the houses I can see from my window. Though, they are pretty scary too. I bet they'd be even scarier up close.

Anyway, I also gave some chocolates to Gerda to give to you tomorrow. I know you'll get them late, but I know you'll eat them anyway. Are truffles still your favourite? I hope so, because they're mine, too. I can't hold your hand as we go from house to house, but at least I know you'll eat the chocolate. Please don't eat too many at once.

I really do miss you, Anna. I wish I could talk to you in person soon. Maybe when I learn to control my powers fully, I'll be able to. I hope you don't forget about your bestest friend.

Love, Elsa.'

Anna sat back against her pillows, fingers tracing reverently over the childish, but still beautiful, handwriting on the page.

She remembered that Halloween.

She'd dressed up as a prince because Rapunzel had wanted to be a princess and Eugene had dressed up as a spy or something. Now, after having read this, Anna wondered if Elsa had been a princess, too.

Anna folded the letter and tucked it under her pillows.

Elsa didn't deserve to be so young and so very broken.

* * *

 _Tell me what you think! Thanks so much for reading!_

 _Also, does anybody else notice the fact that this doesn't show up on the first page? I thought maybe it was a glitch, but it happened for a few chapters now._


	13. The Whole World Fits Inside of Your Arms

**Disclaimer: No.**

* * *

"I should have you fired for waking me up so early," Elsa huffed, rubbing tiredly at her eyes as she padded downstairs after an over-exuberant Anna.

Elsa had always been a morning person, but after a long night of devouring chocolate with Anna, she hardly got any sleep. The only consolation was finding herself in Anna's arms, instead of Sven in hers.

"You wouldn't fire me," Anna shot back with a playful smirk. "You love me too much."

"Maybe," Elsa shot back with a giggle, tugging at the sleeves of her shirt. It had been her father's before, and it was her favourite article of clothing. Anna seemed to like it too. Her eyes always seemed to linger a little longer nowadays.

Just like now, with teal eyes practically burning a hole into her head when Anna didn't think she was looking.

"What?" Elsa asked self-consciously, gloved fingers absently patting her hair down.

Anna had startled and distracted her with an easy grin. "No reason." Elsa's hand was taken hostage by Anna's. "Now, come on. I'm going to teach you how to make banana pancakes."

"I prefer blueberries," Elsa informed her as they marched towards the kitchen. Anna had merely sent her a look over her shoulder.

"Not after my super special recipe."

Anna had grinned.

Elsa couldn't help but beam back.

"All done," Anna chirruped as she plated the last pancake, eyeing the stack with a proud smile. She was sure they would be as delicious as Rapunzel's, or even better. She had a very pretty cheerleader behind her, after all.

"Anna," Elsa had called, and Anna turned her head immediately - only to be greeted with a handful of flour in her face. Anna blinked rapidly as her jaw grew slack. Joyous laughter tinkled around the room.

"Oh, you're so going to get it, you stinker." Anna laughed out, grabbing her own handful of flour and tossing it right at Elsa. Elsa had squealed and ducked, the white powder merely dusting her pale blonde hair.

Anna wasn't having that. She grabbed the bag of flour, a menacing grin on her face.

Elsa's eyes had widened, and they soon found themselves slipping and sliding around the kitchen, squealing and giggling as counters and cupboards and floors were kissed by flour.

"No, no, please," Elsa had breathed out through a giggle, her heart monitor beeping wildly when Anna had finally caught her. Anna's grin widened, raising her hand to smear the flour over Elsa's heated cheeks.

"E _hem_."

Two pairs of eyes cut towards the noise. Elsa had hid behind Anna as an unamused Tiana stood at the doorway leading to the staff quarters, arms crossed and foot tapping. Anna swallowed hard. She was in so much trouble.

Anna soon found herself scrubbing flour off every surface of the kitchen. Elsa was perched innocently on a miraculously untouched island, happily tucking in on one of the pancakes she'd made. Anna grumbled and huffed whenever she passed, and pouted when she felt slender fingers tugging her to a stop. What could Elsa possibly want n—

A pair of cool lips pressed to her cheek, the fingers curling tighter into her sleeve. "Thank you for keeping me out of trouble."

Anna barely managed to stutter out a 'you're welcome' before Tiana had tutted, nudging her along.

Anna couldn't meet Elsa's gaze for the rest of the morning.

* * *

"I can't believe we're shopping for school supplies already," Anna had squealed from beside her, Elsa's arm victim to all of Anna's squeezing and tugging and shaking. A few curious glances were shot their way.

Elsa chuckled and tried, very subtly, to pull her arm away. Anna was _ridiculously_ strong. "It's just school supplies."

Anna had huffed and curled her arms around Elsa's firmly. Elsa gave up in rescuing her poor arm. "I don't understand why you're not more excited. There's going to be so many new people to meet!"

Elsa dropped a few leather-bound notebooks into the large cart Ralph was pushing along begrudgingly. Another condition her mother had put in if she wanted to go anywhere. _Don't think I didn't find out about your little escapade, Elsa._ "I don't really like being around people."

"You like being around me." Anna had retorted, beaming up at her.

Elsa smirked playfully. "Are you implying that you're not a person?" She laughed when Anna pinched her side.

Anna had eyed a few notebooks higher up on the shelves, then. Elsa smiled at the animals that danced on the covers as she dropped those into the cart, too. "What are you doing?" Anna had asked incredulously, and Elsa lifted a brow.

"Buying supplies for both of us?" Anna had gaped, and Elsa shrunk back a little. Had she done something wrong?

"You can't do that!"

"And why not?" Elsa asked slowly as they continued walking down the aisle. "It wouldn't be logical to come back at another time for your supplies."

"Because - Because..." Anna had stomped her foot, and Elsa couldn't help but laugh. "Just because."

"I am ignoring your poor reasoning," Elsa replied with an amused smile. She deliberated over a few sets of pens, wondering if she should go for a thicker or thinner kind. "Just put whatever you want in the cart, okay? It's really no big deal."

"I'm going to pay you back," Anna had declared stubbornly. A pack of multi-coloured pens joined her simple grey ones.

Elsa shifted and took Anna's hand instead. "You've already given me more than enough."

Elsa turned away to ponder over the pencils before her, completely missing Anna's shy smile and beautifully reddened cheeks.

* * *

"This is a very dangerous thing you're doing, you know."

Anna's eyes cut sharply towards Ralph, startled by his statement. She crossed her arms, trying to seem a little bigger in his towering presence. She felt like a child, standing beside him. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Teal eyes continued to watch Elsa, captivated by the fluidity in her movement. Elsa seemed very in her element, surrounded by all those books and towering shelves.

A rumbling laugh sounded beside her, followed by the rustle of plastic bags. "I have eyes, kiddo. And this little crush? It's not going to end well. Have you met her mother? I don't know if you're brave or stupid. Probably both."

"Excuse me?" Anna spluttered. "Crush? I don't have a crush! Especially not on Elsa. I wouldn't want to be skinned alive – I'm a little smarter than that." She stared indignantly up at the man, who merely smirked and adjusted his cap.

"If you say so."

Anna huffed quietly and crossed her arms as they continued to walk. She didn't have a crush on Elsa. She couldn't have one. Elsa was her best friend.

"Anna?" Elsa had called, and Anna's head snapped up immediately. "What are you doing all the way back there? We have a lot more things to buy. I want you by my side."

"S-Sorry. Coming!"

Anna ignored Ralph's smug grin as she jogged up to lace her fingers through Elsa's.

Elsa's shy little smile made it all better.

* * *

"Why do you have so many hats and helmets?" Anna had asked, standing before the shelves on the far side of her room. Elsa looked up from her book, pushing her glasses back up.

"Oh, well..." She shrugged noncommittally. "I just really enjoyed watching sports as a child." Her stomach twisted uneasily, hoping it would deter Anna from asking any more.

"Well, I can see the appeal," Anna had mused after sending her a questioning look. She picked a navy blue football helmet from the third shelf that housed her newer collection. Elsa smiled when Anna turned, football helmet perched a little loosely on her head. "How do I look?"

"Very cute," Elsa replied honestly with a kind smile. Much better than when she had worn the same helmet, at least.

Anna's lips had curled into a wide smile, and she had returned the helmet before plopping down beside her, leg hooking with hers despite the abundance of room available. "Will you tell me the real reason why? I know you don't _really_ like sports."

Ice encased the book in Elsa's hands. She peeled frost-bitten gloves from trembling fingers. Anna had taken her hands into her own, kissing her fingertips lightly. Just as she often did when they were younger. Elsa fought every urge to pull them back, fear coursing through her veins.

Hot breaths washed over her shaking hands. "Whenever you're ready."

Elsa wondered if she would ever be.

* * *

"Have you ever had a boyfriend?"

"No."

Anna pursed her lips and adjusted the angle of her pencil. "A girlfriend?" A sigh.

"No."

"Have you ever done the deed?" Anna heard a splutter, and was quick to reprimand Elsa for moving. "Keep still! The lighting is really good right where you're sitting right now!"

"It was your fault!" Elsa had exclaimed, flustered and flushed. "And no, I have not. I'm not really interested in that."

Anna lifted a brow. "Have you ever kissed anyone? _Ever_?"

Elsa had let out a noise in exasperation. "I really don't think you understand the concept of being kept inside for the better part of 10 years."

Anna's ears burned. "Right."

A pause, the sound of pencil scratching against paper filling the room. "You have, haven't you?"

Anna's hand stilled. Had Elsa taken a guess? "Yes." She continued to work on Elsa's eyes. "To all of them."

"Oh," Elsa had breathed out simply.

"What?" Anna questioned, meeting Elsa's eyes briefly.

"Just... curious, I suppose. I've only ever read about those things. I've only ever watched movies about them."

Anna chuckled lightly. "Well, I've only had one boyfriend, and one girlfriend." She shifted in her seat. "My first girlfriend's name was Merida. I was pretty young. She was great, really - until I found out that she had three guys waiting for her back in Scotland. I haven't really seen her since we broke up."

A sigh tumbled past Anna's lips. "My first boyfriend, Kristoff… He was my first everything, really. We worked well together but, he had to move away and well, he didn't really believe in long-distance relationships. I kinda miss him sometimes. He was like a big brother before he was my boyfriend, after all... I still watch him play on TV sometimes." Anna's fingers brushed reverently over the sketch before her. "All done."

"Did you love him?" Anna looked up at the sudden quiet of Elsa's voice.

"I think I did," Anna replied after a moment of careful deliberation. "For a while I thought I loved him like he loved me but, looking back, I can see that it never changed from the sibling-like affection before everything. If it ever did, it was… definitely not for long." She gave a light shrug. "He was comfortable and safe. I was happy then, and Kristoff will always be important to me."

Elsa had nodded silently, and Anna walked over, footsteps muffled by exotic rug beneath her feet. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Elsa had reassured quickly, reaching towards the sketchbook. "May I see it?"

"Of course," Anna replied gently, offering the sketchbook towards Elsa.

"You're very talented," Elsa had complimented, voice thick with awe.

Anna blushed fiercely. "I just... like doing what I love."

Elsa had turned towards her then, one hand grasping the sketchbook, the other grasping her own. "Promise me that you will always do what you love, Anna."

Anna squeezed Elsa's hand and smiled.

"Promise promise."

* * *

"Papa used to take me out for a lot of games when I was younger."

Anna's hand had paused, tangling briefly through her hair. "So, the hats and the helmets…"

"I used to indulge him," Elsa murmured, head resting against Anna's chest, leaning to the steady _thump thump thump_ of Anna's beating heart. "He was always so excited about the teams that visited Arendelle and Corona, so he snuck me out when he thought my mother wouldn't notice. I couldn't complain. It was the only time we ever really had to ourselves. Not even Kai or Gerda went with us."

"What happened?" Elsa gazed out of the window, basked in the moonlight that filtered in.

"It was a really hot Summer when Papa's favourite baseball team came into town to play." Elsa swallowed hard. Anna's hand soothed down her back. "He didn't really notice how bad I was reacting to the heat and, well, I didn't know any better. Papa looked so happy, but… nobody really expected me to collapse. My mother found out and we… never really went much after that. Not to games, at least – and never during the Summer. He was afraid, and I became afraid too. We haven't gone in so long now."

"You never have to be afraid with me, Elsa." Anna had smacked her shoulder when Elsa let out a small laugh.

"I do have one thing to be afraid of, aside from your monstrous bed hair."

"Oh yeah?" Anna's cheek pressed against the top of her head. "What's that?"

Elsa bit the inside of her cheek. "Losing you again."

Anna's arms had tightened around her. "You'll never lose me, Elsa. Not again."

"Promise?" Elsa looked up at her then, eyes wide and hoping and wishing.

Anna grinned. "Promise promise."

* * *

"Do you really think my bed hair is that bad?"

Elsa had grumbled. Anna nudged her. "Anna, it's 3 AM."

Anna rolled her eyes. "You didn't answer my question."

"Yes, it is that bad." Elsa had sighed out in answer. Anna pouted until Elsa spoke up again. "But I like it. It's cute."

"You think I'm cute?" A soft snore had answered her. "Elsa?"

Anna shook her head and smiled, biting down on her bottom lip. She supposed Elsa was pretty cute, too.

* * *

Elsa had been gone for just five minutes, having gone down to ask Tiana to make a special breakfast for herself and Anna. She didn't expect to find Anna sitting on the floor of her bedroom, surrounded by her letters. _All_ of her letters.

"It's you!"

Anna had startled, and Elsa didn't even wince at the painful thud of Anna's head against the bottom of her bed.

Elsa's heart filled with panic.

Anna had found them. Anna had found the letters.

"Elsa," Anna had breathed when she finally managed to scramble to her feet. "Elsa, I'm so sorry, I didn't—"

"How long?" Elsa snapped, cutting off whatever futile apology that was about to spill from Anna's mouth. She stood rigidly, arms folding over her stomach, eyes sparkling with tears. An ache spread steadily from her chest. Anna had hesitated. "How long? Answer me!"

"The thunderstorm," Anna had blurted out. Elsa's chest tightened further. "The morning after. I - I came across them accidentally when I woke up on the floor, and I couldn't help myself. Why did you never send them?" Anna's gaze had grown accusatory. "Gods, you knew I waited every day for a reply, Elsa, and you never did!"

"I was scared!" Elsa threw back, arms tightening around herself. The frost began to creep along the walls. "You still had no right to go through them!"

"They were for me, Elsa!" Anna had exclaimed in utter disbelief. She waved around a wrinkled page. "I waited days, and weeks, months, _years_ , Elsa, for a single sign that – I don't know – that maybe you were still alive. That I wasn't just sending things to someone who didn't care enough to write back!" Elsa's heart monitor beeped wildly.

"Get out."

Anna had stared at her. "You can't just - We're not done talking about this, Elsa!"

"This is my room, in my house." Elsa pointed shakily at the door. "Those are my letters. Get out."

Anna had shouldered past her with a glare. Elsa stumbled back, trying to steady her breaths.

She crumbled the moment the door slammed shut.

* * *

'2017-05-01

Dear Anna,

Gods, I'm so sorry for the mess. I'm so sorry for the tears. Maybe... Maybe this is one of those letters I'll never send. Maybe it would be for the best that I didn't send any at all.

I miss you so much, Anna. I miss you more than anything.

I had a nightmare about you. You fell in the lake again and I... I wasn't fast enough, Anna. I swam as fast as I could but you just kept drifting further and further away. I couldn't save you. It was so terrifying, Anna. It was so scary thinking of a world that you didn't exist in. I don't ever want that to happen. I don't ever want to lose my best friend.

When I woke up, I couldn't breathe. I had to go to the hospital again. I'm beginning to feel like the hospital is a second home. I spend so much time there, anyway.

They're getting stronger, my powers. I can sit for days, riddled with fear, worried for everyone around me. I don't want to hurt anyone else. Not Gerda, or Kai, Papa, Mama… Doctor Pabi doesn't know how much more strain I can handle, but... I'm still trying, Anna. I don't know if I'll ever get to tell you. I've made Gerda promise not to. I want to tell you in person.

Anna, I think maybe I'm dying.

I can't write anymore. Doctor Pabi told me to get as much rest as possible. Don't forget about me, Anna. Please.

Love,

Elsa.'


	14. Meaner than My Demons

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Frozen.**

* * *

"You know about Elsa's condition, don't you?"

"Hello to you too," Rapunzel had answered. Anna could practically feel the way she had rolled her eyes on the other line. "And why do you assume I know about Elsa's heart condition?"

"I never said anything about a heart condition," Anna murmured softly, curling up against her pillows and peering up at the ceiling. It was nothing like the one she had at home. It was blank, empty, impersonal. Alien – just like she was in this too big home.

"Shoot," Rapunzel had uttered on the other line, before sighing, sounding much too weary for someone her age. "Yes, I do know, but I'm not the one who should be telling you about it."

"Why did you hide it from me?" Anna asked, hurt creeping into her voice. Everyone in her family had known about Elsa's condition. Everyone had decided to keep her from it.

"It wasn't my decision," Rapunzel had answered firmly. "It wouldn't have been my mom's, or my dad's. Anna, this was a person's life that my mom entrusted me with. Did you think I enjoyed keeping something from you? Did you think I enjoyed watching you sit on the bottom of the stairs, waiting for my parents to come home? I just tried to protect you. I just did what you would have done."

"I didn't need your protecting," Anna shook her head, pressing her hand against her eyes. "I don't need it."

"Anna…" Rapunzel had whispered on the other line, feeling thousands of miles away.

"Don't." Anna swallowed thickly. "Just… Is it bad? Really bad?"

"I can't answer that, Anna. You know I can't. Not now – and not ever."

* * *

"Elsa, have you taken your medicine?"

Elsa's foot tapped absently under the dining table, giving a short nod. Her father had already excused himself, leaving just her and her mother sitting at the table. "Mama?"

Her mother had looked up briefly from whatever it was she was typing on her phone. A message to an important client, no doubt. "What is it, Elsa?"

"I was just wondering if I could ask you about-"

Her mother's phone rang. Elsa slumped as her mother merely got to her feet, pressing an apologetic kiss to her head. "Another time. Mama's busy."

Elsa smiled lightly. Her mother's heels clicked away rapidly. "Of course."

(Tiana had been the one to find her, a hand settling onto her shoulder. "Are you okay, little miss?"

"Yes," Elsa whispered and mustered up the biggest smile she could manage. "Just fine.")

* * *

"You need to do something to fix this."

Anna didn't look up at the sound of Tiana's voice, pushing her peas around her plate. "I really don't know what you're talking about, Tia..."

"Stop playing with your food," Tiana had reprimanded, and Anna flashed her a quick, sheepish look. "And you know exactly what I'm talking about, Anna. This little spat between you and the Little Miss needs to be resolved, pronto."

Anna breathed out a sigh at the mention of Elsa. "She doesn't want to talk to me, okay?" Then again, Anna hadn't tried, yet. Elsa had been avoiding her like the plague, only acknowledging her to let Anna clean her room. Anna couldn't even come with Elsa to her appointments anymore. She hated thinking about Elsa sitting on those squeaky chairs, all by herself.

"You need to try," Ralph had rumbled out, pointing his fork at her. "Do you know how many bookstores I had to drive the little princess to today? Five - and they books she bought didn't really feel like a pile of feathers either!"

Anna winced sympathetically. "I'm sorry about that, Ralph..."

Tiana had huffed. "Her meal requests are getting more bizarre by the second, too. I am drawing the line at blue spaghetti. I'm very sure that that's not on her prescribed diet."

"Blue spaghetti?" Anna wondered aloud, peering curiously at Tiana. The older woman had waved her hand dismissively.

"That's not the point." Tiana dabbed at her mouth with a napkin. "The point is, you need to apologize for whatever you did to the Little Miss. I've never seen her this devastated before - not even when Kai and Gerda left."

"Why do I have to apologize?" Anna muttered petulantly, hold tightening around her cutlery.

"Sometimes," Tiana had sighed, tilting her head back up. Dark brown peered earnestly into teal. "You just need to be the bigger person."

Anna, as she was left to scrub the dishes, wondered if Elsa was still awake and thinking about her, too.

* * *

"Papa?"

Elsa curled in tightly against her father's side, head tucked safely under her papa's chin.

A strong hand ran along the length of her back. It paused right between her shoulder blades, steady and warm. "Yes, sweetheart?"

"What do you do when mama is mad at you?" Her papa had paused in his ministrations, but was quick to recover.

"When is your mother not mad at me?" Her papa laughed.

Elsa burrowed in closer with a smile, smacking her papa's stomach. "Papa, be serious."

"I'm always serious." Her papa's chest rumbled with even more laughter. " Why do you ask?"

"I was simply curious." Her papa had smirked and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head.

"I know about your little fight with Anna, sweetheart." Elsa stiffened at the mention of the fiery-haired girl. "I don't think anyone could have missed the sudden quiet in the house."

Elsa shook her head, a troubled sigh tumbling past her lips. "I'm very upset with her." She paused, but spoke on reluctantly. "But I do miss talking to her."

"Well," Her papa had sighed, too. "With your mother, it's a bit harder to apologize. But with Anna, I'm sure a very sincere and heartfelt apology will do the trick." There was a fond squeeze at her shoulder. "A box of chocolates might help, too."

Elsa giggled quietly. "Maybe two."

Her papa had laughed along with her. "I think you two will be just fine, sweetheart."

Elsa listened to the steady beats of her papa's heart and smiled. She sure hoped so.

* * *

'Dear Elsa,

This is the first time I've written to you in 11 months, 25 days, 3 hours and 15 minutes.

This might be the last time I write to you in the next 11 months, 25 days, 3 hours and 15 minutes.

Elsa, I'm not going to lie and tell you that I'm not upset with you. I can't say that, not when I look at those letters and anger flares within me.

For ten years, Elsa, I waited.

I sat by the door every time Gerda and Kai came home, and I hoped and I wished and waited for any sign that you still thought about me, too. I prayed and pleaded to the Gods every night for anything that would tell me that you were still there.

Some nights, I believed I hated you.

Some nights, I believed you never existed.

Why did you never send them, Elsa? Why did you hide your actions through my aunt? Why did you have to hide at all? Did you think I was weak? Did you think I was too stupid to try and understand what was going on with you?

Gods, Elsa, I hate you!

But… I love you. I've always loved you.

You're my best friend. And I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for going through your personal belongings. I'm sorry for pushing you. I'm sorry for saying that I hate you. I don't. I never could.

Please forgive me.

I miss my best friend. I don't want you to disappear again - not when I finally got you back.

Please don't disappear again.

Love, Anna.'

* * *

"I never knew you could play."

Elsa's fingers didn't falter once over the worn keys. A smile pulled at her lips. "How could you have known?"

Soft footsteps echoed throughout the vast room. Elsa refused to let her hands tremble. Press forward. _An Ásdís does not falter, Elsa._ "You're very talented."

"I have a lot of free time." Elsa shifted. Anna sat. Their shoulders brushed. Surrounded by old instruments and even older portraits, they felt small but invincible.

"Play something for me."

Elsa's lips curled. "It would be my pleasure."

* * *

"This is how you play this chord?"

Elsa had shifted closer, slim hands moulding over her own. Anna didn't try to hide the fact that she was watching Elsa, instead. She knew Elsa was only indulging her. She'd mentioned that she played the piano before, in one of her lessons.

"Like this," Elsa had murmured, soft and quiet, as if she could disappear any second. Anna supposed she could. Anna supposed she could, too.

"I'm sorry," Anna found herself saying. _Please don't leave again._

Elsa's eyes flickered up to meet her, as blue as the sky. _Never again._ "I'm sorry, too."

* * *

"What are you doing out here?" Anna stopped her frantic pacing immediately, swivelling around to face a very sleepy Elsa. The plate rattled dangerously in her hands.

What _was_ she doing out here? Why were her hands shaking? Why did she think it was a good idea to bake cookies at 2 AM?

Anna was sure she was just going insane.

"Cookies," Anna blurted out. She mentally berated herself. Way to sound like a pancake flipping idiot. She cleared her throat and shifted the plate in her hands. "I - I brought you chocolate chip cookies. Double chocolate chip. Your favourite."

Elsa had looked unimpressed, rubbing at her eyes. "It's two in the morning."

Anna laughed nervously, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "I-I know." The silence played joyously between them. Anna was the first to break it. "I'm sorry, this is really stupid. I should just go." Anna turned to leave. Slender fingers curled into the back of her tank-top.

"Please stay." Elsa had looked impossibly young then, hair down and shimmering in the moonlight.

How could anyone say no to that?

Anna had smiled and turned to face her. "Always."

Elsa had fallen asleep in her arms that night.

Anna didn't say anything in the morning.

* * *

"Will you tell me?"

Elsa repressed the shiver that threatened to ripple through her, watching the motion of Anna's fingers. They moved rhythmically; a reverent tracing over the slim expanse of impossibly lighter skin that stretched from one side of her palm to the other. Another accident. Elsa's breath hitched at the memory.

"Tell you what?"

"About what's going on with your heart." Anna's eyes rolled upwards to meet hers. "About what's _really_ going on with your heart."

A light chuckle tumbled past Elsa's lips. "I don't think you would let me out of your sight if I told you. You'd be worse than my mother."

"My best friend has magical powers. I know you can take care of yourself," Anna had deadpanned, and Elsa's ears warmed. "Try me."

"I'm very ill, Anna. My heart is very weak. The muscles, they don't pump the blood around efficiently enough. My doctor has given me medicine to lessen the effects somehow but… there is only so much they can do. It will only be a matter of time before..." Elsa had drifted off then. It _would_ only be a matter of time, wouldn't it? It would only be a matter of time before her heart finally called it quits.

Anna had hummed, fingers never ceasing, trailing absently over the scar on her hand. "You're not kidding, are you?"

As if having a weak heart was more bizarre than having magical ice powers.

"Do you think I would kid about something like this?"

Anna had quietened then, a heaviness settling over the room. Her fingers shifted upwards, tracing the very top of the scar on her chest. "So this scar on your chest, you're telling me it's—"

"—From... quite a few operations," Elsa finished, nodding firmly in confirmation. She watched as a myriad of emotions passed over Anna's face.

"How long?"

Elsa made constellations from the freckles on Anna's always rosy cheeks. Her thumb traced over the scar on the bridge of her nose. "The biggest one, Gerda said, was on January 1st. 10 years ago."

A look of realization had crossed Anna's eyes. "The big snowstorm. It was..."

Elsa hummed softly. She had long accepted her fate. Blessed with unimaginable powers, but cursed with a heart that would never be able to handle it. "It was me. I was the one who caused it. It was too much strain for my heart."

Anna's eyes flashed. "My letter."

Blue clashed with teal. "Every single one."

Anna had sucked in a deep breath. "I'm glad that you're still here."

Elsa laughed in disbelief. She was still here, wasn't she? "Me too, Anna. Me too."

* * *

"Does it hurt?"

Elsa had grumbled, seemingly roused from her sleep. Anna couldn't even close her eyes, afraid that Elsa could disappear at any moment. Afraid that Elsa would.

"Yes, sometimes," Elsa had answered moments later, after Anna wondered if she'd fallen asleep again. She pressed closer. Elsa had sighed, breaths slow and laboured.

"When does it hurt?" Anna mumbled, Elsa shifting in her arms.

 _When you are not with me_ , Elsa wanted to say.

"Whenever I do anything strenuous, physically, mentally, emotionally. Anything that quickens its pace too much. I've been a sort of guinea pig for his experiments. Right now, I'm not the only thing that's keeping my heart beating." Elsa had answered instead. She shrugged, as if one little fright couldn't kill her. Anna kissed her shoulder. Elsa sunk into her touch. "Doctor Pabi says it might stop soon."

"I'm sorry," Anna whispered, but she didn't know what for. Elsa had laughed, placing a hand over hers and squeezing.

 _It might stop soon._

"It's okay. I'm okay. I'm not going anywhere."

Anna let her eyes close.

She wished a wish.

* * *

"The gardeners will kill you."

Anna flashed Elsa a smirk over her shoulder, kicking up more leaves for emphasis. Elsa had rolled her eyes and squeezed her hand. "I mean it. They'll make it look like an accident."

Anna puffed out a breath and walked leisurely beside her best friend, enjoying the warmth of Elsa's hand - blessedly bare - in hers. "Oh, stop being such a stinker. I love jumping into the piles of leaves during Autumn."

"You're not jumping in them," Elsa had pointed out, swinging their hands. "Just making a big mess."

"Well, you can't jump with me, so I'm being a little more considerate." Anna grinned brilliantly at the furious crimson that clouded Elsa's pale cheeks.

"You're ridiculous." Anna laughed loudly and continued to march through the Ásdís gardens, shivering as a brief Autumn breeze nipped at her neck.

Elsa had stopped them, and Anna soon found Elsa's navy cardigan over her light t-shirt. "Elsa, what—"

"The cold doesn't bother me," Elsa had reassured with a small smile, taking her hand once more. "Come on. We have more leaves to kick."

Anna grinned to herself as Elsa pulled her along. With Elsa's hand in hers, Anna found that the cold didn't bother her, either.

* * *

"Do you ever think about what would have happened if things happened a little differently?"

Anna had looked up from whatever it was she was reading on her laptop, which groaned pitifully when she set it on the bedside table. Elsa let Anna settled into her arms. She liked it, feeling as if she was shielding Anna instead of the other way around.

"Why do you ask me that?" Anna had asked after another moment, linking their fingers, pulling herself closer still.

"Because I can't imagine not ever meeting you." Elsa rested her chin on Anna's shoulder. "When you crashed into my life, I thought maybe that was it. That maybe it had been too much because everything went quiet and still. You made everything else go away. I think you made my heart stop."

"I made your heart stop?" Anna exclaimed, horrified as she drew back to look at Elsa. Elsa bit back her laughter, knowing it would do no good.

"It was in a good way." Anna's eyes had softened then, a warm sea full of things she might never figure out. "I still feel the same now. Like everything is falling into place."

Anna lips had curved into a grin, pressing her temple against Elsa's. "You're a sap."

Elsa's cheeks flushed. "You're not supposed to make fun of me after that heartfelt confession."

Anna only laughed at her, pressing her back against the sheets and tugging the covers over them. "Go to bed, Elsa. I think you got too much sun today."

"You're a jerk," Elsa huffed, beaming, squirming from her place beneath Anna.

"Yeah," Anna had replied with a sloppy peck to her cheek and a shrug. "I love you too."

"Always?" Elsa found herself asking.

Anna had smiled and pinched her cheek. "Always."

* * *

 _How was it? I personally feel that we're finally getting somewhere._


	15. Blue, You Sit So Pretty

**Disclaimer: Frozen does not belong to me. Sadly.**

* * *

"Stop using all of my shampoo."

Anna's eyes flickered up to meet Elsa's, peering up through bleary eyes. Elsa had looked amused at best, halfway done in buttoning up her shirt. A stretch of pale, ridged skin stood starkly from Elsa's chest. Still, she looked beautiful, fresh-faced, hair still damp from the shower.

 _What have they done to you?_ Anna wanted to say, sleepiness wearing away as she wound her arms around Elsa. Her ear pressed against Elsa's chest, the heartbeat faint but _there._

"You have three bottles of that kind of shampoo," Anna grumbled instead, ignoring Elsa's complaints about how cold her wet hair was. "Gives me an excuse to fight you."

"I'd win, Anna," Elsa had teased, managing to pry herself away to finish buttoning up her shirt. "Get in your uniform already. My parents will be suspicious if we're late to breakfast."

Elsa had turned away then, her deep blue shirt tucked neatly into form-fitting jeans, looking every bit the Ásdís heir her mother wanted her to be. Anna sat on the edge of Elsa's bed, unable to comprehend how Elsa was able to shoulder such a responsibility while fighting for her life like this. "Elsa," She called quietly.

"What is it?" Elsa had asked, smile soft and eyes softer and so tired.

 _Let me carry this for you._ "Can I braid your hair?"

Elsa's smile had brightened as she nodded, and Anna decided that this had to be enough for now.

* * *

Elsa toyed absently with her gloves, tucked snugly between her parents. Why they were going to visit the company was beyond her, but she wasn't about to go questioning her mother.

The towering building finally came into view, the glass steadily reflecting Corona's warm, ever-present sunlight. The building twisted peculiarly, extraordinarily, a baffling harmony between age-old beauty and modern-day ergonomics. Elsa aspired, every day, to be able to create such symphonies with her own work, as her grandfather did before her.

"This is _your_ building?" Elsa heard Anna breathe out from the passenger seat.

Her papa, sitting comfortably on her left, had chuckled at Anna's awestruck look. Her mama had allowed a small, proud smile.

Elsa smiled mildly in amusement. "Yes. It is my grandfather's most prized design."

 _"Wow,"_ Anna had breathed out, seemingly awestruck. "It's very beautiful."

Elsa's smile widened. "Thank you. I'll tell him that you said that."

The Bentley Mulsanne slowed to a stop in her papa's designated spot, and Elsa was quick to find her spot beside Anna the moment they were outside.

"I can't wait to see the inside," Anna had gushed excitedly. Their hands found each other easily, missing her mother's look and sharp inhale.

Elsa's eyes sparkled. "I can't wait to show you."

* * *

Nikolas Ásdís, current head of Ásdís Corporations, with his sleek white suit, shockingly blonde hair and stern grey eyes, seemed like a cold, unforgiving man. Seeing Elsa let out a delighted squeal and run happily into waiting arms shattered that image immediately.

 _"Onkel,"_ Elsa had greeted with a brilliant smile. Nikolas had let out a hearty laugh, a hand running affectionately over Elsa's back.

"It's good to see you again, my little snowflake," Nikolas had practically sung out, voice smooth and silky and soothing. Anna watched as Elsa relaxed further into the tender embrace. "What brings you here?"

"Nikolas," Elsa's mother, Idunn, had greeted simply, pressing a chaste kiss to her brother's cheek. "We're here to introduce Elsa to one of Adgar's colleagues. Apparently, one of them has a daughter that will be attending the same university as Elsa."

Anna stood politely in the back, rocking on the soles of her shoes as she looked around Nikolas' office. It was extremely well-kept, well-organised and well lit, a line of floor-length windows stretching from one end of the room to the other. The sunlight filtered through steadily, brightly illuminating the room. Anna was captivated by the design. And to think, this would all be Elsa's one day. Anna wondered where she would fit in in that picture.

She was only startled back into reality when Elsa's hand slipped back into hers.

"Do you like it?" Elsa had asked her, eyes earnest as she chewed on her bottom lip.

Anna beamed. "I love it."

* * *

"Elsa," Her papa had spoken softly, a hand on the small of her back. "This is Hades Pyrrhos and his daughter, Megara. She will be attending Corona University, also." Elsa had greeted the man robotically.

The brunette by his side had stared almost lazily at her, lavender eyes hooded with equally lavender lids, a hand outstretched towards her. Elsa clasped it in her own with a practiced smile. "You can call me Meg."

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance," Elsa replied politely. Her mother's eyes burned into her back. "I'm Elsa."

"I know," Meg had replied, but offered no explanation as to how she did. Elsa pulled her hand back with a small smile. Meg's eyes flashed and her grin grew almost predatory. "How about we grab something in the cafeteria while the adults catch up." It wasn't a question.

Elsa looked to her parents, smiling when her mother acquiesced with a small nod. She met Megara's gaze with a simple nod, straightening her shoulders. "I'd like that."

Megara had simply smirked and lead the way. Elsa was quick to match her pace, Anna trailing closely behind them. "Who's this?" Meg had asked after a glance over her shoulder.

"Oh, this is Anna," Elsa introduced with a warm smile, eyes meeting Anna's briefly. Anna had given her a bright smile in return, cheeks a soft pink.

"Well, your girlfriend can come too," Meg had stated flippantly, carrying on.

Elsa's eyes widened.

"Girlfriend?" She sputtered. "Anna's not my girlfriend. We're just - We're just friends!" Girlfriends? Her and Anna? What could have possibly made Megara think that she and Anna were _girlfriends?_ Elsa's cheeks burned and she hurried further down the hall, ahead of them.

Unbeknownst to her, Megara had sent Anna a look over her shoulder.

"Ouch," Megara had mouthed with a sympathetic smirk.

Anna had merely sighed. She'd already accepted her fate.

* * *

"What do you think of Megara, Anna?" Mrs Hávadr-Ásdís paced calmly before her. Anna shifted a little nervously in her seat. The leather was cool to the touch.

"I think she's a great girl," Anna answered honestly. "A little crass and rough around the edges, but I think she's nice enough." Mrs Hávadr-Ásdís had paused, and Anna wondered if she said the wrong thing.

Anna also wondered if Elsa was into brunettes.

"I know who you are, Anna. The same little girl my daughter tried to save all those years ago." Anna stiffened at that, Idunn's icy blue eyes piercing through her. "I know that you're Gerda's niece."

"Will that be a problem, ma'am?" Anna asked, trying to keep her voice from shaking.

"No. And it's all for the better. I have a proposal for you, Anna," the woman had said simply, turning to face her. Anna swallowed hard, but straightened her back. "I will give you a full scholarship for your course, so long as you keep a close eye on my daughter. She trusts you. I don't trust the mischievous look in that Megara's eyes..."

Anna's jaw grew slack as she stared up at Mrs Hávadr-Ásdís. A full scholarship? Just to keep an eye on Elsa? Gods, it was too much!

"Mrs Hávadr-Ásdís," Anna began when her mind started working again, but sharp blue eyes cut her off before she could continue. Anna could only stare. She certainly knew where Elsa got her looks.

"I should hope you know that this is non-negotiable. You are to be at my daughter's side at all the times you can help it, understood?"

Anna nodded helplessly. "Understood, M-Mrs Hávadr-Ásdís."

The iciness melted away from the woman's face, replaced by a serene smile. "Good. I'm glad that we're on the same page. Do not let my daughter know about these meetings." Anna trembled in her seat. "You may leave now, Anna."

Anna was sure she left a trail of fire as she blazed out of the room.

("Where were you?" Elsa had asked her as soon as Anna stepped into Elsa's bedroom.

Anna smiled tightly and lifted the marshmallow topped mugs in her hands. _Liar, liar, liar._ "Just a hot chocolate run. It seemed weather appropriate."

Elsa had seemed to believe her, brightening at the sight of the hot chocolate and eagerly abandoning her book. Anna sunk in beside her and ignored the way her stomach churned. It was all for Elsa. For Elsa, for Elsa, for Elsa.)

* * *

"Are you excited?" Anna had asked her, fingers tracing absently over her stomach. Elsa hummed softly and offered an indifferent shrug, trying not to think too much about Anna's touch.

"I suppose I'm more nervous, than anything else." Elsa's back pressed a little further against Anna's chest. "I'm just glad that you'll be there with me."

"And Megara, too," Anna had pointed out, albeit a little blandly.

Elsa let out a noise of acknowledgement. Quite frankly, she hadn't thought about Megara until Anna mentioned her. "And Megara, too, I suppose."

"Do you like her?"

Elsa lifted a brow at the change of tone in Anna's voice. "Well, yes. She's nice. Somewhat."

"No," Anna had huffed behind her. "Do you _like_ like her?"

Elsa let out a very un-lady-like snort. "What are you, five?"

Anna had let out an indignant cry, turning away and withdrawing her arms. Elsa laughed lightly and shifted, curling her own arm around Anna and assuming Anna's usual role as the big spoon. "I hate you," Anna had declared. Elsa smiled in fond exasperation.

"I love you too," Elsa murmured. "And I'm sorry, okay?" She squeezed her arms tighter around Anna, who shuffled back into her begrudgingly. "I don't _like_ like her."

"Because she's not your type?"

Elsa chuckled once more. "I don't think I have one."

"Seriously?" Anna had asked her petulantly.

"I think," Elsa hummed, chin resting on Anna's shoulder. "That you might be my type." Elsa swore she could hear Anna's eyes rolling as a cheeky grin spread across her own face.

"You can't use my line on me again," Anna had replied dryly. "Go to bed, Els…"

Elsa, misinterpreting the shift in Anna's tone, smiled and placed a chaste peck on Anna's cheek. "Goodnight, Anna." She settled down even further. "You're the bestest friend I could ever ask for."

Anna had let out a thick laugh as she began drifting off. "You too, Els. You too."

* * *

"Do you have your watch on?"

"Yes, Mama," Elsa answered dutifully, letting her mother fret over her, slender fingers straightening her collar for the umpteenth time. She couldn't help but feel a swell of happiness, seeing her mother worry over her as any mother would on their child's first day to school.

"You must never take it off, Elsa," Her mother had warned with a look, peering up at her, even with her five inch heels. "I want to know that you are safe and will follow these conditions while you are at that school."

"I know, Mama. I'm not five." Her mother had huffed and looked around before cupping her cheeks. Elsa let her mother press a kiss to her forehead, surprised by the sudden bout of affection.

"Promise me that you'll be careful," Her mother had whispered, helping her tug on her backpack, brushing a stray strand of hair away from Elsa's eyes. "You know you are my little miracle."

Elsa softened then, hands tight around the straps of her bag. "I know. I promise to be safe."

Her mother had opened her mouth again, and Elsa tipped forward eagerly, earnestly, willing to accept whatever scraps of affection her mother might give her. The words never came.

Elsa recognized the sound of his father's footsteps, and her mama was gone in an instant, Idunn Hávadr-Ásdís coming back tenfold.

"Make me proud, Elsa," Her mother had told her instead, cupping her cheek, eyes hard and colder than any ice she could conjure.

"I know," Elsa whispered, stepping in beside her father instead. "I will."

* * *

"Conceal, don't feel," Anna heard from beside her. "Don't feel, don't feel…"

"Els?" Anna called reluctantly. Brilliant blue eyes snapped towards her, bleary and unfocused. "Are you okay?" Frost sighed against the plush leather seats. Anna winced internally at the inevitable damage it would do to the interior, before focusing on more pressing issues.

"I need another moment," Elsa had breathed out, shaking her head. "Please turn the car around, Ralph. I think I may have forgotten my medicine at home. I can't do this yet."

"Hey, hey," Anna cooed, hold firm as she steadied Elsa's trembling hands. "I'm right here. I packed your medicine in this morning. I won't leave your side for a second, I promise."

Elsa had swallowed thickly and closed her eyes. "What if the stress of today becomes too much for my heart? Or, I lose control of my powers?"

"I'll be here to protect you," Anna promised, not leaving any room for argument. Elsa had nodded shakily.

"Okay." Elsa had puffed out unsteady breaths. "Okay. Promise me again?"

"I promise." Anna squeezed glove-clad hands. "Promise promise. I will be right here."

Famous last words.

* * *

"We can't just leave Anna behind," Elsa told Megara, voice insistent and so close to shaking. She watched as Anna became an oblivious red speck in the distance, clearly entranced by the live art performance being put on by a few seniors.

Megara had waved her hand dismissively, the other still curled around her wrist. "She got caught up in some boring art program thing. _I_ , on the other hand, don't want to be late to freshman orientation." Elsa glowered at Megara's smirk. "I'm just taking care of you, kiddo."

"I am only a month younger than you," Elsa replied witheringly, eyes narrowing.

"Every second counts," Megara had remarked, flicking Elsa's nose. Elsa cried out in protest and rubbed her nose, but let Megara pull her along.

"Do you even know where you're going?" Elsa sniffed, readjusting the way the straps of her backpack rested upon her shoulders.

"Of course," Meg had replied flippantly, before groaning. "Metal detectors. I can't stand fancy shmancy universities like these. So uptight about everything." Elsa paled considerably.

"M-Metal detectors?" Her hand stilled on her chest..

"Yeah," Megara had drawled and tossed a glance back at her. "Why? You afraid of them or something?"

"N-No." Elsa coughed out lightly and shook her head. "Of course not."

Megara had simply lifted a brow and dropped her wrist. "If you insist."

Elsa watched as Megara sashayed through the scanners, cool and calm and completely at ease. Elsa swallowed hard and stepped forward, wincing internally as the alarm blared. The students behind her grumbled as Elsa flushed, passing her bag over to the security guards.

"Name?" Elsa's head snapped up at the sound of the guard's gruff voice, who seemed to find nothing of interest digging through her bag.

"Elsa." Her back straightened subconsciously. _Wear your name with pride, Elsa_. "Elsa Hávadr-Ásdís."

A look of recognition passed over the guard's face, hand pulling out Elsa's silver – but notably _not_ metal - pencil case. "Right through, miss. Terribly sorry for the inconvenience."

Elsa shrugged her bag back on, cheeks burning even brighter at the curious glances thrown her way. "It's quite alright."

Megara had been waiting patiently for her, a hand perched on her hip. "What was _that_ all about?" Elsa could hear the curiosity in Meg's silky voice.

"I don't know. Just my pencil case, I think." Elsa deflected easily with a shrug of her shoulders, fixing the collar of her button up. Megara had offered her own shrug, taking her wrist hostage again.

"Whatever," The brunette had replied casually. "Why do you have a metal pencil case anyway?"

Elsa only hummed in response, fingers pressing gingerly to where the scar on her chest should be. Too close. Way too close.

* * *

Five seconds. _Five_ seconds to ask about the art piece on the wall. Elsa had been standing _right_ there!

"I lost Elsa, and I'm going to lose my job, and my scholarship, and my best friend." Anna hurried through the metal detectors, pushing through the crowds with varying apologies falling from her lips. Her hands tightened around the straps of her backpack. "She's probably at the freshman orientation. Where _else_ would she be?"

Anna prayed to the Gods above that nothing bad had happened to her.

* * *

Elsa _had_ been enjoying the freshman orientation - _had_ being the operative word here.

Elsa had been standing contently beside Megara, hidden in the crowd as she listened to the senior on the stage ramble on about the spirit of the university and the fun experiences they would sure have in the coming months. Everything was completely fine. She hadn't even been worried about Anna. She was completely, utterly _fine_ \- until the senior had called out her name, wanting to congratulate her _personally_ on her perfect entrance exam score.

On the stage.

In front of _hundreds_ of people. In front of all these strangers.

"I really don't want to," Elsa laughed nervously, trying to unhook her arms from the burly boys who decided that they would do the walking for her.

Elsa's head swam. Her temple throbbed. Her stomach twisted. Her watch beeped violently. Ice tickled her palms. Gods, _where was that ringing coming from_?

"Anything to say?" The senior had asked enthusiastically, holding a tacky frame up before her. Elsa tipped forward, opened her mouth and...

vomited her breakfast right on the stage.

* * *

Anna's shoes slapped against the polished floors of the university.

Faster, Anna, _faster._

She had to find Elsa.

Anna collided with a few fellow freshman, and she blurted out her apologies. They didn't seem to be paying any attention to her, eyes focused on the stage. It was only then that Anna noticed the hush that fell upon the auditorium. Anna pushed herself up onto her tiptoes, eyes widening at the sight of a horrified Elsa on the stage.

"Elsa," She uttered simply, eyebrows furrowing in concern. Her voice rang through the cavernous auditorium. Terrified blue eyes met hers, before Elsa was off, the crowds parting easily for the blonde. The laughter erupted only seconds later. "Elsa, _wait!"_ Anna sped after her, ignoring the roar of laughter that they left behind. Gods, _what had happened in there_? "Elsa!" She cried out.

Elsa had kept on running, running until she reached the parking lot. Anna barely managed to avoid the cars and bikes that Elsa had speedily maneuvered around.

"I'm never coming back," Elsa had declared resolutely, voice thick and hoarse. Anna, panting and sweaty, skidded to a stop before the blonde.

 _Man,_ she was out of shape.

"What do you mean?" Anna cupped Elsa's equally flushed cheeks, brushing her tears away. "What _happened_ in there?"

"It doesn't matter," Elsa had hiccupped, shaking her head hurriedly, right out of Anna's grasp. "Gods, I should have listened to my mother."

"No, no," Anna tried to soothe, bringing Elsa close to her. Her heart ached with every sob that wracked through Elsa. "Whatever happened in there isn't important, Els. It's just you and me. I'm sorry for leaving you alone."

"You broke your promise," Elsa had choked out against her shoulder. The beeping still hadn't stopped.

"I know," Anna sighed out, fingers counting the ridges of Elsa's spine. Elsa whimpered. "I'm sorry. I _never_ should have taken my eyes off you."

Another sob shuddered through Elsa's slight frame. "My chest hurts really badly, Anna."

An icy cold ran down Anna's spine.

"Just - Just hold on." She fumbled with her phone, speed-dialling Ralph's number and impatiently waiting for him to answer. "Ralph! You have to get here _now,_ right now."

Anna, as they sped off to the hospital, held Elsa's head closer to her chest, low murmurs leaving her lips. "You're okay, Elsa. I've got you."

* * *

 _First days can be rough, huh. Please tell me what you think! And thank you very much for all of your kind words. They never fail to make my day. :)_


	16. Make My Messes Matter

**Disclaimer: So many things would have changed if I owned Frozen, tbh.**

* * *

"You cannot tell my mother."

Anna's head snapped over at Elsa's words, eyebrows shooting up. "But—"

"I'll go back," Elsa had interrupted, exhausted blue eyes finding hers easily. Anna took in her reddened nose and flushed cheeks, and felt her heart clench. She looked small, slumped against the seats, arms curled around her stomach. "I'll go back if you don't tell my mother."

"I can't promise anything, Elsa," Anna told her after a moment of silent consideration. "I'll do anything to keep you safe, and you know that. You're my first priority, always."

Anna was surprised by the lack of shakiness in her voice.

Elsa had given her a knowing smile, sadness tugging at the edges. Anna tugged her closer.

"I'll be fine," Elsa had murmured against her shoulder.

"I know." Anna's arms tightened around her. "I know."

* * *

"How was she?"

Anna looked straight at Mrs Hávadr-Ásdís, hands clasped tightly behind her back. Her stomach twisted. Megara had texted her earlier, complete with a video of what had happened.

"She vomited on stage, ma'am."

The woman before her had swirled the amber coloured liquid in her glass, pinching the bridge of her nose in thought. "I'm not surprised, though I am a little disappointed. Her tutors should have taught her to be better. She still doesn't take well to social situations." A weary sigh. Blue eyes piercing through her. "Is that all?"

Anna swallowed the fear that hiked up her throat. "Yes ma'am."

A flick of the wrist, a wave of a hand. "You may go."

Anna didn't look back once on her way out.

* * *

"How was your first day, sweetheart?"

Elsa was thrown by the enthusiasm in her mother's voice. Maybe she was compensating for her papa's absence. Still, she must have been substantially inebriated to talk like this in front of company.

"It was great," Elsa forced out with as much of her own enthusiasm. Her mother had looked at her like she knew something. Anna had lingered obediently by the doorway, like always, but she could feel the worried glance burning into her. Elsa's hands tightened around her cutlery.

"Oh?" Her mother had lifted a curious brow, and Elsa swallowed hard when near-identical blue eyes snapped towards Anna. "Is that right, Miss Almstedt? Your first day went well, for both of you?"

Elsa thanked the Gods above for Anna.

"Of course, ma'am," Anna had replied indulgently. Elsa caught Anna's brilliant smile in the corner of her eye. "Elsa has told me that she's settled into the classes we don't have together, and the classes we _do_ have together have gone swimmingly so far."

Elsa eyed the near-crooked smile on her mother's face, thrown off by the alterations in her usual symmetrical look. Elsa startled even more at her mother's next words.

"No need to be so formal, Miss Almstedt. Come join us. It seems that my daughter is quite taken with you."

Elsa cut in before Anna could take the seat her mother was gesturing to. "Mama, that's papa's seat."

Her mother's eyes bore into her. A bright, toothy grin spread across her mother's lips – too much like a grimace to be comforting. Elsa turned away as she recognized the alcohol lingering on her mother's breath. "And yet where is your beloved papa?"

Ice pooled around her feet.

Elsa couldn't answer that.

* * *

"Is he gone often?"

Elsa had stiffened in her arms. Anna pressed a firm kiss to her shoulder, and sighed inwardly with relief as the blonde sunk back into her embrace.

"Yes," Elsa had answered reluctantly, silky fingers tapping absently over her knuckles. Anna smiled unconsciously at the sensation, but quickly rid herself of it at the serious air that hung over them. Elsa's eyelashes had kissed the tops of her cheeks. "More often than not, he is gone."

"Do you know where he goes?" Anna's voice grew quiet, steadily inhaling Elsa's scent. It was always fresh, crisp. Elsa had always reminded her of the first snow of the season. Even more so now. The first snow was always gone as quickly as it came.

Elsa had chuckled then, shaking her out of her thoughts. Elsa's form hook with the soft, tired laughter that filled the room. "Gerda had always lead me to believe that he was on business trips. As I grew older, I recognized that the perfume on his coat was not my mother's."

Anna held her closer. "I'm sorry."

Elsa had smiled, voice tinged with pain. "I'm sorry, too."

("Don't you think I'm being selfish?" Elsa had asked her just as Anna began to fall asleep.

"How so?" Anna whispered, indulging Elsa's late night thoughts, knowing she wouldn't be able to sleep otherwise.

"My parents, they were alive and well, but I probably do nothing but complain." Elsa had twisted in her arms, eyes bright and wide and full of questions. "Don't you think I'm being selfish about this when…?"

Anna hushed her with a shake of her head, letting Elsa's fingers brush over the scar on the bridge of her nose. She reminded herself that she wasn't the only one that needed to believe the other wouldn't disappear. "There's nothing I can do about the past. All we can do is work on the right now."

Elsa had shifted again, all long limbs and pale skin as she tucked herself into Anna's arms. "I'm glad you're here with me."

Anna smiled and gave one firm squeeze. "I'm glad, too.")

* * *

"Are you ready?"

Elsa stared miserably at Anna, who looked very cute in her large sweater, jean shorts and knee high socks. "No."

Anna had smiled, easily and fluidly, taking her hands. The ice thrumming beneath her gloves quietened immediately. "I won't leave you."

"You said that yesterday," Elsa protested with a frown, eyebrows furrowing. Maybe she could convince Ralph to drive them away - subtly, of course.

"Elsa," Anna had called. Elsa moved unconsciously, blue meeting teal. "Don't you want to be like your grandfather? Your uncle?"

Elsa nodded slowly. "Of course I do. What does that have to do with anything?"

Anna has merely smiled, squeezing her hands. Elsa wished she could feel more through the fine leather – a recent upgrade from her usual silk. "Elsa, this is your stepping stone. You're already a brilliant architect, I'm sure - but this will make you better. I promise. Don't you trust me?"

"I do," Elsa interjected immediately. Her hands didn't shake. "More than anything."

"Then come on." Anna had pulled her out of the car, the bright Corona sun kissing their skin immediately. Anna seemed to glow under the warmth. Elsa was captivated. "We can't be late for our first class, right?"

Elsa barely remembered to nod. "Right."

* * *

"Miss Hávadr-Ásdís."

Anna's eyes shot towards the teacher curiously, Elsa's hand tightening around hers. Quiet snickers from the students sounded throughout the room in recognition. Anna refused to let Elsa run away.

"Yes, that's me," Elsa had spoken clearly, clinging almost painfully to Anna's hand. She saw a different Elsa then – the one that had been on television; regal, even in her chunky sweater and brand new sneakers.

"You," The blonde woman approached, tall and intimidating in her sharp suit. "have the face of a _winner."_

Anna gaped. Elsa's eyebrows had shot up in a mixture of surprise and confusion. Anna thought she looked adorable.

"I think you're mistaking me for someone else," Elsa had replied with a confused laugh.

"Tamora Jean Calhoun never makes mistakes," the teacher had declared, a smirk on her face. Anna, quite frankly, was a little terrified. "Now, take a seat with your little girlfriend here. I'd like to start my lesson."

Anna held in her sigh as Elsa merely flushed, tugging her towards the only pair of seats left.

"Are you okay?" Anna asked quietly, not yet releasing Elsa's hand.

Elsa, cheeks aflame and eyes not meeting hers, choked out a response. "Completely fine."

Anna felt the chill when Elsa broke away.

("Why do you think she's so interested in me?"

Anna looked up at Elsa's question, packing the last of her notes into her messenger bag. "Your guess is as good as mine.")

* * *

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

Elsa nodded hesitantly, offering a smile to placate a worried Anna. "I'll be just fine." Maybe, if she said it enough times, she would be. She poked Anna's stomach teasingly. "I told you that you'd be worse than my mother."

"Shut up," Anna relented reluctantly, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek, a warm smile on her face. Elsa's cheeks bloomed with crimson as she dropped Anna's hand. "I'll pick you up from your class later."

Elsa watched the swish of Anna's bag as she walked away, jolted when an arm was thrown carelessly over her shoulders. Her watch blared as her heart rate spiked.

"Hey Spew Queen," Megara had greeted with a sly grin. Elsa pushed her away unceremoniously, but Meg just seemed to leech back on. Elsa puffed out a breath.

"Megara," She responded coolly, peering up at the brunette. "Can I help you? I would like to find a good seat for my next class."

Megara had shivered exaggeratedly. "Oh, felt the chill with that one, Elsie."

Elsa grimaced at the nickname. "Please do not call me that."

Meg barrelled on, steering her further into the room. A few people stumbled out of their way, mumbling apologies and averting their gazes. "I just thought I'd introduce you to some people a little more... in your _social standings_."

Elsa was soon face to face with a stunning blonde, hair golden in contrast to her platinum shade. Crimson painted lips curled up into a kind smile, warm hazel-green eyes boring into hers. Elsa took in everything - long lashes, brilliant eyes, plump lips, high cheekbones. She didn't even notice Megara slithering away – the smug smirk on her face.

"Hello," the blonde had greeted, a slight husk underlying her otherwise smooth voice. "My name is Aurora, Aurora Rose. It's nice to finally meet you. You've created quite a name for yourself."

Elsa clasped the hand presented to her gingerly, giving Aurora a wry smile. "I see you were present for the incident."

Elsa stiffened slightly when Aurora's hand managed to worm its way up to her biceps, giving a faint, sympathetic squeeze. "I wish I could have helped you, but you ran away so quickly. I'm glad you're okay."

Elsa laughed a little bashfully, pulling her arm away. Her sweater felt unbearably hot. "I, um, thank you. I guess."

The sound of someone clearing their throat cut off whatever response Aurora had, and Elsa tried to make her way to the front. Dainty fingers curled around her wrist.

"Won't you sit with me?" Aurora had practically purred, eyelashes fluttering up at her. Elsa, flustered at the attention, gave a stiff nod and sunk down beside her.

Aurora gave her a wide, toothy smile.

Elsa couldn't help but return it, ducking her head and not removing the arm linked with hers.

* * *

Anna huffed quietly as a perky boy with a crooked smirk - Peter, was it? - continued pestering her with questions. "No, I can't get you an exclusive interview with Elsa. I do not know if she will be running for class president. If you'll excuse me."

Anna turned away, only to crash right into a sturdy, very handsome stranger. Her arms pin wheeled as she let out an undignified yelp, landing right onto her ass. Peter scurried away with a nasal laugh.

"Hey!" She exclaimed, glaring up at the boy. She softened a little at bright green eyes and neat auburn hair. "Hey..."

"I'm so sorry," the boy rushed out, offering a hand out. Gloved, just like Elsa's. "Are you hurt?"

Anna shook her head and grasped the boy's hands firmly, pulling herself up. She waved away the hand that offered her handkerchief. "No, I'm okay. I'm great."

"Thank goodness." The kind stranger had smiled warmly before shaking his head. "Oh, I'm Hans. Hans Westergaard. It's nice to meet you."

Anna mirrored his smile and pulled her hand from his. "Anna Almstedt. It's nice to meet you, too."

"Anna," Hans had uttered, before brushing a hand through his hair. Anna couldn't stop staring at his sideburns. They were quite impressive, she had to admit. "I was thinking maybe you and I could grab lunch? There's a great sandwich place just five minutes away from the campus grounds."

Anna peered over his shoulder and caught sight of a seemingly flustered Elsa, arms linked with an impossibly gorgeous blonde. Anna's stomach twisted. She could hear the tell-tale beeping of Elsa's watch, but she was sure it wasn't because she was in any immediate danger.

"I-I'm sorry, Hans. I'm kind of busy." Anna peered up at his dejected face. "Maybe another time."

Hans nodded immediately, springing back into his cheery state. "Oh, yes, of course. I'll—"

"If you'll excuse me," Anna interrupted with an apologetic grin, making her way around him to stand before Elsa. Her heart fluttered at the surprise that shone in those breath taking blue eyes, a smug smirk tugging at the corners of her lips as Elsa carefully shrugged the blonde away, quickly finding her place beside her. Elsa's hand slipped into hers fluidly. Anna was victim to a vicious glare only seconds later.

Oh, if looks could kill.

 _"Elsie,"_ the blonde had purred out and pouted. "Who's this?"

Anna scowled at the nickname. Elsa, to her dismay, had blushed. "This is - This is my best friend, Anna." Elsa's blue eyes bore into hers. "Anna, this is Aurora. She's - She's in one of my classes."

"Pleasure," Aurora had drawled almost lazily, before focusing her attention back on Elsa. "Aren't you going to walk me to class?"

Anna stepped in before Elsa could stammer up an excuse. Her chest puffed up at the rosy tinge of Elsa's cheeks. "She can't. She's walking _me_ to class."

Aurora's jaw tightened and her gaze grew near murderous. Elsa had laced their fingers, the leather cool against her bare skin. _Thank you._

"I wasn't talking to you," Aurora had practically spat out at her.

"Don't talk to Anna like that," Elsa had cut in sharply, surprising both her and Aurora. Anna bit down hard on her lip to contain her giddy smile.

"I'm sorry." Anna's smile disappeared at Aurora's sickly sweet tone, stomach turning as Aurora's fingers curled lightly into the fabric of Elsa's sweater, pulling - and Elsa had _let_ her. "I hope I can make it up to you soon. Maybe our parents can arrange something?" Crimson lips pressed to Elsa's equally crimson cheek, and Aurora was gone, her baby pink summer dress whipping past a stunned Anna.

"I didn't think you were into blondes," Anna murmured almost petulantly, thumb scrubbing insistently against the lipstick Aurora's kiss had left behind.

Elsa had huffed, eyes lingering on Aurora's retreating figure. She stood closer to Anna to give her more access, regardless. "I'm not." Elsa's gloved fingers had toyed with the white strands in her hair as her grin grew playful. "I'm into you, remember?"

Anna rolled her eyes and ignored the twinge in her heart, pushing lightly at Elsa's - surprisingly - toned stomach. "Shut up. We have to find a place to eat."

"Yes ma'am," Elsa had continued to tease. "Lead the way."

Anna knocked their shoulders together with a laugh, Elsa joining her seconds later as they walked through the spacious halls of the university.

Unbeknownst to them, two pairs of eyes watched their every move.

* * *

("Who was that guy you were talking to?"

Anna had squeezed Elsa's hand, giving a shrug as they walked through parting crowds. Elsa pretended not to notice.

"Just a guy I ran into." Anna had grimaced, seeming to briefly relive the memory. "His name was Hans. He seemed like a nice guy. Very cute."

Elsa bit the inside of her cheek, trying to keep from pouting. "Cuter than me?" She found herself asking.

Anna had smirked and pinched her cheek. "Nobody's cuter than you.")

* * *

"Elsa, please don't think I can't see you putting your pickles on my plate."

Elsa had flinched and had the decency to look sheepish, dropping the last of her pickles onto Anna's plate. Anna nudged them further away with one of the shorter fries.

"I don't like pickles," Elsa had admitted, finally taking a bite of the burger she had very carefully picked through. Anna swiped away a smear of sauce before she could help it.

"I'll eat them if you buy me another chocolate milkshake," Anna offered, placing her fruit bag on Elsa's side of the table without a second thought. Elsa hadn't hesitated, a bright grin on her face.

"Deal."

* * *

"How was your day today?" Elsa had heard as she passed her mother's office, searching for Anna. She'd claimed that she was just getting hot chocolate – for the fifth time that week - but Tiana had been the only person she'd found in the kitchen. Her interest was piqued when she heard Anna clearing her throat inside. She crouched by the door, peering in through the keyhole.

"Good," Anna had replied, hands folded behind her, shoulders back, posture stiff - like a soldier, maybe. Regardless, she looked uncomfortable.

"She didn't throw up today?" Elsa's eyebrows shot up. How did her mother know about that? She had explicitly told Anna not to—

"No." There was a pause, and Elsa watched as Anna had shifted, her mother seated comfortably in the office chair before her. "There is a girl lingering around her, however. Her name is Aurora, if I remember correctly."

Her mother's face had lit up in recognition. "Blonde hair, hazel eyes, high cheekbones?"

Anna had grimaced before quickly schooling her features and giving a nod. Elsa watched on, curious and perturbed.

"Heiress to Rose Enterprises," Her mother had sighed out with... _delight?_ "And you say she's taken interest in my dear little Elsa."

Elsa scoffed internally. She was hardly little. She continued to watch as Anna gave another firm nod.

"That's good." Her mother had grabbed her phone. "I must call Aurora's parents." Her mother had smiled proudly and pressed her free hand to her chest. "My dear little Elsa, making connections already."

Anna had shifted uncomfortably, hands tightening behind her back. Elsa was both amused by Anna's jealousy of Aurora, and terrified by her mother's sudden interest in connections.

"You must make sure Elsa and Aurora's friendship, or - dare I say it - _romance_ blossoms, Miss Almstedt." Anna had looked ready to cry. Elsa was sure she, herself, was about to. "I will not accept anything less than success."

"Yes, Mrs Hávadr-Ásdís. Understood." Anna had sounded robotic - _lifeless._

"You may go."

Elsa scrambled back at that, heart thundering as she raced down the halls, socks slipping precariously on the sleek wood.

What on earth was going on between Anna and her mother? Why was her mother hell bent on making connections between her and Aurora? Why was Anna reporting to her mother? Why did Anna tell her mother about the incident? Why? Why? Why?

Elsa's heart pounded as she collapsed onto her bed. She breathed Anna's scent in with every shaky inhale, reminded of how much time Anna had been spending with her. Was it all just a ploy? All just some - some _mission_ from her mother? Was it all just... make-believe?

"Els?" Anna had called through the door later that night. "Aren't you going to let me in?"

Elsa didn't answer.

* * *

 _Crushes and secret missions never really end well, but tell me what you think! I always love to hear what you have to say :)_


	17. Only Fools Rush In

**Disclaimer: I do not own Frozen or any of its characters. Unfortunately.**

* * *

"What did you do this time, kid?"

Anna glared briefly up at Ralph before continuing to watch Elsa walk away, meeting up with a delighted Aurora by a sleek, silver Mercedes. _A convertible_ , Anna thought petulantly.

"I didn't do anything," Anna huffed out, her longboard hanging loosely from her hand. "One day, she just... shut me out, and I can't figure out why! She's been like this for weeks now!"

"Well, go fix it," Ralph had said simply, nearly knocking her over with the force of his hand clapping against her back.

Anna stomped her foot. "But I didn't do anything!"

Ralph had simply stared at her. "You must've done something, kid. The little princess doesn't get mad for no reason, and you know that better than anyone."

Anna kicked at the ground beneath her feet. Her scowl deepened at the sound of Aurora's laughter. "Whatever. I need to meet Hans for a project he's doing."

Anna had already been a few metres away when Ralph called after her. "I don't trust that side-burned charmer, kid! Stick with the little princess."

Anna's hands tightened around the straps of her bag.

The _little princess_ obviously didn't want to stick with _her._

* * *

"No Anna today, Spew Queen?"

"Megara," Aurora had admonished, hand tucked into the crook of Elsa's arm. Elsa shifted the books Aurora had pressed into her other arm. "Don't call her that."

Megara had rolled her eyes, and Elsa gave Aurora a thankful smile. Aurora gave her arm a soft squeeze in acknowledgement. "You are way too protective over someone who's not your girlfriend."

"We're practically already dating," Aurora had claimed, Elsa's eyes widening at the other blonde's flippant statement. Her cheeks grew pink as Aurora directed her gaze up to her. "Right, Elsa?"

Elsa opened her mouth to answer, the tips of her ears warming. Megara cut her off with a scoff. "Whatever – we're going to be late."

Elsa, as Aurora pulled her along with a gentle smile, wondered what Anna would think if she found out about this.

* * *

"I can't believe Elsa's hanging out with that - that _stinker."_ Anna swiped her paintbrush over the piece angrily, Hans humming in acknowledgement from across her. The noise echoed around the otherwise empty studio. "What's so good about her, anyway?"

"Well, I've heard from Peter that they're sort of a thing now," Hans had nodded, wagging his own paintbrush at her. "She likes to be paraded around. She's the sole heiress of Rose Enterprises. I've heard she's turned down every suitor her parents have offered her. I guess she's really taken a liking to Elsa. Makes sense, really."

Anna barely avoided the blue blob flung at her face, shifting to get a better angle on the piece they were working on. A small scowl formed on her face. Nothing about Elsa and Aurora made sense.

"Well, we can't all be born heirs to big companies." Anna reached over and squeezed his shoulder. She was glad she could sympathise with someone. Hans had been like her, part of the small college population that didn't come from some sort of business royalty. Hans had flashed her a toothy smile, and Anna mused that if she wasn't so into Elsa, she could have considered Hans. Not that she was into Elsa. "You know what? Why don't we go to that sandwich place you were talking about the first time we met?"

Hans' jaw had dropped a little as Anna withdrew her hand, beginning to clean her equipment. Anna was oblivious to the shocked stare, humming as she washed the paint from her brushes.

"Are you ready to go?" Anna asked Hans with an enthusiastic smile, shrugging on her bag. "I can help you with your project again as soon as we're finished eating."

Anna didn't think twice about the speechless stare Hans gave her as they walked together.

("..a date? What do you think?"

Anna tuned in then, finally turning away from Aurora and Elsa and how disgustingly close they were. "Sure," She answered absentmindedly. "I don't mind.")

* * *

"Are you even listening to me?"

Elsa tore her eyes away from Anna, meeting Aurora's questioning gaze. She breathed out a sigh and let Aurora curl her hands even further around her biceps. The report they were supposed to be discussing lay forgotten on the table before them.

"I'm sorry," Elsa replied honestly. "I've just got a lot on my mind."

Elsa swallowed as one of Aurora's hand slithered up to toy with her collar. "Well, you can certainly make it up to me."

Elsa shrunk back into her seat as Aurora leaned forward, gripping at her collar. "How so?" Elsa barely managed to stutter out, cheeks ablaze, eyes wide.

"Maybe you could come over, we could find a movie and not watch it?" Aurora had fluttered her eyelashes up at her. Elsa had barely known this girl for a _month._ Elsa caught Anna's gaze from across the cosy café, and her mind was made up for her.

Elsa gave Aurora her most convincing smile. "I'd love to."

* * *

"I didn't think your mother would let you go."

Elsa stiffened slightly at the sound of Anna's voice, refusing to look at Anna as the girl packed her overnight bag. She pondered briefly over _not_ answering, but realized that she kind of missed Anna's voice. Elsa's eyes focused on the back of Anna's head.

"She really likes Aurora," Elsa replied quietly, toying absently with her phone. Her screen flashed with another message from Aurora, another message about how she couldn't wait to see her. There was another from Megara, which just seemed to be a messaged full of nothing but winking faces. Elsa grimaced lightly. How did Megara even get her number?

"But you don't."

Elsa's hands tightened around her phone. "I didn't - I didn't say that. She's nice, really. We're both really into books."

Anna had scoffed and shoved her sweater into the bag harshly. Elsa bit her tongue to keep from reprimanding her.

"I don't believe you," Anna muttered, tugging sharply at the zip. "Don't call me when this ends up horribly."

Elsa grunted when Anna shoved the bag into her abdomen. "Why are you acting like this? I'm not your girlfriend, and you're definitely not mine."

Anna's eyes had burned into hers. "You're right. Goodnight, Elsa. Have fun."

Elsa's heart sunk as the door slammed behind Anna.

* * *

"She hates me," Anna cried out loudly into her phone, curling around her pillow. It was no Elsa, but it had worked for the past month Elsa had avoided her.

Rapunzel had clicked her tongue. "She doesn't hate you." Anna heard the rustle of sheets on the other line. "She loves you. Maybe just not as much as you love her."

Anna winced and rolled her eyes. She was glad they'd made up. It had taken one and a half Skype sessions to fully talk through all of their feelings, but it had been worth it. Rapunzel had been a constant during these troubling times – even if all she did was make fun of her. "You are not helping."

Rapunzel had let out a laugh, not at all apologetic. "I'm sorry, Red."

Anna puffed her cheeks out as she heard the rumble of the engine outside. She was sure Elsa was _super_ excited to be going to Aurora's house. "Just... help me."

"She's upset with you," Rapunzel had sighed, deciding to be serious for once. "Do you have the _slightest_ clue as to what you could have done? Did you say something to her that day, maybe? What if she knows about your little spy mission?"

Anna scoffed quietly. "It's not a little spy mission, it's a very important task for Elsa's safety and well-being." She toyed with the corner of her pillow. "And I have no clue as to what I could have done. The last time I really talked to her was when we came home from our first Friday at school."

"And?" Rapunzel had prompted.

 _"And,"_ Anna continued with a sigh. "I told her that I was just going to grab us some hot chocolate, and to wait for me up in her room when I was really talking to her mom." Anna slowed. "Elsa didn't open her door when I came up to her afterwards."

"Anna," Rapunzel had begun reluctantly. "What if she _does_ know?"

Anna shook her head and let out an incredulous noise. "She can't know. I - I mean, I've been very careful."

"I think you two need to sit down and have a good heart-to-heart."

Anna pinched the bridge of her nose. What if Elsa _did_ know?

"I can't tonight," Anna breathed out. "But I'll talk to her as soon as she comes home. Thank you again, Rapunzel. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Red." A pause. "Go get your girl."

The line cut before Anna could even open her mouth to reply.

* * *

"She misses you, you know."

Elsa glanced back at the car, but the window had already gone up, Ralph already making his way around the semi-circular driveway and out of the gates.

"Elsa!" Aurora had called behind her, and Elsa barely got the chance to turn before her arms were full of the other girl. Elsa wrapped her arms around Aurora slowly. This was for the best. This was what her mother wanted. Besides, Aurora was very nice. A little mean at times, but never to her.

"Hi," Elsa greeted with a light smile, her smile growing as Aurora kissed her cheek. She looked a lot softer without her makeup, Elsa mused.

"Come on," Aurora had chirped, hand curled around her wrist, pulling her along. Elsa followed her willingly, but her mind was elsewhere. _I'm not your girlfriend, and you're definitely not mine._

 _You're right, you're right, you're right._

"You have a lovely home," Elsa commented politely, taking in the very lavish features of Aurora's home. It took a more classical approach, all high ceilings and painted portraits and marble floors. Still, it seemed just as empty as her own home. Aurora had sent her a knowing smile over her shoulder.

"Yeah right." Aurora had tugged her up to the next floor. "However, I feel like you're going to like my bedroom even more."

Elsa's eyes widened as the door swung open, revealing a bedroom that looked like it came straight out of a fairy-tale book. Aurora had pried her bag out of her hand and set it down by the door before continuing to pull her in. Elsa's shoes sunk into the plush carpet beneath her feet.

"This is incredible," Elsa agreed, marvelling over the sheer beauty of the room. It wasn't her taste, of course, but it was beautiful, none the less. Quite frankly, she had been expecting a lot more pink, but was greeted with woodsy greens and earthy browns that created the very essence of a sheltered forest, or something similar. Elsa hardly noticed when Aurora sat her down on the edge of the king-sized bed, admiring the canopy that surrounded it.

"I'm glad you like it so much," Aurora had breathed. "I don't really invite people into my room. It's a more personal space, you know?"

Elsa swallowed as slim fingers turned her head away from the features of the room. Golden flecks shimmered against brilliant green eyes as they bore into deep, arctic blue. Her watch beeped loudly on her wrist.

"What are we watching?" Elsa stuttered out, trying to scoot back from Aurora. Her free hand clapped over her beeping heart monitor. She wasn't used to this kind of proximity - at least, not with Aurora. Anna was the only one who'd been that close to her before.

Aurora had laughed and followed her movements. "You're very funny, Elsa. I like that."

Elsa let out a nervous laugh, fingers curling into the sheets beneath her. "I really didn't think you were _mmph—"_

Aurora was kissing her.

Elsa's eyes closed as she fell back, Aurora sinking further into her, hands fisting into her sweater. Her lips moved on their own accord, fingers tangling through golden curls, thoughts whirling around her head at a million miles per hour. Only two things really stuck out.

One: Aurora was a _really_ good kisser.

Two: Aurora had just taken her first kiss.

Elsa gasped as she broke away, eyes snapping open. Aurora had stared down at her in sulky dissatisfaction. Her heart monitor echoed the wild beats of her heart.

"What's wrong?" Aurora had asked her, an eyebrow arched so high it might as well have disappeared into her hairline. Still, she pulled back, a hand pressed to her chest.

"Nothing, I just—" Elsa wormed her way out from underneath Aurora. "I just haven't done anything like this before. I can't do this. I'm sorry. Not yet." She eyed Aurora, hair mussed, lips crimson and nightgown wrinkled. Elsa flushed at the sight. "Can't we just slow down a little?"

Aurora had looked at her for a moment before nodding. "Okay."

"Okay?" Elsa echoed softly, hesitantly, searching Aurora's eyes.

"Okay," Aurora had laughed, rolling her eyes and smiling. "Let's watch a movie, like I'd originally promised. Is Disney okay?"

Elsa grinned, sinking back in relief. "Disney is more than okay."

("You're not into this for me, are you?"

Elsa turned her gaze away from the painted birds on the ceiling. Aurora lay quiet beside her, eyes following the path of the birds above them. It was different then, seeing Aurora like this, free of titles and responsibilities and watching eyes. She supposed they were the same, two girls who had to carry the weight of the world they belonged in.

"I do really like you," Elsa admitted, her fingers stretching across what little space there was between them. Aurora had no problem linking their hands. Elsa tried not to feel so nervous, feeling bare without her gloves.

"But?" Aurora had looked at her then, a knowing smile on her face.

"But…" Elsa swallowed thickly, squeezing Aurora's hand and letting out a breath. "I think I might be in love with someone else."

"Anna?" Aurora had guessed, a look of understanding passing over her face. Elsa nodded silently, because it _was_ Anna. It had always been Anna. Always, always, always. Aurora had smiled and shifted closer, resting her head against her shoulder. "Can I have you for tonight, at least?"

Elsa shifted to let Aurora rest a little more comfortably against her. Aurora had felt small in her arms, breaths slow and even. "I think that'd be okay for tonight."

"Thank you, Elsa."

Elsa closed her eyes, accepting the kiss pressed to the corner of her lips. "Thank you, too.")

* * *

"Rapunzel, I swear if you've butt-dialled me again, I'll—"

"Anna?" Elsa had called meekly on the other line. "I know you told me not to call you but I-"

Anna shot up in her bed at the sound of Elsa's voice, sleepiness forgotten.

"Elsa?" She'd breathed. "Why are you calling? Are you okay? Did Aurora do anything to you? _Oh,_ when I see her I'll—"

"I'm okay," Elsa had cut in, seemingly out of breath. "I know it's early but, I just need you to come and collect me. Please."

Anna slipped off the bed and started shimmying a shirt on. "I'll be right there."

It didn't take long to reach the Rose residence, a disgruntled Ralph driving, albeit begrudgingly. It was much too early for anyone to be driving.

Anna spotted Elsa immediately, the blonde kicking lightly at the ground just outside the gates. Anna was out of the vehicle before it even stopped. "Elsa!"

"Anna," Elsa had sighed in relief, sending one last glance over her shoulder. Anna let out her own sigh as she sunk easily into Elsa's arms, having missed the little to no distance between them at all times.

Anna pulled back lightly, cupping Elsa's cheeks as her eyes frantically searched her face. "Are you okay? Did she hurt you? Why are your lips so red?"

"Let's just go home, please," Elsa had blurted out, cheeks practically glowing. Anna's stomach turned, but she was at a loss as to why.

"Okay," Anna nodded slowly, melting under Elsa's unwavering gaze. "Let's go home."

Anna, as they drove in stiff silence, didn't once let go of Elsa's hand.

("Her dad chased you out of the house?"

Elsa had squeezed her hand, the tips of her ears a cute, bright pink as she stared firmly out of the car window.

"It seems he wasn't made aware of our sleeping arrangements."

"You slept with her?" Anna near exclaimed. Ralph had begun coughing in the driver's seat, but Anna could hear the laughter in his voice. Anna's dark glare met his amused stare.

Anna's stomach twisted when Elsa didn't answer.)

* * *

"She kissed you?"

Elsa's cheeks warmed at the memory. She toyed with the neat ends of Anna's copper hair, avoiding Anna's piercing gaze. "Yes."

Anna had paused, arms tightening around her. Elsa's body sighed in contentment. She would allow it – even if she was still mad at Anna. She needed this after the stressful morning Aurora's father put her through.

"Did you like it?"

Elsa licked her lips. They tasted of Aurora, faintly. "Yes," She admitted, finally meeting Anna's eyes. She didn't want to be dishonest with Anna anymore.

Anna had cleared her throat and began to move away. "I think I should go."

Elsa's fingers curled into the hem of Anna's shirt. "Anna, wait."

"No, Elsa," Anna had breathed out and moved off the bed, hands trembling. "I can't do this tonight – or any other night. It would be best if we didn't do this anymore."

"What do you mean, Anna?" Elsa shot up in her bed. "We're not even _doing_ anything!"

"And that's exactly why!" Anna had huffed out shakily, sitting up on her bed, eyes brimming with tears. "Elsa, I don't know what I've done or what I did to make you upset but I'm sorry okay? I don't want to lose you. Not to Aurora, not to anybody else. I just really want you, Elsa."

Elsa stared up at Anna in astonishment, before her words finally sunk in, her eyebrows drawing together. "Do you want to know why I'm upset? It's because you've been going behind my back when I specifically asked you not to. You've been telling my mother all of these things, like I'm – I'm sort of pet or experiment that you need to keep an eye on. I'm upset because I trusted you and you decided to just throw it away! I'm upset because I didn't feel human. I thought I could – I could just _be_ around you, without worrying about Mama, or Papa, or anybody other than us?" Her watch flashed in warning. "Did it even mean anything to you? Was any of it real to you?"

"Elsa, I'm sorry," Anna whispered, breath clouding before her. The temperature continued to drop as Elsa's heart pounded in her chest.

"Don't, Anna." Elsa swallowed thickly and tried to calm her breathing. "Maybe you should go."

Anna had shaken her head, grasping her wrists, ignoring the frost creeping up along her freckled skin. "Don't make me leave," Anna had whimpered out, voice no louder than a whisper. "Elsa, I think I might be falling in love with you." The words echoed around her bedroom.

"You don't mean that," Elsa shook her head, and Anna only pulled her closer. Her hands shifted, arm curling tighter around the nape of Elsa's neck to keep her where she was.

"I mean it. I mean it, Elsa. I mean it." Anna had kissed her then, soft and tender and slow.

Elsa was feeling everything and nothing, all at once. Elsa could feel the press of Anna's body against hers, the easy lock of their figures, the slant of Anna's lips against hers. Anna was the summer that crept in as her tongue tangled with Elsa's, warming the eighteen winters in her bones. Anna was everything and anything, and Elsa wondered how she had never thought of doing this before.

"Elsa," Anna had sighed into her mouth, breathless and needing.

Elsa hushed her with a shake of her head, with insistent presses of her mouth. "Don't talk. Just kiss me."

Elsa, as Anna's tiny pecks lulled her into deep sleep, would have to think about it in the morning.

* * *

 _I have nothing else to say other than:_ Damn, _Elsa does have game doesn't she._


	18. Wrap Your Wings to Protect Me

**Disclaimer: Frozen belong to Disney.**

 **WARNING: I just wanted to say that there may be a potentially triggering line or two, maybe around halfway down the chapter. It is not at all explicit, but it is an implied attempt of assault and I just want everyone to be safe. It will be in brackets, and will be after the paragraph Megara starts with this line: "Come on, another one won't hurt!" Please be safe my children.)**

* * *

"Why do you do it?"

Anna toyed with the hem of Elsa's sweater, which was probably worth more than her salary. She stopped picking, immediately.

"Why do I do what?" Anna murmured, the remnants of sleep still wearing off. Her lips still tingled from their kisses. The Autumn sunlight filtered through the openings in Elsa's blinds, soft shadows peering at them from the walls. Anna curled even further around Elsa.

"Why do you report to my mother?" Elsa had asked, and Anna's breath stilled. She didn't think Elsa would want to talk about it so soon. The shadows seemed to grow against the lilac walls.

"It was for your safety," Anna explained gently. "Your mother is only worried about you, Elsa, and—"

"And she thought going behind my back was the best way to do so," Elsa had muttered, voice almost tainted with bitterness. Anna pressed tender kisses to Elsa's shoulder, mindlessly counting the splash of near invisible freckles she spotted against milky skin.

"She loves you, Elsa. She just wants to protect you. I just want to protect you." Anna soothed her hands over Elsa's tense arms, watching the shock of ice recede with her very own eyes. "She doesn't have to know that you know."

"Promise?" Elsa had breathed out, voice timid, but trusting.

Anna laced their fingers tightly. "I promise."

* * *

"I must admit, I was surprised to receive an invitation here so soon after what happened."

Elsa brought her gaze away from the ruby red roses dotting the well-kept bushes, an amused smile on her face as blue met hazel-green. Aurora's hand had squeezed her forearm, shaking her head as a small smile made its way onto her lips. Anna had trailed behind them, a few metres away, far enough to not hear what they were saying.

"Nothing happened, Elsa," Aurora had replied, loud enough for Anna to hear. Elsa saw Anna visibly relax behind them, and Elsa was grateful for Aurora's effort to reassure. "I'm sure my father just realized that he overreacted yesterday morning, when he saw you _defiling_ his only daughter."

Elsa flushed and let out a scoff. They walked and walked further away from the chattering adults behind them, both glad to be away from their artificial smiles and mindless conversations about connections, connections, and more connections.

"I was not defiling you," Elsa argued. "It's not my fault you decided using me as a pillow was a good idea."

"Excuses, excuses," Aurora had teased, smile bright and easy and free. Their footsteps clicked against the path beneath their feet as a blue butterfly fluttered by their faces. It was nice, talking to Aurora like this – as friends. Elsa's chest filled with warmth. They really _were_ friends, weren't they? "What's that smile for?"

Elsa hummed softly and met Aurora's questioning gaze. "I'm just really glad to be here."

"Don't say things like that." Aurora had looked away then, a hint of a smirk playing across her lips. "Your girlfriend might get jealous."

"She's not my girlfriend yet," Elsa murmured a little bashfully, regardless of her mother's words flashing sternly in her mind. She would allow it today. She would allow it with Aurora today.

"Yet," Aurora echoed with a pleased grin, giving her arm another happy squeeze. She had looked back then, meeting a startled Anna's gaze before peering back up at Elsa. "Come with me to Hans' party tomorrow. You can bring Anna, too. I think it'll be a nice break after all of this tension."

"I'll be there," Elsa promised, smiling in thanks as Aurora's fingers adjusted her crooked collar. A genuinely friendly gesture, but Anna still fumed silently behind her. Elsa met Aurora's gaze and couldn't help the small laugh that bubbled up from her throat. Aurora had been surprised, but joined her, hand curling back into the curve of Elsa's arm. "Anna's jealous."

"She should be, I'm gorgeous," Aurora had informed her, and Elsa couldn't help but laugh again, enjoying the toothy smile on her friend's face. Her friend, her friend, her friend. "Come on. I can see my aunt waving us over."

Elsa nodded softly and let Aurora lead her back. They were both so young and burdened with the legacy of those who came before them. Even in this mess, even in everything they were getting into, Elsa could understand that. Of course Elsa could understand that.

"If you stare any harder, I might think you're falling in love with me." Aurora had looked up at her with a small smile, eyes bright and warm, free from her guards and her walls. "What is it?"

Elsa simply shook her head and mirrored her smile, taking a deep breath. "This is the lightest I've felt in years."

("Anna? Anna, are you-?"

Elsa's eyes fluttered to a close as Anna's lips pressed against hers, Anna's fingers curling into the collar of her shirt. They had been the last to leave the garage, Anna having no trouble pressing her to one of the too many cars that surrounded them.

"Mine," Anna had breathed as soon as she pulled away, and Elsa finally got through the daze Anna had left her in. "You're _mine._ "

Elsa stared for a moment, before she laughed, pressing a series of soft kisses to Anna's lips and thinking that this made her feel pretty light, too.

 _Yours, yours, yours.)_

* * *

"Can't I change the channel?"

Anna's sleepy eyes rolled up to meet Elsa's. "No."

"You're not even watching," Elsa had complained, fingers soothing through Anna's hair, nails scratching at her scalp. Anna purred over the sound of a knife clacking against a chopping board.

"I am watching," Anna murmured contently as she stretched over Elsa's lap, hugging the remote to her chest protectively.

"I'm your boss," Elsa had protested after a minute of silence, only broken by the jovial voice of the chef on the television. _"You_ should listen to _me."_

Anna merely placed a kiss on Elsa's knee. "No."

Her eyes slipped to a close, and she slowly began to drift off, warm and content on Elsa's lap. She hardly even felt Elsa prying the remote away from her fingers. Anna was only made aware when the sound shifted, replaced by the soothing, monotonous sound of a man explaining how skateboards were made.

"Hey," Anna grumbled, reaching for the remote. "Give it. I was watching."

Elsa had lifted her arm, voice tinged with amusement as she kept the remote away from her. "Go back to sleep, Anna."

"Give!" Anna grunted out in protest and tackled Elsa to the couch - carefully, of course. She hovered over a laughing Elsa, and Anna was captivated by the mirth swimming in blue eyes, the flash of Elsa's teeth as she laughed, the bloom of warmth in her cheeks. The sound of the TV seemed far away, then.

"Anna?" Elsa had called, but Anna barely heard her, leaning down to claim luscious pink lips.

They didn't get much watching done the rest of the evening.

("How are things between them?"

Anna bounced on the soles of her shoes, hands folded behind her back. She worried over the state of her hair, hastily braided after she'd pounced on Elsa just moments ago. Anna was glad that Mrs Hávadr-Ásdís had decided to lounge as she always did, back turned towards her. Anna couldn't help but admire the subtle details that trailed along the sleek wood of the desk.

"Things are going well, ma'am," Anna replied, voice steady. She didn't want to betray her true feelings. "Aurora had invited Elsa to join her for a party at a friend's house."

"Good." Elsa's mother had whipped around then, waving her half-filled tumbler in her general direction. Anna stepped back, avoiding the inevitable splash of amber liquid. "You need to go with Elsa – you know that. You need to make sure she doesn't get hurt."

"Yes ma'am." Elsa's voice rang in her head. _He is gone more often than not._ "I would never let anything happen to her.")

* * *

"Elsa, I'm so glad you could make it."

A smile crossed Elsa's face at the sound of Aurora's voice, leaning down to accept the kiss to her cheek. Anna had bristled in the corner of her eye, the beginnings of a pout working its way onto her lips. How cute.

"You look great," Elsa complimented, pulling back to fully take in Aurora, her baby blue summer dress fluttering in the slight wind. Her mother's words echoed in her mind – _don't forget to compliment her –_ but she didn't find it hard to be genuine around the other blonde.

"Thank you," Aurora had smiled, eyes brightening and cheeks warming. Elsa spotted Megara waiting in the back, a sly smirk on her face. Elsa ruled it out as Megara's default expression by now.

"Hello Ice Queen," Megara had drawled out as Aurora led both her and Anna inside. Anna followed closely behind, taking in the party around them. She seemed pleased, enjoying the heavy thump of the music and the noise of the college students around them. Megara's eyes had drifted lazily towards Anna in greeting. "Gingersnap."

"It's nice to see you again, Megara" Elsa greeted a little apprehensively. She didn't like the way Meg looked at Anna, the way her stare lingered longer than what was appropriate.

"Hi Meg," Anna had chirruped, seemingly oblivious to Megara's heavy stare, easily swept into a conversation. Aurora's hand curled around her forearm, giving a soft squeeze as a few drunk athletes stumbled past.

"Want to see what they're up to?" Aurora had asked her over the rhythmic thud of music, gesturing over to the table people were crowding around, chants starting to reach her ear.

Elsa didn't bother voicing her agreement, nodding eagerly, curious as to what was going on. It was her first party, after all. She wanted to get the full experience. She threw a glance over her shoulder at Anna, about to ask her if she wanted to join.

Elsa's chest tightened when Anna didn't even look back.

* * *

"Come on, another one won't hurt!"

Meg had grinned and pressed another plastic cup into her hand. The contents were a mystery. Anna wrinkled her nose at the smell that wafted up, but mirrored the infectious grin on her face.

"I guess another one couldn't hurt," Anna laughed out, knocking the drink back and enjoying the burn down her throat. Megara had thrown an arm around her then, pulling her in close and easily replacing her drink. Students danced clumsily around them, hopping along to the beat of whatever on earth the DJ in the corner was playing. She was surprised Hans had gotten a DJ.

"It'll help you forget your little not-girlfriend," Meg had called over the bass. Anna eyed her umpteenth cup before her gaze landed on Aurora and Elsa, who seemed to be dominating the beer pong table. Elsa had looked bright and happy and alive, cheering as she seemed to land another ping pong ball into another cup. Anna took a drink at the sight, spluttering when Megara tipped the cup, its contents spilling onto her clothes.

"Hey!" Anna exclaimed in protest as Meg let out a laugh. Hans had approached her then, replacing the arm Megara had around her shoulders.

"That wasn't very nice, Megara," Hans had glared down at the brunette, who threw her hands up with her ever present smirk and walked away. Anna smiled gratefully up at Hans, who flashed a warm grin in return. "Come on. You can change in the bathroom. I'm sure you can borrow one of my shirts."

Anna nodded and clung to Hans, stumbling along beside him.

("You were supposed to be _mine_."

His touched burned into her skin. "Don't touch me!)

* * *

"What's going on?" Elsa asked quietly as the house started growing silent. More and more people abandoned their beer pong table, crowding around the makeshift stage. Aurora had offered her a shake of her head in response, pulling her along to investigate. Crowds parted wordlessly for them.

The DJ on the stage had stepped aside, a beaming Megara stepping up to take the microphone. She began announcing the presence of the night's entertainment, and Elsa looked around, blue eyes flitting around the room. Surely, Anna would want to see this. It was the sound of raucous laughter that brought her gaze back onto the stage.

There Anna stood, flushed and mortified, standing in nothing but a tank top and boy-shorts Elsa knew was taken from her personal wardrobe.

Elsa broke away from an equally horrified Aurora, who had no trouble storming up to Megara and tearing into her. Elsa's cardigan was off in seconds, the laughter dying down as she wrapped both the cardigan and her arms around Anna.

"Let's go," Elsa whispered, keeping a trembling Anna close to her. A low growl sounded just behind them. Ice kissed the floor, gone as soon as it graced the venue. She sent Aurora an apologetic glance, cradling Aurora close to her chest.

"Elsa, Elsa, he-"Anna had hiccupped, tears soaking through the stiff material of her navy button-up. Elsa's heart thundered at Anna's words.

"Who? Did he – Did he…" Elsa pressed tender kisses to Anna's temple as she gave a weak shake of her head, her hand rubbing Anna's back, trying to keep her warm. She fumbled with her phone after a moment, sending Ralph a hurried text.

"Elsa, don't leave me." Anna had shivered fiercely against her, the Autumn cold surely nipping at her legs. Elsa could only hold her closer, trying to ignore the violent beeping of her watch.

"I won't," Elsa promised, closing her eyes and pressing away her sudden dizzy spell. "I won't ever leave you."

("He was so scary."

Anna had pressed closer to her then, rousing her from her sleep. Her bed felt bigger than it ever had in years. It felt as if it could swallow them both up, both feeling so small and scared. Her lips pressed absently against the bruises on Anna's shoulders. She could barely hear her through the noise in her head

"I know sometimes you feel like you're the monster," Anna had whispered, voice thick and clouded with emotion. Elsa's arms curled tighter around her waist. "But you're not the monster, Elsa. He is. You will never be the monster to me.")

* * *

"Hans."

Elsa peered up as blankly as she could at the auburn-haired boy, pushing down the general sense of unease when she spoke to anyone that wasn't Anna, Aurora, or her parents. Well, her papa, at least. _Conceal. Don't feel_.

"You," Hans had practically growled out, cornering Elsa into one of the more secluded hallways. Elsa swallowed thickly, but kept her face impassive. The ice tickled at her palms. Her watch flashed warningly. "Whatever game you're playing with Anna needs to stop, now."

Elsa arched a brow and ignored the churning of her stomach. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"Anna was mine first!" Hans had declared, voice booming down the hallway. "She was supposed to be mine, Ásdís." Elsa's breath hitched as Hans' hands fisted at the fabric of her cardigan.

"Firstly," Elsa began, voice icy and unrelenting as she peeled his hands, equally gloved, off her clothing. "It is Hávadr-Ásdís." She glared up at him, and tried to keep her voice from shaking. "Secondly, Anna is not a piece of meat that you can claim and fight me over. She is a woman, and deserves the utmost respect. She chose to be with me, and I can assure you that what I feel for her is real. I even wanted to report you to the police, but Anna stopped me. _Anna_ stopped me."

Green eyes blazed as crimson crept up into Hans' hairline. "I could destroy you, Elsa. I am bigger than you in any way. Anna will be mine."

"No," Elsa snapped, straightening her clothes. "You are taller, maybe, but you are threatening the heiress of one of the largest companies, not only in _Europe,_ but in the _world._ My company is _twenty_ times the size of yours." She stepped closer, eyes piercing into his. "And I will be inheriting the whole of it - not the smallest fraction between twelve other brothers."

Hans had seethed, cheeks blotchy, a hand lifting. Elsa sucked in a sharp breath, ice humming beneath her skin. " _Why you little_ —"

"Hans!"

Both of them startled at the sound of Anna's voice. Elsa visibly relaxed, her hands beginning to tremble as Hans' facade crumbled before Anna's eyes.

"A-Anna," Hans had choked out in shock, whipping around to face the fiery redhead. "I'm glad you're here! Elsa was taunting me and I was simply trying to defe—"

"Shut up," Anna had snapped out, and Elsa delighted in how Hans' face morphed into shock. Take that. "You can't talk to Elsa like that. Ever. And I would never associate myself with someone like you." Hans had spluttered in attempt to defend himself, but Anna had turned her attention away from him, and Elsa smiled bashfully as concerned teal eyes met hers.

"Hey," Elsa greeted, voice shaken, body worn out from the confrontation. Her heart still raced in her chest. "I'm sorry I didn't get to pick you up from class."

Anna had taken her hand and kissed her knuckles tenderly. "It's okay." A pause to search her face. "I'm glad _you're_ okay. Let's go, you need some rest."

Elsa nodded in agreement, letting out a soft breath. "Lead the way."

They stepped around a speechless Hans, ignoring his furiously crimson face. Their footsteps echoed down the hall.

"That was really hot, by the way," Anna had breathed on their way to a quiet place, squeezing Elsa's hand.

Elsa flushed, a shy grin playing across her lips. "Really?"

Anna's eyes had swept around briefly. Elsa's hand curled into Anna's shirt as their lips brushed for the briefest of moments.

Anna had smiled tenderly at the dazed look on Elsa's face. "Really."

('Dear Anna,

I think something there might be something really, really wrong.

Love, Elsa.')

* * *

 _I hope all of you made it through alright. Things are beginning to take a turn, and I don't know if it'll be for the better. Tell me what you think!_


	19. Drunk on Happiness, High on Love

**Disclaimer: Even though I don't own Frozen, Disney does a good job with its merch. I'm satisfied.**

* * *

Elsa wondered if she was being a little childish.

Having been very much accustomed to slinking along in the shadows, it was very easy to trail after an oblivious Megara – much easier to target without Aurora by her side. She chatted away to her phone, as if she hadn't done anything to her Anna. She wasn't one for revenge, but... That just wouldn't do.

Elsa had started off lightly.

Sending icy breezes to nip at her exposed legs, tiny patches of frost to cause a stumble or two, chilly snow that would melt on her seats the moment she sat down, effectively soaking through her skirt. Elsa was having quite a lot of fun, but she knew that this was hardly enough to get revenge for what she did to Anna.

This was why Elsa slunk after an obliviously grumbling Megara, closely acquainted with the shadows of the hall. Why she used the back hallways eluded her, but it all served to help her in her quest. Elsa peeled one of her gloves off shakily, hands trembling. In fear, in anticipation - Elsa did not know. She had been so focused on what she was doing that she did not notice that a curious Anna had been trailing after her, the redhead creeping closer and closer towards her.

Elsa flicked her hand in the direction of Megara, eyes sparkling with mirth as her hair flew up in bizarre angles, ice melting quickly enough into water and ruining her precious makeup. Megara had looked around in frustration before storming further down the hall, presumably towards the nearest bathroom. Elsa stomped a little in success, jumping in fright when Anna's voice had sounded behind her.

Ice spilled wildly from her, coating the floors and heading steadily towards Anna's outraged tormentor. Tendrils of ice curled around the hallways, the lockers, and Elsa could only watch in horror until Anna had yanked her into a vacant classroom.

"Elsa," Elsa heard through the pounding in her head, her hands quivering dangerously. The ice sealed the door shut. Her heart thudded in her chest. "Elsa, it's okay."

"M-Monster," Elsa barely choked out, eyes wide with horror. Anna had cupped her cheeks, the warmth radiating from her palms. Frost kissed the windows, glass cracking under the icy touch.

 _"You're not a monster_ ," Anna had whispered, voice reverberating in her mind. Teal forcefully met blue. "You're not a monster. You're not."

Elsa's voice thickened. "But the walls, and the floor—"

"Were fine," Anna had cut in, voice soft and warm and soothing. The ice receded, slowly, and Elsa fell into Anna's expectant embrace. "You're _okay,_ Elsa."

Head pounding, hands trembling, Elsa could do nothing more than believe her.

* * *

'2011/11/24

Dear Anna,

I miss you more and more each day. I'm going to turn 11 in less than a month! I will be as old as you, soon. I'm sure you're very excited. I, for one, still haven't decided what I want. Maybe my papa and my mama will let me out for once.

My lessons have been drab and monotonous and my tutor is as lifeless as the... the leaves on the ground, I suppose. I can only see so much through my bedroom window. Mama, more than Papa, is afraid that I'll get sick if I go outside. I think Mama forgets that I am close friends with the wind that knocks on my window.

I've seen a movie, recently, you know. I watched it with Papa - it's supposed to be our secret. It can be our secret now, too! Anyways, it's made me do quite a lot of thinking, and I wonder, if the world _is_ just a big machine, then surely, we must be the pieces that make it function.

I wonder if we are two parts of a whole piece. Like… opposites, because you're like the Spring and I'm like the Winter. We could be like the clogs in a clock, functioning together. However, I suppose we aren't very together now, are we?

I feel very broken without you, Anna, but, despite a small, monstrous part of me, I hope that you do not feel as broken as I do. I wish only the best for you, Anna. You're my best friend and I love you.

I can only ever hope that we will find our great function in this world. I hope we will find it together, Anna.

Love, Elsa.'

Anna tucked the letter into the box carefully and rolled to face the slumbering blonde beside her. She brushed stray platinum strands away from Elsa's face and planted a tender kiss on her forehead.

Anna decided that she would rather be broken than be without Elsa at all.

* * *

"I propose taking you out on a series of mini dates."

Elsa looked up from her work and quirked an eyebrow, pencil dropping to the papers before her.

"Mini dates?" Elsa echoed in bewilderment, warmth blossoming in her cheeks at the intent gaze Anna had sent her. Their work lay forgotten between them.

"Yeah!" Anna had exclaimed, leaning across the scattered papers and textbooks and right into Elsa's personal space. Elsa blinked, but did not move away. Anna had not elaborated any further.

"And what exactly would these dates entail of?" Elsa pried, her curiosity getting the better of her. Besides, this could be the _perfect_ learning experience! Elsa had only read about dates in books, and those hadn't been very good examples. Anna had gone on dates before - Anna could teach her.

"Just trust me," Anna had declared, a determined smile crossing the red-head's face.

Elsa smiled tenderly, eyes falling to a close as Anna's nose nuzzled against her own. Trust her, she would.

"This is the best pizza I've ever tasted."

Elsa had squeezed her hand. Anna was too busy drinking in the sight of an incredibly awestruck Elsa to answer immediately. A second squeeze had pushed her to respond.

"We're at Pizza Planet! Best pizza in the whole of Corona!" Anna announced with a brilliant grin. A child, plastic antennae crooked, whipped past their table, laughing. Elsa had smiled tenderly and slipped a little closer.

"I've never been here before," Elsa had told her, legs swinging underneath the table, shoes knocking lightly into her own. Neon green lights flashed around the space-themed restaurant.

Anna kissed her cheek with a fond grin. "I can see that you love it already."

Elsa had practically wiggled with excitement in the booth across from her, smile dazzling. Anna was drunk at the mere sight of it. "Can we play on the claw game, too?"

She nodded immediately, smile indulgent. "Whatever you want, Els."

Anna, as they maneuvered the joystick to the claw machine much later, flushed as Elsa's lips brushed against her cheek.

"Thank you for taking me out on a date today," Elsa had whispered against her crimson cheek, burrowing herself further into Anna's embrace.

Anna merely smiled and squeezed her closer, revelling at Elsa's squeal as the prize dropped into the hole. "This is just one of many."

They spent the rest of the afternoon sampling the games Pizza Planet had to offer, oblivious to the snaps of cameras that trailed after them, too lost in each other to care for anything else.

* * *

"How are you so good at this?"

Elsa shot Anna a quick glance and let out a joyous laugh, not pausing once. Anna had panted lightly beside her, successfully keeping up the pace.

"I don't know," Elsa admitted as she brought her gaze to the brightly lit arrows beneath her feet. Her heart thumped, but Anna's rosy complexion and crooked smile made every second worth it. Anna had tipped into her as the song faded off, announcing Elsa as the winner. Elsa grinned and held the red-head close, shaking off the sudden spell of dizziness that struck her. She tried to make it too obvious that she was out of breath.

"Are you okay?" Anna had asked her, eyebrows furrowed in concern. The game's music thumped loudly from the speakers around them. They had picked a relatively slow song, but it had still taken its toll.

"I'm great," Elsa reassured hastily, taking Anna's hand and drawing her away from the dance game. "Come on, I saw a stuffed snowman in one of the claw machines."

Anna had looked at her questioningly, but seemed to be appeased by the smile Elsa threw over her shoulder. Elsa touched her forehead to Anna's briefly, lacing their fingers. Anna had squeezed her hand, tugging Elsa along with a light chuckle. They poured their attention over the claw machine, focused entirely on the snowman in the far right corner of the silly game.

They failed to see the swarm of cameramen lingering by the large arcade windows.

("Are you okay in there?"

Elsa's hands gripped the edges of the sink before her, letting out shallow breaths, the water dripping from her chin. She wished the room would stop spinning. Stop, stop, _stop._

"I'm fine," Elsa called out, hoping her voice didn't sound to hoarse, didn't sound to weak. She had to be. She had to.)

* * *

"Don't you think it's a little late for something like this?"

Anna slid down the slope of sand and waited patiently for Elsa at the bottom, arms outstretched.

"Nope," Anna replied simply, popping the 'p'. Elsa had fallen easily into her arms. "It's always warm in Corona - even during the Autumn and Winter months."

Elsa had hummed quietly and stepped out of her slip-ons, digging her toes into the sand. "I never noticed before. I've never really been to the beach, before."

Anna picked Elsa's shoes up subconsciously, taking Elsa's free hand with her own. Slender fingers linked easily through hers. "Come on. We can sit by the water."

Their shoulders touched as they settled on a big red blanket by the sea. Elsa's fingers had dug into the sand, but her eyes were focused on the water. Anna gazed upon Elsa, and wondered what it was like in the wonderful head of hers.

"Are you ever scared of it?" Elsa had sounded distant, then. Anna could see it in her eyes, though – the lake, the falling. The way her lungs burned. Anna shuddered at her own memory.

Anna brought her gaze to the water, also. The warm waves crashed onto the sand before them.

"Sometimes," Anna admitted, voice as quiet as Elsa's. Her fingers grazed over the rippling surface of the water. "But in the back of my mind, I remember how you saved me, and I don't feel so scared anymore."

Elsa had stayed quiet for what seemed like hours, their fingers twined so closely that Anna found it hard to tell where she ended and Elsa begun.

"I still have nightmares sometimes," Elsa had whispered, voice carried off by the wind. Their shoulders brushed as the water kissed their bare toes and soaked the bottom of their blanket.

"You don't have to worry anymore," Anna told her, echoing the quiet of Elsa's voice. The sun shimmered over the deep blue sea as Anna's lips curved into a playful smile. "I'm not leaving you anymore. You're stuck with me forever."

Elsa had smiled at her, finally tearing her gaze away from the water. "I don't think I'd mind."

Anna laughed and sat in impossibly closer. Always closer. "I don't think I'd mind, either."

* * *

'2018/10/12

Dear Anna,

I do not think that there are enough words in any and all languages to be able to even think about how much you mean to me.

I also apologize for starting this off on such a cheesy note, but there was no other way to.

You don't know how happy you've made me, Anna, these past few months. At first, I wasn't sure of what to think of these mini dates, but I am endlessly glad that I went along with them. You showed me a world that I had been hidden away from for so long, and I'm so glad I got to explore it with you. For years I had been hiding away in my room, living in fear, and you saved me. Every moment is an adventure, and I cherish every single second.

I fear that something is wrong, Anna. I look at you and cannot dream of telling you, but I feel it. My heartaches have worsened. Sometimes, when I'm with you, I worry that you'll notice my dizzy spells, that you'll notice the way my hands shake. You never say anything, but I worry regardless. One pill become three and… I hate that I worry you. I never want that. I promise that I'll work through this, because you're my sunshine and I'm drunk on you. Just this once in my life, I would love to indulge.

Love, Elsa.'

Elsa folded the letter carefully, fingers tracing reverently over the creases. She pressed a kiss to the pages and tucked it into her favourite novel, tucking the book back into its rightful place just as Anna peeked her head in through the door.

"Are you decent?" Anna had asked playfully, a hand clapped over her eyes. Elsa chuckled in amusement and tugged the girl inside.

"You would love if I wasn't, wouldn't you," Elsa teased affectionately, arms settling easily around Anna's neck. Anna had grinned up at her and answered with a kiss.

Elsa, as Anna's fingers traced over her scar once more, knew she didn't want to be anywhere but right there.

* * *

"Do you want to tell me why we're searching for condominiums in the heart of the city?"

Elsa looked up from the brochures the real estate agent had handed her, meeting Aurora's questioning gaze. They were at their fifth property today, and Elsa was beginning to think maybe this place was the one.

"Do you think she'll like it?" Elsa asked with a bashful grin, looking around the condominium once more. It was bright and airy and open, never failing to be full of Corona sunlight. It wouldn't be fully furnished, but she supposed Anna would like dragging her around furniture stores, trying out beds and picking out matching furniture.

"You're buying this for Anna?" Aurora had clarified, the real estate agent looking pensively between them. Clearly, she wanted to go as much as they did. Elsa's eyes swept over the place one more time.

"Yes, I'd like to. Only if you think she'll like it." Elsa looked back at Aurora then, who simply stared for a moment before smacking her arm. Elsa yelped and flinched away, glaring at the other blonde. The agent seemed wary, too, taking a step back.

"You jerk," Aurora had huffed. "Why do you have to set the bar so high? None of my suitors can compare to you – buying cute condominiums for your girlfriend, booking flights just for romantic dinners. Honestly, Elsa, think of the others!"

Elsa laughed at Aurora's words, straightening up, pleased with herself. "That must mean yes."

"It does mean yes," Aurora had grumbled, rolling her eyes and setting a hand on her hip. "Now go and pay for this so you can take me out for late lunch. I'm starved, Elsa."

"Okay, okay." Elsa grinned brightly, taking a moment to finalise details with the real estate agent before turning back to Aurora. Aurora had no problem taking her arm, still pouting and not meeting her gaze. "Aurora, thank you."

Aurora had harrumphed. "Just buy me a souvenir." She had looked at her then, poking her chest, right where her scar was. "And come back safe."

Elsa pushed down the sudden tightness in her chest and nodded. "I will. I promise."

* * *

"I want to take you out on the Best Date Ever."

Anna startled and lifted her gaze. The café bustled around them, varied conversations filtering around. They were cosy in their little hideaway in the back.

"You _what?"_ Anna questioned in surprise. Butterflies swarmed her stomach, though she wondered if they were still butterflies with how powerful they felt. Maybe tiny little hummingbirds.

"I want to take you out on the Best Date Ever," Elsa had repeated, ice blue eyes bright and earnest.

Anna melted immediately, and decided to humour the girl before her. She smiled playfully and tilted her head. "And what exactly would this date entail of?"

Elsa had leaned forward eagerly, looking very much like an excitable puppy. Anna loved it.

"Well," Elsa had started, tugging absently at the collar of her shirt. She was nervous, Anna noted fondly. "First, I'd take you out on a picnic, and make all of your favourite sandwiches, because I know how much you love them. Secondly, I'd fly us to Paris in my very own private jet to see all of the art galleries you desire, because I know how much you love art. Thirdly, I'd take us to Venice, and we'd eat as much pasta as you want, and I'd sing to you as we rode on gondolas..." Elsa had taken her hand then, growing bashful. "And you'd laugh because of my sun-burnt skin, and I'd smile and kiss you and tell you how much I adore you."

Anna was sure she could have melted into her chair right then.

"That sounds wonderful," Anna whispered tenderly, eyes sparkling with affection.

"Really?" Elsa had grinned brightly, straightening in her chair. "So, I'll take that as a yes?"

"A million times yes," Anna chuckled out and tipped over to press a tender kiss to waiting lips.

Curious murmurs sounded around them.

Anna found that she couldn't care less.

* * *

 _Sorry, I wanted to indulge myself and write these two kids being cute as heck. Tell me what you think! We'll be getting onto heavier stuff, soon!_


	20. Mine

**Disclaimer: No, I still don't own Frozen. Working on it.**

* * *

"Does your mother know about this, sweetheart?"

Elsa set another box of books down on the hardwood floors, fingers flexing in her gloves. Her Papa's question lingered for a moment before she finally answered, eyes lowered sheepishly.

"In all fairness, _Anna_ doesn't know either," Elsa replied honestly, giving a bashful shrug. Her Papa's laugh had echoed around the vast expanse of the condominium as he shook his head. It wasn't as feeling as empty anymore, what with her boxes of books filling out the corners.

"You're going to get me into so much trouble, princess," Her papa had sighed dramatically, taking her hand and twirling her into his arms. Elsa giggled happily and embraced her Papa, feeling very much like a little girl again. Her Papa's shirt smelled faintly of lemon, and the cologne she gave her Papa last Christmas.

"Mama doesn't have to know," Elsa pointed out, lips curled into a cheeky grin as she peered up at her Papa. "It can be our secret."

Her papa had rolled his eyes fondly and ruffled the bangs that fell over her eyes. "Your secret is safe with me, sweetheart."

* * *

"What are your intentions with my daughter?"

Anna near-dropped the tray she was carrying, wide eyes snapping up to meet amused hazel ones. Elsa's father stood almost lazily at the doorway of the kitchen, arms crossed. He was certainly where Elsa got her height, standing almost a head taller than her.

"I – I have no idea what you're talking about, sir," Anna replied shakily, not at all confident under his gaze. Adgar had laughed and pushed off the doorway, taking the tray from her hands. Anna swallowed thickly, near trembling as he placed strong hands on her shoulders. Oh shoot, oh shoot, _oh shoot_ , they were so busted and she'd be fired and-

"I like you for my daughter." _Wait, what?_ "I think you're very good for her. Good for her health, good for her mind, good for her happiness. She's needed you for a while, but I'm glad you're finally here."

"Sir," Anna breathed, gaping up at Elsa's father and wondering about how lucky she was that it wasn't Idunn that had confronted her first. She supposed they hadn't been as subtle as they thought.

"Please, call me Adgar." Adgar had smiled easily, the same smile Elsa sent her when she was trying to be charming and make her laugh. "You're practically family now."

Anna's heart swelled with happiness, her shoulders straightening, her eyes brightening. _You're practically family now._ "Thank you, sir." She shook her head. "Adgar, I mean. Thank you, Adgar."

"No, _thank you_." Adgar had peered earnestly into her eyes, his hold firm on her shoulders. "Just promise me that you won't hurt her. Promise me, with as much as you are able, that you will take care of her and love her just as much as I know my daughter will love and care for you. She has already lost so much. I don't think her heart could take anymore."

"I promise, Adgar." A heaviness settled in her chest, a constant reminder that Elsa's life was borrowed. That every second, every minute, every beat of her heart could be the last. That Elsa was so beautiful and so strong and so wonderful but so very, very fragile. "I won't let anything happen to her. I won't."

("I think your Papa likes me."

Elsa had smiled against her collarbone, warm and content and sleepy. Anna breathed her in, fingers tracing over still-flush skin, memorising every dip and curve and dimple.

"I think it's hard for anyone not to like you." A smile played across Anna's face as she tipped Elsa's head up, catching her lips in languid kiss, enjoying the way Elsa's fingers curled into her hair every time.

"Charmer," She whispered, matching Elsa's soft breaths, taking in the way Elsa's eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks as she settled back down.

Elsa had hummed lowly, legs tangling further into Anna's, holding her closer. "You love it."

Anna's heart skipped. "I do."

 _I do, I do, I do.)_

* * *

"Why won't you tell me what we're doing for our first school break?"

An arm had slithered around her waist from behind, Elsa's chin resting comfortably on her shoulder. Anna pouted petulantly, but easily sunk into the warm embrace, abandoning her messy, open suitcase.

"I can't believe you've already forgotten my whole speech on taking you on the Best Date Ever," Elsa had murmured, soft and low against her ear. Anna shivered lightly, and Elsa's arms began to withdraw. "I'm sorry - am I too cold?"

"No," Anna replied hastily, fingers curling into the woollen fabric of Elsa's sweater, pulling her closer. Elsa had been quick to settle in against her again. "No. Your breath just tickled me."

Elsa had chuckled quietly and kissed her shoulder. "Sorry."

Anna smiled tenderly and burrowed herself further into Elsa's arms. "You _really_ won't tell me? Won't even _remind_ me?"

Elsa had grinned against her skin, before curious lips pressed even curiouser kisses against the freckles found there. "No."

Anna huffed, crossing her arms firmly. _"No?"_

"Don't you trust me?" Elsa had asked her, lips curving into what seemed like a playful smile. Anna's eyelids fluttered to a close as her arms fell to settle over Elsa's once more.

"I do." Anna, hands steady and voice strong, chuckled. "More than anything."

"Then let me help you pack." Elsa had kissed her then, tasting of the chocolate they stole from the kitchens downstairs.

Anna didn't mind packing very much after that.

("I'm cutting down your chocolate intake."

Elsa had let out a high, indignant noise, dropping the shirt she was folding. "Anna!"

"It's bad for you," Anna protested, ear pressed to Elsa's chest, listening to the steady thumps, always counting, always wishing. "You know that. You should have told me sooner."

"I didn't want to give it up," Elsa had murmured, but sounded small and regretful and Anna couldn't help but tuck in closer, pressing reassuring kisses to Elsa's milky skin.

"I'll give you kisses to make up for the loss." Elsa had pursed her lips, as if there was really any considering to do.

"Three for every chocolate I can't eat?"

Anna laughed and shifted to sit herself in Elsa's lap, glaring playfully down at her. Elsa's bare hands were warm against her skin, having wormed their way under her shirt. "Greedy."

"Please?" Elsa had tilted her head and gave that silly little crooked smile that never failed to make Anna's heart flutter. "Can we start now? I'd like my kisses now, please."

Anna looked at her then, heart so full she felt it might burst, not wishing to be anywhere but there. _I love you, Elsa_ , she wanted to say, wanted to scream, to declare to anyone and everyone in the world. _I love you, I love you, I love you._ Instead, she tipped forward and kissed her, knowing no words could ever make up for this. Never this.)

* * *

"Did Tiana help you with these?"

Elsa paused briefly, hand halfway into the basket. Her cheeks warmed as she pulled the Tupperware boxes out carefully. Anna sat leisurely on the large blanket, lean legs stretched out before her.

"She made them, actually," Elsa replied shyly, popping the Tupperware box open and revealing the uneven, oddly shaped sandwiches. "She let me do the cutting."

Anna had gazed upon them for a moment. Elsa felt her cheeks burn even further as she hastily tried to cover the sandwiches up.

"I'm sorry," Elsa murmured, hands trembling as she fumbled with the top. "They look really ugly. We should... We should just go to a café or something. I'm sure there's one nearby.""

"Elsa," Anna had called softly. Elsa sniffled. _Gods,_ when had she started crying? Strong hands had cupped her cheeks, Anna's thumbs brushing her tears away. "Elsa, they're perfect."

"You think so?" Elsa asked hesitantly, voice meek. Anna had kissed her then, leaving tiny kisses against her lips.

"I know so." Anna had smiled and broke away slowly, moving the crooked top away from the Tupperware box and picking up the biggest sandwich she could find. Elsa rubbed at her eye as Anna took a dramatically large bite, humming happily. "This is delicious. I love the star shape especially."

Elsa's lips curled up into a bashful grin. "You knew it was a star?"

"Of course I knew."

Anna had tipped into her, holding the rest of the sandwich up to her mouth. Elsa didn't hesitate to finish it off, pecking fondly at Anna's fingertips. They spent the rest of their afternoon like that, finishing each other's sandwiches, and making out the shapes in the passing clouds.

"You're kind of perfect, you know," Elsa murmured against the crown of Anna's head, bare fingers brushing against Anna's.

Anna's fingers had threaded through hers. "You're kind of perfect, too."

* * *

("Why are you staring at me?"

Anna tucked a stray strand of hair behind Elsa' ear, meeting her gaze, still unable to believe that they were lying in a bed in a private plane thousands of feet above the ground simply because Elsa _wished_ it to be. It never failed to startle Anna – how flippant Elsa was with her wealth, because as humble as she was, she was still an Ásdís. She was still an Ásdís, with a legacy, an empire, and it would all be hers.

"I'm just thinking about how lucky I am to be yours." Because she was. Because she knew Elsa could have anyone she wanted. She could have chosen to be with Aurora, because it would have been expected to, because it would have been right – and she wasn't. She would probably never be, not to everyone else, at least. "I'm just thinking about how lucky I am that you chose me to be yours."

Elsa had softened then, eyes no longer hazy with sleep. She had reached up and cupped Anna's cheek, leaning up to kiss her. Anna could feel the weight of the words on her tongue, and she could do nothing but sink into Elsa. "Make no mistake," she had whispered to Anna, voice so thick and full. "I am the lucky one. I'll forever be the lucky one."

"Elsa…"

Elsa had smiled at her then, pressing another kiss to her lips as the pilot's voice filtered clearly through the speakers. "I know. I know. Me too."

 _I love you, too.)_

"You've got flakes _all_ over you."

Anna looked up from her breakfast, catching the amused gaze Elsa was shooting her. Anna blushed lightly and shoved the last of her second _pain du chocolat_ into her mouth.

"It's tasty, okay?" Anna defended and reached for another. Elsa had chuckled and simply sipped on her orange juice, instead. Anna eyed the simple glass, pursing her lips and crossing her arms. "I sincerely hope that's not all you're going to eat. We have a big day ahead of us, Miss Hávadr-Ásdís."

Elsa had startled at her statement, eyebrows shooting up in surprise. "And what can you recommend to me this fine morning, mon amour?"

Anna gaped, warmth jolting right down her spine. That was just… _preposterous!_ Elsa didn't tell her she could speak French. She leaned over their breakfast foods immediately, piling various selections onto Elsa's plate. Elsa had laughed, eyes widening, but remained pleasantly cool, like always.

"There!" Anna declared, pleased with herself and the teetering pile of food on Elsa's plate. "It's perfect. You have to eat it all before we go."

Elsa had rolled her eyes, reaching over and brushing the delicious flaky goodness from her cheeks instead. "Yes ma'am. You should finish up soon, because we have a lot of museums to cover."

Anna perked up at the sound of that, eagerly digging into her food.

She tried not to notice the pain killers Elsa tossed back with a gulp of juice just seconds later.

* * *

"Elsa, Elsa, look at this statue."

Elsa's hand strayed from her temples immediately, her attention going straight to the statue standing before them. _Jeanne_ _d'Arc_. Anna's most favourite figure in history. She knew Anna could spend hours in their portrait room, sitting in front of Joan's painting and babbling on and on about her day. Elsa, personally, thought it was a cute habit.

"It's beautiful," Elsa commented honestly, appreciating the skill that went into crafting aforementioned statue. Anna's hand had found hers easily. Elsa craved to feel Anna's bare touch against hers, but she was still afraid. Especially in private places like this.

"Do you know why she's my favourite?" Anna had asked her, eyes not straying from the carved figure standing before them.

Elsa brought her gaze towards Anna in question, drinking her… Anna's features in for as long as she could. "Why?"

Anna had smiled, distant yet there all the same. "She reminds me of you."

 _"Me?"_ Elsa blurted out in surprise, eyebrows shooting up. Her head throbbed at her sudden exclamation. Her fingers twitched in discomfort.

"Yes," Anna had continued softly, thumb tracing soothing circles continuously over her glove. "Strong and powerful, but misunderstood." Anna's gaze had finally met hers. "You have such beautiful powers, and I will never think of them as a curse."

Elsa's heart ached as she pressed her forehead to Anna's temple. "I don't deserve someone like you, Anna."

Anna had chuckled lightly, accepting Elsa's kiss to her cheek. "You're such a _sap,_ Els," Anna had murmured, squeezing her hand. Their eyes met, and Elsa's throat thickened. She wondered if Anna knew, already.

"Come on," Anna had urged after a long minute of being lost in a mess of green-blue seas. "We have a lot more to see."

Elsa let Anna pull her along, fingers laced together. She would worry about the aching deep in her chest, later.

* * *

"How did you get reservations for this place?"

Anna peered out the window, drinking in the Paris skyline. The lights of the city twinkled below them, _Le Jules Verne_ only background noise as she sat across a sharply-dressed Elsa. Anna wanted nothing more than to curl her fingers into the lapel of Elsa's jacket and kiss her senseless, but concluded that that wouldn't be very appropriate in this fine dining establishment.

"I've had this planned since our mini dates," Elsa had admitted, tugging absently at the collar of her crisp white shirt. "Though, I could have gotten us in even without reservations."

Anna whistled lowly, an impressed grin crossing her face. _"Wow."_

"That would have been rude, though," Elsa had murmured softly, toying with her fork. Anna almost cooed and couldn't resist leaning over to peck Elsa's cheek.

"You're the sweetest," Anna declared as she settled back into her seat. "And I really love this dress. Green _is_ my favourite colour."

"I know," Elsa had replied, lifting her chin ever so slightly, eyes sparkling with pride. Anna decided then that Elsa was the most adorable person on earth.

They settled into comfortable silence then, digging into their delicious meals. Anna had never tasted anything like it! It was absolutely incredible. (Tiana's cooking was still the best, though.)

"I wonder if we'd get a free meal if I proposed to you, right now," Elsa had said suddenly. Anna almost dropped her fork, bringing her napkin to her lips as she choked on her food.

"Propose?" Anna croaked out in astonishment, cheeks flushed and voice hoarse.

Elsa had chuckled and offered her a glass of water. "I wouldn't _really_ propose, Anna. Neither of us are ready for that. I was just wondering."

Anna felt equal parts disappointed and relieved. "Oh."

"I do have something to give you, though," Elsa had told her, chewing on her bottom lip, cheeks glowing crimson in the light of the restaurant.

"You do?" Anna echoed in surprise and excitement. Elsa was really pulling all of the stops out.

Elsa had nodded, flushing deeper as her hand disappeared into her jacket, reappearing with a sleek blue box. Too big for a ring, Anna mused with mild amusement and relief. Maybe a necklace, or a bracelet.

"Open it," Elsa had prompted gently as she pressed the box into Anna's hand.

"This is too much, Elsa," Anna began, shaking her head with a light laugh.

"No," Elsa had cut in. "This is... I want our Best Date Ever to be special. This way, you always have a part of me. Please."

Anna softened at the pleading she caught in Elsa's voice, giving into the blonde's requests and opening the box carefully. A gasp tumbled past her lips, teal eyes taking in the necklace laid out before her. She drank in the perfect snowflake before her eyes, knowing it could only be made of one thing.

"Ice?" Anna breathed out in awe and disbelief, fingertips brushing over the snowflake pendant gingerly, as if it couldn't possibly real, as if it would melt under her touch.

"The ice doesn't melt," Elsa had muttered, fiddling shyly with her gloves. Anna could see the pride in her eyes, however. "I stuck it into the oven at max heat to check."

"I love it," Anna replied firmly, eyes sparkling with tears and adoration. "Will you put it on for me?"

Elsa had nodded eagerly, quick to be out of her seat, soon standing behind her. The snowflake rested right over her warm skin, a cool chill resonating steadily but comfortably from it.

"You didn't have to do this," Anna laughed out breathlessly, shaking her head.

Elsa had smiled bashfully and taken her hand. "Anything to make you happy."

Anna decided then that she would work extra hard to make Elsa happy, too.

* * *

'2018 - 10 - 22

Dear Anna,

Each and every day, I wonder how much time I have left to spend with you. I wonder when the headaches will be too much. I wonder, when I fall asleep in your arms, if I will ever wake up again. I worry and wonder and yet... I fall hopelessly for you. I wonder if I'll ever get the chance to tell you.

Do you think that this is too soon, my falling in love with you? Perhaps, I've always been in love with you. Always in awe, always full of adoration, always, always you. Is it wrong for me to believe that your soul and my soul are very old friends, and that in this life, we are kept apart by time? By circumstance? Has it always been like this? Has our time together always been cut short by circumstance? Will we always be kept apart by time?

A small part of me hopes that we will find a time to simply be.

Every part of me hopes that we will find a time to be.

My hands are shaking as I write, but you don't notice, or don't say anything about it. You look beautiful, sitting there, bathing in French moonlight. I wonder what you're thinking about. I wonder if you're thinking that I'm home, too. I hope so. With my heart, all of my heart, I hope so.

Love, forever and ever,

Elsa.'

"Elsa," Anna had called then, voice travelling across the room. "Come back to bed."

Elsa abandoned her book immediately, tucking it into her bag. "Coming."

They succumbed to sleep as the sun rose, a mess of tangled limbs, bruised lips, and love. Much, much love.

* * *

"I told you to put more sunblock on."

Anna massaged more sunblock onto her... Elsa's cheeks, briefly distracting by the mark she'd made at Elsa's pulse point a day ago. Elsa had squirmed before her, wrinkling her nose in displeasure.

"You know sunblock doesn't work on me," Elsa had protested, cheeks reddened from the sun beating down on them. The gondola bobbed leisurely as Anna withdrew her hands, giving up on Elsa's milky skin. She'd have to make it up with aloe vera, later.

"You promised to sing to me, you know," Anna pointed out as she tucked herself into Elsa's embrace, enjoying the coolness that constantly radiated off the blonde. The water shimmered as Anna peered in.

Elsa had chuckled and shifted her arms around Anna, tucking her chin in against Anna's abundantly freckled shoulder. Anna closed her eyes as Elsa's voice drifted into her ears, full of warmth and adoration. Anna could listen to her forever.

"You never told me you could speak Italian," Anna stated as they stepped back onto solid ground, Elsa's hand clasped tightly in hers.

Elsa had laughed and shrugged, pulling her along to their next destination. "You never asked."

* * *

'2018 - 10 - 23

Dear Anna,

There's _gelato_ on your face as I write this letter. You haven't noticed yet, or you don't care for it, but you look adorable.

This is the image I see as I wonder if you will ever find these letters. I wonder if you know that I'm not writing notes in the margins of my book, but keeping these terrified letters away, instead. I wonder, also, about how many more freckles you have now, with your beautifully exposed shoulders and backwards cap. I wonder how I never noticed that you had taken that cap from my very own closet. I had forgotten that I even had it. It looks better on you.

Today is our last day away. Tomorrow, we will get back on that plane and fly back to a place of secrets and hiding. I don't want to hide, Anna. I have done enough hiding, and I don't want you to be hidden, too. You're the only one that makes me happy now. You're the only one who will.

I'm getting more and more tired, Anna. It's only a matter of time. Forgive me for wanting you all to myself. Forgive me for not knowing how much time I have left for you.

I think I'm in love with you,

Elsa.'

"What are you writing?" Anna had asked, cheeks smeared with chocolate. Elsa smiled tenderly and swallowed down her tears, swiping Anna's cheeks with her thumb.

"Just a note on how much beautiful you look right now," Elsa replied with ease, enjoying the blush that crept into Anna's cheeks.

"Charmer," Anna had mumbled and pulled her in for a kiss.

Anna had tasted of chocolate and marshmallows, and Elsa decided she didn't want to be anywhere else.

* * *

"I'm so glad I have you, Elsa."

Anna brushed her lips against Elsa's temple, curling her arm further around the blonde, bringing her in closer with every slight jolt of the plane.

Anna was in love with her.

There, in their tangled sheets and helpless mess, Anna knew she was in love with Elsa.

Anna followed the steady rise and fall of Elsa's chest, the tiny breaths of frost Elsa seemed to puff out at particularly bad turbulence. Anna fell more in love with every breath.

Anna fell more in love with the fact that Elsa was still breathing.

* * *

"You promise to give us a hundred euros each to give flowers to a girl?"

Elsa nodded quickly, hands curled tightly around the straps of her backpack. The boys before her shared a look before shrugging. Elsa beamed victoriously.

"Be at that classroom by 10. You'll get your money after she says yes."

Elsa walked away then, letting out a shaky breath and mentally patting herself on the back. At least she didn't throw up this time.

Anna had found it fishy when Eric had been in place of Elsa after her morning class. Anna had found it even fishier when she was offered a simple orange rose, lead to one boy after another. They directed her to the courtyard, all of them smirking, eyes sparkling with mischief. Anna's breath hitched when the crowd parted, revealing a beautifully dressed Elsa, a red rose in her hands. Elsa's blue dress had billowed slightly with the wind, but Anna was too drawn to the look in Elsa's oceanic blue eyes.

The boys behind her - Eric, Aladdin, and Phillip - had begun harmonizing, and Anna's heart swelled as Elsa's beautiful voice filled the courtyard.

 _I'm looking at the sun_

 _You're looking at the moon_

 _The different sides of me and you_

 _I look into your eyes and realize it's true_

 _The feeling's there, can you see it too_

 _Don't try to play around, girl. Just let it happen 'cause I heart you._

 _I-h-e-a-r-t-y-o-u_

 _Believe me, baby it's the truth_

 _I-h-e-a-r-t-y-o-u_

 _Don't look no further, I got you_

Elsa had stepped closer to her, open and beautiful and everything she could wish for. Eric, Aladdin and Phillip continued to _ooh_ and _aah_ behind them, but Anna couldn't care less.

"I'm tired of following my mother's rules," Elsa had stated, voice strong, steady. "I want to be happy with you, Anna. Will you be my girlfriend?"

Anna hoped the kiss she gave Elsa was answer enough.

* * *

Elsa shifted uncomfortably at the double doors leading into her mama's office, huffing. She was too tall for this crouching business.

"What is the meaning of this?" Her mother had slapped a cream-colored folder onto the desk, its contents spilling out. Anna had paled visibly, a look of horror crossing her face. "I let you stay under my roof, to look after my daughter, and you taint her with your nonsense! I trusted you, and you betrayed me! I will not have my daughter end up with someone like _you._ Go and pack your things, because you're _fired!"_

"Mrs. Hávardr-Ásdís, I can expl—" The room grew silent after her mother's hand connected with Anna's cheek. Ice coated the doors as Elsa burst through them.

"Don't touch her!" Elsa yelled, bringing Anna into her embrace, a hand straying up to cup Anna's rapidly reddening cheek. Elsa could only hope that her cool touch could reduce the swelling somewhat.

"Elsa," Her mother had breathed out, immediately attempting to recompose herself. "Get - Get away from that witch. She's been doing nothing but tainting you—"

"No," Elsa cut in, eyes sharp and voice leaving no room for argument. "Anna is the most important person in my life. She's not leaving."

Her mother's eyes flashed dangerously. "This is _my_ house. You are under _my_ roof, so you are under _my_ rules."

"Then I'll leave," Elsa breathed out, letting Anna burrow further into her protective embrace. "If Anna goes, then so will I. Come on, Anna."

They whipped around, a trail of icy spikes in her wake.

Elsa didn't once turn at her mother's voice.

* * *

 _Things are taking a turn for the serious now. What do you guys think?_

 _And thank you so much for your kind reviews! They always make my day :)_


	21. You are Sunshine, and I, Moon

**Disclaimer: I do not own Frozen :(**

 **Also, perhaps another warning, for a part close to the end of the chapter. It is the first part of Elsa's letter at the end of the chapter, and may be triggering for some people. Just be careful, my children.**

* * *

"You didn't have to do that, you know."

Elsa's eyes fluttered to a close as Anna's fingers had splayed across her stomach, soothing over her skin. Always soothing. Always there.

"I wanted to," Elsa replied quietly, temple throbbing and heart racing. Anna's touch hadn't ceased for one second. Her watch lay abandoned on the wooden floor beside them. Her mother's eyes burned into her mind. "I don't want to hide you anymore. I don't want to hide myself anymore."

Silence fell over the room like the leaves fell to the ground outside. Elsa burrowed herself deeper into Anna as the hand of the clock ticked by raucously. They were small on their bedroom floor, surrounded by their hastily packed suitcases and unopened boxes. Their coats seemed good enough beds that night.

"Elsa." Elsa hummed in response. Her heart skipped whenever her name fell from Anna's lips, whenever she heard the way her tongue curled around the letters, the sounds. Anna's hands had stilled, but still they shook. "You'll be okay, won't you?"

Elsa's lips curved into a smile. How could she possibly tell Anna that she didn't know the answers? That she might never know the answers?

"Yes," She breathed, because what else could she say? "I'll be just fine."

* * *

"Elsa, _babe_ , what do you think of these?"

Anna held up the mustard yellow curtains hanging on the rack, smiling in amusement at the twitch of Elsa's nose. An obvious no. Quite frankly, she didn't like them either. She just wanted to bring Elsa out from her pretty little head, especially while they were shopping for their new home. (Anna still wasn't over that.)

"Can't we take a break?" Elsa had murmured, sidling up to her and tangling around her from behind. They had been walking around for hours now, having picked out most of their furniture (and nearly getting kicked out for jumping too enthusiastically on one of the beds), and their kitchen appliances and utensils ("Elsa, won't you reconsider these multi-coloured plastic ones?" "No, Anna, I won't settle for anything less than 50 euro." "Per plate?!"). "And if you insist on getting curtains, at least consider those really nice purple ones in the corner."

Anna smiled knowingly, tipping her head back to kiss Elsa's jaw. Elsa's arms had tightened around her waist, drawing her closer, and Anna wasn't going to reject Elsa's sudden public displays of affection. "You could have just told me you were tired, Els. Do you need to sit down?"

"Yes," Elsa had murmured against her shoulder, trying to hide the smile tugging on the corners of her lips. "And some more kisses, if you'd like to give me some."

"I've created a monster," Anna declared dramatically, walking forward and letting Elsa shuffle along behind her, still latched on.

"A cute one," Elsa had pointed out, arms squeezing tighter around her waist, her watch letting out a single warning beep. Anna's heart clenched. Too slow. _Too slow_.

"The cutest," She breathed out, instead of voicing her worries, instead of expressing her fears. Instead of panicking, because Elsa had to be okay. Elsa had told her that she would be. She had to be. She just had to be.

("I can make my own darn table, Anna."

Anna lounged contently on their new sofa, practically sinking into the material as she stretched out, happy to be wearing nothing but Elsa's large sweatshirt. Her girlfriend sat on their living room floor, surrounded by pieces of the coffee table she had insisted on buying, simply because she was fascinated with the notion of making your own furniture. Anna thought she looked adorable, with the furrow in her brow, dressed in a loose tank top and black boy shorts.

"I never said you couldn't," Anna pointed out with a cheeky grin, because Elsa was so easy to rile up when she was frustrated. She reached over, tugging on the end of Elsa's braid. "Come here. We can figure it out in a little while."

"I hate you," Elsa had grumbled as she climbed onto the couch beside her, nosing at the marks she had left on Anna's neck earlier. Anna let out a pleased hum, tugging at Elsa's ear and laughing at her playful growl.

"I know," Anna chirruped, pulling Elsa back up to kiss her, melting against her lips. Lying there, in their home, in their space, Anna didn't want to be anywhere else. "Me too.")

* * *

"We are not ordering in on our first night here."

Anna had sighed dramatically, near pushing her off their brand new couch as she flailed around. "You stinker."

Elsa grinned brightly, holding Anna close on their couch, in their living room, in their new home. Theirs, together. _Finally._ "Mhm, you too."

("Have you settled in alright?"

Elsa sat on the edge of her finished table, wiping the sweat from her brow, a triumphant grin on her face. Aurora's voice had filtered from her phone speakers, the other blonde shuffling around on the screen. Her eyes fell on Anna, visible from where she was sitting, as her girlfriend danced around their kitchen, singing loudly to the songs on the radio. Their dinner sizzled away in the pan as a great warmth bubbled up from inside Elsa.

"Yes," Elsa replied, voice soft and smile softer. "We've settled in just fine."

Aurora had laughed, grumbling playfully about her disgusting love struck expression before she grew serious once more. Elsa tore her gaze away from Anna to focus on her best friend's sudden quiet. "Are you going back? Will I still see you around the campus?"

"Of course," Elsa replied softly, patting the dark wood of her finished table and wondering if she should have simply made one out of ice. That would have been a sure way to impress Anna – much more than the table she had slaved over, at least.

"I heard Calhoun wants to make you class president," Aurora had informed her after another moment, gauging her expression, seemingly amused herself. Elsa laughed and collected her tools. "I agree that you _do_ have the face of a winner."

"Do you think I could do it? Run for class president?" Elsa couldn't imagine it, being such a prominent figure in their year group when most only recognized her as the girl who threw up on the stage on the first day.

Aurora had let out a laugh, but not one to mock her. It was quiet and light and full of warmth. Elsa met her gaze through the screen, not wanting to admit to the nerves that gnawed at her inside. The insecurities that plagued her. "I think you could do anything you wanted to, Elsa," Aurora had told her, eyes bright even through the screen. "And I'll be right behind you. Always."

Elsa's chest filled with warmth, her body blooming with happiness. She did not deserve a friend as wonderful as Aurora. "Thank you."

Aurora had shaken her head and smiled, eyes twinkling. "Thank _you."_

Aurora had ended their call then, all warm smiles and kind eyes, and when Anna had asked her about it over dinner, Elsa could only smile. Aurora knew she would be okay, too.)

* * *

It was in moments like these that Anna knew she was truly blessed.

The silence hung over the room as Elsa had shifted, twisting further into the silky sheets that hid nothing. Anna drank in the sight of the girl beside her, fingertips tracing along Elsa's sharp jaw, the light from the window following her every touch. Anna sidled closer, lips planting tender kisses over the bruises that had darkened as the stars danced in the sky. Elsa had looked infinitely beautiful, then, so young and unburdened by the weight of the world.

"Good morning," Anna breathed as her lips brushed against Elsa's. Long eyelashes fluttered open, lips curling up into a sleepy smile.

"Good morning," Elsa had whispered, voice so soft Anna wondered if Elsa was going to disappear any second later. Anna's hold tightened around her, prayed to the Gods, to whatever high power there was, hoping they would hear her.

"Elsa?" Elsa had closed her eyes again. Anna's heart squeezed.

"Yes, Anna?"

"I…" I love you. I need you. I don't think I could _ever_ live without you. "I want blueberry pancakes for breakfast."

Anna wondered, as Elsa's lips curled into the sweetest smile she'd ever seen, if the blonde knew she was a coward.

* * *

"Your mother has not contacted you?"

Elsa soothed her hand over the wrinkles in her trousers – however non-existent they were.

"No," She murmured softly, fingers curling even tighter around her smartphone, the soles of her brown leather shoes clacking against the ground beneath her. "Mama has not contacted me. No calls, no e-mails, no texts. She doesn't have my new number."

Her papa stayed silent for a long minute, students passing her as she waited for Anna's class to finish. "Would you like me to give it to her?"

"No," Elsa replied immediately, not when everything was going so well, not when everything was settling in. Not when she wasn't sure her heart could take any more. "I don't want you to give it to her. Please."

"Very well," Her papa had sighed out, voice quiet and weary and heavier than it had been in so many years. "Have you received your things? I had them shipped to your new home as soon as I heard from Tiana."

"Yes," Elsa answered, feeling at a loss of words for her papa for the first time in years. She ached to find more to say. "Thank you for sending them over."

"I will do anything to make you happy, sweetheart." Her papa had paused then, and Elsa closed her eyes, knowing what he would ask, knowing what he would want. "Won't you reconsider coming home?"

Elsa let out a soft breath and opened her eyes at the sound of familiar footsteps, greeted with the sight of brilliant teal eyes and an even brighter smile. Her lips curled.

"No, papa," She told him, voice steady and strong, her heart thudding in her chest. "This is my home now."

* * *

"I'm not letting you out of my class until you agree."

Anna stood behind her girlfriend, staring up at Tamora Jean Calhoun, standing tall with her sleek black suit and piercing grey eyes. They had met her husband, the university's technician and overall handyman, Felix, and he had been so nice Anna couldn't help but believe that opposites really did attract.

"I really do not think that I am the person you want for your political endeavours," Elsa had breathed out, knuckles growing even paler as she clutched at the strap of her messenger bag, her eyes big and blue and wide. Her heart monitor beeped wildly, the only other indication that she was anything but calm and cool and every bit the Ásdís she was raised to be. Anna pressed a reassuring hand against the small of her back.

"Your mother had been the class president!" Calhoun had declared, throwing her hands up in near frustration, towering over Elsa's already impressively tall figure. "She was the best in our class, and I'm sure her daughter is just as good as she was."

Elsa's jaw had tensed, the beeps slowing, piercing the brief silence that settled with strong, firm beeps. "I am sorry, Mrs Calhoun, but I am not my mother."

Elsa had taken her hand then, fully intent on walking around Tamora Jean Calhoun and all of her 6 foot glory. Anna let her, feeling the way Elsa's hands trembled, seeing the way her jaw ticked. _I am not my mother._

"What if I told you who the rivalling candidate is?" Calhoun had called after them, making Elsa still at the door. The lecture hall seemed a lot smaller them, just her and Elsa and Tamora Jean Calhoun, who she was seriously considering talking back to.

"Who is it, ma'am?" Elsa had asked, voice soft and tired and small. Anna squeezed her hand firmly, her eyebrows furrowing, her stomach twisting, the warning in the back of her head blaring once more.

"Hans Westergaard." Anna stiffened at the sound of his name, at the memory of his voice, slurred and loud, breath stinking of alcohol. _You were supposed to be_ mine.

Elsa's hold had tightened around hers, cold air tickling her palm as she turned around, blue eyes ablaze. "I'll do it."

Calhoun had smirked. "Let's get to work, ladies."

* * *

Elsa had never been good with children - or _people,_ for that matter.

Watching Anna now, however, Elsa was struck with a great sense of awe, her heart fluttering as Anna joined in seamlessly with the games the children were playing. Anna had moved fluidly, laughing joyously, without a care in the world. Elsa wondered, with a fond smile, if she would ever have this with Anna. She wondered if she would ever see Anna's face when she proposed, if she would ever feel the tear welling in her eyes as Anna walked up the aisle, if she'd ever hold their first child, if she would even live long enough to tell Anna that she loved her. Gods, how she loved her.

It had been a small tug to her sleeve that drew her away from her thoughts, from her fears.

A young girl, no older than 5, had peered up at her, dirty blonde hair held back neatly with a light green headband, hazel-green eyes hiding behind thickly framed glasses. Tiny hands had clutched at a worn - well-loved, perhaps? - book. Elsa smiled gently, despite this.

"Hello," Elsa greeted softly, fingers wriggling nervously in the safety of her gloves. She moved subconsciously, hands trembling as she eased the expectant little girl up onto the bench Elsa had perched herself onto. "My name is Elsa. What is yours?"

"Lucy Q," a quiet voice had replied, hands still curled tightly around the book.

Elsa's smile softened. "It's nice to meet you." Elsa paused, eyes darting towards Anna for the briefest of moments. "Why aren't you playing with the other children?"

"They're very loud," Lucy Q had explained softly, finally pressing the book into Elsa's hands. "I was hoping you could read to me instead." Lucy Q had paused in thought, before tacking on a half-hearted. "Please."

Elsa gazed down at the well-read novel in her hands, fingers tracing reverently over the creases, the pages. _Alice in Wonderland_ was certainly a very interesting read. "I'd love to."

Lucy Q had settled into her side then, latching onto her sweater as Elsa carefully pried the book open, trying not to show her surprise too much. They had quietened then, in their own little bubble, Elsa and Lucy Q tumbling into their own little wonderland.

"Elsa," Anna had called as Elsa closed the book over, after what seemed like hours later.

"Yes?" Elsa startled, her free hand running over Lucy Q's head in apology as the girl jumped, too.

Anna had smiled then, the kind of smile that made her heart flutter and thump and splutter.

Elsa, as a chorus of _'ew's'_ filled the room, could only laugh against Anna's lips, pulling her closer.

* * *

"I'd like to see Lucy Q again."

Anna smiled tenderly at her girlfriend - _were they girlfriends?_ \- and pressed a kiss to the bare hand tucked safely into her own. Elsa had flushed at the touch, and Anna couldn't help but press a dozen more kisses just to see Elsa fluster.

"Anna!" Elsa had exclaimed, voice high-pitched and breathless. A few passers-by glanced over in surprise. _"Focus!"_

"Sorry," Anna replied, wholly unapologetic, a cheeky grin crossing her face. Elsa had huffed, cheeks warm and tinged with pink. "But, I would like to see her again, too. You two were so cute together."

Elsa had grown quiet then, eyes falling to their joined hands. Anna watched adoringly, completely missing the light turning from green to red as she stepped off the sidewalk. Horns blared in her ears, and Anna choked out a breath as Elsa yanked her back. Frost coated the collar of her coat, Elsa's watery blue eyes burning into her own.

"What were you _thinking?"_ Elsa exclaimed shakily, trembling hands curling into her coat. A frantic beeping sounded in her ears. _"Gods,_ Anna, you could have..."

"Elsa..." Anna breathed out, eyebrows furrowing as the frost only seemed to spread further across the fabric. "I—"

"I love you."

Anna, in the fading Corona sunlight, could only smile, a great sense of relief rushing through her as her forehead pressed to Elsa's.

"I love you, too."

* * *

"Aurora has the entire athletic department voting for you."

Elsa gaped up at her girlfriend, who was perched delicately on her lap, looking very content with herself as she hugged one of Elsa's campaign posters. She shifted in her seat, hands splayed warmly against Anna's sides.

"That's practically half of the school," She breathed out in astonishment, waving absently as the soccer players, in their usual herd, called out to her as they passed. Anna had shifted happily in her lap.

"Not only that. I managed to convince most of the art department to vote for you. They found your serenade for me _very_ romantic."

Elsa laughed softly, bringing her girlfriend closer and ignoring the throb of her temple, burrowing her head against Anna's shoulder. "They're voting for me because they think I'm _romantic_?"

Anna had pushed against her, smirking, pressing a kiss to her lips. "They're voting for you because you're this sweet, caring, amazing person, Elsa. They're voting for you because now, they can see all the things I love about you. You deserve this."

"You really think so?" Elsa asked quietly, peering up into Anna's bright eyes, fingers curling into her shirt.

Anna had smiled, warm and kind and tender when she pressed her lips against hers. "I know so."

("You're not going to win this, Elsa."

Elsa, in her dark blue polo shirt and authoritative little ponytail, had glared up into Hans' hazel eyes and smirked.

"Watch me.")

* * *

'30 October 2015

Dear Anna,

I love you.

There are many things I am unsure of, like how many freckles you _really_ have (I have counted just over a hundred, now), or if I will _ever_ fully reconcile with my mother, but I am sure, more than anything, that I love you. I love you so much. I could watch you for a single minute, and find a thousand things that I love about you. So, I crave every second, every minute, every hour and day where there is no you and I, or me and you, but _us._

You are the only reason that I am still fighting. I could so easily give up, so easily succumb to the dizzying headaches. But I don't ever want to stop seeing you smile, feeling your heartbeat against mine, relishing in the whispers that fall from your lips when we kiss. I don't ever want to lose you, so I will fight so you will never have to lose me.

You will never, ever lose me.

Love, Elsa.'

"Come back to bed," Anna had murmured as Elsa folded the letter into the pages of the book, slim arms winding around her neck from behind. "Let me show you how much I love you."

Elsa merely smiled and lost herself to tender touches, knowing, as Anna's lips breathed worship against her skin, that no god above or hell below could stop her from doing so.

("Don't ever leave me, Elsa."

Anna had breathed those words against her shoulders, still out of breath, still flushed with warmth. Elsa shook her head and pressed herself closer, ever, ever closer.

"I won't. I won't. I promise.")

* * *

"I've never been _trick-or-treating_ before."

Anna fixed the orange ears perched crookedly on her head and brought her gaze to her girlfriend, eyes wide. Lucy Q had walked in between them, seemingly shocked at this new development, also.

"Never _ever?"_ Lucy Q had exclaimed, peering up at Elsa and squeezing her hand. Elsa had blushed and shaken her head.

"Never _ever,"_ Elsa had echoed in confirmation, pink ears flopping around on her head. Anna watched as Lucy Q's chubby cheeks had puffed up in contemplation, before being yanked along, the little blonde _Pooh Bear_ tugging them along to the next house.

"Say it," Lucy Q had whispered loudly up at Elsa as the middle-aged woman watched from the doorway in amusement. Elsa had flushed deeply, matching the pink of her _Piglet_ costume.

"T-Trick-or-treat," Elsa had managed to get out, offering the heavy bag of candy she had been carrying for Lucy Q. The woman had chuckled and dropped a small bar of chocolate into the bar. "Thank you."

The woman merely smiled. "Have a nice night, girls. Wonderful costumes, by the way."

"Thank you," Anna chirped brightly, her striped tail bouncing lightly as they turned away to catch up with the other children.

"Your girlfriend is very cute, _Tigger_ ," the woman had told Anna with a chuckle. "You should hold on tight to someone like that."

Anna brought her gaze over to Elsa, eyeing her pink cheeks and floppy ears and shy smile as Lucy Q began pulling them along once more.

Anna's lips curled into a brilliant grin. "Don't worry. I don't plan on letting her go."

"Come _on,_ slowpoke!" Lucy Q had huffed and tugged harder at her hand. Anna laughed and nodded her thanks to the woman once more, before letting Lucy pull her along.

"What was that all about?" Elsa had asked her, eyes shimmering with curiosity.

"Nothing," Anna reassured with a smile, leaning over to peck Elsa's temple, lingering for the slightest of moments. "I love you."

Elsa, with crimson filling her cheeks once more, had laughed. "I love you too."

* * *

"He likes you."

Elsa turned back to her novel, effectively ignoring her girlfriend and the tiny creature in her hands. "I don't like _him."_

Anna had pouted, shifting closer and dropping the little grey pup onto her chest. Elsa yelped as she received a few eager licks to the underside of her chin. The pup had stolen all of Anna's attention for the past few days, so it was safe to say that Elsa was not happy with him.

"Just give Marshmallow a chance," Anna had insisted, nuzzling against her cheek. Elsa wrinkled her nose, a hand settling on the pup's back as he began to slip off.

"I can't believe you got us a dog," Elsa drawled and let her gaze fall upon a sheepish Anna.

"It's too quiet around here," Anna had defended, curling a strong arm around her waist, bringing her closer. Elsa couldn't resist, even if she wanted to.

"You're _really_ lucky I love you," Elsa murmured as the pup settled down to rest against her chest. Her eyes fluttered to a close as Anna had pressed light kisses to her ear, feeling the curl of Anna's lips as she had smiled.

"I'm just really lucky to have you at all."

Elsa hummed and turned her head, capturing Anna's lips with her own. Elsa, as Anna's hand curled around the nape of her neck, wondered if Anna knew just how wrong she was.

* * *

'04 November 2018

Dear Anna,

I'm scared. I know that Doctor Pabi has warned me about fear becoming my enemy, but I can't help but be scared. I am scared of losing this election. I am scared of losing to Hans. I'm scared to think of what it might mean for the rest us, for the students who want someone to rely on, to look up to. I'm scared of what someone like Hans can do after what he almost did to you. After what he could have done to you. I am scared, because I hear your screams, I hear your cries, I feel your shivers, the way you tremble, the way you thrash, begging him to leave you alone, begging him not to touch you. I'm scared that you won't be able to protect you.

More than that, I'm scared of what's happening to me. Doctor Pabi tells me that the prototype is failing. He tells me that it might not last one more year, one more month, one more week, one more day. He tells me that I am living on borrowed time, that my days, and minutes and seconds are numbered. What scares me most is not knowing. Not knowing how much time I have left, not knowing how much more my heart will take, not knowing if I'll be able to say goodbye.

I don't ever want to say goodbye.

Love,

Elsa.'

* * *

 _Yes, I reposted this chapter, only because I wasn't happy with the way I wrote it the first - or rather second - time. I hope you like this new and (hopefully) improved version of this chapter, and tell me what you think! Thank you so much for all of your reviews and for following and adding my story to your favorites! You can also find this story on AO3 now, but note that the chapters here will be ahead of those. Thank you :)_


	22. Leaving Me So Undone

**Disclaimer: I do not own Frozen, or any of its characters. :(**

* * *

'Dear Anna,

I have forgone all sense of time in writing these. I have grown afraid of looking at the flashing numbers, at calendars, of the incessant ticking of that stupid, stupid clock.

I don't want to know how much time I don't have left with you.

The aches in my chest are getting worse. Sometimes, they are unbearable and I can only hope that you don't notice, or are kind enough not to confront me about it. Sometimes, I wish you would confront me about it.

I'm sorry for lying to you, Anna.

I'm sorry that I have not told you how I feel about this. I'm sorry that the handwriting is so shaky, that it might not even be legible, should you ever come across these letters.

I'm so scared, Anna.

I don't want to lose you. I don't ever want to lose you.

I don't know what else to do.

All my love,

Elsa.'

"Elsa!" Anna had called behind her, startling the blonde as she eased her worn red book back into her bookcase. Her heart spiked uneasily, monitor wailing. Her hand clapped over the band around her wrist.

 _"Yes,_ Anna?" Elsa answered, swivelling around in her chair, hand gripping tightly at the edge as the world swam and her temple throbbed.

"It's snowing outside," Anna had exclaimed, cheeks rosy and voice full of exuberance. "We _have_ to play!"

"What are you, five?" Elsa teased, trying to keep the shakiness from her voice, trying to stop herself from reaching for the half-empty bottle of pills at the bottom of her backpack.

"Oh, hush," Anna had huffed, storming over, Marshmallow nipping at her heels. Anna had stood before her then, hands cupping her cheeks and eyes softening. "We can just sit there, Els. I'm happy just being with you."

Elsa, then, wondered, if Anna could have possibly known.

Elsa grinned, regardless, losing herself in the ocean of Anna's eyes. "Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this for the world."

With quivering hands and weary eyes, Elsa knew that the delight that sparkled in Anna's eyes would be more than enough for now.

It would have to be.

It just had to.

* * *

"You have been a real stranger, Red."

Anna winced, despite the fact that her cousin couldn't actually see her. The disappointment poured in through the speaker of her phone, regardless.

"I know, Rapunzel, and I'm sorry," Anna started, chewing on her bottom lip and taking quick glances at Elsa teaching Marshmallow new tricks on their living room floor. Anna smiled at the thought before continuing. "It's just been really hectic with the moving out, and moving in, Elsa's running for class president and probably winning, and Elsa and I got a _dog—"_

"You and Elsa got a dog?" Rapunzel had blurted out, sounding both petulant and excited at the news. Anna wondered if that was _really_ more interesting than the fact that Elsa was running for class president, and probably kicking Hans' butt.

Anna hummed in response, regardless. "His name is Marshmallow. We'll bring him over when we visit."

There was a pause on the other line.

"Are you going to visit? You're going to bring Elsa with you?" Rapunzel had asked, voice softer, quieter.

Anna picked at her shirt – or rather, one of Elsa's shirts. "Of course. I want to see Aunt Gerda and Uncle Kai. So does Elsa." Anna could hear the smile in Rapunzel's voice.

"Well, text me when you plan to visit. I'm sure Mom would like to cook up a storm for you two."

Anna laughed lightly and nodded. "I do miss Aunt's cooking. We'll visit soon, I promise."

Rapunzel had hummed in acceptance, and became silent for a moment before speaking again. "I'm really happy for you, Red."

Anna fixed her gaze back on Elsa, slumbering on the floor with Marshmallow on her chest.

"Me too, Rapunzel. Me too."

* * *

"I won, Papa."

Her Papa had chuckled on the other line, laugh full and booming, like it always was. "I knew you would, my darling girl. I had no doubt that you would."

Elsa couldn't help the pleased grin that stretched across her face, holding her phone tighter, tucked away into a quiet corner of Aurora's home, needing a moment to just hear her Papa's voice. "Do you think I'll do a good job?"

"I _know_ you'll do a _great_ job, Elsa," Her Papa had rumbled in reply, voice thick with what she hoped was pride. "You were made for this, Elsa. To lead, to guide. From the moment you were born, I knew you were going to do great things."

"Papa," Elsa murmured, amusement tinting her voice, cheeks blooming with warmth at his words. "It's just class presidency. It's not like I've become the actually president of Corona…"

"This is only the beginning," Her Papa had insisted. Elsa could hear the grin in his voice, and she couldn't help but wonder whether he truly meant it, or was simply messing with her. "Promise me that you'll always do what you think is best for everyone."

"I promise, Papa," Elsa replied gently, brushing her free hand over her trousers, hearing the loud cheers of the college students from both inside and outside the house.

Her Papa had seemed to shift on the other line, his voice seeming closer when he next spoke. "I love you, my dear Elsa. I am so proud of you, and I know your Mama would be too."

"Thank you Papa," Elsa whispered, lifting her head and meeting Anna's sparkling gaze, catching sight of the plastic cup in her hand. "I love you too. See you soon."

("What's your first order as President, Elsa?"

Elsa couldn't help but laugh, drawing Anna to her once she stumbled close enough. She plucked the drink from her hand, smirking lightly. "Stop you from drinking, I think…"

"That's no fun," Anna had breathed, arms winding around her neck, tugging her down, a lopsided grin on her face.

"I think kisses are also in order," Elsa chirruped, her smile widening at the look that Anna casted upon her then.

"I can do that." Anna pressed up towards her, lips warm and tasting of whatever alcoholic concoction Aurora had very likely given her girlfriend. Elsa melted into her embrace regardless, enjoying the brush of their lips, the thread of Anna's fingers through her hair. "Does this make me the First Lady?"

Elsa smiled brightly, nuzzling against Anna, breathing her in, squeezing her close. "There would be no one else.")

* * *

"Elsa?"

Elsa had been sitting on the balcony of their home for the better part of the morning, a thin blanket wrapped around her shoulders, mismatched socks on her feet. Anna, with her thick Winter coat and big black boots, stepped out to join her.

"What's going on in that wonderful head of yours?" Anna asked quietly, settling in beside Elsa, their legs hanging off the edge, hands curled around the railing.

Elsa's gaze had remained distant, taking in the hustle and bustle of the city, the people marching in the snow below them, cars inching along on the streets. "I can see the park from up here."

Anna followed her gaze, eyes landing on the large park not too far from their home, where they often took their growing puppy out for walks. "Do you want to go to the park?"

Elsa had shaken her head, bare hands loose around the metal of the railing. "I just remember driving by as a kid," She had whispered, voice as light as the snow that fluttered down from the sky. "I remember seeing the kids playing there during the Summer, running, jumping, swinging, playing football, tennis, basketball…" She had smiled, ever so slightly. "I remember never being able to join them, because my heart wouldn't have been able to take it. Because I wasn't _normal_."

Anna shook her head and took Elsa's hand, pressing soft kisses to the back of it, lips brushing over pale skin. "There's nothing wrong with being different, Elsa. You're so _special_ because you're different – and you have to know that."

Elsa's hand turned to lace through hers, fingers slender and fitting perfectly through hers. "Anna."

Anna tipped into her girlfriend, head resting against her shoulder, a smile pulling at the corners of her lips at the tone of Elsa's voice. "Yes, babe?"

"I love you."

Anna grinned brightly, turning to kiss her shoulder. "I love you too."

("Do you think we'll ever have kids?"

Anna startled at her girlfriend's question, having sat in silence for nearly fifteen minutes now, simply gazing upon the life of the city below them. Still, her heart bloomed with warmth at the thought, her mind racing upon the possibilities of their future – of how Elsa wanted her to be in her future, together still. Her mind swam with the images of lying at night, her fingers tracing over Elsa's stomach, swollen with their child, feeling the flutter of their kicks, hearing the rise and fall of Elsa's breath. Her heart pounded with the images of their children - two boys, one girl - running around their backyard, Elsa chasing after them, eyes bright and laughs loud and smiles so wonderful as Anna egged her children on. Her body thrummed with the possibility of having a future like that with Elsa, if everything were different. If everything were different.

"I hope so," Anna whispered thickly against the fabric of the blanket draped over her girlfriend's shoulders. "Gods, I hope so.")

* * *

'Elsa,

You are to attend to Ásdís Corporation's annual ball. Your father and I will be expecting you to be there at 7 PM sharp. You are to wear the dress in the box that accompanies this letter. Do not be late. Bring that girl if you must.

Love, Mama.'

Elsa settled further back into Anna's embrace, the stark white box lying across her lap now feeling heavier than it had before. The box had arrived that morning innocently enough, a simple cream-colored envelope bearing her name taped to the front. Her hands shook as she read the card that was inside.

"Your mother?" Anna had asked quietly, thumbs stroking soothingly over Elsa's hips.

"She's invited us to the ball," Elsa replied softly, setting the card down to lift the cover of the box. Inside lay two dresses, one a shimmering blue and the other a brilliant emerald. Elsa was careful not to cover the material in ice.

"Do you think she's finally giving us a chance?" Anna had whispered, awestruck by the dresses that lay within the box. Elsa watched fondly as Anna gingerly touched the silky green material, looking every bit like a child stuck in a candy store.

"I would like to think so," Elsa smiled tenderly, pressing a kiss to Anna's cheek. "Would you like to try it on?"

Anna had grinned shyly at her, squeezing Elsa's hands. "Duh! Who wouldn't?" Anna had hopped up then, an excitable Marshmallow bounding around her.

Elsa simply watched, a soft smile on her face as she shook away the voice in her head. This would be their chance.

This would be their only chance.

* * *

"You know, the caregiver's asked me if you wanted to adopt Lucy."

Elsa had looked up from tidying up the books she and Lucy had been reading, carrying Lucy with her free arm. The younger blonde snoozed away on Elsa's shoulder, small hands curled tightly into the fabric of Elsa's button up.

"I'm not even eighteen yet," Elsa pointed out with a light laugh, not wanting to jostle Lucy Q too much as she placed the books back on the shelf. Anna watched by the door of the small library, the other children running around in the playroom behind her.

"Would you?" Anna asked softly, lifting her shoulders in a shrug, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She watched as Elsa rubbed Lucy Q's back, murmuring soft words into her ear when she stirred. "When you turn 18, would you want to adopt Lucy Q?"

Elsa had smiled near bashfully, brushing Lucy Q's hair away from her eyes, trailing a finger along her plump cheek. "Not yet. Maybe after college, if she'll still be here."

"I think I'd like that, too," Anna admitted, stepping closer to Elsa and wrapping her arms around her from behind. She leaned up to place a kiss on the nape of Elsa's neck. "I want to be with you forever."

Elsa shifted in her arms, smiling over her shoulder, eyes as blue as ever in the dimming sunlight. "Do you believe in forever?"

Anna mirrored her smile. Of course she did. If there was anything she had to believe in, it had to be this. "Only if it's with you."

* * *

"Anna."

Her girlfriend had fluttered her lashes, and Elsa's heart stuttered involuntarily. Darn those beautiful teal eyes.

"Yes, Elsa?" Anna had answered simply, head tilting to the side, eyes sparkling with mischief.

"You can't just adopt him, Anna," Elsa sighed out, pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes. She knew better than to leave Anna alone with cute animals for five seconds.

"But I've already adopted him," Anna had stated, a hand running affectionately over the brilliant white fur of the kitten sleeping in her arms. Elsa glowered at him.

"Why? We've just gotten Marshmallow. I haven't even fully adjusted to _him."_ Elsa crossed her arms. No, she was not being _petulant._ Members of the Ásdís family were _not_ petulant.

"I figured you'd prefer Olaf, instead," Anna had replied with a shy smile growing on her face, her shoulder lifting up in a bashful shrug. Elsa's eyebrow twitched, but her shoulders relaxed, and her sigh grew defeated.

"I can't win against you, can I?" Elsa murmured, stepping closer and stroking Olaf's fur, too. The kitten mewled appreciatively, roused from his sleep.

Anna had merely grinned, pressing a firm kiss to her lips. "I'm beginning to think you like to lose."

Elsa rolled eyes, smirking and stealing another kiss. She would lose to Anna everyday if it meant Anna was happy. But Anna didn't need to know that.

* * *

"Where are we?"

Elsa had asked Anna, hand tucked nervously into Anna's, ice blue eyes roaming over the front of the quaint home before them. Marshmallow lay by Elsa's feet, Olaf perched precariously on Elsa's shoulder. Anna smiled brightly, unable to help but let her excitement bubble out a little. This was going to be the perfect birthday present. She simply knocked on the dark, hardwood door before them and waited, eyes focused on her girlfriend.

The door opened seconds later, and Anna watched with delight as Elsa's eyes sparkled with joy and unshed tears.

"Gerda?" Elsa had breathed out, hand slipping out from Anna's and wrapping around her Aunt Gerda before Anna could even blink. Anna's smile only grew wider, watching the pair before her embrace as if they hadn't seen each other for lifetimes. Anna wondered if that was what it had been like.

"Oh, I've missed you so much," Her aunt had whispered tearfully, hands running over Elsa's hair, cupping her cheeks, squeezing her shoulders, as if she couldn't believe Elsa was standing before her. Anna's lips curled up. Sometimes, she couldn't believe Elsa was standing before her, either. Their pets had taken refuge by her legs, disgruntled by the sudden movement.

Rapunzel had thrown an arm around her then, her free hand coming up to ruffle Anna's copper locks. Anna squeaked indignantly, trying to swat her cousin's hand away.

"I've missed you too, Red," Rapunzel had merely laughed out, pressing a sloppy kiss against her cheek. Anna grimaced, but grinned seconds later, burrowing herself into her cousin's embrace.

"It's so good to see you, Rapunzel," Anna whispered, sinking into the embrace and feeling something inexplicable run over her. She closed her eyes and let herself be, clinging tightly to her cousin and feeling 5-years-old all over again.

Everything took a backseat in that moment. The darkening circles under Elsa's eyes, the shakiness of her hands, the ever present worry in the back of her mind that Elsa, her most precious person, would be gone the next time she blinked. There, safe and warm in Rapunzel's embrace, Anna could think of only one thing.

It was good to be home again.

* * *

"How is she doing?" Rapunzel had asked her, shoulders brushing as they sat together on the porch at the back of the house. Anna, fingers toying with the woolly scarf thrown loosely around her neck, remained silent for a few minutes.

"She's not doing well, I know," Anna responded softly, as if she didn't want to say those words, as if she wished them to be untrue. "Elsa doesn't think I notice, but I do. Gods, every second of the day, I know she's getting worse and worse." Tired teal eyes flickered over to Elsa, sandwiched firmly between Kai and Gerda on the lone bench halfway across the garden. "This is the happiest I've seen her in a while, now."

"Isn't she doing anything to make it better?" Rapunzel had questioned, eyebrows drawn together, hand curling around Anna's. Anna tightened the hold immediately.

"She takes these pills to numb the pain," Anna whispered thickly, the innocent white bottle flashing in her head. "And she's been visiting her doctor, but I don't think there's anything else she can do. She's growing weaker every day and I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to help her." Anna closed her eyes as her throat tightened. "Gods, Rapunzel, I don't want to lose her after I've just gotten her back."

"Anna."

Anna brought her gaze up at her cousin's voice, sniffling lightly. Rapunzel had pressed a kiss to her forehead, brushing her bangs away gently.

"I know you're having a hard time right now," Rapunzel had spoken quietly, so quietly that even Anna had to strain to hear her. "But you have to believe in her. Elsa wouldn't lose the fight that easily, I promise. You were brought together after being separated for 10 years. That has to count for something, right?"

Anna swallowed hard and nodded. She wouldn't give up. Not when it came to Elsa. Never.

"Right."

* * *

"Are you nervous?"

Elsa's eyes shot over to Anna, her breath catching at the sight of her girlfriend's sparkling teal eyes. Elsa's shoulders lowered slowly, the vice grip around Anna's hand loosening.

"A little," Elsa admitted, itching to remove the silk gloves that graced her hands for the evening. "This is the first time I'm going to see my mother after the incident. What if she changes her mind when she sees me?"

Anna had smiled, then, ever beautiful in the low light of the limousine as a hand cupped her cheek. Elsa leaned into the touch instinctively.

"Your mother loves you," Anna had told her firmly, squeezing her hand. "And I'm sure that she's going to be delighted to see you. Your papa, too. You don't have to be afraid. I will be right here."

Elsa couldn't help but kiss Anna in that moment, overwhelmed with affection, with anxiety, with fear. The edges of her vision darkened briefly when they broke apart, but Elsa easily hid her dizziness with a soft smile.

"Thank you, Anna. I could never ask for anyone better."

The limousine slowed to a stop as Anna had simply laughed, thumb brushing away a smear of lipstick from Elsa's skin. Elsa blushed lightly and mumbled her thanks, before stepping out of the vehicle, Anna in tow. Her mama and papa had been waiting for them at the entrance of the venue, the cameras flashing wildly around them. Elsa could only imagine what the headlines would be like _. The prodigal daughter has returned?_

Elsa chuckled internally, before her hand tightened around Anna's, her stomach tightening in discomfort at the sight of her parents. Anna had merely linked their fingers, meeting her gaze with a loving smile. Elsa knew then that she had nothing to worry about, mirroring Anna's smile and striding confidently to her parents, Anna's hand never leaving hers.

"Mama, Papa," Elsa greeted simply, trying to keep her voice from quivering as she straightened her shoulders stiffly. Elsa didn't have to keep her facade up for long, her mother's arms engulfing her in a breath-taking embrace - literally.

Elsa settled easily into the embrace, eyes closing as her head resting against her mother's.

"It's so good to see you again, my little snowflake," Her Mama had breathed out, hold tightening impossibly further. The cameras seemed irrelevant then, their incessant clicking fading away as Elsa focused on the feeling of her mother's arms. "I missed you, so much."

Elsa smiled, fingers curling into the fabric of her mother's dress as her mother held her like a child again.

"I missed you too, Mama, more than you know."

* * *

("Are you enjoying yourself?"

Anna's head shot up, her nerves settling at the kind smile on Elsa's father's face. Anna mirrored his smile and nodded, immediately at ease. So that's where Elsa got her smile.

"I am, sir, very much."

Elsa had been stolen away from her just seconds ago, Mrs. Hávadr-Ásdís' hand curled almost possessively around Elsa's upper arm. Anna could only shoot her a look of encouragement, before being left to stand there by her lonesome, stealing chocolate from the platters that lined the tables.

"Please," Adgar had laughed, waving a hand dismissively. "Just Adgar. What did I tell you before? The person who stole my daughter's heart certainly doesn't need to call me sir."

Anna blushed deeply, hands brushing nervously over the sleek material of her emerald green dress. "O-Of course, Adgar." The name sounded foreign on her tongue. It was odd, but the delight in Adgar's eyes dismissed her unease.

"I'm very happy for both of you, you know," Adgar had told her, smiling warmly and squeezing her shoulders. "You look at my daughter like she's the only thing that matters in the world."

Anna smiled softly, eyes drifting off towards her girlfriend at the mention. "She is. She's all that matter to me. I love her very much."

Adgar's smile only widened. "Take care of my little snowflake, Anna. I leave her heart in your hands."

Anna straightened her shoulders and nodded firmly. "Don't worry. I won't ever let her go. Not without a fight.")

"I'm so glad to finally get you by myself," Elsa had murmured into her ear as they swept into a quiet balcony overlooking the city, away from the sophisticated conversations that surrounded them just seconds before. Anna settled back into her lover's embrace, her fingers running over the milky skin of Elsa's arms.

"I'm glad to finally have some alone time with you, too," Anna admitted with a smile, peeling Elsa's gloves off slowly. Elsa had shivered behind her, bringing her closer. Anna's fingers laced through Elsa's slowly. "I haven't gotten a chance to tell you how beautiful you looked."

Elsa's cheek had warmed against hers. "You're a charmer, Miss Almstedt."

"You like it, Miss Hávadr-Ásdís." Anna giggled, nuzzling lightly against Elsa's cheek.

"Mine doesn't roll off the tongue easily, does it?" Elsa had hummed out, shielding her from the cold, pressing feathery kisses to her skin.

"I still like it," Anna replied with a laugh carried off by the wind. "Mrs. Anna Hávadr-Ásdís. It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

Elsa had grinned, smile stretching from ear to ear. "It does. And I can't wait until the day that happens."

The 'if' hung in the air, but Anna dismissed it, pressing her lips to Elsa's as she slid the ring onto her finger. Elsa had gasped. Anna merely pressed closer, moulding herself into Elsa's strong embrace, etching every second into her mind.

"Are you proposing to me?" Elsa had breathed out against her lips, trembling fingers cupping her cheeks. Anna let out a breathless laugh, hugging Elsa closer. Always closer.

"No, but I am making a promise." Anna gazed into Elsa's eyes, and fell infinitely deeper into the ocean that lay beyond. "A promise to always love you, to always care for you, to always be there for you, because I can't imagine myself anywhere else."

Elsa's eyes had watered, but she smiled, and she was beautiful. "I love you, Anna, I love you so much."

Anna beamed, forehead pressing to Elsa's and losing herself once more. "I love you too, Elsa. More than I could ever tell you."

More than she could ever know.

* * *

Anna had disappeared for the fifth time that night.

Elsa had gone to the bathroom for five seconds, leaving Anna at the snack table with her Papa once more, but returned with her girlfriend missing, and her Papa somewhat sombre. What was worse, her temple had started throbbing, and she could only focus so much as she wandered down the hall in search for her Mama and Anna, who her Mama stole away.

Her gloved hand pressed gingerly against the wall to steady herself, the corners of her vision darkening as she followed the sound of her Mama's voice. Why did she sound so angry? What if she was hurting Anna? Why… did it have to hurt like this?

"You do not deserve her," Her mother had hissed, voice scathing, unforgiving. Another step forward. Their voices grew louder.

"That's not for you to decide," Anna had replied, voice firm, unrelenting. Elsa felt a flutter of pride as she blinked the darkness away. Just a little bit more.

"How _dare_ y—"

"Anna," Elsa sighed out as her eyes slipped to a close, her legs giving away as she slid to the floor. Her head tapped against the cool marble as Anna's voice resounded in her ears.

"Elsa!" Anna had called, voice thick with tears. "Elsa, _please,_ hold on!" Elsa could only dream of holding Anna, then. "Elsa, please, I love you!" She felt Anna's touch, faint, but burning through her.

 _I love you too, Anna_ , Elsa thought as Anna's voice slipped away. _I'm sorry_.

 _I'm so sorry_.

* * *

'Dear Elsa,

I'm writing this letter because I love you.

I love you more than there are stars in the sky, more than every moment I breathe. Every waking moment, I'll wish of being there with you, and hating myself because I can't. I can't be selfish anymore, Elsa.

I know you thought that I didn't notice, but I did. Your headaches. The dizzy spells. Everything. I wish I had acted sooner. I wish it didn't have to be like this.

Elsa, I miss you already.

When you receive this letter, I will be long gone, and I can't tell you where I'm going. I don't know where I have left to go. I just know that I don't want to put you in any more danger. This is for the best.

I love you, Elsa. I love you with all of my heart. I love you with everything that I am. I'm sorry that it has to be this way, but I'm doing this for you.

Don't forget about me.

Infinitely yours,

Anna'

Idunn couldn't help but roll her eyes, tucking the letter into the pocket of her jacket. _Children._ They had _no_ idea what love was. Idunn pushed away the niggling thought that she didn't know, either.

A rustling of sheets captured her attention, and she was quick to her daughter's side, hands brushing platinum blonde hair back.

"Anna?" Her dear little Elsa had whispered out, long eyelashes fluttering, hands trembling. Idunn suppressed the urge to burst into tears, cradling her daughter's head to her chest.

"You don't have to worry anymore, Elsa. Mama's got you." Her lips pressed to her daughter's temple as a flash of copper caught her eye. Idunn cradled Elsa further into her, turning her away. Yes.

This would be for the best.

* * *

 _I wonder if Elsa is awake right now._

Anna's head rested against the window, closing her eyes and feeling the vibrations of the train as it chugged along.

 _Elsa would never have been able to do this_ , Anna mused, hand curling even tighter around the snowflake hanging from the simple chain. It had felt colder then than it had before.

Anna felt colder then than she had before.

She shook her head and breathed out a sigh, opening her eyes once more, taking in the rapidly passing scenery. The snow-covered trees, the vast blanketed plains, the ominously grey sky.

It had been years since she'd visited Arendelle.

Anna knew Elsa would never think of searching so close to home.

The station was fast-approaching then, and Anna's stomach could only tighten, the distance from Elsa nauseating her to the very core. What if Elsa never received her letter? What if Elsa hated her? What if Elsa forgot about her - forever?

Anna shook her head, oblivious to the strand of stark white hair making its presence once more. This was no time to worry. She stepped carefully off the train, rummaging through her bag and completely missing the large teen standing right before her. Anna yelped and stumbled back after crashing into the muscular back, falling right onto her bottom.

"Hey!" Anna exclaimed, scowling up at the figure before her. The blond whipped around, and Anna soon found herself staring into familiar hazel eyes.

"Kristoff?"

* * *

 _Dun dun duuuuun. Quite a heavy chapter, don't you think? What do you think will happen next? What do you_ hope _will happen next? Let me know!_

 _Also, thank you so much for your reviews and kind words! They're my motivation for writing!_


	23. The Devil Took Her Breath Away

3 weeks.

21 days.

504 hours.

That's all it took for Elsa's life to go back to normal, as if Anna had never existed, as if Anna had never loved her. As if Elsa had never loved her back.

That was all she had left.

Three weeks.

Elsa had grown accustomed to the confines of her room once more. She spent every waking moment in the room, taking her meals away from her parents' prying eyes. From the satisfaction that blazed in her mother's, and the guilt that swam in her father's. She did not need their sympathies.

"I wonder if she misses me," Elsa whispered into the darkness, blinds drawn, curtains heavy and untouched. Her fingers traced over the ring that now hung by a chain around her neck, thumb brushing over the engraving she had missed inside.

 _Elsa and Anna, until the last snowflake falls._

Elsa wondered if it already had.

* * *

"You draw her often."

Anna jumped, pencil running across the page and effectively marring the image. She scowled darkly up at the sheepish blond smiling down at her, slapping her sketchbook shut.

"You need to mind your own business," Anna harrumphed, fingers brushing absently over her necklace. Kristoff plopped down beside her unceremoniously. The snowflake pulsed under her touch, as if it was alive. _This way, you always have a part of me._

"You hurt my feelings, Fiesty Pants," Kristoff had drawled out flatly, flicking her forehead. Anna yelped and rubbed the reddening skin. "That's Elsa Hávadr-Ásdís, isn't it? Only granddaughter of Aleksander Ásdís? Heir to Ásdís Corporations?"

Anna quietened then, hand dropping back down to the necklace around her neck, thumb tracing over the minute details etched into the ice. Who didn't know who Elsa was? But that wasn't _all_ Elsa was, right? Elsa was more than an heir, more than a wealthy child from a wealthy family. How could she ever describe everything Elsa was? How would she even begin? How could she?

"She's... _everything,"_ Anna answered, breath light as her fingers closed around the snowflake. "She's the love of my life."

"Then, what are you doing here?" Kristoff had asked her, his gaze heavy, the sound of his voice even heavier.

Anna let out a laugh. "I don't know."

What _was_ she doing there?

"I don't really know anything anymore."

* * *

"Elsa?"

Elsa lifted her gaze at the sound of Tiana's voice, hands pausing briefly in Marshmallow's fur. The pup yipped in protest, trying to shake the suds free from his darkened fur. He was getting so big already. Elsa hushed him before answering. "Yes, Tiana?"

"You have a guest, Elsa." Tiana had stepped aside, revealing a very familiar blonde figure. "I asked her to wait, but she insisted."

Elsa glanced down at her clothing. One of Anna's older t-shirts and a pair of shorts certainly wasn't something she wanted to greet the daughter of Rose Industries in, but then again, she hadn't been expecting to do more than wash her pets. "It's alright, Tiana. You may go."

Tiana had spared her an indiscernible look before stepping out of the room, leaving a silent Aurora standing in the doorway of her pets' bathroom.

"Elsa," Aurora had greeted simply, softly. Everyone seemed to greet her like that nowadays. As if she was going to disappear if they spoke any louder. She might as well have. "It's good to see you again. Your mother told me I could head right up." Aurora shifted and toyed with the strap of her bag. "I wasn't sure if you wanted to see me."

Elsa turned her attention back to Marshmallow, thoroughly washing his thick fur once more. "You're the only other person I think I'd want to see."

Elsa heard the click of heels and the ruffle of skirts before Aurora settled down beside her, perched gracefully on the low bench beside her.

"How are you feeling?" Aurora had asked, carefully cradling Olaf, who had climbed into her lap, to her chest. Elsa glanced briefly at the blonde beside her, looking very out of place with her pale blue sundress and pearl white heels.

"As wonderful as you can imagine," Elsa answered simply in response, washing the suds out of Marshmallow's fur carefully before bringing him out, running a thick white towel over him methodically.

"Our year group is already mourning over the loss of their beloved class president," Aurora had sighed out. "I've taken up your title while you're unwell, but, it's not the same. I won't be able to take care of them the same way you can." Deep hazel eyes had shifted over to peer at her. "You would have been a good leader, Elsa. Better than Hans could have ever dreamed."

"I'm not dead yet," Elsa answered quietly, a fluffy Marshmallow peeking out of his towel cocoon, a small smile on her face. "But there would be no point in coming back now. I'll be leaving in less than three weeks. I don't know if I'll be coming back."

"Don't say that." Aurora had turned towards her, eyes ablaze. "I won't let you give up now. On everything you're leaving behind here, on Anna, on yourself. I won't let you stop fighting, Elsa. I'll kick your ass."

Elsa couldn't help but laugh, meeting the furious gaze. "I'm dying, and besides, Anna left, Aurora. Isn't that enough to show that she doesn't want me anymore?"

"Absolutely not!" Aurora had taken a hold of her hand, squeezing firmly. "I want to help you, Elsa. I want to help you find Anna."

"Why?" Elsa glanced down to their hands briefly. In another life, she could have loved her. "What's in it for you?"

Aurora had sucked in a soft breath. "I want you to be happy, Elsa, and I realized that Anna is the only one who can really make you smile. I want to see you smile again, Elsa, even if it's not at me."

Elsa regarded her silently, searching earnest golden eyes. She let a small smile cross her lips. "I'm happy that you're my best friend."

Aurora had laughed softly, playfully flicking her hair. "Oh, I know."

Olaf had pounced onto her head then, pulling a shriek from Aurora and a string of giggles from Elsa. Their gazes met once more, and they dissolved into further bouts of laughter, the sound resounding around the space.

"Do you want to help me wash him?" Elsa asked with an amused smile, tilting her head lightly.

Aurora had mirrored her smile, picking a comfortable Olaf from her head. "I would love to."

They sat together then, shoulders brushing as they washed a very giddy Olaf. Elsa's eyes flickered. Aurora smiled softly. And Elsa knew she would be okay.

For now.

* * *

'Dear Anna,

I hope you're doing well. I miss you a lot these days. Marshmallow and Olaf miss you, too. This might be one of the last few letters I write for you, Anna.

This might be one of the last few letters I write, ever.

I know that you have taken the letter box. I just wonder if you'll ever want to read them. If you even should. Mama has told me that we are flying to the United States in 2 weeks, and 3 days. Doctor Pabi told me that they'd have better doctors there. Papa has been quiet about the entire situation, but has been buying me a lot of new books lately. Maybe he's trying to distract me. I wish he wouldn't.

Do you think he and my mother ever experienced a love like ours, Anna?

A drunken mistake. That was what the maids used to whisper about when I was younger. A marriage brought about by necessity, by responsibility - not love. I always wonder if my mama loves papa, or if my papa loves my mama. I always wonder if you still love me, Anna.

I know you've broken your promise, but I still hope. I still hope that you love me, because I'm hopelessly in love with you.

Hopelessly, hopelessly in love.

Forever yours, Elsa.'

* * *

 _"She wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, you know."_

 _Anna's head whipped to the side, eyes burning into the emotionless woman standing beside her. Her hand curled further around Elsa's, her jaw set._

 _"It wasn't my fault," Anna replied firmly, voice strong. It wasn't her fault - right?_

 _"If you hadn't brainwashed my daughter, I could have kept a closer eye her." Mrs. Hávadr-Ásdís had towered over her, eyes ablaze, hands clenched. "If it wasn't for you, my daughter would have still loved me! It is all your fault, you stupid child!"_

 _The sting of the slap registered far later than the fact that Elsa's mother had smacked her clean across the face. Nikolas had taken to restraining his sister, fingers pressing into her arms._

 _"Anna, may I speak to you outside?" Nikolas had pleaded with her, eyes earnest, kind. Idunn had fumed quietly in her brother's hold, clearly eager to have time alone with Elsa. Clearly eager to keep Anna away. Anna's gaze drifted towards a still unconscious Elsa, and she sighed._

 _What choice did she really have?_

 _Pressing a tender kiss to Elsa's forehead, Anna rose to her feet, hands trembling as they released their hold on Elsa's. Idunn was quick to take her spot, and Anna was left to follow Elsa's uncle into the hall._

 _"Are you alright?" Nikolas had asked her, eyebrows furrowing, eyeing the reddened skin of her cheek._

 _"I'm fine," Anna answered quietly, monotonously, fiddling with the silky green material of her dress. "I was just…" Her eyes flickered up to meet Nikolas'. "What did you want to talk about, sir?"_

 _Nikolas had released a heavy sigh that lingered, the rhythmic beeping from Elsa's room sounding through the closed door. "I think it would be best if you were to stay away from Elsa for the time being."_

 _Anna's eyes widened, staring at Nikolas in disbelief. Who was he to ask her to stay away? Why was he making the decisions? Why not Idunn? Why not Adgar, who was away still, battling off the press, the media, as if that was all that mattered right now? "What? Why?"_

 _"Elsa's mother… My sister... is not in a good place right now, and it would be best if others were not involved. This is a family matter." Nikolas had placed his hands on her shoulders, steady. Much steadier than she felt, at least. "If anything happens, wouldn't it be easier to have separated yourself from her?"_

 _Anna's lips curled downwards. "I can't just — leave her! I love her!"_

 _Nikolas had hushed her, squeezing her shoulders. "Please, Anna. I will assist you in gathering your things from yours and Elsa's home. Please. She will be in good hands."_

 _Anna swallowed hard. "At least let me see her one more time. Please."_

 _Nikolas nodded solemnly, releasing his hold. His touch burned into her skin, and Anna couldn't help but feel like she was making the biggest mistake of her life as her heels clicked against the floor. She made her way back to Elsa's side, eyes drinking in every inch of her that she could. A pitiful sob escaped her lips, and Anna threw her arms around Elsa, fingers clinging into the fabric of the hospital gown, tears staining the material. Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn't they just be?_

 _"I love you so much, Elsa," Anna whispered thickly as she pressed a kiss to platinum hair. "I'll come back for you. I promise."_

 _Nikolas had pulled her away then, muttering nonsense to her even as she packed her things away, as she effectively removed her presence in Elsa's life._

 _It was for the best, he said._

 _Anna wondered, as she saw Elsa for the last time, if it really was._

Anna pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes, trying to stop her tears.

Stupid, stupid, _stupid_. A chill ran deeply through her.

"I feel like you're crying every time I see you," Kristoff had sounded above her. Anna let out a watery laugh and wiped her eyes, watching as Kristoff settled down beside her.

"I just lost the love of my life. Cut me some clack."

Kristoff had sent her a subdued smile. "Love of your life, huh, Feisty Pants?"

Anna nodded softly, toying absently with the necklace hanging around her neck. "I don't know if I'll ever see her again."

"I didn't think Idunn Ásdís would ever come up to me and tell me to help her keep you away from her daughter, but she did. I didn't think I would ever see you again," Kristoff had told her, voice soft. "Yet here you are."

Anna's eyes snapped over to Kristoff, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Idunn came up to me after my most recent game and offered to give full scholarships to my younger siblings if I accepted her offer. I couldn't turn down an offer like that, and with a chance to see you again…" Kristoff had admitted, picking at the grass beneath them. "I just thought..."

"You just thought what?" Anna asked hesitantly, warily, unsure of the faraway look in Kristoff's eyes. Unable to believe that the young man sitting beside her was the same boy who held her when she was struck with nightmares of her parents. Unable to believe that the young man sitting beside her was the same boy who she had loved all those years ago.

"I just thought it would be easier if you chose to be with me, instead." Kristoff's hand had settled over hers, then, slowly, tentatively. "That maybe Elsa's mother was right. That maybe... we could give this another try."

Anna drew back immediately. "I can't do that. I'm sorry, Kristoff."

Hazel eyes burned into hers. "You really love her?"

Teal eyes sharpened. "More than anything."

"Just think about it, Anna," Kristoff had called up to her as she got to her feet, fists clenched and eyes watering. "Just not for me, but for you, too."

Anna had no more time to listen.

Anna had no more time at all.

* * *

'Dear Anna,

Did you think that you did not leave a stain upon my soul?

Yours forever,

Elsa.'

* * *

"Any luck in finding Gingersnap?"

Elsa bristled immediately at the voice that sounded behind her, her fingers curling tighter around the picture in her hand. She whirled around to face Megara, and ignored the insistent pulsing of her head.

"Megara," Elsa greeted coldly, the ice tickling her palms underneath her gloves. Megara had thrown her hands up in defence, violet eyes boring into hers.

Aurora, who had gone to fetch their drinks, immediately stiffened upon her return, eyes narrowed as she stood between the two. Elsa's shoulders lowered ever so slightly in relief. "What on earth do you think you're doing here?"

"I want to help," Megara had told her simply, eyes shining with honesty. "I think I know where Anna is."

"How could you possibly know?" Elsa replied doubtfully. How could she possibly trust Megara right now? How could she possibly trust the same person who had gone against her time and time again?

Megara had simply shrugged, brushing her hair out of her eyes. "Where else could she have gone but home?"

Elsa's eyes widened. Of course. How had she not thought of this? The last place she would think of looking.

"Arendelle."

* * *

'Anna,

Sometimes, it feels like I am drowning.

When I lay back and close my eyes, it feels like the world closes in and suffocates me. You're like the sea - endless. I am lucky to have fallen in, headfirst. It is suffocating without you.

I only have 2 weeks left, and I have yet to find you.

Even if it is just to see you, one last time. Even if it is just to hear your voice, one last time. Even if it's just to hold you, one last time. Just one last time.

When it rains, I cannot help but think of you. I cannot help but think of your voice, of how it is like rain that will never stop pouring. Of how it will never leave me.

My doctor once told me that my powers came at the price of my heart. For the first time in my life, I think I might believe him.

It is days like these that I wonder about you, and I - if there is still a you, and an I. I wonder if all of our efforts were simply wasted. A brief rebellion that ended up in flames. I wonder if you burn with me, or are content in being alone. Sheltered. Safe.

But when I remember your smile, I cannot help but feel it was worth it. Our struggle. Our fighting. Every moment of pain was worth every moment falling in love with you. Every moment is worth it, as long as it's with you.

I will keep fighting until the last snowflake falls.

Infinitely yours,

Elsa'

Elsa carefully tucked the letter into the pages of the book. Her hands trembled as she closed the cover. These were the last letters she had to herself, the last letters she might ever give to Anna. She sighed and rested back against the headboard, and wondered about how easy it would be to just close her eyes and never open them again. How easy it would be to just fall asleep and never wake up.

She wished it was that easy to wake up and find Anna smiling at her again.

* * *

"Elsa visited a few days ago."

Anna closed her eyes at the sound of Elsa's name, hand tightening around the phone in her hands. She pulled the collar of her jacket further up, shivering against the chilly interior of the phone booth.

"How was she?" Anna whispered, pearly clouds escaping from her lips with every breath. "Was she..."

"Was she looking for you?" Rapunzel had cut in. "Yes, she was. From the sounds of it, she's been looking for you for a while."

Anna's heart clenched. "What did you say to her?"

"What could I say to her?" Rapunzel retorted. "You asked me not to tell anyone where you were, especially not the girl who is dying to see you." There was a pause, and Anna wondered if Rapunzel finally hung up on her. Anna held her breath and waited. Her cousin's voice was much softer when she spoke again. "Quite literally, I think."

Anna's head fell against the wall of the booth as the tears burned her eyes. "Did she say anything else to you? Did she leave anything?"

"Yes." Rapunzel had seemed to shuffle on the other line, switching the phone from one hand to the other. "She left a small blue book, filled to the brim with what seems like letters."

Anna released a slow breath. Elsa had never stopped writing to her. "And?"

"She told me that she was leaving in a couple of days." Rapunzel had quietened. "She's also heading to Arendelle soon. I don't know why you left in the first place, Red, but it's your decision if you want to see her again. This may be your last chance to see her. She's-"

"She's what, Rapunzel?" Anna asked in confusion, wondering why her call just dropped.

" _Please insert more coins to continue your call_ ," A monotone voice crackled through the phone, and Anna fumbled for more change, eyes lined with tears.

"Come on, _come on,"_ Anna huffed, voice thick, hands shaking as she tried to place the coins into the slot. "Come on!" The coins slipped from her grasp. Anna screamed out in frustration, head falling against the keypad.

 _This may be your last chance to see her._

Anna pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes, biting down on her lip to stop it from quivering. She had to do this.

This may be her last chance.

Her only chance.

* * *

'Dear Elsa,

I don't really know how to start this off. I guess I know more than anyone that writing letters is your forte, but I just couldn't let these feelings bubble up inside of me anymore. I can see why you loved writing letters so much.

Elsa, I'm sorry.

Before anything else, I feel that you should know that I am so, so sorry. I never wanted to leave you behind in that hospital room that night. I never wanted my last image of you to be so lifeless, so lost in a sea of tubes and wires and too clean sheets. I never wanted your last memory of me to be one that broke our promise. Sometimes I wonder if it's easier to simply forget about that promise. Isn't it easier to know that you forgot about a promise, than know that you didn't fulfil it? I wish I didn't have to think about things like that.

I miss waking up beside you. I miss hearing Marshmallow and Olaf making a mess in the kitchen. I miss waking up and thinking about what we'd have for breakfast, rather than waking and thinking about the fact that you might not even be here anymore. I wish, more than anything, that you'll come back to me. But I don't know if you can anymore. I don't know if we can ever go back anymore.

I love you so much, Elsa.

Yours forever,

Anna'

* * *

"I haven't been here in so long," Elsa stated with wonder in her voice as she peered out of tinted windows, fingertips pressed delicately against the glass. Her eyes grew wide, drinking in the city of her childhood, noting everything that changed and everything that hadn't. She remembered first meeting Anna on the same vacant lot a few children were playing football in, remembered the smiles they shared and the messy hands and the feeling of never seeing each other again. She remembered their first snowman, the lake incident, the first time she left Anna behind.

"Hey kiddo," Ralph called from the driver's seat, startling Elsa from her thoughts - and saving her shattering the entire window. She withdrew her hands immediately, eyes wide. "How are you holding up? Need a break?"

Elsa lifted her gaze from her shaking hands, meeting Ralph's through the rear-view mirror. "I'm fine. I just... remembered a few things."

Ralph's eyebrow rose. "Good?"

"And bad," Elsa replied, directing her gaze back to the frosted window. "I didn't spend a lot of time living here in Arendelle, but this is the town that I first met Anna."

"You'll find her soon," Ralph reassured, voice earnest. Elsa smiled lightly.

"Thank you." Her hands twisted together. "But if I don't find her today, maybe I really just wasn't meant to."

"That's no way of thinking, kiddo," Ralph had gruffed out in his own affectionate way, slowing the car beside a small park. "Come on, let's grab some fresh air. I'm sure the hour long drive is getting to your head."

"I could have you fired for going against my instructions," Elsa joked as she slid out of the car, looking around as the wind whipped through her hair. She toyed with a strand, smiling to herself. She was thinking of cutting it all off. She wondered what Anna would think about that.

"Earth to kiddo," Ralph had called out with a hint of amusement. Elsa jumped once more, her eyes cutting towards him sharply.

"Stop doing that," Elsa murmured, walking ahead of her towering bodyguard/driver, hands stuffed petulantly in her pockets. She stomped along for a few moments, before slowly coming to realize where exactly she was. "Anna..."

She started picking up her pace, then, boots thumping against the ground as she followed the worn park paths to a place she knew off by heart. Ralph's cries only grew more distant, carried away from the wind that nipped at her exposed ears. She ignored him, ignored the throbbing of her chest and the stuttering of her heart. Her lungs burned. She needed to get there. She needed to see.

A flash of fiery hair.

A deep, shaky breath.

"Anna."

* * *

Anna smiled softly and ran her fingers over the bark of the tree. They had been so young. They had been so clueless. Elsa had been so nervous, showing her her powers for the first time. God, Anna could only wish that they could be like that again. She had been so selfish then, and even more selfish now.

"Anna."

A chill ran down her spine, her body sighing out in recognition. She could recognize that voice from anywhere.

"Elsa," She uttered simply as she turned around, drinking her in. Elsa looked wonderful, hair messy and eyes bright and cheeks flushed. Anna had never seen her so alive in months.

"You're really here," Elsa had exhaled in delight, chest heaving as she stepped forward, slowly, carefully. Afraid she would run away (again).

"Here I am," Anna replied lamely, smile crooked and eyes closing when Elsa's arms wrapped around her. She sunk into the embrace immediately, pressing her face into Elsa's shoulder, breathing her in, holding her close. For the last time. For the last time. "Here you are..."

"I've been looking for you," Elsa had mumbled after pressing a dozen kisses to her hair. "When I woke up at the hospital, you weren't there. And my mama told me that you left, that you didn't want to be with me... I didn't believe her. Your stuff was missing from the condominium, but I... I didn't want to believe her." She had pulled back, eyebrows furrowed. "I was so worried."

"I'm sorry," Anna whispered up to Elsa, looking away from those stunningly blue eyes as drops of rain started to fall. "I just thought it would be best to let you recover on your own for a while."

"But why?" Elsa had asked in confusion, trying to meet her gaze. Anna squeezed her eyes shut. "Did Mama say something to you?"

"Of course not," Anna defended quickly. She didn't want to cause any more trouble between Elsa and her mother. "I just think we needed some space."

"Space?" Elsa had echoed. Anna could feel the prickling of frost on her jacket. "Why?"

"I just feel that maybe we should be apart, until you get back." Anna mustered up the courage to look Elsa in the eye. "Maybe you should experience being with someone else, even for just a little while."

"But - But I don't want anyone else, Anna." Elsa had uttered slowly, eyes sparkling with tears, the rain darkening her platinum hair.

"Elsa, please, try to understand," Anna began to reason, trying not to take it all back, trying not to just give into what she wanted and just be with Elsa - forever.

"I'd always choose you. In every, and any universe, at any time, at any place, infinitely - I'd choose you." Elsa's hands dropped from her jacket. "I will always love you. Even if I never see you again. Even if I saw you for every second of every day."

Anna watched as those hands, bare - for _her_ \- shook. _"Elsa."_

"But if you tell me that you don't love me anymore, I'll go. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't feel the same way, and you'll never, ever see me again."

Anna's heart clenched and her stomach dropped, the world stilling around them. She stared into those endlessly blue eyes, into those wonderful, wonderful eyes… And lied. "I don't love you anymore, Elsa."

Elsa had stayed silent for a moment, eyes dim and breath still, before a tiny sound bubbled out from Elsa's mouth. Quivering hands clasped over Elsa's mouth, her tears finally spilling over. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Anna never felt worse. "Elsa…" She whispered thickly. "I'm sorry, I-"

Elsa was gone the next moment she blinked, running against the heavy rain, leaving a trail of ice behind her.

"Elsa!" She called after her, hopelessly, endlessly. Why had she done that? Why had she lied? Why had she pushed away the love of her life?

Anna watched as Elsa just grew smaller and smaller, washed away with the rain and her falling tears. Anna couldn't be selfish anymore. Anna couldn't keep her away from what was good for her.

"I love you, Elsa."

* * *

Cold.

For the first time, Elsa felt cold.

Elsa could feel it. The rain that soaked through her hair, her clothes - chilling her to the bone. Every breath she drew in, every breath that stung her lungs, every breath she puffed out. Every tear that fell, lost in the rain, freezing against her cheeks.

Elsa was no longer afraid.

What else did she have to lose now? She just had to keep running. One foot in front of the other. Further and further away from Anna.

Anna.

She stumbled at the mere thought of her name, making it past the entrance of the park, collapsing on an empty road. She stared at her shaking hands, at the ice that erupted from her touch. Why were they shaking? Why were they always shaking?

Her hands slammed against the ground once more, her sobs burning her throat raw. The spikes erupted around her, she knew. The wind was picking up. The rain was coming down much faster, much stronger.

Conceal it. Don't feel it.

Gods, she wished it was that easy.

Her head fell to the ground, body quivering in pain. Her temple throbbed, and her vision dimmed, and for once, Elsa was not afraid of succumbing to the darkness. Elsa wasn't going to be afraid anymore.

Her eyes closed, and suddenly there was a commotion around her. Her mother crying. Her father yelling. Sirens blaring. Anna... Anna crying out for her. She felt their hands, afraid to break her. Always afraid to break her.

"You're going to be fine, Elsa," Her mother had whispered into her ear as she felt the shelter from the rain. Elsa felt her life slipping from her grasp. "You're going to be just fine."

Elsa felt herself smile, and she wished she could believe her, one last time.

 _It's time_ , a voice cooed. _Let it go_.

With a shaky breath, Elsa spoke. "I love you."

 _And I'm sorry._

* * *

 _A heavy chapter, one I quite frankly I have no more words for. I feel so deeply for these two kids._

 _And, to that one guest who left such a wonderful, wonderful message - thank you. Thank you for your kind words. I had received it in a time of distress and it certainly helped._

 _Of course, I appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you so much for following me on this bumpy ride. I can't make any good promises yet. Hang on, friends._


	24. The World Has No Place For Lost Souls

_The following chapter follows the events just after the event in the hospital, in between, and after. Hope it clears up any issues people had._

* * *

"I'm glad you have enough common sense not to bother my family any more than you already have."

Anna's hand had stilled, curled around the clothes in the wardrobe, feeling out of place amongst her and Elsa's neatly stacked clothes in her shimmering green dress. Elsa's uncle, Nikolas, a man she had had a very good opinion of, had spoken for the first time since the incident outside Elsa's room.

"I didn't want to cause a commotion," Anna had replied simply, eighteen and broken and so, so tired. Not of fighting, never of fighting for Elsa – but for everything else. Elsa's illness, every second that passed, the way the minutes piled onto her back like heavy bricks, closing in around them, inevitable. Unstoppable.

"You would have been good for my niece," Nikolas had admitted, doing nothing but lounging around on one of the armchairs in her and Elsa's bedroom – so barely lived in, but theirs. "If you were from a better family, I'm sure you would have made a good partner for her."

Anna's jaw had set, eighteen and young and so tired of being told she wasn't good enough. Never good enough. "I'm sorry I couldn't be more like Aurora Rose." Because she couldn't help, in the deepest, most traitorous parts of her, to be jealous, to be afraid, of Aurora being everything Elsa could ever want.

"A true shame." Nikolas had gotten to his feet as Anna zipped up the last of her bags, closed up the last of her boxes, their new home half empty, her worn pink mug the only sign that she had ever been here.

"Why do I have to go? I can help, you know? Elsa would want me to be there." Anna stood up to Nikolas, with his steely grey eyes and his dark blonde hair, suit as impeccable as ever.

"It's not about what you want," Nikolas had replied simply, staring down at her, shaking his head. "It's not about what my niece would want. Right now, my concern is for my sister, and I'll be damned if I let anyone get in my way, or hers. This is a family matter – one you do not fit in, Miss Almstedt.""

"Idunn has done nothing but keep her daughter away from true happiness," Anna had snapped, hands curled into fists by her side, feeling small in the shadow of his towering frame.

"Do not speak of my sister as if you know who she truly is." Nikolas' gaze had darkened, his own hands curling into fists, jewels from golden rings flashing dangerously in the light of the room. "You were not the one who watched her destroy herself loving a man who did not love her back. You were not the one who held her on nights she could do nothing but cry herself to sleep, because for once she did not have to feel the resentment and the hatred and the anger she felt for a man who did not try, because she finally had her miracle. You were not the one who watched her grow bitter, watched her grow cold, watched her lose her one precious thing because some naive little girl thought she could show back up and sweep Elsa away. You weren't the one who hurt this family first, no, but I will be damned if I let you hurt it any more than you already have. I won't let a penniless little brat like you destroy the last thing that keeps my sister sane. _Never."_

Anna had shaken her head, eighteen and way too stubborn for her own good. "That doesn't excuse anything that she did. The world did not have to make her hard."

Her breath had hitched when his hands curled around her arms, his eyes boring into hers, colder than any way Elsa's ice could have been. Anna had squirmed in his hold, her protests dying on her tongue as he spoke, voice low, leaving no room for argument. "If you know what's good for you, you'll leave, and you will not come back. She is dying, because of you. If something happens to my niece, I will not hesitate to destroy whatever little good name you have."

"Nobody would believe you," Anna had managed, voice tight in her throat, her heart pounding in her chest.

"I am the current head of one of the biggest companies in the world, and you are a little girl from a little town who is way too in over her head." Nikolas had smirked. "You cannot win. I won't let a girl like you ruin my father's legacy – not like this. I'd like to see you try."

Anna had been eighteen and angry and naïve when she glared, reared her hand back, and truly punched someone in the face.

* * *

Anna was eighteen and young and lonely when she heard a knock upon her new apartment's door, shattering the heavy silence that lay over the entire place.

Anna was eighteen and young and lonely when Adgar Hávadr-Ásdís stood at her door, looking much older in his wrinkled shirt and his green eyes and his light orange hair - the first time she saw him since Nikolas whisked her away from the hospital, without much more choice, without much more fight, not with Elsa lying there, dying. _Because of you_ , Nikolas had told her. _Because of you._

"I wasn't expecting you to show up, sir." Anna's voice had sounded hoarse with disuse, eyes heavy with sleep that always escaped her. "After what happened with Nikolas, I was sure all of you would be happy that I was gone."

"I came here to apologize." Adgar hadn't stepped into her apartment, and Anna stared before she dared step away, remembering the way Nikolas held onto her arms at the condominium, the way he stared into her eyes, pleading, begging, desperate - as if it was his only choice. She was left afraid, reminded too much of Hans, and how it was one time too many. How she shouldn't be used to it.

"I don't need any apologies, sir." Anna had replied, rubbing at her arms, rubbing at the marks Nikolas' fingers had left behind. _I won't let a girl like you ruin my father's legacy - not like this._

"Adgar, please," Elsa's father had pressed, insisted, gazing down into her eyes and looking just as lost as she did. "Please call me Adgar. If anything, grant me that."

"Okay," Anna had whispered, feeling small in one of the sweaters she'd taken from Elsa's side of the wardrobe. "Okay, Adgar. But I do not want any apologies."

Adgar had nodded, hands hanging limp by his sides, scruffy with his tousled hair and growing beard. He looked nothing like the head architect of a multi-billion company, like the husband of one of the biggest names in the business world. He looked like her father, in the distant, hazy place in the back of her mind, on nights when her fever would not leave her, on nights she would wheeze and cough and cry. He had let out a heavy breath and stepped forward, taking her into his arms, her head pressed to his chest.

Anna, for the first time in months, let herself feel the weight of lost time, of the hours, the minutes, the seconds she spent sitting there, worrying about Elsa, wondering about whether she would wake up, whether she would ever told her that she loved her, still. After this, after all of this. "I'm so scared."

"I know," Adgar had whispered, voice thick, his cheek pressed to the top of her head, his chest trembling in the way she knew he was crying. For Elsa. All for Elsa. "But it wasn't your fault. It was never your fault."

Anna, eighteen and so full of love and so full of hurt and so full of anger for the world. Angry that she couldn't love the way she wanted to. Angry that she had to lose Elsa, over and over and over again. And she cried, and she believed him, because it wasn't her fault.

It had never been her fault.

Right?

* * *

Anna had been eighteen and lost when Elsa's mother had found her.

She had stumbled out of the chilly phone booth, numb fingers closed around even colder change when she saw her. Anna had wondered if she had been dreaming, if Rapunzel's call had been part of a vivid nightmare, if what she had heard about Elsa was all in her head, just her mind playing tricks on her.

The woman before her had sneered, and Anna knew she hadn't been dreaming.

Anna had soon found herself in a quaint little coffee shop, fingers curled around a steaming mug of hot chocolate and teal eyes fixed on the stoic woman seated almost regally before her. Anna's fingers had tightened around the mug under her scrutiny.

"What will it take for you to convince my daughter to leave?"

Anna's shoulders had tensed at the question. "Why?" She had asked, a sharp edge to her voice. "Is this not enough? Was sending Nikolas not enough? Is hurting your daughter like this not enough for you? Can't you see that keeping her away will do her no good?"

"Can't you see that keeping her here will kill her?" Idunn had retorted, voice cold and certain, leaving no space for argument. Anna had found her voice stuck in her throat. "You are my daughter's only fault. You are the one keeping her tied to this place. You're killing her by keeping her tied to this place."

"That's not true," Anna had whispered, eyes falling to the swirling marshmallows in her mug. They had already begun melting into the hot chocolate. "I would never do anything like that to Elsa. I'm doing this to protect her."

"Don't you think I am, too?"

Anna's head had snapped up at those words, eyes burning with pain, with anger. "All you've done is hurt her. All you've done is kept her from being happy."

"I've done all of this to keep her from dying, Anna," Idunn had replied in an almost hopeless tone. "Don't you think I know how much it hurts her? Don't you think I know what she thinks about me? About her father? How I was never there and how her father and I never gave her the family she deserved? Do you think I wanted to keep her from doing what she wanted? From doing what she was destined for? I know how wonderful my daughter is, Anna. I would have given her my heart if I could have helped it. I would give anything to keep her alive, can't you see that?"

Anna closed her eyes, hands trembling despite themselves. Of course. Anna would have done the same.

"You can stop this," Idunn had whispered, voice earnest, a reluctant hand curling over her own. "You can help Elsa. You can help her get better. Please, Anna. This is the only way."

"I don't want to hurt her," Anna had whispered thickly, practically curling into herself.

"We all have to make sacrifices-"

"I know about sacrifices," Anna had snapped, shoulders tensing. Her mother. Her father. Taken away in an instant. A tender hand pressed to her head.

"No. You know about loss." Anna's gaze had drifted back to the dark-haired woman sitting before her. She had looked so much like Elsa then, with that small smile on her face. "A sacrifice is a choice you make, Anna. Don't you think I know about the little girl Gerda and Kai took into their home? This is different, Anna. You can't choose to let Elsa die. You can set her free, Anna."

Idunn had left her then, a hand lingering on her shoulder as she passed, leaving Anna alone with her thoughts. With a choice.

 _You can't choose to let Elsa die._

Anna had just hoped she hadn't made the wrong one.

* * *

Anna found it easy to be alone.

 _You are my daughter's only fault._

Her hands tightened around the edge of the sink, the rainwater dripping to the pearly bathroom tiles.

 _You can stop this_.

She took her shallow breaths. She tried to calm the racing of her heart, tried to ease the pounding of her head. Tried to get the image of Elsa, lying there, surrounded by icicles, small on the cold concrete.

Guilty. _Guilty_.

Anna could still feel her stomach churning, her arms trembling as the clock continued to tick, tock, tick, tock.

 _You can set her free, Anna._

Her fist hit the glass before she could stop herself. Anna stared into the shattered pieces, stared into those wide teal eyes.

Who _was_ she anymore?

"Anna!" She heard urgently from the doorway, but she couldn't find it in her to look away. Couldn't find it in her to stop.

Just _stop_.

"Anna!" She heard as her knees buckled and smacked against the floor, her hands shaking before her.

Her name was Anna Almstedt.

"Anna, breathe."

She was eighteen years old.

"Anna, listen to me."

 _Murderer?_

A deep shuddering breath.

She might as well have been.

* * *

They think that Anna doesn't notice.

Ever since Elsa left, and Anna let her, the world had become a quieter place. Spring mornings were often muted grays and the Summer sun only left a chill that settled over freckled skin.

But that wasn't really a bad thing. Not really.

Anna became more observant of the things around her.

She noticed how quickly Rapunzel would change the channel when she walked into the room sometimes. She noticed how Flynn would throw out the morning newspaper before she had a chance to even look at the headline. She noticed their hushed whispers, worried looks, careful touches.

They were afraid to break her.

But Anna was no longer afraid.

How could they break something that already was?

* * *

"Who was it this time?"

Anna's hand paused as she reached for a glass, her free hand scratching absently at her marked neck.

"Does it matter?" She asked lightly, not turning at the sound of her cousin's voice. Her sweatshirt hung loosely around her, after her hurried leaving, after rushed kisses and no goodbyes.

"Anna." Rapunzel's voice had been firm. Anna knew better than to aggravate the brunette, especially with her stomach so swollen already. She knew she had been difficult, from the moment Rapunzel and Flynn took her into their new home, taken her into their new life as husband and wife, in their new, budding family.

"Her name was Ariel," Anna sighed out, filling her glass with water. "She's the captain of the swim team."

Rapunzel had sent her a look. "Anna, I don't think-"

"Don't." Anna set her glass down in the sink. "Just don't."

She shouldered past her cousin, albeit a little gentler than she'd intended. She had no time for this. Not right now. Not for another long while.

* * *

It was the early Winter mornings that make Anna feel lonely.

It was the seeping of the chill as woollen socks pad across cool marble.

It was the frost that kisses the unclear windows.

It was the steady hum of the necklace lying heavy over her chest, reminding her of where she should be. It thrummed and sang to the beating of her heart. Alive, but lonely. Calling.

It was her fault, it was her fault. Her mind yelled. Her mind whispered. Shaking hands curled around an old blue mug, as the minty scent fills her lungs and her eyes mist.

It was her _fault_. Her mind raced as her eyes close and she wondered if she should have listened to her heart rather than those words, and if she should have been selfish, and if she should have tried harder.

It was the yearning in every breath she takes, it was the aching in her bones and squeezing of her heart whenever she even thinks of her name.

It was the stutter of beating as her mind races with the sparkle of blue eyes, the swish of her braid, the curve of her smile, her breaths, her whispers, her endless declarations of her love.

It was her fault, she knew.

It was her fault, she accepted.

It was the constant thought of Elsa, Elsa, and the question of whether Elsa still is, or if Elsa now was.

* * *

Anna had been nineteen years old when she visited her parents again.

Her mother's favourite flowers. A click. The scent of her father's favourite candle. Anna settled before their graves, fingertips pressing against cool grey marble. Had it been that long already? Twelve years. Anna had been so young when she lost them.

"Hi Mom," Anna whispered, pulling her knees up to her chest. "Hi Dad. It's been quite a while, huh? I'm sorry for not visiting for so long. I'm sorry for being away for so long."

Anna closed her eyes and drew her knees even closer. Why had she come here? Why had she come here alone? She shivered as a light breeze swept over her, drawing the worn jean jacket closer around her. It didn't smell like Elsa anymore.

"I wish I could have brought her here, you know," Anna murmured into the silence, her eyes falling onto the names carved into the stone. _A loving mother. A caring father._ "Her name was Elsa. I loved her so much." Anna smiled lightly, fingers curling into the fabric of Elsa's jacket. "I still love her so much. I'm sure you would have liked her."

Anna spent another few hours sitting before those two graves, Elsa's jacket sheltering her from the cold as she spoke. She told her parents about Elsa, about when they first met, about when they were first taken away from each other, about when they first met again.

She closed her eyes and spoke, telling her parents about Elsa's eyes and how you could drown in them. She told them about the crooked little smile Elsa sent her every time she looked over, and about the wonders she could create from the tips of her fingers. Anna gushed and rambled on and on, about the beauty of Elsa's designs, about all of the books she's read, about all of the places she wanted to visit, about the places she already had. Anna told them quietly about the letters, the first time Elsa kissed her, the first time Elsa told her she loved her.

It was only when Anna couldn't see her hands before her face that she managed to stop, her forehead pressing to the cool stone before her.

"If I ever find her again," Anna breathed into the night. "I promise to bring her here. I promise to introduce her to you. I promise to make things right again. I promise."

* * *

'Dear Elsa,

A year ago, Hans came to me, and tried to hurt me.

You were there to stop him, to protect me, to keep me safe.

A year ago, your uncle came to me, told me to stay away, told me not to hurt you, told me to leave your family alone.

You weren't there to stop him, to protect me, to keep safe. I wasn't there with you, either. I wasn't beside you in the hospital, I wasn't there to protect you, to tell you to wake up, to tell you that I was waiting for you, that Marshmallow and Olaf had been waiting for you, that Aurora had been waiting, that they all had been waiting.

For a year, I lived afraid. Afraid that they would come back, that more like them would come for me. For a year, I dreamed of a life better than this. For a life where my family was complete. For a life where we weren't so different. For a life where could love, freely, truly. I dreamed for a life where I could be with you, and you could be with me, and we didn't have to ever be scared.

Wouldn't that be nice?

Love,

Anna.'

* * *

"They're always quiet with you."

Anna didn't look up from the twins resting before her, her fingers running over the dark wisps of hair on her niblings' heads. "It's comforting. Spending time with them."

"She left today, didn't she?" Rapunzel had stated behind her, her hands coming to rest on Anna's shoulders. Anna stiffened, both at the touch and at the mention.

"Why does it matter?" Anna asked, voice harsh but low, not wanting to disturb the twins' light sleep. "You haven't mentioned her any other time."

"It matters because you're not doing yourself any favours, Red." Rapunzel's hands were firm. Steady. "It matters because you're coming back here at ridiculous hours, always some form of intoxicated. You're hurting yourself, Red. There are better ways to express your grief, Anna. I don't want to lose you."

Anna slowly crumbled under her cousin's touch, turning to face her, burying her face against her stomach. "I miss her so much. I feel like everywhere I look, she's there, but I know she isn't. I hurt her so much, Rapunzel."

"And you think this is better? You think she would want to see you like this? My mom? My dad? They're all so worried about you." Rapunzel pulled back to kneel before her, cupping her tear-stained cheeks. "I'm so worried about you." She had looked into her eyes, pleading. "Let us help you. Eugene and I... Erik and Eva. Don't shut us out, Anna. Please."

Anna nodded after a long moment, nothing but Erik and Eva's fluttering breaths to be heard. "Okay."

"Okay?" Rapunzel had breathed out, seemingly relieved by her answer.

"Okay. I'll let you help me." Anna tipped forward to hug her then, holding her close, feeling younger than she had for days, for weeks, for months. "I love you."

"I love you too," Rapunzel had whispered, clutching her just as tightly. "And thank you."

* * *

Anna was twenty years old when she saw Lucy Q again.

She had been taller then, reaching just past Anna's hip, her hair having grown even longer than when she last saw her two years ago. Lucy Q had become more talkative since the last time Anna saw her, her eyes bright and brilliant and holding more wisdom than perhaps any seven year old should have.

Anna smiled tenderly and brushed back her hair, ignoring the twinge in her heart. Elsa would have loved to see Lucy Q like this, rambling on and on about the countless books she had read from the library in the orphanage.

A kind stranger had been donating books, Lucy Q had told her with a quiet smile, as if Anna should know who exactly this stranger was. Anna hadn't pressed, simply glad that Lucy's vivid mind was being fed by new books constantly. She was so, so smart. Just like Elsa. It always came back to Elsa.

They had both been seated on a worn bench in the gardens of an orphanage when Lucy Q finally told her.

"I'm getting adopted," Lucy Q informed her in a very simple tone, legs swinging and tiny hands folded neatly over her lap. Lucy Q's light green dress was being carried gently by the wind when Anna finally looked at her.

"That's incredible," Anna gushed sincerely, engulfing the girl in a tight hug. Lucy Q, despite having grown, still felt so small in her arms. Anna wondered if Lucy Q felt even smaller in Elsa's.

"It is," Lucy Q had chirruped, cheeks blooming with colour, smile as radiant as the flowers that danced leisurely around them. "She's…"

Anna watched as Lucy Q quietened, looking almost conflicted. She smiled warmly, pressing a hand on Lucy Q's head to comfort her. "Go on."

"She's very nice," Lucy Q continued simply after a moment of contemplation, as if wondering how much she could get away with. "She always brings me books and tells me about the places she's visited and the places she wants to visit next."

Anna listened earnestly, smiling and nodding along to Lucy Q's words. A sense of familiarity struck Anna, but surely that guess would have been so far off that Anna would sound silly for mentioning it. But it was worth a shot.

"What's their name?" Anna pried gently, curiously, fingers curling into the hem of her own shirt. Surely it couldn't be. Surely it wouldn't be.

"I'm not allowed to tell you," Lucy Q had replied after another swing of her legs, giving her a small shrug. "She told me not to tell anyone else."

"That's too bad," Anna pouted, unable to shake off the sudden heaviness in her stomach. "Will you introduce me to her one day?"

Lucy Q had chewed on her lip, just like Elsa did when she was deep in thought. Anna absently wondered how many more times she was going to think about Elsa today.

"I will," Lucy had answered after what seemed like an eternity, and Anna is somewhat relieved. Though she may not see Lucy Q often, she had grown quite fond of her.

"Promise?" Anna grinned then, offering her pinky to ease away the serious air hanging before them.

Lucy Q had mirrored her grin, pinky linking with hers.

"Promise promise."

* * *

'Dear Elsa,

In the past year, I've been with 12 people. I only remember 6 of them. Their names had been Adam, Ariel, Jasmine, Snow, and Phillip. Meg, too, but that was awkward and we don't speak about it.

The other 6, I don't remember.

For a while I'd been guilty, guilty for hurting you, guilty for leaving you, guilty for not fighting for us. I clung to those people because I was afraid, I was lost and I was so lonely without you. I was angry for so long, but now, I'm just tired.

Rapunzel told me to focus on my art for now, and I think she's right. I've already illustrated a few children's books, and I'm well into my second year of college. I think, maybe, I'm really finding myself. I think maybe, we needed this. That I needed this.

For those few months we'd been together, everything happened so fast. There had never been time to think. Never any time to slow down. Now, we have all the time in the world.

I still love you, Elsa. I'm still so very deeply in love with you, but I'm growing now. I'm getting better. I want to be better, for myself. If the world ever gives me another chance - gives us another chance... I won't throw it away anymore. I promise.

Love,

Anna.'

* * *

On rainy days, Erik and Eva, Rapunzel and Flynn's children, liked to trap Anna in their room, wielding one of Anna's older books. Anna indulged the three year old twins and always accepted the books with ready smiles, knowing they both liked to pore over her illustrations rather than the writing. They would often curl up in the corner of the room, sinking into bean bags and getting lost in the adventures of whatever book they had picked that day.

On rainy days, Erik and Eva liked to ask Anna questions, tiny hand clinging to her shirt and wide green eyes always eager and waiting for her answers. Sometimes, they would ask why they couldn't eat cookies before dinner. Sometimes, they would ask her other things, things that made her pause and think and wonder what she could get away with. Today, they had asked her about love.

"Do you have somebody you love, Auntie Anna?" They had asked simultaneously, heads tilting and fingers pressing insistently into her arms. Anna smiled brightly and shut the book in her hands, laughing as they began shaking her somewhat.

"Okay, okay," Anna sighed dramatically, a hand rising to ruffle their messy dark hair. They got it from their mother, she was sure. "I do have somebody that I love. Both of you. Your parents. Your grandma and grandpa."

Anna kissed their cheeks then, nuzzling against her niece and nephew to elicit giggles. They had both pushed her away before settling back in against her sides, effectively blocking her from leaving the bean bag she was slowly, but surely, still sinking into.

"Do you have somebody you love like Mommy loves Daddy?" Eva had asked, her brother nodding enthusiastically in agreement. They had both clung to her, and Anna's smile dimmed.

"I do," Anna replied softly, tucking Eva's hair behind her ear and brushing Erik's out of his eyes. "And I love her very much."

"Where is she?" Erik had asked this time, kicking his legs like he always did when he was curious and itching to know something. Anna soothed a hand over his head with a small laugh.

"I don't know," Anna answered honestly, head falling back against the wall and giving them a tired smile. "I wish I did."

"We'll help you look for her," The twins had declared right then, pouncing onto Anna and effectively knocking the breath out of her.

"Promise?" Anna wheezed out through a breathless laugh, eyes sparkling with fondness for the two lying on top of her. They had nodded enthusiastically.

"Promise!"

* * *

'Dear Anna,

People say that you cannot love others until you love yourself and I don't understand how they could ever say such a thing.

I love you so much that I forgot what it was like to resent myself and the power that courses through my veins. I love you so much that I couldn't bear get out of bed early knowing you would be there, lying in my arms. You would be snoring and drooling and I would not think that anything was more beautiful. I was so busy loving you that I didn't notice the sudden stillness of the storms that raged inside me, my insides soon blooming with flowers and your touch was the sunshine that let them grow bigger, let them grow better. I was trying so hard to impress you that I finally managed to clean up the mess that lived in my head, managed to quiet the voices that screamed I wasn't good enough for you. That I wasn't good enough for anyone. Perhaps it isn't spotless but I hope it is enough for you as it is enough for me. I straightened my shoulders and began meeting your gaze and Gods, Anna, you made me want to get better and I _did._ Gods, Anna, I got so much better. Your fingertips would trace over my body and heal invisible scars I didn't know existed. I love you so much that I fell in love with myself.

Gods, you make me so happy, Anna. Incredibly, irrevocably happy.

Endlessly yours,

Elsa.'

* * *

"You have a new book?"

A smile stretched across Anna's lips as she nodded, holding Lucy Q's hand in hers. Lucy Q had looked up at her in awe, hold tightening around her hand.

"Can I read it?" She had asked, bouncing on the soles of her shoes as they walked along the single path winding around the gardens. Anna let out a laugh at Lucy Q's excitement, glad she had brought a copy of the book in her backpack.

"Of course. You can be the first person to have it," Anna replied tenderly. She found herself spending more time at the orphanage. Anna found it a good distraction, perhaps. A better way to keep her mind occupied, rather than reading and re-reading Elsa's letters, rather than wearing out the creases in the folded pages, rather than blurring the words with her tears. Lucy Q reminded her of Elsa, of course, but in a good way. A better way.

Lucy Q had beamed up at her, tugging her down insistently to kiss her cheek before they continued their walk, the brilliant blonde girl bounding before Anna seemingly eager to reach their familiar little bench. It had become their hideaway in the garden, surrounded by flowers and shrouded by old, old trees.

Anna's fingers traced over aged bark as she settled down on the bench beside Lucy, and pushed back the memory of leaving Elsa under a tree not so different from this.

They spent a good hour reading through Anna's new book, letting Lucy Q take in her illustrations. They both delve into the book, letting her take in the tale of two sisters torn apart by so much love and so much misunderstanding, only brought together when they're much older and have so much to make up for. Anna read to her, imitating every voice and enjoying the giggles that leave Lucy Q.

"Is it that easy, Anna?" Lucy Q had asked Anna as she gently closed the book, peering up at her with wide, curious eyes. "Is it that easy to find an act of true love?"

Anna smiled lightly and pressed a kiss to the top of Lucy Q's head. "If you really love them, I think it would be."

"Would it be that easy for you and Elsa?" Lucy Q had asked her afterwards, quiet and hesitant, hands holding onto Anna's book. Anna closed her eyes briefly, a shuddering breath leaving her lips.

"I don't know, Lucy Q," Anna breathed with a small smile, swallowing down the sudden lump in her throat. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason," Lucy Q had chirped. One of the caretakers had called her in then, a drop of rain tapping against the tip of her nose and dragging Anna out of her thoughts. Lucy Q had pressed a shy kiss to her cheek, giving her a toothy smile. "Thank you for the book, Anna."

Anna nodded and watched the blue of Lucy Q's dress as it fluttered in the warm Summer breeze. Why was Lucy Q asking about Elsa now? Why, in all of the two weeks that Anna had visited her, had she only asked about Elsa now?

Anna didn't have the heart to ask anymore.

* * *

'Dear Anna,

I wonder if you ever wonder about me the way that I wonder about you.

I wonder about the way your hair falls after you brush it back. I wonder about the way your lips curl when our eyes meet. I wonder about the things that make you laugh, the things that make you smile, the one movie you will never be tired of watching. I wonder about the shadows in your eyes. I wonder about the way you tuck your hair behind your ear sometimes, and the way you worry your hands over your necklace when you think. I wonder about your parents, about the quiet in your smile when you speak about them, about the way your hands curl tighter around my arm when we walk past flower shops, about the way you shift closer when we step past that one barber shop in town.

I know I will continue to wonder, even if I never see you again. I will wonder about you after days, after weeks, after months. I will wonder if you will still choose just a chocolate milkshake before calling the waiter back and asking for a double, instead. I will wonder if you will still smile and offer your pinky when you make a promise. I will wonder if you will still stop at the stalls in the market, picking up every little trinket and refusing to buy a single one. I will wonder if you will still sing that song in the shower in the morning, and if you will stop by the park to visit the tiny ducklings that follow you around sometimes.

More than anything, I will wonder about you, and everything you are, and wonder if you will wonder about me, too.

I hope you will wonder about me the way I will wonder about you. If I will still be able to.

I hope I will still be able to.

Infinitely yours,

Elsa.'

* * *

"Do you ever feel cold?"

Anna paused then, looking up at her cousin with an amused smile. She had been working on new illustrations for a new book and Rapunzel had insisted she eat before she overworked herself. Again.

Elsa's name rested on the tip of her tongue, and she closed her eyes before dropping her gaze back onto her work. _Elsa didn't,_ Anna wanted to tell her. Instead she says:

"Of course, Punz. Everybody feels cold."

"I just worry," Rapunzel replied with a roll of her eyes, toying with the ends of Anna's signature braids. Her touch remained light and delicate. "There are days when you're just... freezing."

Anna's hand strayed over the strand of white hair, trailing down to hold the necklace. "I think it serves me right."

* * *

Her name had been Samantha and she had been a photographer, with mysterious grey eyes and a camera hanging dutifully from her wrist. The shirt she wore was a shade of blue darker than Elsa's eyes.

Anna had been twenty-one and drunk on the cheekiness of a new smile and maybe a little more than a few shots when they kissed.

( _It had been a long day_ , Anna had told herself as the alcohol left a familiar burn down her throat. _Too long._ )

They had stumbled through quiet streets with giddy giggles and roaming hands, tripping over their own feet and fumbling for keys. Even then, Anna could not help but think of Elsa. Anna had sobered a little then.

Still, she accepted Sam's kisses, perhaps feeling a little lonelier than she liked to admit and craving to be touched more than she would ever say. She tangled her fingers through short dark hair as nimble fingers quickly worked her out of her dress, roaming hands turning to insistent kisses and panting breaths and Anna was left arching into slender fingers, nails clawing at Sam's clothed back.

Anna had been left to do the same, then, losing herself in Sam's touches and trying not to think of how different it all felt.

How it wasn't Elsa.

How it would never be Elsa.

* * *

"Sam, I told you not to leave your shoes all over the house."

Anna startled at the sound of the voice, whipping around in the slinky sweater Sam had let her borrow. An equally stunned brunette stood before her, Sam's discarded heels hanging loosely from her fingertips.

"Morning," Anna rasped, patting down her tousled hair, clutching her mug of coffee. She refused to let her free hand clap over the marks on her neck. "Sam's in the bathroom. I'm... her friend, Anna."

"Charmed," the very attractive brunette replied stiffly, and Anna sincerely hoped this wasn't Sam's girlfriend, because the hickeys lining her neck weren't much hidden. "Lara. Sam's best friend. I'll be in my room then."

Lara had turned away then, leaving Anna to slump against the counter in relief when the door clicked close. Sam had chosen to stumble out of the bathroom then, body warm as she presses into Anna's side, reaching for the steaming mug behind her.

"You didn't tell me there were other people here," Anna muttered as Sam grumbled about breakfast against her shoulder.

"It's just Lara," Sam had replied, half-asleep and running on a sip of her coffee. "Just Lara and her friend."

Anna, as Sam pressed a quick mocha-flavoured kiss to her lips, found she didn't mind 'just Lara and her friend' around, either.

* * *

"I'm leaving today."

Anna peered down at Lucy Q, eyebrows furrowing. They had been speaking about their favourite Disney princesses when Lucy had told her, squeezing her hand tightly, as if she was afraid to let go. Maybe it had been Anna, especially when she finally found her breath.

"Where are you going?" Anna asked reflexively, slowing to a stop. Lucy Q had chewed on her bottom lip, tugging her forward. Anna followed reluctantly, Lucy's words ringing in her ears. Her last link to Elsa. Gone.

"We're going to Corona for a while," Lucy Q had informed her, and Anna's stomach twisted at the mention. Regardless of her studies, her trips to Corona were brief, purely educational. Lucy had looked up at her. "But then we're leaving again. To go to Paris, or the United Kingdom. She hasn't decided yet."

"I'm happy for you," Anna breathed with a wide smile stretching across her face, crouching down to gaze earnestly at the blonde standing before her. She squeezed Lucy Q's hands. "But I'll miss you."

"She told me I could write to you, if I wanted," Lucy Q had told her with a soft smile, rocking on the soles of her shoes. "That way, we can still talk to each other."

"You could just give me a call," Anna teased with a light laugh, tapping her finger against the tip of Lucy's nose. "It's 2021. I'm sure your new guardian wouldn't mind letting you borrow their phone."

"She told me that you quite liked letters," Lucy Q had chirped, hazel eyes flashing curiously. Anna's eyebrows furrowed once more, confusion marring her features.

How could Lucy's new guardian possibly know that?

Anna opened her mouth to ask, but the caretaker called out to them, announcing that Lucy Q's new guardian was there to pick her up. Lucy Q had looked at her then, worrying the bottom of her lip. "Do you promise I can call you?"

Anna smiled and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead, tucking her golden hair behind her ear. "I promise. Promise promise."

Lucy Q had run away then, waving over her shoulder, her fluttering dress just as green as the grass that surrounded them. Anna watched her go with a smile, a sudden chill passing through her. A hand strayed to the pendant lying over her heart, fingers curling around the single snowflake.

This was a promise that she intended to keep.

* * *

"Don't you ever want to get away from here?" Sam had asked on the day of Anna's graduation, sitting on the top of her house and nursing another fruity wine cooler. She was still dressed in her robes, her hat laying forgotten beside her.

Anna smiled and brought her gaze forward again, fingers toying with the cool bottle in her hands. It was the first drink she'd had in so long. She and Sam were friends now, instead of lovers, finding each other too similar to pursue anything else. Still, Anna enjoyed her company.

She had yet to take a sip as she regarded the town before her, all of it visible from their position on Sam's apartment balcony.

"Where would I go?" Anna countered with a light laugh, swinging her legs lightly and deciding maybe she shouldn't do that when she almost tipped back and off the side of Sam's house.

"You could come with Lara and me," Sam had suggested with a brilliant smile and a casual shrug, taking another drink from those never-ending bottles. "We're going to Singapore. She's going to be doing research and I'm going to be writing about her while she talks about things I probably wasn't too interested in in college. It's fun, though. I love it when she rambles on and on like a big nerd."

Anna shot her an amused look. "I don't want to end up being a third wheel, Sam. Besides, what would I do in Singapore, of all places?"

"I do have a friend there. An artist like you," Sam had replied with a playful roll of her eyes, waving a bottle at her. Anna steadied her with another laugh, and maybe this is all Anna needed for a little while. She could go back to Elsa's letters later, when she'd sobered up from her drinks and was willing to cry again. "He's been looking for an artist to do a few murals around the city. I'm sure you would be a big help. He would even let you hold an exhibition for your work." Sam had nudged her with a toothy grin. "I know you've been dreaming of holding an exhibition until forever."

"I don't know, Sam," Anna breathed and finally gulped down her bottle, which was quickly replaced by Sam.

"Come on," Sam had pressed, shoulders brushing against hers. "I'm sure Lara wouldn't mind, and this is a great opportunity, Anna. You'd finally get a chance to show the rest of the world your amazing pieces. This place has tied you down for too long. Maybe this is a good time to finally let go, Anna."

Anna found herself looking into warm grey eyes, her hand tightening around the bottle in her hands. Her pendant thrummed against her chest. Maybe Sam was right. Maybe it was finally time. She mustered up a smile and held her bottle up. "To new beginnings?"

Sam had grinned brilliantly, bottle clinking against her own. "To new beginnings."

* * *

'Dear Anna,

Loving you is an adventure. The best adventure I'll ever have.

Love, Elsa.'

* * *

"Holy shit, Anna that looks incredible."

Anna nearly dropped the paintbrush and slipped from the ladder she was standing on, clinging onto the wall she had been working on.

"Sam, how nice of you to watch your language," Lara had sighed behind her, and only then did Anna look over her shoulder. Sam, an unexpected friend, and Lara, Sam's hot British companion, stood behind her, Lara's hands clasped over a young girl's ears. Anna's eyes brightened in recognition and she beamed, practically sliding down from her ladder and bounding towards the young girl squirming before Lara.

"Lucy," She exclaimed delightedly, taking Lucy into her arms and kissing her cheeks. Lucy had giggled, paint on Anna's cheeks being smeared on hers. "It's so good to see you again. What are you doing here? How did you know I'd be in Singapore?"

"I saw you on the TV," Lucy had replied with a brilliant grin, not at all caring that her pristine white dress had been covered in the paint Anna had been working with. "Mama brought me here to see you."

Anna's smile grew a little bashful at the mention of television, but squeezed Lucy's hands and drank in the sight of her. Even in the few months they'd been away from each other, Lucy looked better. Happier. The last time Lucy had smiled like that, it had been when they had gone trick-or-treating. "Where is your Mama? Can I see her? Is she outside?"

"Oh, she's outside," Sam had cut in before Lucy could reply. "And she's quite the looker. I wouldn't mind, perhaps, getting to-" Lara had elbowed Sam then, eyebrows pinched together and looking quite irritated with her best friend. Sam had complained, gesturing with wild hands that she had to suffer through this kind of abuse all the time.

Anna laughed at their antics before directing her attention back to Lucy, who seemed both amused but unimpressed. "So? Can I?"

Lucy had nodded and sent her a very curious looking grin, but Anna thought no more of it. She could feel her body thrumming with excitement. She couldn't wait to meet the person who made Lucy smile like that. They raced past both Sam and Lara, Lucy seemingly eager for them to finally meet, too. Anna let out another laugh. Surely, they didn't have to run down the stairs of her studio.

"Lucy?" A voice called up the stairs. Anna's heart stuttered and she stumbled over the sound, hand falling from Lucy's as she hastily descended down the stairs.

Anna yelped as her head knocked against the stranger's, arms immediately winding around the figure's slim waist as she twisted around, breaking their fall. Anna landed on her back, breath knocked out of her as she rested her head back against the floor.

"Anna?" A familiar voice had whispered in disbelief, and the moment Anna's eyes snapped open, she found herself lost and drowning in those blue, blue eyes.

Elsa had felt warm in her arms. Anna could feel those slender fingers curling into the worn fabric of the ratty button-up she was wearing, the rapid rise and fall of her chest, the unsteady thumping of Elsa's heart. Anna greedily drank in Elsa's presence, as if she might disappear again, as if she might have been dreaming again. Again, and again - of Elsa. Always Elsa.

Anna merely gaped. In that moment, what else could have mattered? Elsa was alive. Elsa was there. Elsa was alive and there and breathing and Gods, Anna could have died happily then, knowing Elsa was safe and sound.

Anna breathed in astonishment, arms tightening immediately. It couldn't be. Of _all_ people. "Elsa?"


	25. Becoming Who We're Meant to Be

Beeping. Dull, incessant, monotonous beeping.

That was the first thing she heard when she woke, eyelids heavy as she rasped through her breaths.

There was a sudden flurry of action then. A cacophony of voices, calling her name, calling others. More machines. She heard the scrape of their wheels against the ground, and her fingers twitched. Where was she? What had happened to her? Her mother's voice. Her father's. Both cooing in her ears, soothing yet shaky. Her mother was crying. Why was she crying?

Elsa puffed out a breath. The ice tickled her palms and thrummed steadily through her body. It was restless, eager to get out.

A prick on the inside of her left arm, and suddenly she was drowning, darkness swarming her vision once more.

 _Wait_ , she pleaded. To who? To what? And why? _Wait_.

Her chest felt heavy, then, breaths growing laboured. Her mother's panicked voice faded away, but Elsa couldn't muster enough strength to continue listening.

Tired. She was tired. Exhausted. More beeping. A sigh.

She would figure it out in the morning.

(Her mother's voice was a whisper in her ear, over the beeping, over the hum of machines. "I was right to take you away from that place, from that girl. I was, I was.")

* * *

The next time Elsa awakened, it was to a room sheltered in frost and swirling with snow. The door had been barricaded with such thick ice that even Elsa had to strain to hear the muffled voices screaming through it. Elsa lay back against her bed and watched as her breath clouded before her, a sense of comfort washing over her like waves kissed the shore.

Inevitable. Unstoppable. That was what she was.

When the ice receded, and the beeping finally stopped, her mother burst through the door. Her face had been flushed, her eyes anxious. Elsa's gaze followed her steadily, her mother's voice ringing through her ears.

Too loud.

Elsa's fingers had itched again, only distracted by the dull throbbing at the centre of her chest. It was odd, but familiar. She felt 8 years old, opening her eyes for the first time after her first real surgery.

"I'm so glad you're finally awake," Her mother breathed out, cupping Elsa's cheeks with shaking fingers. She had batted off astounded nurses and dumbfounded doctors, cooing incessantly. It was odd, unfamiliar. The woman before her did not seem like her mother at all.

Elsa watched as the shivers rippled through them, and Elsa begun to feel less afraid, then. Less afraid of them. Less afraid of herself.

A drop in the hollow shell she dared called a body.

How long had she been asleep? How long had she been lying here? Elsa opened her mouth to speak, but only light breaths and incoherent gasps had escaped. Her throat felt raw with disuse. Her mouth felt dry and suddenly she was thirsty, so, _so_ thirsty.

More hurried activity. More fussing doctors. More yelling nurses.

 _Stop_. Elsa closed her eyes and let out a shuddering breath. _Stop_.

* * *

(Her hands shook as she finally set the scissors down.

They dematerialised immediately, the water sliding down into the sink, disappearing down the drain. She leaned back into her chair with a soft breath, eyes falling to the mess around her. Her head felt lighter, but the rest of her felt as heavy as usual. She wasn't sure she was fully conscious yet, but it didn't stop her. Her nurses knew better than to give her any time alone. Fingers running through choppy strands, Elsa finally looked up to the mirror before her.

Elsa did not recognize who looked back at her.)

* * *

'10th March 2019,

Dear Anna,

My therapist had asked me to write letters. You, unsurprisingly, are the first person that came to mind when she told me to write down my thoughts, my feelings. I wonder if she has given me enough pages.

Anna, I miss you. Even now, unable to stand, unable to use my legs or speak to my parents, the doctors, the nurses, you are the first thought on my mind. Is that pathetic, Anna? That even after you told me that you didn't love me anymore, I still can't help but think of you. I miss you, Anna. I miss you as my lover, but even more as my best friend. I miss having someone to talk to. I miss listening to you ramble on and on about paint techniques, or the importance of the right brush. I miss having you beside me here. I wish you were here.

I'm trying to get better, but it's hard. There isn't a night where I don't dream of standing under that very tree. Your voice echoes in my head. Your face is always faded, blurred and distorted - slowly, but surely disappearing. Did you mean what you said, Anna? Was there not a part of you - even a small part - that still loved me?

Perhaps, this is for the better. But it still hurts. It still lingers, like the sadness that swarms my chest whenever I see a flash of red hair or catch a glimpse of freckles.

I wish there was something more I could do to make myself better. I suppose this will have to do for now.

Yours sincerely, Elsa.'

* * *

"How are you feeling today, Elsa?"

Elsa toyed absently with her gloves, fingers tracing over the careful stitching slowly, repeatedly. Her father had given them to her this morning - a safety precaution. He had looked afraid then. Afraid of what? Of who? Afraid that Elsa would hurt herself? Would hurt others? Her stomach clenched at the thought.

"Elsa, I know this is a very difficult process for you, but you haven't spoken to anybody since you've woken up."

Her hands trembled for a second. Elsa sucked in a deep, shuddering breath to ease her nerves. It's just a therapist, Elsa. A faceless woman with a name she can't be bothered to remember. Her fingers pressed into the muted grey leather of the armchair instead.

"You've been in a comatose state for 2 months, Elsa. Would you like to share your thoughts on that?"

More reminders of time lost, and time gained. Elsa's hand strayed to her hair, eyes closing briefly as she toyed with the shorter strands. Her mother had brought in a stylist, insisted that she fixed it. Elsa wondered absently if Anna would like her shorter hair.

Elsa heard a soft sigh. "Would you like to write another letter, Elsa?"

Her eyes flickered upwards as she nodded. Her therapist smiled kindly, exposing the wrinkles around her eyes. Elsa wondered, as she sunk down before the thick sheets and assorted pens, if even therapists ever really knew what went on inside their own heads.

* * *

'15th March 2019,

Dear Anna,

My therapist seems to think that writing helps. I am beginning to think that writing helps, too.

Adjusting to life in the hospital is easy, yet disorientating. There is too much going around, and yet there isn't enough. There is so much sickness and disease, yet it is too clean, too white, too much. Too much, but not enough. Never enough.

Papa likes to take me on walks around the garden. Or rather, he likes to push me around in my wheelchair while he tells me stories of his childhood. He tells me of his life before meeting my mama, of his life with Mama and I. He tells me of my childhood, of memories I can't remember. The flowers have yet to bloom. They have yet to break through Winter's spell.

It's an easy distraction.

Papa does not look as old as he does when he talks to me like this. He tells me spent a lot of time fishing before he met Mama. He tells me of the late Summer mornings he spent with his own father, sitting on the end of the docks with handmade fishing rods and slimy worms for bait. He promises to bring me out to fish in Arendelle some time soon.

I hope coming back to Arendelle will not be too soon.

Yours sincerely, Elsa.'

* * *

Her mother had taken up the habit of brushing her hair in the morning – what little of it there was left.

Elsa stayed silent as shaking hands pushed her along. Her wheelchair did not dare squeak against immaculate white floors. Elsa felt sick to the stomach just looking at it.

Everything was too white, too clean. Still too much in such little time.

It had proved to be a good distraction - for both of them. Her mother had used the time to speak. Her mother spoke about her life before her father, about her life in Arendelle. Her mother gushed about their ancestors - the kings and the queens and the old myths. Elsa used the time to listen, eyes closed and feeling the soft bristles running through her hair in the same, slow pattern.

One. A breath, another sentence.

Two. Delicate fingers toying with delicate hair. Another breath.

Three. Another part of her story, another wistful laugh. Elsa listened and indulged her mother, knowing there would be nowhere else for her to go.

Not now, at least.

Not yet.

* * *

'20th March 2019

Dear Anna,

Physical therapy is hard. I still cannot stand on my own two feet without the help of my crutches, but even that proves to be painful. I still haven't spoken a word to my parents. I know my father understands, but my mother is still trying. She insists that this was for the best, that we had to leave, that I could be saved, now. I didn't think getting a new heart in place of my old one could do this much to me, but apparently it did. My Mama thought I had died, at one point. Maybe I did.

Baymax helps quite a bit. He's a rather large, white robot - kind of like a fluffy marshmallow, I suppose. He works tirelessly and is ever patient, even when I am five seconds away from cursing like a sailor in pain. I'm glad that I don't have to be afraid of freezing him.

My therapist worries. She is concerned over the fact that I am only writing to you, that I am giving my words to no one else. But who else am I to write to? I am tired of being angry with my mother, with my father, with myself. I am tired of trying to find things to be angry about. I am tired with being angry with you, Anna. It seems I'll never run out of words to say to you.

I wonder if this new heart, strong and shiny and mine, will love you the same. Will I still love you the same?

That's pretty silly thought, huh?

Yours sincerely, Elsa.'

* * *

"I know you've been looking for this."

Her father had returned the ring the morning before one of her appointments. Its chain glistened in the faint sunlight drifting into her hospital room.

He had pressed it into the palm of her hand. His hand was rough against her own, his hand dwarfing hers. Elsa could see the darkness under his eyes again. More wrinkles creasing as he smiled. Strawberry blond hair lightening enough to rival even her platinum. Had he been eating well? Had he been getting enough sleep?

"I'm sure you want it back," He had whispered to her, lips curving into an old, familiar grin. Elsa's hand closed further around the cool metal lying in her palm.

Had she wanted it back?

Elsa mustered up a smile, her heart racing and her stomach twisting over and over again. That night seemed so far away, then. Their promises seemed so fragile, looking back now.

 _Elsa and Anna, until the last snowflake falls._

Of course, of course.

* * *

'25th March 2019

Dear Anna,

They've let me out of the hospital. Baymax will be staying with me for a while, but only until I can walk by myself again. Until they are sure that I won't ruin my stitches. My therapist seems to think that time away from the hospital will help, and for once, I cannot help but agree.

Marshmallow and Olaf had been waiting for me. I barely had the chance to blink before they knocked me over. I'm pretty sure Mama had a heart attack, but all I could do was laugh. Three months ago, that would have killed me. But I don't have to be afraid anymore. I don't have to be afraid of anything anymore.

Marshmallow and Olaf had grown so big in the time I had been asleep. I wonder about who had been taking care of them. Had anyone been taking care of them?

There are so many things I missed while I was asleep - it'll take me a while to catch up. But, if there is one thing I do know... I'm sure they miss you as much as I do.

Yours sincerely, Elsa.'

* * *

 _Home._

It was a foreign notion now - _home._

Her mother often said the word, gentle hands pressing into her shoulders as she was guided into a chair at the dinner table. It had been smaller than any she'd sat at her entire life. Her father too, as he planted soft kisses to her forehead before being left alone to wallow in her thoughts.

Elsa had simply smiled and kept as silent as she always has, only sparing her words for Marshmallow and Olaf - ever so patient. She often sat with them for hours at a time, basking in their presence and slowly growing accustomed to the familiar weight of the ring resting against her chest (above her scar - cool and shiny against the raw, red expanse of skin). Marshmallow and Olaf often reminded her of home - whatever that was.

 _Home is where the heart is._

Elsa had heard it before, between the rustle of sheets and the thudding of her heart in her ears. If there was any semblance of truth in that statement, then, where else would her home be but with Anna? How could it ever be anywhere else?

* * *

"I'm not entirely sure I know how this works."

Her father had laughed then, in the way he always did when she was younger - the one that rumbled from his chest, full and hearty and warm. She couldn't help but smile, ducking her head away as he reached over to ruffle her short hair.

She felt five again, staring up at her father with a toothy grin and eyes sparkling, eager to learn.

"Just watch me," He murmured, smiling kindly, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. He had looked funny, with his floppy hat and weathered old vest and battered brown boots. (Her mother had sniffed. "Don't you dare leave this house looking like him, Elsa. At least take these new fishing clothes.") He looked nothing like the father she had grown up then, and Elsa felt normal for once, sitting on the sandy shore of a big, dark lake. "I'm sure you'll get it soon enough."

Elsa did watch, sinking into the comfort of the foldable chairs her father had brought. Flick. Swish. Kerplunk. The fish wriggled in the murky water of the cooler beside her. Her own fishing rod felt heavy in her arms, her heart making small, little jumps whenever the water rippled and the float dipped under the water. Another fish joined the rest, silver and sparkling in the sunlight.

"That was the first thing you've said to me in months, you know." Her father had not looked at her, but Elsa had certainly looked at him, her silence broken in the quiet of the forest, in the whispers of the waves. Elsa merely got to her feet, copying his stance and flicking her fishing rod back. The bright red float bobbed in the water as her father's eyes burned into her. Elsa felt a kiss to her head, and she couldn't help but close her eyes, revelling in the comfort only her father could bring. (In the empty promises he could give her right then.)

It would have to do. It would just have to do.

* * *

'27th March 2019

Dear Anna,

Perhaps it is my new heart, but…

I don't want to tear myself up to keep others whole anymore.

Yours sincerely, Elsa.'

* * *

Running away.

It wasn't an idea Elsa had ever been accustomed to, but sitting in that airplane seat was something that felt more familiar than anything else in the past few months. She was tired. She was tired of her father's heavy looks, of her mother's lingering gaze, of their false oneness. She knew they were trying for her, but she didn't it. She did not want their pity, she did not want their lies.

Elsa peered out of the window. Marshmallow's head rested in her lap, fingers threading absently through his thick fur. Olaf curled up in against her neck, purring and pawing at her shoulder. Corona had looked small then, all warm oranges and yellows and pinks through the clouds.

Could taking your grandfather's plane even be considered running away?

Her parents didn't know, but her grandfather did, sending her off with a pat to the head and a sly wink. Her grandfather really was something else, sometimes.

Marshmallow had yipped then, calling her attention from the clouds that billowed around them. He peered up at her, nosing against her hand. Elsa smiled tenderly and gave his head a light rub. Marshmallow's fur felt quite different without her gloves on. Most things felt quite different without her gloves on.

"We're not going home yet," She whispered to him, her free hand drifting up to curl around Olaf. Her eyes drifted back towards the window. "Not yet."

* * *

'10th April 2019,

Dear Anna,

Mama had called a few nights ago. She had been _livid_. I've never heard her speak so loudly to me before. She threatened to pick me up from my apartment and give me a good talking to. Papa had been the one to calm her down. He sounded very relieved to hear me. They'll be visiting soon. I'll need to find some time to think of a way to convince them that the apartment is perfectly fine.

We're taking a while to settle in. Marshmallow has found a corner to claim as his own, but Olaf has yet to climb onto every other surface he hasn't touched yet. They seem to like the apartment, too. Perhaps I'll take some pictures and leave them with this letter.

It rains quite a bit here in London. It is nice, but it is lonely all the same. I'll have to remember to take my umbrella in the mornings.

I've decided to study again. Architecture, of course. Both my grandfather and my uncle seem to think that it is a good idea, and so do I. It is proving to be a good distraction - though I am surprised they still let me take the classes half way through the school semester. I did not bother to ask if it was my family's name, or the work I presented to them. I hope it had been the work that convinced them, though.

I still miss you very much, Anna. I often find myself making two mugs of hot cocoa instead of one, or expect you to be lying beside me when I twist around in bed in the morning. There are mornings when I sit on the edge of the bed and wish for you to be singing away in the shower, or cooing to Marshmallow and Olaf as you put their food in their bowls.

I'm still adjusting to life without you, Anna. I suppose I'll have to get used to that, too.

Yours sincerely, Elsa.'

* * *

"Ow."

A brush of fingertips, a book on East Asian architecture and a bump of heads had been how easily Lara Croft sauntered into Elsa's life.

Months ago, the shock might have killed her.

The thought still wowed Elsa every time.

"Sorry," Elsa breathed out reflexively, bare fingers curling back and away from the book. "You can have it. I can work on my assignment another time."

The teen before her shook her head and pressed the book back towards Elsa, voice pleasant and charming. "It's quite alright. I had wanted it for some light reading, but you need it for your assignment."

"I insist," Elsa countered, placing the book back into the brunette's unsuspecting arms before giggling. "I didn't think a thousand page book on East Asian architecture would be considered light reading, though."

Crimson blossomed in sun-kissed skin, and Elsa didn't have a moment to think of Anna's before the woman had spoken again, laughingly.

"You're certainly quite a stubborn one." Dainty fingers tucked strands of dark messy hair behind pierced ears before being placed in the few inches of space between them. "My name is Lara. Lara Croft. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Elsa's lips curled into a soft smile as she clasped Lara's hand with her own, barely hiding her surprise at the lack of nerves churning her stomach. "Elsa Hávadr-Ásdís. The pleasure's all mine."

Lara had flashed her a light smile, brown eyes bright and brimming with warmth in the light of the library. "Quite a mouthful. Perhaps you can let me practice more over coffee."

Elsa's laughter bubbled out before she could help it. "That sounds wonderful. Please lead the way."

* * *

'20th May 2019

Dear Anna,

The dreams have not stopped, but they are growing less frequent. I don't wake up every night calling out your name, to another room destroyed by snow and ice. I like to think that I'm getting better.

There are still some days when my heart feels so heavy that I cannot bear to carry it anymore. There are some days where I will lie in bed and gather up the sounds you left behind in my head. I will close my eyes and remember your laughter over early morning cartoons. I will remember the way you wrinkled your nose when you smell something horrible, and the way your sighs tumble out at the smell of something good. There are some days when I am consumed by thoughts of you, and I cannot bear to bring myself out of bed - cannot bear to convince myself that I lie in a too-big bed in a too-big apartment for just silly old me.

But there are some days where my shoulders are light and my heart does not feel like a burden to carry around. There are days when I don't think about the way my name falls from your lips. There are days when I look at Lara's smile and don't think of yours. There are days when I close my eyes and see you standing under the tree, days where I do not look for your eyes in tight, crowded spaces. One day, it will no longer hurt without you by my side.

I really think I'm getting better.

Yours sincerely, Elsa.'

* * *

"Hey babe, fancy seeing you here. On a date?"

Lara had been cut off then, by the pretty dark haired figure that plopped down on the brunette's lap. Elsa peered curiously at the digital camera dangling from their wrist, and wondered if this person was Lara's significant other. Their discussion on bronze and jade coins would have to wait another time, regardless.

"Sam, I've told you not to do that," Lara had sighed out, arms steadying around Sam's slim waist, regardless. Sam had rolled her eyes and waved her hand dismissively. There had been a knowing smile on her face.

"You tell me not to do a lot of things, but that doesn't stop me." Cool grey eyes shifted down towards Elsa, and Elsa couldn't help but admire how painstakingly neat her eyeliner was.

"Hello," Elsa greeted with a gentle smile, fingers curling tightly around her leather-bound notebook. Sam's gaze had been a little unsettling, as if she was trying to figure something out but she couldn't put her finger on it.

Lara had sent Elsa an apologetic look, cheeks a warm pink. Her fingers had flexed against Sam's waist. "Elsa, this is Sam. She's my best friend."

Sam had offered her hand, a brilliant smile on her face. "Samantha Nishimura, future world-class director and filmmaker. Pleased to finally meet the person Lara hasn't shut up about."

"Elsa Hávadr-Ásdís. The pleasure's all mine." Elsa gripped the hand presented before her a little tentatively, cheeks warming at her words. A yelp escaped as Sam tugged her closer, shrinking back as grey eyes bored deeply into her own.

"Are you and Lara banging?"

Elsa's shoes banged into Lara's under the table, alright. A resounding slam in their corner of the coffee shop. The clatter of her pen against the floor masked by the immediate chatter of neighbouring students and coffee-buyers.

"Excuse me?" Elsa startled, eyes flitting to their sides, shoulders hunching at the curious looks sent their way. The tips of her ears burned as Sam towered over her.

"Sam," Lara had hissed from beneath the other girl, looking as if she was trying to shove Sam off her seat. Lara's cheeks had reddened too, it seemed.

"You heard me." An inch closer. Another squeeze to her hand. A cheeky grin playing across Sam's lips. "Are you shagging my best friend? Are you, you know, _fucking_?"

"I don't believe that's any of your business," Elsa breathed in reply. She flushed under the scowl of the elderly couple beside them, and even more so at the sudden murmurs that had sparked up around them.

"Well, if you're _not_ shagging my best friend, what about having a go with m - hey!"

"I'm so sorry, Elsa. I'll see you in class tomorrow." Lara had managed to remove Sam from her lap then, face flushed and ears a vibrant pink. Notes had been hastily gathered and swept into a waiting messenger bag before both Sam and Lara were out of the door, bickering as they went.

Elsa had been left to sit there, cheeks crimson as she gathered her own notes and finally picked her pen up from the floor.

Samantha Nishimura certainly left a lasting first impression.

* * *

'21st June 2019

Dear Anna,

I can't believe you're 20 already. Has it already been a year since we bumped into each other last Summer? I feel like I should be used to being away from you already, after all those years of being apart. I suppose the biggest difference is that right now, I don't how you are. I don't know where you are, or if you even think about me anymore.

For now, Marshmallow, Olaf and I hope that you are enjoying your day today. We spent the entire day yesterday searching for the perfect present, and settled on a few paintbrushes.

If I could, though, I would give you the sun, the moon, and the sky. But I am no god. I am no superhero. I cannot throw a lasso around the moon and pull it down for you. I cannot wrangle up the stars and offer them with my heart. I cannot soar through the sky and hold you in my arms. I am no god. I am no superhero.

But Gods, do I love you. I am human, and I love you. I love you so much that it makes me feel selfish. I love you so much that I cannot understand it. I would never say that I'd die for your touch, for I live and breathe because I love you just that much. I know that I am broken, and maybe not so whole. But please, my love, believe me that I'd give my heart and soul.

I still miss you. Especially now, I miss you.

Isn't that pathetic?

Yours sincerely, Elsa.'

* * *

"Now this is a sight I can get used to."

Lara had huffed out a laugh above her, Sam's voice sounding somewhere from below them. Elsa felt the warmth creeping further into her cheeks, accepting Lara's hand as she shifted onto the next foothold.

"Is she always like this?" Elsa couldn't help but ask as she curled her fingers around the next hold, peering up at Lara's ascending figure.

Lara had laughed and peered down at her, errant strands of hair falling into warm brown eyes. "She prefers ogling the climbers rather than do any climbing herself."

"I heard that," Sam had called up, and Elsa chanced a glance downwards to find Sam lying down on the mats, gaze wandering and smile playful.

Elsa giggled, trembling arms pulling herself up. Her heart thumped, chest burning. She watched as Lara stretched her leg to an impossible angle just to reach the next foothold, her jaw dropping slightly. She was sure she heard Sam's impressed whistle from down below.

"She's quite a joker," Lara had grunted out with a sheepish smile, nodding down to Sam. Elsa laughed once more. She'd been doing that a lot more lately. She supposed that that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

"It's okay," Elsa breathed, taking a moment to catch her breath. Lara and Sam, always a package and yet not, had started inviting her to go bouldering just a few weeks ago, and Elsa had still to get the hang of it - literally. Virtual sports had nothing on this.

"Still alright? Need a break? We can stop if you want." Lara had eased herself down to Elsa's level, eyebrows furrowed, a warm hand pressing to Elsa's shoulder. "How are you still cool after all of that?"

Ice crackled slightly around the hold she had been clinging on to. The sound of her heart pounded in her ears.

"No idea," Elsa replied instead, giving Lara a soft smile. Lara had mirrored it, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and opening her mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by Sam.

"Hey love birds," Sam had called up, the words warming both Elsa and Lara's cheeks. "I'm starved. Let's grab a bite to eat or something."

"Leave it to Sam," Lara murmured with a smile, shaking her head, dark hair falling into her eyes again. "Careful on your way down. I'll be right here if you need a hand."

Elsa gave Lara a nod, tucking her own hair behind her ear as she watched Lara begin to descend. She sucked in a deep breath and smiled a little to herself.

Maybe this is the kind of rebuilding she needed.

* * *

'5th August 2019

Dear Anna,

I'm going back to Arendelle.

My therapist seems to think that it is a good idea. I find myself booking less and less appointments, and more time clinging to cliff sides and avoiding Sam's cameras. Both experiences leave me breathless. My chest still hurts sometimes, but I think it's mostly because I'm not accustomed to everything we're doing yet. Still, I think that I am getting better.

The flowers that you have planted inside me are dying. They are withering away, carried by the winds of my breaths. It is still not easy to breathe, but it is not getting any harder. I am finding my own flowers to plant, my own paths to take. I am searching for my own sunshine to help these flowers bloom. I like to think that I'm getting better.

I can't help but be scared of coming back. I'm scared of coming back to the place where you left me. I'm scared that I won't be able to step off the plane. I'm afraid of every possibility of running into you again. I'm not ready to see you again, Anna. Not yet. Not now.

I'm still trying my best to get better. I hope to the Gods that I will get better.

Yours sincerely, Elsa.'

* * *

"Your hands aren't as soft as they were before."

Elsa turned her gaze back towards Lucy Q, the book lying forgotten on her lap. She smiled softly, and was glad that her hands weren't shaking for once. "I've been doing a lot of exploring lately."

Lucy Q's eyes had sparkled under growing golden bangs. Elsa moved them delicately, tucking errant strands behind Lucy Q's ear.

"Exploring?" Lucy Q had echoed excitedly. "Like an adventure? Is that why you've been away for so long?"

"I haven't been away for that long," Elsa replied light-heartedly, but her stomach twisted. These few months had been the longest she'd ever spent.

"You didn't answer my question," Lucy Q had pressed, setting the book aside to clamber onto her lap. Elsa laughed and wound her arms around the tiny girl in her arms. She had grown since the last time she saw her.

"Yes, I did go on a few adventure of sorts." Elsa smiled at the growing grin on Lucy Q's face. "I went with my friends Lara and Sam. Lara is studying to be an archaeologist, and Sam is studying to be a filmmaker."

Lucy Q had released a noise of awe, before peering up at her with a curious tilt of her head. "You went on an adventure without Anna?"

Elsa mustered up a smile, her heart racing at the sound of her name. "Yes. Without Anna."

"Do you miss her?"

Elsa's gaze fell away, instead focusing on the yellowing leaves. They would be falling soon, painting the ground in vibrant yellows and oranges and reds. Anna would have loved kicking through all of those leaves. "Yes. More than anything."

Lucy's head buried further into her chest, tiny fingers curling into her shirt. "It's okay," Lucy had whispered against the silk of her shirt. "I miss her too."

Elsa pressed her cheek to the top of Lucy's head, the sweet blonde girl in her arms feeling much smaller than she really was. "I'm sure she misses us, too."

Lucy Q had nodded, and Elsa could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke. "I sure hope so."

* * *

'7th August 2019

Dear Anna,

Arendelle Castle had been an incredible experience.

I had only been there a handful of times as a child, not thinking too much of it. How could I when I could see it just outside my bedroom window, always looming and reminding me of a heritage my mother's side of the family was more than proud of. I had been glad then, pretending to be a princess, climbing onto as many chairs as I could get away with. It had been one of the times I remember being truly happy with my parents, sitting atop my father's shoulders as my mother gestured and pointed at the paintings that lined the portrait room, introducing me to my great-great-great-great-great grand relatives.

My favourite had been the queen rumoured to have had powers just like mine. She had lost her parents at a young age, and her pain had been shown through the near-tyrannical rule she held in her early teen years. It was only when a peasant girl asked her to freeze her heart that she found that she couldn't, finding a goodness in her that changed Arendelle forever. Mama didn't like that story much, but I did. I couldn't believe that there might have been someone just like me. With powers, just like me, that had been used for good and the happiness of her people in the end. It had reminded me then that my powers were not so bad after all. Even now, my powers may not be so bad. Maybe they were never bad at all.

Sam and Lara seemed to enjoy the visit, too. Sam had taken the opportunity to capture every inch of the castle on film. Lara had been more or less the same, taking in the details on the walls and drinking in the information the plaques on the wall provided us. It had been wonderful, listening to her ramble on and on about the age and origins of the things we found in the rooms. It had been amazing learning about the architecture, too, of course, now that I know what I'm talking about. The columns, the arches, the high ceilings, the tiny, little details. To think that this had all been on my doorstep still blows me away, Anna. I had been living so close to a place so rich in history and wonder, and I had never truly acknowledged it until now. I had never truly acknowledged coming from this until now.

Maybe this is part of finding myself, too.

Yours sincerely, Elsa.'

* * *

It had been different, sitting in a class where nobody knew her name, where nobody knew her as the person who threw up on stage at freshman orientation. It had been different, sitting in a class where nobody looked up to her as the class president, where nobody knew her as the girl who serenaded the girl she loved in the school courtyard. She had been noticed, of course, but she rejected their phone numbers and half-hearted invitations to lunch.

It had been different, sitting in a corner of an unfamiliar coffee shop in an unfamiliar city full of unfamiliar faces. It had been different, sitting there and not feeling as if she needed to throw up or run out, terrified. It had been different, sitting there with a mug in one hand and a book in another. Their picture lay creased against the table; a worn bookmark with faded colours and worried edges.

It had been different, waking up in the mornings without the smell of breakfast cooking or Baymax's robotic voice reminding her to take her medicine and do her stretches. It had been different, spending an extra five minutes with Marshmallow and Olaf in the morning to eat breakfast with them and hurrying to class without an umbrella - again. It had been different, turning and not finding Anna there to tell her what she'd just found, or what she'd just read about. It had been different, falling asleep and waking up alone.

But, as Elsa buried her face into her pillow with a sigh, maybe it wasn't such a bad different after all.

* * *

'5th October 2019

Dear Anna,

There are often days that I feel empty.

Marshmallow and Olaf - Gods, they're so big now, Anna - would curl up beside me and yet it still wouldn't make a difference. It is those days that I cannot bother to get out of bed, when my heart feels too heavy to carry, when my legs begin to shake. Those days are the ones I spend lost in my head, with the realization that you don't need water to drown.

I hate those days.

I hate it because those are the days that everything is static, clouded, messy.

I hate it because those are the days are the ones I spend lying around thinking about you.

Those are the days I will listen to myself, and convince myself that I'm fine - but they're the days I'll lose my head and know that I am lying. And I've become so good at pretending that I don't notice when I'm torn. It's only when I'm falling apart that I know I am alone. These are the nights that I know that even taking meds will be in vain. I would tell you to look in my eyes and tell me I'm not insane. Those days are so very hard, and I'll feel like I'm dying. But please, my love, believe me when I tell you that I'm trying.

Please, Anna, believe me when I tell you that I'm trying.

Yours sincerely, Elsa.'

* * *

("It's not the same without Anna."

Elsa shifted Lucy Q in her arms, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, keeping her shielded from the breeze as they waited for the service to take them back to the orphanage. Her dirty blonde hair fluttered in the wind, kept neat only by her simple black headband.

"I know," Elsa murmured against the hair of her little Alice in Wonderland, small hands keeping her worn top hat from sliding off her head. "But we still got a lot of candy. A lot of people liked our costumes."

Lucy Q buried her face in against her shoulder, hugging her brimming bag of sweets to her chest. "Yeah, but I still miss her. And a lot of the sweets had peanuts. You can't eat them."

Elsa bit down on her lip to hide her smile, because the sweet six year old in her arms, with all of her sadness and all of her longing, still cared about her and the fact that she couldn't eat the candy that had peanuts in them. "We'll invite her next time, okay? If that is really want you want."

"I just want us to be all happy." Lucy Q had looked up at her then, hazel eyes bright and earnest in the moonlight. Elsa pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, the service rumbling up the street, signalling its arrival.

"Me too, Lucy Q. Me too.")

* * *

'15th November 2019

Dear Anna,

These are becoming less like letters, and more like journals to tell my stories to, to give my words to – a routine, a new part of me. I suppose you will still always be a part of me, Anna Almstedt.

My mother has been trying. She often calls, both voice calls and video calls, but she is still trying to adjust to the time zones. It is hard for her to know where I am, really. But it is hard for me to know where I will be headed next, too.

I know I haven't forgiven her for what she has done to you, for what she has done to me. Not completely. Not yet. But I know that she is trying. I know it in the way she calls, in the way she says my name, in the way she smiles. In the way she asked me to come home for Christmas. Now that my heart is better, she is trying not to be so worried, trying not to be so cold, trying not to be so different. It frightens me, seeing myself in her. Thinking that one day I may become like her. Harsh and angry at the world like her. I refuse to.

Lara helps me with that.

She's been a constant presence in my life, and a good one. She is like me, old money and even older ancestors. Lara tells me, on nights when we are too tired to study, when our brains are too frazzled to write another word, that I am lucky to still have both of my parents. She tells me that she spent so long blaming herself, that she spent so long being angry and resentful and so self-involved that she didn't see the world around her. She doesn't want that to happen with me. She wants me to see the world, and all of its good and all of its bad and become a stronger person because of it. She wants me to be better for myself, and I think she's right. I think forgiving my mother might be the first step to becoming better, to becoming the better person. She told me that the extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are.

I want to be better. I want to be extraordinary.

Yours sincerely,

Elsa.'

* * *

"Your hair has grown quite a bit since I last saw you."

Elsa smiled at the sound of her mother's voice, leaning into the half-embrace her mother had enveloped her in. Elsa's fingers traced over the rim of the empty mug she was holding, the chocolate staining the bottom. The last time they had seen each other was through a computer screen, over choppy airport internet and her father crooning songs in the background. It seemed she was not the only one who was getting better.

"It's still not as long as it used to be," Elsa replied, and closed her eyes as a trembling hand pressed against the top of her head. Her mother was still so, so afraid. Still so, so careful.

"I think it's a very nice change," Her mother had told her, fixing her crooked antlers. She looked younger in the sweater she was sure was one size too big. "Now come inside. The cold may not bother you, but it sure bothers me."

Elsa laughed and let her mother guide her back into the manor, her father sitting cross-legged by the fire. He had waved them over, features glowing in the orange light.

"Bonding without me, are you?" Her father had bellowed playfully, tugging Elsa down to sit with him. Elsa squealed and wriggled away as he assaulted her with tickles, puffing out her protests through breathless laughs. Her heart raced in her chest, pounding in her ears.

"Papa! Stop!" Elsa felt the warmth rising into her cheeks, breaths growing shorter as her father only grew more relentless. "Mama! Help!"

Her mother had only grinned and sunk down beside them, joining her father in tickling her. Elsa merely squeaked out more laughter, trying to escape her parents and suddenly feeling like she was five again.

"That's what you get, snowflake," Her father had breathed with a brilliant grin after it started snowing in the room, fingers finally ceasing in their assault.

Her mother had laughed and fixed Elsa's crooked antlers. "I haven't laughed that much in so long…"

Elsa smiled widely between them, trying to catch her breath. She pulled them both closer to her, and indulged in their combined embrace. When was the last time they had all been together like this? When was the last time they had really been together - and happy to be together? Elsa simply curled further into their arms. "Merry Christmas, Mama and Papa."

"Merry Christmas, Snowflake," Her father had whispered into her hair, squeezing her shoulders with a smile.

Her mother had pressed a kiss to her temple. "And welcome home."

* * *

'27th November 2019

Dear Anna,

My parents are getting along well without me. It seems that being forced to spend time with no one but each other has done some good to them. My father is left to manage the office in Corona, and my mother is the one supervising him. My father has never been wasteful, and has opted to use the house that I spent less than a year in for my recovery.

It is odd, seeing them getting along so well. Seeing my father work around the kitchen, my mother brushing away the sweat on his brow, the soft smiles on their faces. I wonder if it is all just a weird dream. If I am still asleep, still in a comatose, in a cold hospital in the middle of nowhere. I wonder if I will wake up and none of this will have happened. I wonder if I will wake up at all. I will close my eyes and wish that this is not a dream. Lying in a warm bed, surrounded by presents from my parents, I do not wish to be anywhere else.

Right now, I do not wish to be anywhere else.

Yours sincerely,

Elsa.

PS. I took the kids at the orphanage to a toy store on Christmas Eve. Lucy Q picked out a very nice green bike – with training wheels of course. I made sure to buy her matching protective gear too, don't worry. And before I forget, Merry Christmas, Anna, wherever you are in this big wide world.'

* * *

(Lara had kissed her.

They had been sitting on the balcony, safe and away from the rowdy college students counting down behind them. She had tasted like cheap alcohol and cherry lip gloss, and she had kissed her. Elsa closed her eyes and squeezed Lara's hand, mirroring Lara's smile when she had broken away.

Lonely.

They both were.

Elsa knew that Lara had been looking over her shoulder - over at Sam, who was probably locked in a heated kiss with another nameless guy, another handsome face.

"Happy New Years, Elsa," Lara had whispered and pulled her scarf around them both. Elsa's smile grew a little as she leaned into the touch.

"Happy New Years, Lara," Elsa murmured back, head resting against Lara's shoulder as the fireworks painted the sky in brilliant reds and greens and blues, gone as quickly as they had been there.

Being with Lara would have been easy - but they both knew that it couldn't be. Not when Lara's heart belonged to Sam. Not when Elsa's was still for Anna to keep.)

* * *

'14th February 2020

Dear Anna,

Please excuse the dirt on the page. I've washed my hands a thousand times and yet there is still dirt everywhere. You were right, Anna. I do have a thing about dirt. Just a small thing. It's really nothing serious, I promise. I really should have worn gloves or something.

I'm sure you're wondering why there is an unnecessary amount of dirt on this page. It's Lara's birthday today! Wait, that's not the right reason. One of our professors, Jane Porter, had asked us to join her on a small dig. Lara and I didn't hesitate, of course, and Sam managed to tag along on the guise that it was for a project for her class. Quite frankly, I've stopped being surprised at the things Sam can do. She's really quite impressive. I think you two would get along.

I had lots of fun today! Both Lara and I fell into a small pit but we found a lot of interesting things, so it was definitely worth it. I think our professor might give us an A for the class. Sam filmed it all, luckily. I'm sure she can edit out her own laughter somehow. She took quite a lot of photographs, too. I'll keep a few with this letter.

We shared cupcakes afterwards. Sam brought them to celebrate Lara's birthday in some shape or form, and insisted that Lara had to blow a candle since Sam was missing Valentine's Day just for this. Lara looked ready to kill when we started singing, but I knew she was happy. Sam was the one singing the loudest, after all.

I still wish I was telling you this in person, rather than writing it with pen and paper. I wish I could curl up in your arms and you would kiss my cheeks, even with all of the dirt on my face. I wish I could show you the things I found, and tell you about their story, their history, how they came to be. There are so many things I wish I could do with you, Anna. Still so many, many things.

I suppose I'm feeling a little wishful today.

Yours sincerely,

Elsa.'

* * *

"You've got quite an impressive range of books here."

Elsa peered over her shoulder, watching Lara sink into the mattress, toying with a worn book. Her breath caught. Lucy Q's favourite book. A worn crease in the spine. Photographs tumbling out from chapter three.

Now, there were two unfinished stories resting in her lap.

Lara had looked at Elsa then. She had always been so, so curious. A shiver trembled down Elsa's spine at the flash of red hair in the pictures, near dropping the sheets that were in her hands.

"I dated her a little while ago," Elsa told her, voice dismissive and choked. Her hands shook as the page refused to slide into the clear pockets of her folder. Come on, come on, _come on._

Her eyes closed as she sucked in a shallow breath. How could she tell Lara that sometimes, she could see Anna's smile in hers?

"Elsa," She had called, seemingly closer now, steady hands curling around delicate wrists and stilling shaking hands.

"She was older than me," Elsa breathed out, shoulders lowering at the touch. Elsa didn't tell her that the chill in her bones only ever warmed under Anna's radiant touch.

"You don't have to tell me." Lara's thumb had soothed over the hollow in her wrist, and Elsa can't suppress her shiver.

"I don't think it's anything to her, now," Elsa concluded after a long moment, trying to keep her voice from wavering.

But it had been everything then.

* * *

'25th April 2020

Dear Anna,

I've doing a lot of work at the company, both with my uncle and grandfather in Arendelle and with Mama at various charities and events. I think I've started to get a little better with people. With the amount of pubs, clubs and parties Sam has dragged both Lara and I to, I'm not really surprised anymore. I still wish you were around to fend off all the guys, the guys, the non-binary pals.

Spending time with Mama has been an enlightening experience. I've started discovering a different part to her, a part I wish I was more familiar with when I was younger. I wish I'd seen her in simple polo shirts and trousers, or with her hair pulled back in a neat ponytail. I wish I'd seen her smile that widely, laugh that freely, speak that gently. Spending time with Mama like this was like spending time with a completely different person. But it was nice seeing this side of her too.

She'd been giving her love and attention to all of these people. All of these children, all of these families that didn't have what we did. I want to do that too, Anna. I want to help people. I want to bring smiles to their faces, to bring food into their homes - to give them homes. I want to help those children with their education, to make sure they get an education. Maybe I can't help everyone out there, but I can help some, and that's better than not at all. I think I am truly starting to forgive her.

I've decided to adopt Lucy Q. I've taken the time to discuss this with my parents, and they don't have any major problems with it. I'll be graduating next year, too, and I know that the adoption progress will be lengthy and tiring. I'm sure it'll be worth it. I'll be visiting her a lot more often now. I'm going to make as much time as I can between school work. I want to give her a family, Anna. Maybe I'm being selfish, Anna. I know that I can't give her a whole family, but I can give her loving grandparents and a loving home that she will always be welcome to. I want her to be happy.

I hope she'll be happy.

Yours sincerely,

Elsa.'

* * *

"Anna's started visiting me."

Elsa's heart leapt into her throat, hand tightening around Lucy's.

"Has she?" She managed to choke out, her free hand balling the material at the hem of her shirt. Deep breaths, Elsa. Take slow, deep breaths. "When did she come visit?"

"Yesterday," Lucy Q had replied absently, too busy deciding which of the chocolates she should eat first. Elsa swiped the mint chocolate one away, chewing on it to distract herself. Yesterday. If her essay hadn't been due the day before, she would have ended up running into her. Her head swam at the thought, a puff of ice tumbling past her lips.

"What did she say?" Elsa found herself asking, focusing on the patterns of the shirt Sam had shoved her into that morning. What a curious pattern.

"A lot of things," Lucy Q had answered, mouth full of chocolate. Elsa gave her a fond smile and wiped her cheeks, not urging her to continue until she was sure she wasn't going to choke on the impossible amount of chocolate she'd just shoved into her mouth. "She told me about her niece and nephew, and her new job as an illustrator for children's' books. She told me that she was still studying hard."

Elsa nodded shakily, letting out a breath. Anna was well. She was glad Anna was well. "Is that all?" She pressed with a soft smile.

"I told her that I was getting adopted," Lucy Q had chirruped, peering up at Elsa with such an exuberant smile that she couldn't help but mirror it. "I didn't tell her it was you, though. I know you wanted it to be a surprise."

A relieved breath left Elsa's lips before she pressed a kiss to Lucy Q's forehead. "I'm glad you didn't tell her. It is our secret after all."

Lucy Q had smiled and tucked herself further into Elsa's side. Elsa squeezed her closer, brushing her fingers over golden locks. "I made a promise with her. I promised to introduce you."

"Cheeky," Elsa replied with a wide grin, shifting to tickle the girl sitting beside her. Lucy Q had squealed with laughter, batting her hands away as she squirmed. It had only been Lucy Q had quieted down and Elsa had finally stopped that Lucy Q asked the questions Elsa found difficult to answer.

"Why do we need to keep it a secret?" Lucy Q had asked her, climbing onto Elsa's lap as she tried to catch her breath. "Aren't you going to adopt me together? Anna is your true love, right?"

Elsa's eyes fell away from Lucy Q's. Anna was her true love, right? "Anna and I aren't really together right now, Luce. We haven't really been together for a while now."

Lucy Q had frowned, eyebrows furrowed. Lucy Q's hands seemed small as they held onto her arm, squeezing lightly. "But you'll find each other again, right? Because you love each other?"

Elsa merely smiled and pressed a kiss to Lucy Q's head to hide her watery gaze. "I hope so, Luce. I hope so."

* * *

'7th June 2020

Dear Anna,

Lucy asks about you often. She tells me that you are my true love, my princess charming, the one that will make all of my dreams come true.

I had been so naive to believe that.

I had been so naive to believe you.

Yours sincerely,

Elsa.'

* * *

"What was he like this time?"

Elsa breathed her question into the darkness, peering over at Lara's clothed back, at the tightness of her shoulders and her fists.

Lara had simply slipped under the covers, tucking herself in beside her. Elsa watched quietly, arms curled around Sven, fingers tracing over his soft fur. Lara had smiled at the sight of it, giving the reindeer's nose a fond tweak before settling down once more.

"It was a girl this time," Lara had replied after a long moment. Faint giggles sounded from the other room. A soft thump. "She looked quite familiar, actually, but I couldn't put my finger on it." A purse of lips. An averting of eyes. "She was very pretty."

Elsa smiled at the bite in Lara's words, fingertips pressing lightly into the small of Lara's back as she turned away. She soothed them along the length of Lara's spine. "You're very pretty."

"I wish you would tell Sam that," Lara had murmured and settled at the touch, drawing the covers further around her shoulders.

"I wish _you_ would," Elsa countered, thumb tracing absent circles at the dip of Lara's back. "Sam loves you, Lara. You know that."

"I don't want to lose her." Lara had reached back and taken her hand hostage then, holding it to her chest. The hold tightened as even more noise filtered from the other room. "She's the one person I love the most in this world. Even more than Roth. Even more than myself. Especially more than myself."

Two peas in a pod, Sam would always call them.

"What am I? A piece of toast?" Elsa joked, ignoring the tightness of her chest and the sudden rush of bittersweet affection that she held for Anna. Lara had twisted around then, smile widening when Lara knocked her shoulder with an exasperated laugh of her own. "You're going to take my shoulder off."

"Oh hush," Lara had replied with a soft smile. They had stayed quiet then, the silence creating all of the noise it needed to. Elsa closed her eyes at the touch of lips against her forehead. "Thank you."

Elsa's lips curved into a smile. "Don't mention it."

* * *

'30th April 2021

Dear Anna,

Did you kiss her the same way you kissed me?

Yours sincerely,

Elsa.'

* * *

"I think it's great, what you're doing for those kids."

Elsa lifted her gaze from the box she was packing, gently pressing the flaps closed before she answered.

"There are many bright children in there," Elsa replied quietly, carefully taping the cardboard box shut. "I want to help them in any way I can. These books and school supplies are the least I can give."

Sam had decided to sit down next to her then. She fiddled with the camera in her hands, her feet tapping against the floor. "It's no wonder Lara likes you so much, then."

Elsa couldn't help but laugh as she started to pack another empty box. "I really think you've got the wrong idea about Lara and me."

"Do I? You guys spend so much time together. I'm starting to feel a little jealous." Sam had passed her a few books, letting out a small laugh of her own.

Elsa sent her a thankful smile and carefully stacked the books inside. "I promise that Lara and I are just friends."

"Good, because if you weren't, I'm sure Roth would interrogate you into the next week." Sam had nudged her shoulder against Elsa's, a playful grin on her face.

Elsa merely shook her head, an amused smile on her face as she placed the packed pencil cases beside the books. "I'm sure Roth is a very nice man."

"He's great," Sam had replied with a warm grin. "A little rough around the edges, but he looked out for Lara, you know? She doesn't say it, but he's like a father figure to her."

"I'm glad she's had someone like Roth then."

The ticking of the clock filled the room once more, only interrupted by the tapping of Sam's foot over and over and over again. Elsa remained silent, diligently packing one box after another. Colouring books, notebooks, sketchpads, pencils, markers, crayons, paint. An easy distraction.

"Look, I'm sorry about Anna," Sam had blurted out, placing a hand over Elsa's to stop her from stacking another book in the box. "If I had known, I would have backed off. I really didn't know and-"

"It's okay," Elsa cut in with a small smile, lifting her gaze from their hands and finally meeting Sam's. "Really. I'm glad to know that she's happy. And you've become good friends with her. Besides, I have no claim on her. I really don't mind."

"I can definitely see what you like so much about her," Sam had sighed, pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her chin against them. "I can definitely see what she likes so much about you."

Elsa's gaze shifted towards Sam. "Does she ever talk about me?" She whispered, mirroring Sam's pose, fingers curling into her upper arms.

"When doesn't she?" Sam had teased, before sobering and bumping their heads together lightly. "You feature a lot in her sketchbook. When I ask her about them, she tells me that you're the person she can't stop thinking about."

Elsa buried her head into her arms, voice muffled by her sweater and thickened by her tears. "In a good or bad way?"

Sam had hummed then, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "That, I don't know."

Lara had entered then, a box full of supplies in her hands. It had been promptly dropped at the sight of Elsa's tears. "Sam! What happened? Is she alright?"

Elsa was quick to reassure her, sending Lara a small, watery grin.

"I'm good." She sucked in a deep breath and curled her fingers around the ring hanging from her neck. "Really, really good."

* * *

'27th May 2021

Dear Anna,

Lucy Q has been adjusting well to her new life as a Hávadr-Ásdís. Mama and Papa have been spoiling her rotten with gifts, and I can't say I'm not guilty of doing that, too. I'm sure our new home is practically made of books at this point, with the amount Lucy reads. She always has something new to tell me, like how many rings a blue ring octopus might have or how snails really breathe. Lucy Q has even grown accustomed to moving around, always racing with Marshmallow and Olaf, wanting to get to the plane first.

Right now, we're in Singapore. I've been checking on the office here and doing some volunteer work, too. Mama and Papa are bound to join us any time soon, but for now Lucy Q has been eager to help me out. She likes playing with the other children, and often reads to them while we're at the various centres and orphanages. She's really taking advantage of the time we're spending here before we're back to London. I'll be graduating soon, Anna, and stepping up to take a more serious role at the company.

Am I nervous? Yes, but it's getting a lot easier with Lucy, Mama and Papa around. Lara and Sam, too. I know they are in Arendelle at the moment, finalizing a few parts of Sam's final project of the semester. I'm kind of jealous that they get to see you, but I'm glad they've become your friends, too. You sound happy, Anna. I'm so very glad you're happy, Anna.

Lucy and I often read your books before she goes to bed. It's her favourite, she told me, because you're the one who gave them to her. I spend a lot of time reading them, too. Your illustrations are incredible, Anna. I can't believe how far you've gotten in your work. I can't help but feel a little proud, even if that may be silly of me. My favourite is the tale of two sisters. It's Lucy's too. She often asks me about true love, and about you. I often wonder about true love, and about you.

I guess I still can't help but think about you.

Yours sincerely,

Elsa.'

* * *

"Mama, Mama!"

Elsa's head shot up at the sound of Lucy's urgent calls, dropping her blueprints and skidding into the living room. She dropped down to her knees before her, cupping Lucy's cheeks and turning her head gently from side to side, inspecting her daughter - her _daughter_ \- from head to toe.

"Are you okay?" Elsa breathed out, brushing her hands over long golden locks and down Lucy's back. "Are you hurt?"

"Mama," Lucy had giggled, taking hold of her hands. "I'm fine, Mama. I wanted you to look at the television."

Elsa released a relieved breath. What on earth could be on the television that was so important? Elsa looked, regardless, and was instantly glad she was quick on her feet. Her hands fell away from Lucy's cheeks, eyes widening at the sight of who exactly was on the television.

Anna had been standing there, talking to the local news reporter about the works of art she would be doing around the city, and the exhibition she would be holding very, very soon.

Elsa drank her in. The sun-kissed skin, the abundance of freckles, those brilliant, brilliant teal eyes and that breath-taking smile. The very girl that took her heart and never given it back. Even as the station switched to the weather, Elsa stared, the image of Anna burning into her mind. Gods, she had looked so beautiful.

"Are you okay, Mama?" Lucy had asked her after a moment. Elsa could hear the laughter in her voice.

Elsa merely mustered up a smile and tried to ignore the roaring of her heart in her ears as she pressed a kiss to Lucy's forehead. "Of course, Luce. More than okay."

 _Just great._

* * *

'20th June 2021

Dear Anna,

How much of my life I spent waiting?

Waiting for a chance to speak to you again, and never gathering the courage to send to those letters - to send these letters. Waiting for the time that I could face you, when I was 8, when I was 18. Waiting for the perfect moment to declare my love for you - and just blurting it out at a stoplight in the middle of Corona because I couldn't bear the thought of losing you. Waiting for the right time to tell you that I was sick, that I was dying, that I didn't want to lose you, that one day I could fall asleep and never wake up. Waiting for the noise in my head to go away, waiting for the time when my legs weren't as useless as I felt. Waiting to forget the hurt, waiting to forget the feelings and the memory of you saying you didn't love me anymore.

Waiting for the day that I could walk up to you and say I didn't need you like the Earth needed the sun to go another day. Waiting for the day when my heart will not seize at the mere thought of you. Waiting for the day that I can finally smile and tell you that I loved you, and it would not feel like my heart might burst out of my chest.

I'm growing tired of waiting now, Anna.

I don't want to wait anymore, but I don't know if I'm ready to see you.

I don't know if I ever want to see you.

Who gave you the right to own my heart so completely?

Yours sincerely,

Elsa.'

* * *

"Lucy?"

Elsa checked her watch once more, wondering how much longer this was going to take.

Sam and Lara had wanted to drop by some warehouse of sorts to visit a friend, and decided to take Lucy up with them. Why she thought letting Sam leave with her daughter was a good idea was beyond her. Her hand strayed to her temple, not hearing the approaching footsteps. Maybe she didn't have enough hot chocolate that morning...

Elsa had opened her mouth to call for Lucy again, but she didn't stand a chance. She whimpered as _something_ knocked into her head, and squealed as she was whipped around, landing with a small groan. Gods, what had just happened? She took a moment to regain her bearings, to still the spinning of her vision and feel exactly what it was she had landed on.

Elsa finally lifted her head and opened her eyes, her heart stopping at the sight below her. No. No, no, no, no. It couldn't be. It couldn't possibly be. Of all the people she could possibly, and literally, bump into.

"Anna?" She breathed out in disbelief, feeling the power crackling through her veins, eager and restless.

Elsa found herself staring into vibrant teal eyes that seemed to be in as much disbelief as she. Elsa could feel strong arms tightening around her waist, and Elsa couldn't help but bring herself closer despite herself, fingers curling into the worn fabric of the button-up Anna was wearing. Elsa's breaths quickened, her heart hammering in her chest and threatening to burst out of her chest. Oh Gods. _Oh_ Gods. Why was Anna looking at her like that? Wasn't Anna the one that told her that she didn't love her anymore? Wasn't Anna the one who left her behind? Wasn't Anna the one who gave up on them? On their love?

Anna had whispered in surprise, in disbelief. "Elsa?"

* * *

 _This chapter took me probably five years to write. It's a monster, and it really got away from me, but I do hope you enjoy it, as it was this chapter and the previous one that is really building up to a much awaited ending. Please tell me what you think! Come yell at me, I can take it._

 _As for the guest asking about the fact that, if there was a 'cure' for Elsa, why didn't they cure her earlier? Well, medical advances are a tricky thing, and something that exists today probably didn't exist a few years ago. Elsa didn't really need the heart transplant until just then, I think, so that's why it took so long. I don't think any of them really knew how bad it was. Hope that helped!_


	26. I Wrote 200 Letters I Will Never Send(I)

_This chapter has been tweaked just slightly, in hopes that it'll be easier to read and follow! Thanks so much to **Athena Sampaio**_ _helping me with this chapter and helping me edit it! You're the best._

* * *

There had been many, many ways Anna had expected Elsa to come back into her life.

(There had been many, many ways that Anna had accepted that Elsa was never coming back into her life.)

Anna had dreamt of the smaller things, of bumping into Elsa in the line of a crowded coffee shop, in the aisle of a supermarket, in between bookshelves in bookstores, in the orphanage – finally visiting Lucy Q at the same time. It would have been unexpected, slipping back into each other's lives as easily as the coffee brewed, as the pages turned, as the children played.

(Anna had dreamt of the bigger things, of the things she would have dreaded, of the things that scared her to the core. Of the things that still scared her to the core. Of the things that might have broken her. Anna dreamt of seeing Elsa's name in the headlines, not in taking the role she had been groomed to step into for her entire life, but in seeing that she was gone. Gone, gone, gone.)

Regardless, it was safe to say that despite this, despite the storms in her head and despite the wistful dreaming in her breaths, Anna had been woefully ill-prepared when she practically fell into Elsa's arms. Unprepared when they both fell to the ground with each other (and no longer for each other). She was unprepared for the stars that she blinked away, for the way Elsa looked at her, for the shock and the horror before Elsa's eyelashes fluttered to a close, her body growing slack on top of hers. She lay there in astonishment, even poked Elsa's suddenly prone figure, when Lara kicked into gear.

It became a flurry of action then. Elsa was swept up from the ground, taken away from Anna again. Sam called to the driver outside to hurry, to come quick, and Lucy Q was left to tug at her hand, to pull her up, to shake her shoulders and snap her out of her daze. The fear in speckled hazel eyes startled Anna. She let herself be pulled along, her movements sluggish, as if she wasn't really there, as if she had been left lying on the ground. Elsa's body had been warm and soft and real against hers.

Elsa was alive. Elsa was still alive.

Anna was sure she had been close to fainting, too.

* * *

("Don't you dare leave me behind, Elsa Hávadr-Ásdís," Elsa heard through the haze, through the beeping, through the frantic voices, through the rustling of sheets and the squeal of wheels. "I need your heart to stay right where it is.")

* * *

When Elsa woke, Anna wasn't sure what to do – of what exactly she could do.

It had been a whirlwind of activity. Elsa losing consciousness in her arms, Lara scooping her up, Sam calling the driver back – to drop his coffee and move it. Anna had been left in a daze in her own head, voices muffled and images blurred as she was left to follow. Anna remembered Lucy Q's hand, small and soft, tucked into hers. She wondered how this clever little girl could handle something like this, but she hadn't been in the place to question it.

Anna wasn't sure if it was even her place to be sitting by Elsa's side, snug in the cushioned chair, while Lara insisted on taking the one they'd nicked from the other room. It was hard and grey and plastic – sure to be uncomfortable. Still, Lara managed to fall asleep on the edge of the bed, hair falling into her eyes, Elsa's left hand tucked into hers. Sam took Lucy Q back home after visiting hours, the day's events finally catching up to Elsa's daughter – to Elsa's family. That's what Lara had insisted they were when the nurses tried to kick them out. Anna wasn't sure how Lara got them to believe her. Anna hardly felt like family.

Regardless, Anna sat there, hands folded in her lap, cheeks stained with paint, her clothes worn and rumpled. She sat and gazed upon Lara, upon the person who first sprang into action, whose face mirrored Anna's when Elsa had collapsed on the cold marble three years ago. Anna wondered if that was how she had looked back then, sitting in her shimmering green gown, her hands trembling, her shoulders shaking. You remembered counting the beeps and her breaths and waiting for Elsa to just wake up. Anna wondered if Lara loved Elsa, and she almost smiled because, how could she not. It was practically inevitable, and who was she to step in the way of that?

Anna felt lost when Elsa finally woke, heart monitor spiking with wild beeps, her eyes darting around in sudden alertness, in panic, Elsa's rushed breathing filling the previously silent room.

"Hey," Anna called a little uselessly, her hands fluttering over Elsa's body, unsure of whether she should touch her or not. If she could touch her or not. "Hey, you're-."

"Lara?" Elsa called out, her eyes still unclear, her breaths still coming quick and uneven. Lara startled awake then, easily doing what Anna hadn't done, easily filling a spot Anna couldn't fill. A spot she couldn't fill for 3 years. A spot she wasn't sure she ever filled.

"You're okay," Lara whispered. Anna stepped out to call Sam and tell them that Elsa had finally woken up, that they had nothing more to worry about. (To give Elsa and Lara their privacy, to get away from how Lara soothed Elsa with a single touch.) Sam's voice sounded distant, even in her goodbyes, and Anna was left to slump against the wall and realize that she was not okay.

That things were far from okay.

* * *

"You never told me how serious your heart condition had been before."

Elsa looked at Lara, away from the shadow that lingered outside the door, away from the one person who had tilted her world upside down too many times to count. Lara refused to meet Elsa's gaze, her free hand worrying through her dark hair once more, tousling it even further. Lara's gaze felt heavy on the pale sliver that peeked out from the neckline of Elsa's shirt, her hand tightening as the monitor continued to beep, beep, beep.

"I don't think it ever came up," Elsa admitted after another moment of silence, after another moment of slow, steady breathing, after another moment of realizing that yes, she was alive, and it hadn't been a dream. Her shoulders lifted in a small shrug. "I don't think it ever needed to."

"Of course it needed to." Lara seemed angry then, boots heavy as she got up to her feet. She glared down at Elsa, dark hair falling into equally dark eyes, shadowing the tears that threatened to fall. "I was busy dragging you around to all of these dangerous places, busy dragging you around to do all of those strenuous activities, and you never felt the need to tell me or Sam that you had a heart condition?" Lara's hand tightened around Elsa's, but she seemed less angry then, hunching over her, jaw trembling. "What if something had happened, Elsa? What if something had happened to you and it had been my fault? You're one of my best friends, Elsa. I couldn't bear to lose you, too." Elsa couldn't bear to lose anyone else, either.

Elsa shook her head, reaching up, hooking her arm around the nape of Lara's neck, bringing her in close, holding her tight. She buried her face against the brunette's shoulder, feeling the slightest tremble in them, feeling the slightest shake of her breaths. They were both so young and afraid to lose more than they already had.

"You don't have to worry about losing me," Elsa promised, because Lara didn't have to – not anymore. Elsa's breath warmed Lara's sun-kissed skin. "I'm better now. I'm stronger now – thanks to you, thanks to Sam. You helped me be better."

"You're a true pain in my arse, Elsa Hávadr-Ásdís," Lara murmured, smiling against Elsa's temple, giving her hand a more playful squeeze.

Elsa felt a grin spreading across her face as she closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth and proximity. "At least you've got my name down, now."

"I've had quite a lot of practice," Lara teased, pulling up ever so slightly and meeting her gaze, slowing mirroring Elsa's grin. They slowly dissolved into laughter then, heads pressed against the other's, arms loose and light and warm. There, amongst too-white bedsheets and too-clean pillows, they found their small shred of peace. Elsa laughed, and laughed and laughed, tangled up with Lara, smiling until her cheeks hurt and she couldn't laugh any more.

Elsa didn't see the shadow behind the door walking away.

* * *

"I hurt her."

Anna twisted her key into the door of her studio, trudging up the stairs after having called Sam up on FaceTime. The cool night air sent a shiver rippling down Anna's spine, the door finally clicking shut behind her. If there was anyone who would be willing to listen at this hour, it would have to be Sam.

"You did," Sam murmured in agreement, looking younger and softer without her make-up, bundled up in a well-worn university sweatshirt – sure to be Lara's. Anna could see Lucy Q in the corner of the screen, a tiny ball in the centre of the bed. Sam's voice brought her attention back to her. "But that doesn't mean you're not hurting too, Anna."

"I feel like I don't deserve to hurt." Anna slumped back against the back wall of her studio, exhausted from more than just her walk home from the hospital, surrounded by her unfinished pieces. Incomplete – just like Anna. Her fingers itched for the bottle tucked into the bottom of her back, her throat burning, her stomach rolling. She didn't know if she'd even blinked yet, the memory of Lara and Elsa laughing in each other's arms burned into the back of her eyelids.

"You're human too," Sam reminded her over the line, propped up against at least five pillows, grey eyes bright and earnest in the faint light filtering into the room from the outside. "She wasn't the only one who lost a love, who lost a friend. Anna, you're hurting and that's okay."

Anna's head fell back against the wall as she swallowed through the lump in her throat, breathing shakily through parted lips. "Sam, I still love her."

"I know," Sam whispered. Of course she knew. Anyone who knew Anna for long enough would. "Three years is a long time, Anna. You're new people now. Older. This is your chance. Are you really going to let it slip away?"

Anna laughed, because Sam was right, and she couldn't sit around like an idiot, waiting for the time to pass them both by again. Always wondering and never getting any answers. "I could kiss you."

"Been there, done that," Sam replied with a cheeky smirk, tilting her head, eyes sparkling with mischief. Anna let out another laugh, drawing her knees to her chest and feeling a swell of affection for the girl on the other side of the screen.

"Thank you, Sam," Anna offered, because through the mess of words in her head, through the jumble of thoughts and emotions, she was truly grateful for the girl she fell into bed with that night.

"Don't mention it." Sam grinned, settling back against her pillows, sending Anna a wink. "Go get her, champ."

* * *

Elsa came home the next morning, body still a little sore and mind still a little frazzled from staying in the hospital overnight. The tiny bottle of pills felt heavy in her purse, a new reminder that perhaps, Elsa wasn't as all right as she thought she was. Still, those thoughts flew out of her head as soon as she opened the door to her temporary home, laughing as she was assaulted with an armful of her squealing daughter. Elsa held her close and breathed her in, Lucy Q smelling like sunshine, her hair still a little damp from her bath. Sam embraced Elsa next, Lucy Q having decided to cling onto Lara instead. Sam's arms were warm and heavy around her shoulders.

"I'm glad you're okay," She breathed against Elsa's neck, and Elsa smiled, arms winding loosely around Sam's waist, secretly glad that she was okay, too.

"Going to take a lot more than that to take me out," Elsa murmured in reply, swaying a little as Sam refused to let go of her, refused to move away for even an inch. They stood in the doorway, in your own little world.

"I know she hurt you," Sam started suddenly, lips pressed to Elsa's ear, pulling her closer to match Sam's height. "But please, try to understand her. You don't have to condone what she did to be able to forgive her." Sam broke away then, grey eyes heavy and full as they gazed up at her. "Come to her show, okay?"

All Elsa could do was nod, hands falling from Sam's back.

Lara stepped up to Elsa then, hand firm and soothing against the small of her back, peering up at her. "Are you okay?"

Elsa managed to pull up a smile, Sam's words ringing in her ears as she gave another nod. "Just fine."

* * *

("Do you still love my Mama?"

Anna's head snapped up at Lucy Q's words, knocking loudly against the bottom of her table and causing her to drop the paintbrush she had been trying to retrieve. Sam peered in from the kitchen, seemingly concerned, until Anna waved her off with a reassuring grin. Anna turned back to Lucy Q then, sighing internally at the blonde's expectant look. How could anyone lie to her? "Yes, I do."

Lucy Q nodded slowly, turning back to her painting with a contemplative look. Their easy afternoon of painting and snacking on junk food was seemingly taking a worrying turn. "That means you'll try to get together again, right? Because Mama is your true love? Maybe you should kiss her."

"I wish it were that easy," Anna laughed and wrapped her arm around Lucy Q, taking in the blonde's painting. It was of five figures, presumably of Lucy Q, Elsa, Lara, Sam and herself. Anna's heart swelled with affection, holding Lucy Q close to her. "But I promise to try my best. Your Mama is still pretty mad at me."

"I believe in you," Lucy Q nodded firmly, pressing a kiss to Anna's cheek before scrambling away, Sam declaring that lunch was ready from the kitchen.

Anna was left to collapse against the couch with a low groan, rubbing her hands over her face and surely spreading paint over her cheeks. If only it were really that easy...)

* * *

"I've bumped into Anna again."

Elsa's mother stilled on the other side of the screen, near dropping the well-worn mug in her hands. Elsa watched in mild amusement and concern, sinking back into the leather of her office chair, hiding the way her legs bounced under the table. Elsa almost grimaced at how literal her statement really was, but restrained herself. It was good that Lucy had a playmate other than her and Lara.

"Are you alright?" Her mother asked, hesitant as she spoke, having to sit down in her own chair. Elsa mulled over her words for a good moment, pulling her knees up to her chest, resting her chin upon her knees. Elsa caught the tick in the corner of her mother's mouth – itching to reprimand her about her posture, she was sure, before being drawn to the newest addition to her desk. The shiny orange bottle on the corner of her desk seemed to mock her, a new reminder of how, perhaps, she wasn't quite alright. "And how is that even possible? What on earth is that girl doing in Singapore, of all places?"

"I'm fine, Mama, don't worry." Elsa smiled to appease her, but she remembered the way her heart thundered in her chest, the way her breaths had stilled before the darkness overwhelmed her. Elsa was far from all right, very far away from it. "She's working here, too. Creating art work for the city." She looked down at her hands, completely missing the way her mother's jaw set, the way her nostrils flared. "Lucy Q was very happy to see her again. She enjoys visiting Anna at her studio."

"And you're letting her?" Elsa's mother asked in disbelief, evident in the ever familiar blue of her eyes. Her hands tightened around the mug in her hands. Elsa caught the same spark of anger in her mother's eyes, the same disdain that had been evident when she first found out about her relationship with Anna.

"Yes, Mama," Elsa replied evenly, tilting her head and meeting her gaze through the screen. She had tried to refuse her daughter at first, but she had been persistent, and Sam had been eager enough to take her to Anna's studio, taking out any possibility of Elsa actually seeing Anna again. "I'm sure you know how hard it is to say no to Lucy and her puppy dog eyes…"

Her mother let out a withering sigh, seemingly nervous as she shifted in her seat. Her hands smoothed over a worn journal, worrying over one page in particular. "Yes, I do know. I suppose I cannot blame you. I just hope that you know what you're doing, Elsa. Don't come running back to me when this blows up in your face. You know what she did to you."

"I know exactly what I'm doing," Elsa answered firmly, because she refused to be the same girl that had been so easily intimidated by the pierce of her own mother's gaze. Elsa was older now. She wasn't going to be so easily fooled. "I will not make the same mistakes."

Elsa's mother seemed pleased with her answer, Elsa's heart settling heavy in her chest with her words. "Good girl."

* * *

'30th June 2021

Dear Anna,

I cannot rid myself of you.

I have more of you in my veins than blood.

I want to hate you, resent you, muster up my anger from the deepest cores of my being and loathe you. But I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't.

I still love you.

I cannot believe that I still love you.

Yours sincerely,

Elsa.'

* * *

("Nervous?"

Anna's fingers worried over the fabric of her trousers, her feet tapping against the floor as Sam twisted her hair with nimble fingers, pinning every strand carefully into place. "Am I really that obvious?"

Sam laughed, clad in a simple black number that made Lara blush when they bumped into each other earlier. "Yes, Anna. I'm sure you might have worn a hole into the carpet if I let you."

Anna let out a low groan, tipping her head back as soon as Sam declared she was finished. Sam peered down at her in amusement, hands settling over Anna's shoulders, a steady presence to Anna's nerves. "What if she doesn't show up?"

"She'll show up, I promise." Sam squeezed Anna's shoulders, peering earnestly into Anna's eyes, looking very much like an ethereal being with the light shining above her. "Lucy Q won't leave the house without her."

"Do you think she'll like it?" Anna couldn't help but wonder, chewing on her bottom lip and yelping when Sam flicked her ear, scolding her for potentially ruining her lipstick. "Ow!"

"Oh, shut it. That didn't hurt at all." Sam twisted Anna's seat around to fix her lipstick, careful to reapply it the way she had at the start of the afternoon. "I'm sure she'll like it, Anna. You're an incredible artist." Sam stepped back, nodding in approval and pointing towards the door. "Now come on, show time."

Anna let out a loud breath and got to her feet, drawing Sam in for a quick hug, resting her chin on the brunette's shoulder. "Thank you, Sam. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Sam smiled against the fabric of Anna's suit jacket, arms winding loosely around Anna's waist. "Probably be freaking out over what to wear." She pulled back, taking Anna's hands and squeezing firmly. "Let's go. It's your time to shine."

Anna grinned brightly and nodded, pushing her nerves aside for now. "Let's rock it.")

* * *

It was a little surreal, stepping into the room and feeling as if she'd stepped into another universe. As if she'd stepped back in time.

Lucy Q was quick to drop Elsa's hand and run up to Anna, Lara and Sam in their own world, leaving her to her own devices so early in the evening. Elsa was left to wander from piece to piece, trying not to think too much about the fact that, Gods, she could almost see herself in these worlds. Her hands, bare and trembling, clutched at her upper arms as she walked. Elsa side-stepped between faceless strangers, unaware of their lingering looks, taking in every stroke of the brush, every splash of paint, every drop of colour and detail and heart.

Elsa recognized the skyline from the top of the Eiffel Tower, with all of the lights in the distance, with all of those people that had been living their own lives while she and Anna were only lost in each other. She recognized the worn gondola, her own sun burnt shoulders, and the way the sun sparkled on the murky water. It was almost as magical as the way Anna had laughed at her, had squeezed her reddened cheeks and kissed her. Elsa recognized the park she used to see from their home, the rowdy kids in the playground across the streets, the people who walked their dogs and had picnics and enjoyed the warm autumn heat. Elsa recognized the road where they shared their first kiss, the three figures dressed in matching Halloween costumes, Marshmallow and Olaf running around their living room.

Elsa recognized their first night, her chest tightening as she saw copper hair spilling upon a bare chest, tangled with strands of platinum, the ridges of her own chest at the very centre of it all. She recognized herself, half-turned away, her braid loose and light over her shoulder, her own back bare in the light filtering through the apartment windows, clad in nothing but their wrinkled sheets.

She felt 18 again, transported back to that very moment with a single painting. Elsa remembered looking over her shoulder and blushing under Anna's heavy gaze. She had tugged Anna to her, had curled her fingers around Anna's wrist and kissed her. Anna's eyes had been bright and so, so warm.

Elsa shook her head then, turning away and focusing on the pieces of Anna that she did not recognize – on the pieces that she couldn't find herself in. She willed herself to be lost in the grinning faces of dark-haired toddlers – twins. She lingered on the tall towers of Arendelle castle, in its fluttering banners and imposing gate. She breathed in at the flutter of Lucy Q's dress, taking in every little detail until she could breathe again. Until she could be again.

She looked for her escape then, stepping out into the balcony, hiding away from the low murmur of the gallery behind her. Elsa pressed her hands to the railing, peering up at the stars and wondering, inevitably, how many times Anna had looked at them, too. Elsa wondered how many times they'd both stared at the stars, clouded with thoughts of the other. Wishing for each other. She laughed to herself and shook her head. How wistful of her.

"Sorry, ma'am, but you can't be out here," A gruff voice announced behind Elsa. She couldn't help but smile at the sound, hearing the underlying tones of Anna's voice in those words. Elsa wasn't entirely surprised that she found her. Anna had always been particularly good at that.

"Don't think you have the authority to be telling me that, stranger," Elsa replied a little stiffly, her gaze not leaving the stars twinkling above the city that had become her home for the past few months. Anna stepped up beside her, their shoulders brushing, the balcony not leaving much room for anything other than that. "Shouldn't you be charming your guests out there?"

"You're the one guest I wanted to hear from the most," Anna informed her, her smile evident in her voice. From the corner of her eyes, she saw Anna tugging at the lapels of her coat – a nervous tick. Probably due to the fact that Anna couldn't tug at the end of her braids. Elsa turned her gaze away and wondered absently if she was nervous, being around her again.

"Anna," Elsa couldn't help but reprimand, finally looking at her for the first time that night, for the first time since their rocky encounter a week ago. She squashed down the flutter in her chest, straightening her shoulders. Anna looked quite dashing in her simple navy suit, Elsa admitted reluctantly to herself, the silvery bow tie adding a welcome splash of colour against her crisp white shirt. Elsa supposed they must look quite the pair, with her own navy blue dress and strappy silver heels.

(Elsa wondered absently if Sam set them up, recalling the cheeky smile on the woman's face when she offered the dress to Elsa that morning.)

"Woah," Anna breathed out, eyes sweeping over Elsa's body before they snapped up to meet her gaze. She waved her hands around, cheeks as bright as her hair, glowing warmly in the light coming from the gallery behind them. Elsa, flushed herself, straightened even further and quashed down the swell of affection at how cute Anna looked, so flustered before her. "I'm sorry, I didn't – I mean - ."

"It's alright," Elsa reassured with a small, if not flattered, smile. I know she hurt you, Sam's words echoed in her mind as her eyes bored into apologetic teal. But please, try and understand her. You don't have to condone what she did to be able to forgive her. "You look quite handsome yourself, Anna."

"Oh," she breathed out, peering up at Elsa with a sheepish smile, her blush only growing darker. "Thank you."

It grew quiet between them, the words heavy and unspoken – but Elsa felt no need to fill in the miles that stretched out between them, and neither did Anna. Elsa supposed there really was a time and place for everything. Sam's words echoed through her mind once more, and Elsa reached forward, brushing her fingertips against Anna's wrist. "I would like to ask you for something, if that is all right."

"Anything," Anna replied immediately, eyes bright and earnest, eager to please. She stepped in closer, but Elsa's hands pressed immediately to her chest, her breath catching in her throat. Too close. Too much.

"My Papa has informed me that the orphanages around Corona and Arendelle are looking quite dreary," Elsa told her, clearing her throat and shifting on her side of the tiny balcony, feeling much smaller now with Anna standing so close. "Perhaps you could provide your services. It would be a great help."

"Okay," Anna nodded firmly as soon as Elsa finished speaking, so quickly Elsa was afraid Anna's head might fly off altogether. "I'll do it. Anything you want."

"I'm glad that we've settled that then." Elsa looked away from her piercing gaze, hands still pressed lightly to Anna's chest, keeping the barest distance between them. "I will contact you with the details soon enough. If you'll excuse me." Elsa managed to move away then, breaths quick, eyes closing briefly.

"Elsa," Anna called out to her, Elsa's hands lingering on the handles of the doors leading back into the library. "Thank you."

Elsa nodded faintly before stepping inside, not having the heart to look back.

* * *

"I have no idea what I'm doing."

Rapunzel hummed on the other line, followed by the clink of pots and the twins' fading screams. Eugene seemed to be crying in the distance. "Hello to you too. What can I help you with this evening, because you never seem to call just to check up on us?"

Anna scoffed and curled into the pillows of her bed, pursing her lips. "I – I do too call. Just, maybe not as often as I'd like. It's been a busy couple of months. It's the first time I've been out of the country in years."

"I know," Rapunzel drawled, seemingly amused by Anna's response. "I'm surprised you're still alive, really. I was expecting a major injury by now."

Anna rolled her eyes and picked at the dried paint underneath her fingernails, barely having had the energy to change out of her stiff suit and into worn sweatpants. "Does heart break count as a major injury?"

Rapunzel laughed, loudly at that. "Anna, just because you ran out of your special brand of hot chocolate doesn't mean -."

"I ran into Elsa," Anna whispered, cutting Rapunzel off and curling even further into the wrinkled sheets, speckled with paint – much like the rest of her current living space.

Rapunzel was silent for a moment, the clinking of the pots disappearing, the twins growing silent and even farther away. It was deafening, echoing in the bedroom of temporary home away from home. "You what?"

"I ran into Elsa," Anna repeated quietly, swallowing hard and feeling the knots in her stomach. "And I'm coming back to Corona with her."

"Did I really just hear that? Did you really just tell me that you ran into Elsa _and_ you're going back to Corona with her? What the hell, Anna?"

Anna winced at the sound of Rapunzel's voice, hearing every ounce of anger, every ounce of disbelief. She rubbed at her eyes with the heel of her palm. "I know I should have called sooner about her, but, with the exhibition and the – the murals, I didn't have time…"

Rapunzel clucked her tongue. "That's hardly an excuse, Anna. I just – Are you okay? How are you…? How are you feeling?"

"Crazy," Anna whispered, shaking her head and running her fingers through her hair, tugging at the pins and ties, desperate for any form of relief. "Like I'm still dreaming."

A heavy sigh and the rustle of clothing. Anna could almost picture Rapunzel resting against the counter and rubbing her temples, holding the phone to her ear. "I hope you know you're doing, Anna. This is… dangerous water you're treading."

Anna heaved out a breath, plopping onto her back. "I hope so, too."

* * *

'10th July 2021

Dear Anna,

Sam claims that in another life, I might have been a writer. She stumbled across a few of my letters, was curious enough to read them, and barged into my office in tears asking me why I never decided to pursue being a writer. Asked why I never decided to send them to you. I laughed and offered her ice cream instead of answering, but the thought still lingered in my mind.

Would it have change things? Would things have been any more different if I had decided to pursue a different career path, a different kind of passion, a different kind of art? Would we have been able to work together? Would you have illustrated my writings? Would you have brought them to life with your works? Would it have changed things? Would you still have left?

Would it have really changed things? Would things have been different if I had sent those letters days ago? If I had sent them weeks, years ago? Would my mother have left me? Would we have met earlier? Would I have had to lie about my condition? Would we have been able to grow together? Would we have become better friends? Better lovers? Would it have changed things, if I wasn't such a coward? If I hadn't been so afraid? Would you have left? Would you have left?

No, I can't think about this. Not when I am getting so much better. Not when I have bigger things to worry about, like Lucy Q, like the company, like my mother, like my father, the relationship with my mother that I could have only dreamed of having. Besides, I do not think it would have worked out – being a writer, I mean. My words… They are not for anyone else. These words, angry and resentful, wistful and longing, have always been for you. My heart, old and new, the one poured into every letter I write, has always been for you.

Why must it always come back to you?

Yours sincerely,

Elsa.'

* * *

"Anna, I can't reach it."

Anna turned her head at the sound of Lucy Q's voice and smiled at the sight of her, dressed in her tiny tailored overalls and reaching up towards a spot Anna had drawn on a ladder.

It had been a week since they'd all left Singapore, and two months since the end of her own exhibit and other commitments she and Elsa had there. It had been a stifling two months of minimal contact between her and Elsa, and Anna was simply glad to be closer to home.

Corona was just as Anna remembered it, ever sunny, ever warm and ever so full of life – always bursting at the seams with it. Hopping from orphanage to orphanage to do her work gave Anna the opportunity to explore the city again, to fall in love with the city in a whole new way. It was safe to say that she'd missed the hustle and bustle of the markets around every corner, of the musicians and dancers and whole other types of performers that she could come across. (It was safe to say that she'd missed the quiet of her walks home with Elsa, her hand tucked into Anna's, her lips tasting faintly of peppermint – always.)

Still, there was no time to be lost in hoping and wishing and missing – not when her favourite assistant was pouting up at Anna like that. Anna swung her up onto her shoulders easily, listening to the vibrancy of Lucy's laugh as she clung to the hat on top of your head – leaving paint in the fabric, no doubt. "Up we go!"

"Anna!" Lucy Q squealed but steadied herself accordingly, filling in the spaces of the wall that Anna had missed. The mural, the first of many, was coming together already, with less than half of the wall left to fill with many, many colours.

"Doing okay up there?" Anna called up to Lucy Q, keeping a firm grip on her legs, feeling Elsa's worried gazing piercing into the back of her skull. Of course, she had nothing to worry about. As if Anna would let anything happen to Lucy Q.

Lucy Q worked diligently upon her shoulders, careful in her strokes, not wanting to go over the lines. She reminded Anna of Elsa then, always meticulous and clean in her work. "Do you do this all the time?" She asked Anna, startling her out of her thoughts, of her whispered wishes on the balcony three years ago.

"I do," Anna answered quietly, a lot quieter than she had expected. She shifted Lucy Q on her shoulders, trailing her fingertips over the dried paint before her. "I don't think it can even be considered work anymore. I just like doing what I love, and I love being able to share this with other people. Creating different worlds for people to get lost in, even for just a split-second. I don't think I can think of anything I want more."

Lucy Q hummed thoughtfully from her spot upon Anna's shoulders, her hands stilling for just that moment. "I want to do that too! I want to be an artist, and an architect, and a photographer, and an archaeologist – all at the same time!"

"You can do it." Anna beamed and squeezed her shins ever so slightly, peering up into excited hazel green eyes. "And I'll be there every step of the way."

* * *

"Stop worrying so much."

Elsa jumped ever so slightly, turning her head towards Lara and spotting the amused smile on the brunette's face. She rolled her eyes at the look on Lara's face, pulling her handkerchief out of her pocket and dabbing at Lara's temples. "Oh, hush up. You're just as insufferable as Sam sometimes."

"Well, I lived with her for the better part of my college life," Lara offered as an explanation, shifting the box in her arms. "Now, if you're done worrying over Anna dropping Lucy, I need your help. The kids want us to read to them. It'll take your mind of this mural, okay?"

Elsa shot one last lingering glance towards Anna and Lucy Q, following the way Sam had approached the two with her trusty camera before finally nodding and taking Lara's offered arm. "Okay. Let's go."

* * *

("They're kind of gross, aren't they?"

Anna followed Sam's unwavering gaze, her chest tightening and her stomach dropping at the sight of Elsa wiping sweat off Lara's brow, Lara carrying what seemed like a heavy box with ease. She felt an irrational anger well up in her chest, in every fibre of her being. As much as Lara claimed that they were simply friends, she and Elsa had a closeness that rivalled even Lara and Sam's. As much as Anna loved Sam and Lara here, she wondered if Lara was really doing work with Elsa, or just using it as an excuse to spend time with each other. Anna merely grumbled and shifted an oblivious Lucy on her shoulders.

At Sam's amused gaze, Anna simply shrugged and stuck her tongue out at the camera Sam had pointed at her. "Let them be gross."

Anna could be petty about this – even just this.)

* * *

'22nd September 2021

Dear Anna,

Being back in Corona, I am reminded of when we used to curl up at my windowsill - our windowsill - and look up at the stars.

I remember your voice, how lowly you whispered in my ear, how your breath sent ripples down my spine. I remember your touch, one arm held tightly around my waist, the other outstretched, your fingers guiding me through the constellations that dotted the sky. I remember tucking myself against you, feeling the warmth of your skin, feeling the brush of your lips. I remember the fascination with how clearly we could see the stars even in such a big city, with how wonderfully your fingers tangled through mine. I remember the shooting star, silent wishes and the taste of your laughter as you pressed your lips against mine.

Despite my efforts to forget, I still remember. I used to think of us as shooting stars, speeding through time and space, through infinities of our own without a care in the world. I am better now. I am much better now. Even the shooting stars that seem very close are actually far, far apart, separated by many light years. Perhaps that is who we are now. Who we were before. Perhaps we are like the stars we used to gaze upon - shining alone in the empty void.

Sincerely yours,

Elsa.'

* * *

"Lucy wanted me to give this to you."

Anna jumped at the sound of Elsa's voice, near dropping the small can of black paint she had in her hands. She wiped at her brow with the back of her hand before turning to face Elsa, her dirtied overalls and paint-covered cheeks a stark difference to Elsa and her baby blue sun dress. Anna couldn't help but stare for a moment, whatever answers she had for the blonde disappearing at the sight of her, standing in the fading light of the day.

"Anna?" Elsa called with a slight furrow in her brow, stepping a little closer, shifting the cool water bottle in her hands. Even after spending the past week and a half with her, Anna was still left frazzled whenever Elsa was around.

Anna startled out of your daze then, rubbing absently at her flushed cheeks and clearing her throat. "I'm - I'm fine, I just… blanked out for a second." She kicked at the ground with scuffed sneakers, peering up at Elsa and her stunning everything. "Thank you, for uh… for uh, the water. You didn't have to."

"Well," Elsa looked away then, curling her hands around her upper arms and letting out a soft breath. "Lucy insisted that I do it myself, otherwise she'd kick me out of my own bed later. She's quite cheeky, that one. Gets it from y-." Her eyes snapped over to meet Anna's gaze then, cheeks warming as she cleared her throat. "I – That was it. I'll let you get back to your work."

Anna watched as Elsa turned away again, her shoulders high and bunched up to her shoulders, catching the redness in the tips of her ears. She swallowed thickly before stepping forward, mustering what little courage she had inside of her. "Elsa, wait."

Elsa stiffened at the sound of Anna's voice, seemingly hesitating before she turned to face her once more. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, the pale blonde strands curling delicately as she did so. "What is it?"

"The rooftop, of your office's building," Anna blurted out, her stomach churning. She wondered absently if she was being too selfish, if she was asking for too much, too soon. But Anna wanted it – desperately wanted the chance to explain, the chance to become at least friends that understood what had happened all those years ago. "I'll – I'll be waiting there every day at 8 o'clock, if you want to talk. Because we really need to."

Elsa's eyebrows shot up in surprise, her jaw setting as she went to turn away again. "Don't expect me to show up so soon, Anna. We are business partners, Miss Almstedt – I do hope you remember that."

Elsa walked away then, her sun dress billowing in the wind, the very image of her mother all those years ago. Anna's chest tightened, her fingers curling even further around the water bottle in her hand. A chance. A chance to start over. A chance, however small, that Elsa was giving her.

She would have that to hold onto, at least.

* * *

(Lucy Q liked to tell Elsa little facts throughout the day.

Her daughter would often pop into her office, attempting to prop herself against the heavy desk before huffing and clambering onto her lap – an effective way of distracting Elsa from whatever work she would be doing at that moment. Elsa would smile and indulge her, listening attentively to Lucy Q as she rambled on and on about her new findings – a little adventurer, Lara would call her.

On quieter days, when Lara was holed up in her room or being dragged outside by Sam, (when Elsa was too caught up in Anna and her words, in the fact that she had been waiting for her these past few days, diligently and patiently), Lucy Q would fill the silence. Her daughter would press neat drawings over whatever contract she was pretending to review, listening intently as she critically assessed every detail in the pictures. Elsa would always smile and point out a particular detail that she noticed before drawing Lucy Q into her arms, filling her with a sense of certainty that, in the mess that their lives were at the moment, Lucy Q loved her, and Elsa loved her back.

With a heavy breath and an even heavier heart. It would have to do.

It would have to do.)

* * *

"Anna."

"Elsa." Anna shifted on the worn soles of her shoes, feeling highly unprepared in her paint splattered overalls and smeared cheeks. Yes, she had waited – for another week now – but she had never expected Elsa to actually show up. Not yet, at least. Not so soon. Anna swallowed, brushing her hair back. "I didn't think you would come."

Elsa looked towards the city, fingers curled daintily around her upper arms, digits long and pale. She looked small in the inky blue of her thick knitted sweater, swimming in the rich fabric.

The lights from the restless city and its restless citizens shimmered in those cavernous blue eyes, the very same eyes that never failed to remind Anna of what she had lost, of what Anna had hurt, of what Anna had done. (It reminded Anna of hazy autumn afternoons, of the shapes in the clouds, of the taste of lemon-lime on Elsa's lips when she tipped over to kiss her, fingers sticky with the remnants of her popsicle.) Anna tried not to think much of it when Elsa smiled, soft and fragile, but not so broken. She was better now – another reminder that she was healing, that she was mending, that she was growing. (From her, without her.)

"I didn't think you would still be waiting," Elsa echoed, as if Anna had been speaking of the weather and she'd just asked Elsa if it was going to rain. Anna's hands shook and trembled, lost in thick swirls of violent reds, deep pinks and splashes of white. Stained. Bloody. How fitting. "You were persistent in asking me to come up here to talk, but I do not want any apologies. If you want to talk, fine, but I will leave the moment I hear even one 'sorry'."

Anna's throat tightened at Elsa's words, in the rigidity of her spine, in the way her fingers curled deeper into the fabric of her sweater. How could Elsa just stand there and not even look at her? Elsa had been alive. For three long years, Elsa had been alive and healthy and well, and Gods, Anna hadn't had a clue.

"You found it pretty easy to replace me, huh? Lara is very nice." Anna blurted out the words before she could stop from making a fool of herself. She mirrored the way Elsa suddenly tensed, Anna's own jaw setting, her own hair falling over her eyes as she demanded answers she didn't deserve. (Selfish, selfish, selfish). "Would it have hurt to tell me? To tell Rapunzel, or Eugene, or Uncle Kai, or Aunt Gerda? Would it have hurt to pick up the phone and maybe tell me that you weren't dead?"

"And you think you have the right to that?" Elsa answered easily, voice almost lost in the wind. "Don't bring Lara into this. You have no right to be angry with her – or me."

"I'm not angry," Anna snapped back, but recoiled just as quickly – because Elsa was right. She was left to shake her head, to clear her mind, to stare at her paint-stained hands. "You didn't answer my question."

"I simply thought that you didn't care," Elsa offered in reply, lips curving upwards, gaze dropping down to the passing cars, to the people who were rushing home. "After everything that had happened, I didn't think it mattered to you. I wanted to forget you. Part of me wanted you to feel the way I did, when you just disappeared. It felt as if… there was a hollow inside of me, a hollow that I couldn't fill no matter how much I wanted to. So I just… tried to forget. I just tried to make it feel like it wasn't there – until it wasn't there. Lara helped me with that."

Anna flinched, curling back into herself, the words sinking into her skin like knives. Her chest tightened. Was that how Elsa had felt? Like a part of her was always missing? Had she been the one to do that? "That's so childish," she found herself saying, voice weaker than she had intended. Anna's hands shook by her sides. "You left me first."

"I had no choice," Elsa shot back, voice coloured with her own anger, the wind growing icy and biting. "But you did."

"You can't say that," Anna growled back, clenching her fists, her eyebrows furrowing. She felt eight years old again, watching Elsa leave over and over and over again. "I know I made a choice, but it was a choice I never had much say in in the first place. It was either I let you die, or I let you go, and by now, you know what I chose." She grew tired then, looking up at Elsa, pleading. "That didn't mean I wanted to. That didn't mean I wanted to hurt you. Believe me, please."

"You chose to break my heart, and right now, nothing you say will change that." Elsa faced Anna then, eyebrows drawn, her eyes bright and blue and piercing right through her. "I needed you, Anna, more than my mother, more than my father. Those three weeks, I could have died and never have seen you again. I could have died wondering if all of our love was a waste, if it was ever even love! If I was just a naïve little girl who didn't really understand what it was supposed to be like – if I was just a naïve little girl who should have known better, a girl who should have listened to her mother." A step forward, a watery smile.

Anna swallowed thickly and stepped back, the railing lining the edge of the building cold against the small of her back. "Elsa, I…"

"I lay on that operating table thinking it was okay for me to die, Anna. And the worst thing was? I still loved you. Lying there, practically dead, I wished you happiness and I loved you." Elsa shook her head, slender fingers threading through platinum hair – as if she couldn't believe it herself. "Gods, I still love you."

Anna was left to gape at her. Sounds of the restless city – their restless city – floated up from the streets below. I still love you. I still love you. Elsa still loved her.

"I know," Elsa murmured, cheeks flushed and eyelashes dotted with tears. "It's pathetic, isn't it?"

Anna opened her mouth to speak, to answer, to say that she loved her back, to say that she loved her back a million times over. Anything, anything. I still love you.

A chime sounded between them, and Anna was left to watch as Elsa answered her phone, trying to gather herself.

"Miss Ásdís," Anna heard through the speakers, because Elsa was so close, so raw and open – for her. For her. "Lucy, Miss Nishimura and Miss Croft are waiting for you down in your office. They insist that you hurry, or you'll miss the movie." Elsa still hadn't looked away. Anna stood there, her stomach churning as Elsa took a moment to reply, slowing her breaths and finally looking away.

Say something, her mind yelled, shaking the cages of her brain. Anything!

Elsa smiled, brushing away her fallen tears. "I'll be right there. Thank you, Winter."

A choked breath passed through Anna's lips, her hands twisting into the front of her overalls. "Elsa, I…"

"If there are no more problems concerning the mural, Miss Almstedt," Elsa cut in smoothly, straightening her suit jacket and brushing her hair back. "I must be on my way."

"Of course," Anna replied shakily, because what else could she have said? Her shoulders slumped, hands hanging limply by her sides. "I'm sorry to keep you."

"Until next time then, Miss Almstedt." Elsa walked away then, in a flurry of snowflakes and icy winds, powerful and strong and hers, hers alone.

Anna didn't have the heart to watch her walk away again.

* * *

(Elsa never really understood why Gerda used to simply sit and look at her sometimes. Elsa would be reading, or playing on her piano, or even eating, and she would simply sit and gaze upon her – as if Elsa held the entire universe within her hands and she knew exactly what to do with it.

Elsa never really understood until Lucy Q came into her life, until Lucy Q came to live with her, until she called Elsa 'Mama' and climbed into her bed and burst into her office with drawings and books and the snippets of information that she found and learned.

She never really understood until the night she had bared herself to Anna, honestly and completely, her words and her emotions spilling out on the rooftop and out of her control. Elsa never really understood until she was truly alone with daughter, when Lara and Sam had retreated to their rooms, when Lucy Q fell asleep against her while watching the movie, leaving Elsa to wallow in her thoughts and in Lucy's presence. Lucy's weight was solid and warm and heavy against her side, her hands clinging to Elsa's shirt. Elsa shifted Lucy into her arms and cradled her daughter to her chest, her head tucked under Elsa's chin. Elsa remembered her breathing, slow and deep and peaceful – more peaceful than Elsa had ever been in her entire existence.

Elsa set her down in her bed, because she knew Lucy would simply wake up in the middle of the night if she didn't, and brushed the hair back from Lucy's eyes. The moonlight filtered through the window and illuminated Lucy's face – all soft edges and porcelain skin. Lucy helped her forget, even for just a moment.

Elsa was left to sit there, to watch the steady rise and fall of her chest, to take in the slight part of Lucy's lips, to smile at her near-inaudible snores. Elsa lay beside her and marvelled in this tiny creature that was now her daughter, and she wondered how anyone could have ever left her behind. Elsa's heart clenched at the mere thought of it, because she could never, ever leave her behind. She lay there and wondered how this blonde-haired green-eyed girl had taken her heart and refused to let go of it – with each breath, with each blink, with each beat of her heart.

Elsa lay there, admiring the curl of her lashes against freckled cheeks, matching her soft breaths and pressing kisses against Lucy's forehead. In the mess between herself and Anna, she was eternally glad to have Lucy. Irrevocably glad.)

* * *

"Is there a problem that you'd like to discuss?"

Anna refused to look at Lara as she stacked empty paint cans into the tall recycling bins, her hands still unwashed and coated in the thick layers of what they'd been working on that day. It had been a few months already, weeks since they'd returned to Corona, a week since she'd spoken to Elsa. Or, since she had tried to, at least.

"You love her." Those were the words Anna settled for as she finally turned to face Lara, catching the surprise and understanding flitting over her face.

"I do," Lara replied, setting her own cans down into the recycling bins, her dark hair staring to come loose from her ponytail. Anna swallowed thickly at her lack of denial, at Lara's full acceptance of her feelings. Lara loved her. She loved Elsa.

"Is that why you're here?" Anna lifted her chin, refusing to be thwarted by the fact that Lara loved Elsa, and that maybe, Elsa loved her, too. "To be paraded around by Elsa? To rub it in my face that she's moved on?"

Lara scoffed out an incredulous laugh. "Isn't that what you're also doing with Sam? Parading her around in front of me? In front of Elsa?"

Anna stepped up to her, glaring into disbelieving dark eyes. "Why is that a problem to you? Why does it matter that I'm doing whatever the hell I want with Sam? You and Elsa are doing the same exact thing."

Lara refused to back down, squaring her shoulders and furrowing her brow. "Elsa and I aren't doing anything! I don't even understand why you're confronting me about Elsa, of all people! You act as if we're dating or something!"

"Why? Aren't you dating?" They were nose to nose at that point, huffing out small breaths and burning with emotions.

"Bloody hell, Anna, I wish!" Lara let out a breathless laugh, running her hands through her hair. "I wish Elsa had given me the chance to love her like that. I wish that I could find it in myself to love her like that! Because I would have done a damn better job than a daft idiot like you."

Anna quieted then, her hands falling by her sides as she gazed up at Lara, at the truth within her eyes, at the sudden lack of fight on her face, in her shoulders. "Lara…"

"I didn't pursue her because I respected you, Anna. Because I still respect you, and the fact that despite everything, Elsa still loves you." Lara grew quiet, breaking away from Anna's gaze. "I didn't pursue her because I'm in love with somebody else. So, if you want to move on with Sam, fine. But only if you're not doing it to spite me, or Elsa. The Anna I know is better than that." She offered Anna a small smile. "Don't start proving me wrong."

Lara turned away from Anna then, leaving her to wallow in her thoughts and the fading Corona sunlight.

A daft idiot, indeed.

* * *

'15th October 2021

Dear Anna,

There are a few things I learned while loving you.

First. The start had been the sweetest. I remember the mornings, full of sunshine and the sight of your face so close to mine, your shoulders loose and light and unburdened. I would wake up full, full with love and affection and fall into the deepest slumbers with you on my mind, in my heart. Here I learned the true power of just one smile, of someone else's fingers running through my hair, of eyes that felt like they were swimming in your soul.

Second. It was so easy to become carefree – to become careless, and get used to this love. It was so easy – too easy – to drown in the power of us, of ours. But what about yours? And what about mine? It was so easy to drown, it was so easy to lose what it meant to be your own, before you were anyone else's. It was so easy to get hung up on being yours that I had forgotten what is was like to be me, first.

Third. We were both tired.

Fourth. Love, true love, is not something you surrender so easily, so readily. True love is something to fight for, to live for. To die for. True love is staggering through the tired days, the long walks, the distance and the uncertainty until you find your strength again.

Fifth. I learned that true love is not always enough. The wings that love had given us became too heavy, became chains that would not let us stand. The skies that we used to roam together became cages, where we had the lock and the key but we wouldn't let ourselves free.

Sixth. Even the brightest of flames will die. I know that, even if that was not how it had been with you. Even if being with you felt like coming home, a place that I had never known. Even if being with you was the freshest breath of air I had ever taken, even if it was the one moment that my mind was clear, I knew. I wish I had prepared for the hurt. I wish I hadn't let my anger grow. Anger had taken hold of my heart and consumed it.

Seventh. Love will leave you with scars and bruises and aches that will never go away. It will leave you, and turn you into ash.

Eighth. I had never been prepared for the end. I had never been prepared for the look in your eyes, in the rigidness of your jaw, in the tremble of your lips and the words that left them.

Ninth. You can never, ever be truly ready for the end.

Tenth. In the end, I will still love you. With every longing look, longing call, from the ashes of the warmth of the love that we had shared, I will still love you. With the burdens of wings and chains, with the burdens of skies and locks and keys, I will love you. And I will let you go.

Sincerely yours,

Elsa.'

* * *

"Snowbug…"

It had started with a quiet suggestion from Anna to Elsa, on their last day in Corona, to visit her Aunt Gerda and Uncle Kai before they got stuck into their work. It had been a reluctant agreement on Elsa's part, only convinced by the look in Anna's eyes and her own desire to finally see Gerda and Kai again after so long. Lara and Sam had left them to it, busy with their own preparations for a tentative expedition.

Regardless, it was a tense ride back to Arendelle. Lucy Q had insisted that Anna join them on the ride back to Elsa and Anna's hometown, eager to spend time – regardless of seeing Anna every day – with the other woman. It seemed only Lucy Q was oblivious to the atmosphere that clouded the van, perched on Anna's lap, rambling eagerly about the movies Sam had taken her to see recently. Still, it all melted away when the van slowed to a stop before Anna's old home, Anna's Aunt and Uncle opening the door to the sight of what might as well have been a ghost. Anna watched quietly as Elsa was swept into her aunt and uncle's arms, holding Lucy Q in her arms as her aunt's sobs reached her ears.

Anna caught Rapunzel's gaze over her uncle's head, offering a shaky grin in greeting, ignoring the astonished look in her cousin's eyes as she set Lucy Q down. Eva and Erik came running out only seconds later, screaming for their favourite (only) aunt, Anna being bombarded with kisses and embraces before she managed to introduced them to Lucy Q. The twins, despite being a welcome distraction, was just that – a temporary remedy.

She had a lot of explaining to do.

* * *

"It's a surprise, seeing you here again in Arendelle."

Elsa turned away from the sight of Lucy Q finally meeting Gerda and Kai, who, by the sounds of it, were already enamoured with her daughter. She was still astonished by the thought, every time. Still, Elsa focused her attention on the dark-haired woman standing beside her – Anna's sole confidant for the better part of their separation.

"There is one final project left for us to do here," Elsa offered quietly in reply, hands folded neatly before her. "I'm sure Anna has told you about it already – the orphanage in the north. Anna is our artist."

"She has," Rapunzel nodded, green eyes trained on something in the distance. Elsa followed her gaze, over Gerda's blooming flowers, and caught sight of Anna running around with the twins. Elsa was thrown into the image of a future they might have had, in a different world, in a different time. "I wanted to talk to you about her."

Elsa stiffened ever so slightly at those words, a shiver trembling down her spine when Rapunzel finally turned her gaze towards her. "What is there to talk about? Anna and I are only interacting with each other in a strictly professional manner."

"I know you've been hard on her," Rapunzel started gently, turning to Elsa completely, eyes green and piercing with their tiny specks of gold. "But the last three years haven't been easy for her, either. She may seem strong, but she's still hurting, she's still recovering. Anna never left you – not really."

Elsa's jaw tightened, her heart thundering in her chest at Rapunzel's words. As much as she liked to think that Anna was above it all, there must have been a small part of her that truly felt for Elsa. Still, she remained stubborn, unmoving. "I really don't think this is the time and place to be discussing this."

"Elsa, please know that Anna never truly left your side." Rapunzel took one of her hands, tracing over the stitching on her glove – the first time she's worn them in so long. "Because I know that despite the fact that Anna was here with us in Arendelle, you were the one thing that was always in her heart and in her mind. Not once did Anna ever forget you." Rapunzel gazed deeply into Elsa's eyes, her hand tightening around Elsa's as it trembled. "She loved you every single day she was away from you."

Elsa didn't realize she was crying until she drew a quaking breath, feeling as if she couldn't get enough air into her lungs. "Rapunzel-."

She shook her head. "You weren't the only one who got hurt, Elsa. I can't imagine the kind of pain she went through, but she made a sacrifice so you could live." Elsa's hand burned from Rapunzel's touch when she finally dropped it. "I just wanted you to know that."

Rapunzel walked away from Elsa then, cheery and bright as she was tackled to the ground by the twins, leaving Elsa to swallow down her tears and wallow in her thoughts of Anna.

Always Anna.

* * *

("The past hurts, doesn't it?"

Anna's head didn't turn at her aunt's voice, unable to tear her gaze away from Elsa, who was wiping sauce off Lucy Q's cheeks. She remembered Halloween, with sugary grins and stomach aches to last the month. "It does."

"Anna," Her aunt whispered, placing her hands on Anna's shoulders from behind. She stepped closer to Anna, reminding her of her parents' funeral fourteen years ago. She had been too young to fully understand what was going on, too young to fully understand that her parents weren't coming back. "We can only do one of two things. We can run from the past, or we can learn from it."

Anna looked up then, into the familiar warmth of your aunt's eyes, into the kind smile on her face and the steady touch on her shoulders. "I don't know if I deserve it. I was selfish, Aunt Gerda. I did it for her but, not only her. You, Uncle Kai, Rapunzel, Eugene, the twins – you guys were one of the biggest reasons I let her go."

Aunt Gerda sighed, squeezing Anna's shoulders and pressing a tender kiss to the crown of her head. "We have all made certain decisions, certain choices you can never, ever change. But, it's been three years, my dear. You deserve it now, more than ever. I trust you, Anna, and I trust Elsa. I know you two can fix this."

Anna, gazing upon Elsa and Lucy Q, sucked in a soft breath. "I hope so. I really, really hope so.")

* * *

"Yoo-hoo! Welcome to Oaken's Home for Lost Kids! You must be the artists!"

Elsa shared a brief look with Lara at the sight of the large, bushy-bearded man sitting behind the counter, amused by the way he wiggled large fingers in kind greeting. Lucy Q giggled and buried her face against her side, Sam and Anna hiding their own laughs behind their hands. It seemed each and every one of them had been charmed by the burly man and his quirky wave.

"Yes," Elsa nodded firmly in agreement, gesturing briefly to Anna – who she couldn't look in the eyes, yet. "She is our artist. My name is Elsa. From the Ásdís Corporation. We're here to paint a mural on part of the orphanage."

The man had clapped once and gotten to his feet, Elsa craning her neck as she peered up at his towering figure. He was tall sitting down, but now he seemed entirely too large for the small building, his head close to brushing the ceiling. "I am Oaken," He announced with a bright grin, taking Elsa's outstretched hand and shaking it happily. "The kids are right this way, if you'd like to meet them."

"Of course," Elsa nodded quickly, feeling as if her arm might come off at Oaken's raw strength. She stumbled a little when he finally let go, jumping at the feel of Anna's arm steadying her. Elsa stiffened involuntarily at the touch, having not yet recovered from the visit to Kai and Gerda just a few days before. She cleared her thought, breaking away and following after Oaken, stepping into a room with no more than 10 kids. Elsa was drawn to them immediately, greeting them with earnest, Lucy Q happily greeting them alongside her.

They spent a good hour speaking to the kids, none of them older than 7. Elsa smiled proudly as Lucy Q sat with them, pulling out her favourite book and reading to the earnest children. How lucky was she that she and Anna had stumbled across Lucy Q and her bookish charm? How lucky was she that she was given the chance to be able to adopt Lucy Q? She could only wish the same for these young children, she could only wish that the books and the supplies they were giving would help, even if just a little.

"You're a really good person, Elsa." Elsa turned her head away from Lucy Q and the other children to meet Anna's gaze, her hands burrowing deeper into her pockets. She sucked in a soft breath and offered a hesitant smile, Rapunzel's words ringing in her ears. She made a sacrifice so you could live.

"It's the least I can do." Elsa turned back towards the children, drawing in a soft breath. "Thank you for being here to help me make this happen."

She walked away then to discuss plans with Oaken, shooting Anna one last glanced before she stepped up to the giant of a man that owned the orphanage.

If Anna caught the small quirk of her lips, she didn't say a thing.

* * *

("You'll be careful?"

Lucy Q rolled her eyes with a brilliant grin, squirming at the way Elsa cupped her cheeks. "Yes, Mama, I'll be careful. I'll be the oldest one there. Don't worry about me."

"I'll always worry," Elsa murmured, pressing a soft kiss to Lucy Q's forehead. "Be safe. I love you."

"I love you too." Lucy Q threw her arms around Elsa's neck, Elsa sinking into her daughter's embrace as she quashed the uneasy feeling in her stomach.

Elsa tried not to think too much about the flutter in her chest as Lucy Q disappeared into the darkness of the forest.)

* * *

"What do you mean she's missing?"

Anna dropped her paintbrushes onto the newspapers laid out before the clean wall in front of her, stepping up to the forming crowd just at the entrance of the woods. Lucy Q had joined the 10 children in their game of hide and seek, and was the only one who hadn't returned. She cast her gaze to the darkening skies, to the rolling clouds and the foreboding greys. Elsa was at the centre of it all, the worry clear and evident in the blue of her eyes as she looked towards the forest.

"We have to look for her," Lara declared, voice firm and not leaving room for discussion. Anna followed the way their fingers laced through each other's with ease, the way Elsa's hands trembled, the way her shoulders shook.

"A storm is coming," Oaken supplied hesitantly, his own gaze glued to the murky skies, his large hands worrying anxiously before him. "We must hurry if we wish to avoid the rain."

Sam was the one to startle them into action, clapping her hands. "What are waiting for? Let's go!"

It didn't take long for most of the adults to be clad in rain gear and armed with flashlights, the children left inside with Oaken's eldest son. Anna approached Elsa before they entered the dark depths of the forest, curling her fingers around her wrist and peering earnestly into her watery blue eyes.

"We'll find her. I promise."

Elsa swallowed hard and nodded, giving Anna a weak smile before following after her assigned group, soon a speck in her own eyes.

* * *

They found Lucy Q three hours into their search.

They told Anna that she had been bundled up under a large tree with her raincoat and book, having clung to Lara and Sam as soon as they emerged from the first search party. Anna's shoulders sunk in relief as she raced towards her, as Anna swept Lucy up into her arms, as Anna breathed her in and accepted that she was safe, safe, safe. Safe from the roar of the winds and the hammering of rain. Safe from the darkness sweeping over the forests of Anna's own childhood.

Despite this Anna was still restless, uneasiness prickling at the nape of her neck. Anna's eyes swept over the room, over a drenched but relieved Sam and Lara, over the few staff who had volunteered to help, and did not find the one person who had brought them all there.

"Where's Elsa?" Anna asked, Lucy Q's arms still tight around her neck as Sam and Lara exchanged troubled looks. The orphanage staff shifted uneasily, looking amongst themselves and realizing that yes, the heiress really was missing.

"She went off to look for Lucy by herself," Oaken offered, eyes drawn to the vicious storm outside. "We tried to stop her but she was adamant, saying that we would find her much quicker if we split up. We did not come across her on the way back."

Anna's shoulders bucked up, her eyes hardening as she passed Lucy Q to Sam. "I'm going to look for her."

"Anna, it's too dangerous for you to go out there. We are in the middle of the storm." Lara grabbed her arm, grip firm and eyes even firmer. Anna only glared back in response, tearing her arm away.

"If it's dangerous for me, then it's way more dangerous for her. I'm going to find her, and you can't stop me." Anna stormed out then, footsteps heavy and leaden as she carried her mud-coated boots through even more puddles, over the soft forest ground. Anna ignored their calls, her heart thrumming in her ears, her eyes flitting towards the beginnings of thunder and lightning.

"Elsa!" Anna called out, her fingers numb around her flashlight, the rain water deafening against the flimsy protection of the raincoat. Anna shivered deeply, breaths clouding into the night as she brought her gaze around the towering pine trees. Please, please, please. "Elsa!"

"Anna?" She heard faintly through the pounding of rain, twisting in the direction of Elsa's voice, Anna's flashlight catching a shimmer under the cover of a heavy leafed tree. Anna's body hummed in relief as she rushed over, arms winding tightly around Elsa before she could even think, before she could even breathe, before she could even blink.

She was safe. Elsa was safe.

* * *

("Do you intend on dragging me through the rain for the rest of the night?"

They had been walking around for what seemed like hours, having wandered too deeply into forest to find their way back. Elsa met her gaze firmly as Anna cast her a near miserable look over her shoulder, her fiery hair darkening and sticking to her face with each step the two took through the trees. Elsa drew Anna's raincoat a little tighter around herself, having refused one earlier on, and held Anna's hand begrudgingly, as if Elsa hadn't melted into Anna's embrace, as if Elsa hadn't been immensely relieved that it had been Anna who had found her.

"I can see shelter up ahead," Anna offered in reply, squinting through the sheets of rain, her hand cold and trembling in Elsa's. The other held a lone flashlight, flickering and shaky in Anna's grasp, Anna's breaths billowing visibly the further they went on. "A small run down cabin. The rangers will find us there in the morning."

Elsa didn't speak further, simply drawing closer and turning her head away from the flashes across the sky. Only now. Elsa would allow this, only now.)

* * *

"We should take off our clothes."

Anna felt the shivers tremble deeply down her spine as they stepped into the refuge of the small cabin, Elsa's warmth strong and present against her side. Elsa looked a little incredulously at her, younger and softer without her make-up – the little of it washed away by the rain.

"You'll get sick," Anna explained further, through chattering teeth, numb fingers peeling at her own soaked clothes, feeling only colder as she was exposed to the cool air. Elsa flushed, turning away and beginning the process of removing her own wet clothes, folding them with practiced ease – very unlike the heap Anna let puddle around her on the floor. Anna felt 18 again, bashful and casting glances over her shoulders, like the first time they'd seen each other like this.

"Don't get any ideas," Elsa breathed, voice light and airy despite her words, her arms curled around her stomach, her shoulders trembling with her own shivers and shudders. Anna shook her head and sniffled, a sliver of worry shooting down her spine. Elsa was never cold. Still, she sunk into the hard frame of the bed in the corner of the room. Anna reached for Elsa, her fingers loose and reddened against the pale skin of Elsa's wrist.

"Sit with me?" Anna asked gently, peering up into the bluest eyes she'd ever seen. "We can – We can use our body heat to keep warm. Just for a little bit."

Elsa's gaze burned into Anna's hold on her wrist, but Anna refused to let go, shivering and trembling on the worn mattress below her. Sitting there in her mismatched underwear – as opposed to Elsa's matching set – Anna had little pride left to stop herself from asking. Elsa's eyes flickered, meeting Anna's. "Just for a little bit."

Anna swallowed thickly as Elsa sunk into the open space beside her, Elsa's back against the worn wood behind Anna's own, Anna's heart thundering through her rib cage, threatening to burst out at any moment. Elsa's shoulder brushed easily against her own, Anna's breaths slowing as Elsa's warmth washed over her, their fingers laced loosely in what little space there was left between them. "Elsa?"

"What is it?" Elsa asked, sinking unconsciously beside Anna, seeking her warmth, seeking her touch. Anna shifted to wrap an arm around Elsa's shoulders, her free hand rubbing shakily down Elsa's arm, Elsa's breaths quick and cold as she rested her head against Anna's chest. Anna couldn't believe that just a week or two ago they confronted each other, leaving each other more broken than they already were.

"Can we just… not fight tonight?" Anna wondered absently if Elsa had heard her over the hammering of the rain on the wooden roof above their heads. (Anna wondered absently if Elsa heard her over the hammering of her heart, against what felt like the hollow that was her chest.) Anna held her closer as another shiver rippled through Elsa, fingers tightening ever so slightly, Anna's own breaths growing shaky, nervous. "Please?"

Elsa nodded against Anna's chest, eyes closed, her eyelashes heavy and full against the top of lightly freckled cheeks. "Okay," She whispered, worrying Anna further, because she was never, ever bothered by the cold. "Okay."

Anna sat with her for a few minutes, listening to the drumming rain, listening to her soft breaths, listening to the blood rushing in her own ears. Anna sat with Elsa, feeling just as young and clueless as she did three years ago, so, so afraid but so, so in love with her. "I'm sorry."

"I told you, I didn't want any apologies," Elsa replied a beat later, after she left Anna to wonder whether or not she had fallen asleep in Anna's arms. Anna pressed her cheek to the top of Elsa's head, blonde hair damp against Anna's flushed skin.

"Please listen," Anna pleaded just as quietly, a part of Anna wishing that this fragile cocoon made of rain and racing hearts would never, ever burst. "Please, even if you don't believe me, even if you think that I don't mean it. Please."

Elsa stayed quiet then, her breaths slow and heavy against Anna as Elsa curled her arm around Anna's waist. Anna pressed closer to her, not willing to leave an inch of space, not willing to leave more than enough for just their breaths and the words threatening to spill from the tips of their tongues – but being so, so afraid to do it. Why was she still so afraid?

"When your mother and your uncle threatened to… to… take everything me and my family had, I was wrapped up in fear." Anna started as Elsa settled against her, Elsa's thumb tracing absently over the constellations that dotted Anna's back. "Fear… consumed my love for you. Fear that I would lose you. Fear of your mother, of your uncle. Fear that they would take you away from me. But, even more than that, fear of what they could do to you, to me, to my family. I was so scared, Elsa. So scared that I couldn't think straight. So scared that I felt I had no choice. So scared that all I thought I could do what your mother wanted – and that was leaving you."

"Anna," Elsa whispered, as if she wanted to stop her, as if she couldn't bear to hear what Anna would say to her next. Her nails dug lightly into Anna's back, seemingly more alert now at her words.

"No, I want to speak this time." Anna swallowed down the lump in her throat, fighting against the prickling of her eyes. "I was… I was so scared for three years. Scared that your uncle might go against his word and – and take everything away from my family anyway. But you know what Rapunzel told me one morning, when I came back drunk and off the rails? She told me that time may be the only solution to a heart that is wrapped up in fear, and that when that time passes, the fear will be gone, and only love will remain – because it never went away in the first place." Anna felt the hitch in Elsa's breath, and she could only hold her closer, her voice firm. "Lying here with you, I'm not scared, because I never stopped loving you. Right here, in this broken down cabin in the middle of nowhere, I'm not afraid to love you."

A laugh bubbled up from Elsa's lips then, her tears scalding against Anna's chest, against Anna's beating heart. "Do you know how many times I wished to hear that? Do you know how many times I'd stayed up at night and wondered about you and me?"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Anna managed to breathe out, through the thickness of her throat, through the tears soaking into Elsa's hair. "Elsa, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry I didn't try to understand." Elsa shook her head, voice earnest and trembling as she spoke. She tucked her head under Anna's chin, her breaths quaking. "How did we get here? We did nothing but love each other, right? We didn't do anything but love each other, right?"

Anna felt a weak smile pull at the corners of her lips, letting a laugh escape her. "Maybe forever just isn't for us, then."

"No," Elsa whispered, shaking her head against Anna's skin, her cheeks stained with her tears. "If there's anything I believe, it isn't that. It'll never be that."

Anna closed your eyes, then, and revelled in her words, revelled in her touch, Anna's fingers burying through Elsa's hair. Neither of them spoke any more words then. Maybe, just maybe, this would be the first step to something better.

* * *

(Before the rangers came in the morning, Elsa spent a moment to simply lying with Anna, unburdened by their work, unburdened by the new secrets that Anna had given to her. Elsa traced her thumb against her cheek, her anger and her disdain washed away by the rain and their tears. She would hope, and she would pray for the day she could tuck her heart back into Anna's hand. She hoped it would be safe with her.

It always had been.)

* * *

'18th October 2021

Dear Anna,

How much time have I wasted forcing myself to hate you? How many seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months have I spent of my new life trying to detest you, trying to forget you, trying to bury you away?

I wish I had known. I wish, I wish, I wish.

Yours truly, yours always,

Elsa.'

* * *

 _ **Thank you everyone for you kind words and criticisms! I'll be sure to take them to heart and make the second part of the final chapter of this story!**_


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